night fades

During the whole process, Zhou Ning'an was always conscious.

He remembered that he stayed at Lin Ye's house. He dumped all the medicine in his handbag on the coffee table in the living room, hesitated for a while, found a pen and paper and left a letter to Lin Ye.

"Dear Lin Ye,"

He looked up at the sky outside the window, the rain was getting heavier and heavier, Lin Ye would not come back so soon, he had plenty of time, so he picked up a pen and wrote word by word, touching the pen tip intimately on the paper, It was as if he was touching Lin Ye's face.

"When I read this letter, I hope that we will never meet again. Of course, if possible, I hope you can visit me every year on my birthday. Don't rush today. Death is not memorable, but birth is. It's worth celebrating. My birth was never considered a happy event, until I met you, because I met you for the first time when I was eight years old.

You probably don’t remember it anymore, you were so young at that time, you were like a little sugar ball, bouncing around in the ward with a fluffy ball of hair.I was so jealous of you, jealous of my mother who would rather take care of other people's children than come to see me, but after I met you, I couldn't be jealous anymore.You are so cute, so worthy of love, when you handed me the lollipop, I felt like my heart was going to melt.I still remember that day, I remember that lychee-flavored lollipop. From that day on, I got my first friend in my life.

Time flies, we have grown up so quickly, unfortunately, once again, I still lose you again.Maybe I lack the ability to love others. I only know how much I love you, how much I need you, and how much I can’t live without you. Because of this, I become fragile and stupid, and then I use my own reason to cover up this stupidity. Sorry for not taking your feelings into account.

I once really thought about marrying Song Yan behind your back. I thought that as long as you didn’t know, everything would be fine, but as the days approached, I loved you more and more and felt guilty day by day. A day afraid you'll leave.I used to think that if I could be with you, I would have enough memories to look back on even if we were separated in the future, but I was wrong. It is more unbearable to go back to the cold days after experiencing the warmth, so I don't know what to do, I even breathed a sigh of relief when I learned that you already knew about it, so the decision whether to leave me or not is in your hands, I just need to wait for your sentence Yes, it's easier than lying to you.

In fact, I also fought. I made a bet with my mother. If you finally choose to forgive me and continue to be with me, then I don’t have to get married again, and she will bless us.If you leave, then I'll go back to living the life I planned.Obviously, I lost the bet, but unfortunately I am more fragile than I thought, or, in my 28 years of life, I have finally been brave enough to do this. What was let go can now be let go.

In this world, you treat me the best, but I treat you the worst.You want me to be happy, but now I want you to be a little sad. Of course, I also want you to be happy, so you only need to be sad for a short period of time. Don’t let me affect your active and happy life. Although I hope you can always remember me, but I think I can no longer be so selfish. "

Zhou Ning'an hesitated for a long time when he wrote this paragraph. He didn't want Lin Ye to miss him for the rest of his life, but when he thought of Lin Ye's sad expression, he felt heartbroken again. Since he was about to leave, he hoped that Lin Ye would think of him in the future. Sometimes, with a smile on your face.

"There are also some mundane issues that I have to write about. I helped you pay a year's rent for the store we opened together. Please don't give up on it just because this happened. That is the only thing I share with you. I have something, please, even if you hate me, let it be turned on, thinking about what else we have together in this world, I will feel at ease after I die.

It's ridiculous to say that you may be the only one who didn't come to see me for my will. I didn't leave you most of my property, which would be a burden to you.I leave you the house we lived in together. Before you moved in, I never felt like a home. Please visit it from time to time in the future to make it more like a home.

If you dream of me, hope it's a good dream.

Goodbye, Lin Ye. "

Zhou Ningan closed the pen cap and folded the letter carefully, as if he was dealing with something more important than life.It's ridiculous to say, because at this moment, life is just a burden to him.

Zhou Ning'an put the letter away and sat on the sofa for a while, looking around, as if it was his first time visiting this place.He had longed for this place for many years, and then he gradually became familiar with it, and now, he looked around for the last time, hoping to record every detail of this place in his mind.He didn't know if a person had a soul after death, he just thought, if there was, then his soul would definitely visit this place often, so now he had to remember it well.

He walked to the kitchen and touched the pots and pans. Lin Ye was in this place. After a while of clanging, he could quickly make a delicious supper. He liked to make things for himself. I don't know who will be so lucky to continue to eat Lin Ye's cooking in the future.Oh no, if Lin Ye wanted to open a restaurant, there would be many people who could eat. Thinking about it this way, Zhou Ning'an felt that he had nothing to be jealous of.

He walked to the refrigerator, opened it and took a look. It was very empty. Lin Ye hadn't been back for a long time. There were only two bottles of beer in the refrigerator. He took out the beer. It was Lin Ye's favorite brand. He found the corkscrew and opened the wine, taking one last sip of the drink.

Finally, Zhou Ning'an returned to the sofa. He took a sip of beer, thought for a while, and took out those antidepressant drugs. These drugs are sometimes used as soft drugs, and people get very high after taking them. He used to restrain himself from eating too much, since he wanted to indulge once today, he might as well make himself happier.

He finished these medicines bit by bit with beer. He felt that the world was close and far away, and his consciousness was gradually blurring. Such blurring took away the pain and fear, brought him a sense of security, and he felt very happy.

He hadn't been this peaceful for a long time, and finally he didn't have to worry about Lin Ye leaving, because he had already left.

With no more burdens, no secrets, no responsibilities, Zhou Ning'an vaguely thought that if he had made this decision earlier, maybe Lin Ye would not have been involved.

However, it was great to meet Lin Ye.

His limbs began to lose sensation, and his body fell into a deep sleep. Zhou Ningan closed his eyes on the sofa, and felt that he was losing his intuition with a little enjoyment. Let it go on like this, and he will never wake up again.

There was a pain in his abdomen, which was the reaction after the poison entered the organs. His throat was tight and it was difficult to breathe because his throat was gradually stopping working. All of this was very painful, but Zhou Ningan didn't feel afraid. He knew it was a necessary step.

Later, he felt that he saw Lin Ye again in a trance, and Lin Ye slapped him angrily. He raised the corner of his mouth and tried to smile, but failed.Could Lin Ye still not forgive him?But it's okay, it's okay, it's enough to see him again.

Later, when he realized that Lin Ye was not an illusion, but a real person trying to save him, he felt panicked. He began to resist and struggle, but his limbs had no strength. If he could speak at that time, he would definitely Will beg Lin Ye, let's go, let's go, don't look at me in such a mess, since I've already left, why don't you let me go?

Zhou Ning'an kept replaying all this in his mind, feeling uncomfortable and painful, as if he was about to drown. He woke up when Ye's face clearly appeared in front of him.

Zhou Ning'an opened his eyes and breathed heavily. The oxygen quickly entered his brain, so that he felt a little dizzy. He coughed and grabbed his throat to try to calm himself down, but found that his face was wearing an oxygen mask, and this movement It quickly attracted the attention of the nursing nurse.

"You're awake? Great, I'll call the doctor." The nurse came over and took a look at him, reached out to touch the temperature of his forehead, then frowned and coughed twice, complaining: "Really, I don't know Who is it that smoked so much at the door of the ward."

The little nurse probably stayed in the environment of the hospital for a long time, and she hated the smell of smoke. She complained twice, then got up and said, "May I turn on the exhaust fan for you?"

Zhou Ningan lay there, smelling the familiar smell of smoke, the corners of his eyes suddenly became moist, he closed his eyes, a tear flowed down his cheek and into the pillow, he whispered: "No, don't turn on the ventilation, just stay like this Bar."

The nurse gave him a strange look, but said nothing, just hurried to call the doctor.

Zhou Ning'an reached out to touch the drop of tears, but more tears kept pouring out. He took off the oxygen mask and smelled the faint smell of smoke in the air almost greedily. The smell of smoke is still so strong. You must have smoked a lot at the door of the ward, right?

After sitting at the door for so long, he finally chose to leave.

Zhou Ning'an coughed. He didn't know whether he was choked by the smell of smoke or his tears. He stared at the ceiling for a while, and finally stopped restraining himself and began to cry bitterly.