Pet me, are you addicted?

It was during this meeting that I realized that my memory also had missing parts.Megumin asked me when we lived together at grandma's house.I said it was when I was a freshman in high school.Huihui thought for a while and said, she thinks it is the third year of high school, because she remembers the days with me after the college entrance examination.I said, I also remember, because we applied for the military academy together, and we took the train to the provincial capital for the medical examination and interview.Huihui also said that what she remembered was not this, but that after the college entrance examination, we went to Zhicheng Park together and wanted to go to the roller skating rink, but it closed down.I thought about it and said, why don't I remember this thing.

So, everyone's memory has missing parts.So, I often think, what does the lack of memory mean?Is it because these memories are unimportant and can be ignored and deleted?

During that time, I just broke up with Li Lei and met Hu Ge.

The day before the Dragon Boat Festival, I was at Hu Ge's house, using his computer, Lin Fan came to chat with me, and I logged off without saying a few words.

The next day, Lin Fan chatted with me online again.

"Chat, happy Dragon Boat Festival."

"Happy, I'm burning something, what are we talking about!"

"You were unhappy yesterday?" Lin Fan asked.

"No, it's inconvenient to say that when you surf the Internet with friends."

"Oh, no, I felt you yesterday... Did I say something wrong. Or what I said made you uncomfortable. "

"No, it's okay, I understand what you mean, we're just talking about theory."

"What's the theory? Let's talk about it. I don't understand what you're saying."

"It's bisexual, gay, straight!"

"Oh, you thought I'd be bisexual yesterday, didn't you, why?"

"No, it's just that someone said everyone is bisexual!"

"Really?"

"I don't know, maybe everyone has a different understanding of these original meanings!"

"In that sense, everyone's bisexual, and whether that applies to you or not, you think."

"Yes, I used to think that I can only be impulsive towards men, but I can fall in love with women. Now I think I can be impulsive towards women, but I can only fall in love with men."

"Are you feeling impulsive towards women now?"

"Not at ordinary times, but at the time of sex."

"Are you sure you want to do that with a woman?"

"Do not want to."

"Oh, I see."

Before that time, I was still a person who cared about feelings, and I would not meet strangers casually.But this transformation is from this time began!

The breakup with Li Lei hit me hard, and then I couldn't even be friends, and even completely cut off any contact, which pushed me into a desperate situation.

At this time, getting to know Renyi and Hu Ge was the beginning of a kind of degeneration. They didn't seem to intend to talk about feelings with me, but only expressed their interest in the body.

In a blink of an eye, it was the end of August.My chat with Lin Fan is still going on, and in my circle of friends, he seems to be the only one who can talk to me about the truth I want to tell.

"Have you ever watched Three Idiots Havoc in Bollywood?" I asked Lin Fan.

"I've seen it twice." Lin Fan replied.

"Will you feel very strong after reading it?"

"I feel that others are very powerful...too far away!"

"Indeed, but at least when you find the gap, you will feel that you can become that way."

"..."

"After reading it, I thought, should I still take the postgraduate entrance examination? What a waste of youth!"

In September, I saw that Lin Fan's signature had been updated and asked:

"Are you watching a football game?"

"Hey, it will be the night after tomorrow, until all the flowers are gone."

"Haha, what an obsession, I'm not interested at all."

"It's hard to be obsessed with one, but I can't eat it as a meal."

"Each each other."

"each other?"

"Everything I'm obsessed with, I can't make a living from."

"Which ones are you obsessed with a lot?"

"Let's think about it, not many."

"Tell me."

"Then let me sort out what I have tried to do in the past few years!"

"Oh."

"When I was a freshman, I spent my spare time reading books on internal medicine and surgery in the library every day. I really wanted to take a medical major in the future, which may be a sequelae of the college entrance examination."

"Then do you like it or not?"

"I was very interested at the time, maybe because I had various needs. I needed to understand my illness clearly."

"Well, I understand."

"Later, I became fascinated by physics, and my research was not bad, and I published popular science papers in newspapers and periodicals."

"Um, obsession?"

"Just fantasize about being a physics professor."

"Ha ha!"

"When I entered my junior year, I communicated with the professor of the School of Physics by e-mail for a while."

"Oh."

"At that time, I wanted to take a graduate degree in physics."

"It's pretty good!"

"He was very encouraging, but not very supportive."

"Ha ha!"

"He said that the road to physics is very difficult, and my foundation is not enough."

"Oh."

"He wanted me to just take physics as a hobby."

"That thing is a hobby. I'm not very professional. How can it be fun?"

"Yeah, because I'm obsessed with the direction of cosmology, which is fascinating."

"Oh, that's kind of fun."

"You can read the article I published. My topic is very exciting, the secret history of the universe and my infinite world."

"Haha, not bad!"

"And then I fell."

"Just say it, hehe!"

"No, not yet. It should be said that I was favored by the God of Cupid later on, and I fell in love."

"Ah."

"But the good times didn't last long, I fell out of love."

"Well, hehe!"

"And then it started to fall."

"Ouch!"

"I started to want to get a placebo from literature. In fact, a lot of things happened during the period, it's not that simple!"

"Until now?"

"The fall is a slow process."

"If you talk about depravity in front of me, that doesn't count, ha ha!"

"Then tell me."

"I can't even talk about it. I just came here with no ambitions. The fall may have a process of falling from the top to the bottom. I have been at the bottom, and it is not appropriate to say that it is a fall. There is one more thing, haha!"

"what?"

"I have always wanted to carry a guitar to the underground passage to sell and sing, but I dare not go. If others ask for money, I will die!"

"Are you at that level? What do you mean you're dead?"

"It's just not at that level!"

This year's Spring Festival was the only time I went home during the three years I was in Chongqing.During the time when I went home, I put all my thoughts on Xiao Zhong, but the response I got was not what I wanted. He was not mature enough, so I had to face it alone.

When I returned to Chongqing again, my ideas became more radical.Soon, I hastily decided to break the peace of life and make a big gamble with my own life.

After three months of such ups and downs, I got to know Zhang Jing, and another year passed in the blink of an eye amid all kinds of sweetness and ups and downs in life.

"Didn't you say you wanted to see my boyfriend?" I asked Li Xuan.

"Yes." Li Xuan replied.

"I'll show you some of the footage I took."

"Ah."

"Let me ask you first, why do you want to see it?"

"There's no reason, it's human nature."

"Then what kind of person do you think he is?"

"Can't guess."

Li Xuan watched the video I sent him.

"Playing the piano?"

"Well, I played that piano too."

"Well, it seems that the guy is not bad and should be a down-to-earth person."

"He is hypocritical. If you don't pet him for a while, he will find someone to sue you. He is in a completely different state in work and life. The boys are so nice to his girlfriend. You are the same in your emotional life. Is it?"

"How?"

"Like my friend, act like a girl in front of friends!"

"Do you think I'm that kind of person?"

"It's unimaginable. My friend is not like that in front of ordinary people. It's only in front of me in private. Hee hee, so tell me about your situation!"

"I never was."

"Oh, are you going to sleep?"

"Lie down and read."

"So nice."

"Whatever you do, don't be impulsive, but also properly consider the consequences."

"To be specific."

"Although the fish is delicious, it still has wings. Even if it is fried to the bone, there are still wings left."

"Damn, I don't understand what you're talking about. You mean I came out impulsively?"

"I can't comment on this."

"You don't want to pretend to tell me the truth, do you?"

"Pretend, can you be more civilized, shit!"

"Okay, you like the me I used to be, then I'll go back to the old state and chat with you."

"When you are friends, OK! I hope that your own path can be better. Both parties can consider each other in whatever they do. I have no choice but to make any choice."

"I see, sorry for exposing you."

"What does it have to do with me? You think too much, you have no influence on me at all! You are just getting started, whether you are with your parents or your classmates, you have to find a flexible way. I know you have changed over the years. A lot, we're all grown up and know how to deal with it, but we're all still young."

"I thought you were blaming me, and Lin Fan guessed something about you."

"He guessed me, I'm dizzy! If he asks me, I will tell him confidently. I am a person who dares to do something, but I feel that I am not capable enough to let me take the initiative to tell him."

Another Spring Festival came, and I was so miserable that I made up my mind. Instead of going home, I went to Beijing with Zhang Jing without telling my family.I often feel that I am too selfish, but I don't know what better way to live my own life, how to continue this messy life.

The last chat with Li Xuan didn't end happily, and I haven't chatted with Lin Fan for a long time.This year, during the Spring Festival, I asked Lin Fan about Li Xuan's situation.

"Did Li Xuan contact you?" I asked Lin Fan.

"Yes! Today, those who played well in junior high came to my house to play. Then I went out with a few people to go shopping in the street and find other friends to play with."

"How has Li Xuan changed?"

"Uh, do you miss him that much? Hehe, that's it! I can still recognize him, he's always been trendy!"

"I don't want him."

"Haha, really? He mentioned you several times today, hehe."

"Then does he miss me very much?"

"Uh, I haven't asked this question before, so you can ask yourself. He said that during the college entrance examination, it was good to have dinner with you every day. I said, even I knew that during the college entrance examination, you were together. Leave the milk at Ouyue's place. He said yes, Ouyue remembers this? Ouyue is very careful."

"I remember that we ate with him every day in the last semester. We also participated in the 3000-meter long-distance race together in the sports meeting. Oh, and one day he told me not to wait for him to eat. I was so sad at that time."

"Hehe, don't ask why!"

"I asked, and he said that he moved and lived with an older brother, which was inconvenient. I was abandoned by him for the first time."

"Haha, then you have been abandoned by him many times."

"We didn't meet each other for the next semester."

"haha."

"Until the flood of the college entrance examination."

"I suddenly felt that it's not easy for you! Haha!"

"We met by chance in a restaurant on June 6th."

"Oh, shit! Remember it so clearly."

"The day before the college entrance examination!"

"Oh. You seem to write very clearly in your diary."

"That's right, I wrote very clearly a few days before and after the college entrance examination. In fact, I still have a lot of time with him to write about."