Nancheng, nothing old.

I don't have any friends.Even at the age of 19, it is hard to imagine such a girl, maybe she is too failed, maybe she is too unlucky and lacks friends.I was negligent in contacting people. In the first few months of college, I only called Li Sumian once at the beginning, knowing that she was fine at that time.I don't like to communicate with too many people, they won't like to hear me talk about Lu Yian, and I also carefully keep my secrets.

All of us "respect each other as guests", but we just lack some deep feelings. December 2009, 12.

Another year is over, and the nights in the north are really cold, although there is a beautiful night sky outside, a cold moon, a few sparse stars, lively crowds, beautiful neon lights and fireworks.But the excitement just made me more lonely.After coming to the north, I was even more afraid of the cold. Fortunately, the dormitory had heating, and I stayed under the blanket all night.All the dormitory members met with their partners for New Year's Eve, and those in different places were talking on the phone in every corner.I turned down all dates, not even meeting Zhengzhou Yang that night, and put myself in a single state again.

I am not a young man who loves current affairs. The [-]th anniversary of the founding of China, the National Day military parade, Lu Yian took Chen Qinghan to line up at the police station in the middle of the night, and my roommates also left very early.I was still asleep when Lu Yian called me and asked me if I would go to see the flag-raising parade. To be precise, the university stayed in Beijing for four years, and I never went to see the national flag-raising.

When everyone is busy, allow me to learn from Lu Yian once in a while, arm myself with loneliness, isolate people and stay away from the hustle and bustle.

In the dark dormitory with the lights turned off and the curtains drawn, I lay alone on a small bed of 1.5.

A long time ago, I loved the excitement.

At that time, I was a girl of the right age, reading romance novels like other girls, posting star posters, making many friends, and my personality was at least lively.Now, in front of Lu Yian, I am still like this, trying my best to keep myself as I saw her when I was 17 years old.

But the truth is, I'm probably getting more and more withdrawn.

Lu Jiang once said, I was like Lu Yian most of the time at the beginning, and I learned an eight-point image of her loneliness.In front of a few people, I behave like Lu Yian in the eyes of most people, and in front of Lu Yian, I act like she is in front of Chen Qinghan. The difference is that she is her truest self in front of Chen Qinghan, while I always pretend to be in front of Lu Yian .

I heard that if you like someone, you will become more and more like her, because she has done many things subconsciously, and you can't help imitating what she left in your mind.

In the early hours of the morning, I received a call from Lu Jiang. The first phone call I borrowed in 2010 was also the second phone call I had with Lu Jiang after returning from Shanghai.

There was joy in her voice.

"Jiang Ming. Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year."

The other end of the phone was very noisy, I heard the sound of fireworks in full bloom, compared to my side, it was a little quieter.

"Jiang Ming, did you hear that, the fireworks on the Bund are so beautiful, have you gone out, Beijing is also very lively, right?"

"No, I'm staying in the dormitory." I didn't have much desire to speak.

"Hey, I'll raise the phone a little bit higher, and I'll send you a copy of the excitement"

Her voice, bustle, hustle and bustle, noise and other people's happiness.

"Thank you, Lu Jiang."

"What? It's too noisy here. I can't hear you. Your hands are a little soft. You should listen to my voice." She muttered and spoke loudly.It must be tiring.

"Then I'll hang up first."

"Jiang Ming, are you unhappy?" Her joyful voice suddenly fell down.I can imagine the ups and downs in her mood, and I am deeply sorry for the tone of my voice.

"I'm sorry Jiang Ming, I wanted to find a quiet place to talk to you, but there are so many people around here, I can't find it.

boom!boom!bump!Another cluster of fireworks is in full bloom, it must be very beautiful.I heard the voice of a girl calling her.

"Lu Jiang, Lu Jiang, so beautiful." The phone kept ringing, and I received many text messages of blessings, and I felt extremely tired immediately, so I hung up the phone.

Edit the text message back to her.

"Dear Lu Jiang, happy new year, you are too noisy and I can't hear clearly, I wanted to call my family tonight, so I didn't go out, but I received your call in the early morning, which made me feel happy, thank you. "

After returning to Lujiang, I clicked on the text messages of blessings.

At [-]:[-]: "Dear Jiang Ming, happy new year, I love you. Zhou Yang." I deleted the text message and there was no reply.

Three minutes past zero: "Dear baby Jiang Ming, happy new year, do you miss me? Have you found a boyfriend in college? I'm videoing the New Year's Eve with Zhao Yi. Su Mian."

I replied to her: "Happy guy, happy new year, continue to be happy, I talked about a boyfriend a while ago, he is a handsome guy, I will talk to you in detail some time."

Seven minutes past zero: "Jiang Ming, happy new year, I wish our dear Jiang Ming a happy new year. Lu Yi'an."

It is not difficult to guess what position you have in her heart from the sequence of these times.I am 7 minutes away from Lu Yian's heart.

I didn't read those text messages anymore, I turned off my phone and fell asleep under the blanket.In the morning of the next day, I turned it on and received a reply from Lu Jiang at 2010:[-]. "I really read a lot of books. From your reply, I don't look like you at all. I'm a bit like that nerdy sister Yi'an. But, happy new year [-], Jiang Ming."

I also received seven or eight bombing text messages from Zhengzhou Yang.He waited for me in front of the girls' dormitory building at noon, and his roommate came to inform me.In such a situation, on the first day of 2010, it was inevitable to quarrel with him, and it was not considered a quarrel. I didn’t even have the desire to quarrel with someone I didn’t like. It’s just that he kept asking why, and I avoided answering. So the Cold War.

I don't know if I want to break up with him, I'm really sorry.But when I thought about it, maybe I could like someone other than Lu Yian, and it was a man.What's more, I have a lot of good feelings for Zhengzhou Yangben.

So we just had a brief cold war for three days. After New Year's Day was over and he came back from home, we met in the study room again to take the final exam.

Sunday, January 1.Lu Yi'an helped me buy a sleeper ticket for that day, and it happened to be the weekend, so she could drive me to the station, even though she was driving Chen Qinghan's car.Zheng Zhouyang originally wanted to see me off, but fortunately he was just a freshman like me, if I were with him, I would have to squeeze the bus for an hour with my suitcase.In this way, I was able to reject my nominal boyfriend in a fair manner and sit in Lu Yian's passenger seat.

I waited for her at the door of the dormitory, waiting for her with expectant eyes, but Lu Yi'an, who was not working, was always a bit slovenly, his hair was tied up casually, the edges were messy, and the silver-gray sneakers he was wearing were quickly turning into silver-black sneakers.A down jacket wrapped in thermal underwear and a pair of baggy trousers. It is really hard for boys to like Lu Yian. The moment I saw her, I also felt a little disgusted.

Seeing me looking at her, she took my luggage with some embarrassment and put it in the trunk.

"Jiang Ming, I'm sorry, I wrote the manuscript all night last night, and I haven't had time to clean it up."

I smiled and said, "I don't mind, as long as sister Qinghan doesn't mind."

"She went home yesterday, otherwise she would definitely dislike me."

Lu Yian is familiar with driving, and it can be seen that she usually drives a lot.Then he asked her, "Sister Lu, how long has it been since you took the driver's license test?"

"It's been more than a year, but I usually drive her to and from get off work, and she has a lot of work and entertainment, so I want to be a free substitute driver."

"24 Xiao is really a good girlfriend."

She grinned, not denying it.

"By the way, how are you and Zhengzhou Yang?"

"Very good, in love."

"I heard that he plays pretty well. We can play together in summer. It just so happens that I don't have any golf friends."

"I also play with him every day now. Sister Lu can ask me out when the weather is good. When I usually play, I always fantasize about capping you."

There was a lot of traffic ahead, Lu Yi'an just smiled and didn't answer.

She drove me to the station, bought food for me to eat on the bus, and bought a station ticket to take me in after a lot of short visits.

"Jiang Ming, goodbye, I called my uncle and asked him to pick you up at the city railway station."

"Goodbye, sister Lu."

The flight attendant urged her to get off the car, and I saw her hunched over from the window of the car, with one hand in her trouser pocket, and the other covering her mouth and yawning.Tired Lu Yi'an, I'm really worried about her, she doesn't look like a delicate girl at all, in such a city, she is not conspicuous at all, no one will pay attention to her in the crowd, she has long hair than With short hair, she lost a lot of brilliance and vitality. After leaving the university, Lu Yian was quieter than before. She used this to arm herself in this cruel society.But I like her like this, feel sorry for her like this, deeply powerless and unable to extricate myself.

I waved to her through the glass.Goodbye, Lu Yian.I say that often, but she never looks back.

The bus that arrived at the station at 04:30 in the morning was not late. When it arrived, it was pitch black with dim lights everywhere. In the rainy city in the southwest, there was a damp and cold wind blowing in the air.Dad came to pick me up, and we went straight to our new home.Not long after I went to college, my father's job was transferred to the city, and my mother also applied for it. This time they decided to live longer.So my temporary home has been changed to another place, a commercial house with three bedrooms and one living room that has just been decorated in a fairly prosperous area in the city.There is no balcony upstairs, and I can’t look forward to the sudden appearance of Lu Yi’an’s face through the window, nor will I stand at the stairs and secretly listen to her phone calls, of course, I can’t sit on her bed and watch her. Book.My new room was very tidy, and the little box full of Lu Yian's photos was sealed with tape and placed under the bed by my mother before I left.After sending a text message to Lu Yian to report his safety, he fell asleep.

During the boring winter vacation, it often rains and I cannot go out. I am always the only one at home.Far away from County J, and the city where I grew up, it seemed that every once in a while, I would always be in a strange place, and I would lose the instinct to make friends after a long time.

I opened my secret little box, put the photo of Lu Yian and Lu Yian in the university, and then sealed it. The box was only two-thirds full.

I chat with Lu Yian at home or on the Internet, and occasionally call Lu Jiang, but she doesn't have much time, it's the exam week, she will stay in Shanghai for a long time after the exam, and return to Chengdu after the Chinese New Year.Li Sumian is not on vacation yet, and I am still the only one in this province and city.Sometimes Zhengzhou Yang calls me. He is in Beijing, the weather is always good, and when there is no heavy snow, he goes to the open-air court to play. essence.

Perhaps, as someone said, love is having a lot of boring things to say every day, but I don't.

I'm not a person who twitters, but fortunately he likes to talk, I listen piously, to show that this is the only thing I can do for this relationship at present.He always calls at night, and sometimes he can talk for more than an hour. I don't know why he can always talk like this. Every time he hangs up the phone, he still has something to say, isn't his mouth dry?

The daily phone calls let my parents know the fact that I fell in love when I was a freshman, but instead of objecting, they were very supportive.Dad became a gossip man, always wanting to see his photos, and Mom even planned to travel to Beijing sometime so that she could meet him.I was just in a relationship, they were too enthusiastic.

I sometimes wonder what would happen if they knew that the person I actually liked was Lu Yian.They have always liked Lu Yian, and I have always liked Lu Yian so much, but it is a girl.

Maybe, maybe they'll understand.I think my parents can understand this matter, so regarding Lu Yian, I have some courage to like her, but I don't have the courage to confess.

The author has something to say: In fact, whether it is difficult to come out of the closet depends entirely on the family background.Look at the parents and the environment.