Nancheng, nothing old.

25

Newborn calves are not afraid of tigers.It's not unreasonable, just like I think I'm brave, if Lu Yi'an didn't have Chen Qinghan, I might tell her right away that I like her, and I don't care that I am also a girl.Just like Su Yan said, think about things at any age, if you are not forced to helpless, don't have those thoughts that are not suitable for your age, and let yourself maintain some short-term happiness when you are young.Just like when it’s time to fall in love in college, don’t think too much about getting married and buying a house in the future, just like now, if you can love someone bravely and seriously, just love, don’t think about many things we worry about in the future, Might not get there yet.

When I heard her say this, I was 19 years old and she was 29 years old.It was rare that we could sit together and have a serious chat. It was mid-January 2010, when a key high school in the city was recruiting teachers. She accompanied Zhang He to sign up, and came to see me by the way, and invited them to my house.

Su Yan and I can become heart-to-heart friends, probably because of Lu Yian's affection, plus, they thought I liked Lu Jiang.The same kind of people, the minority, always have to be sympathetic to each other. They think that they, as elders, should give me some guidance, lest I suffer more from what they have suffered.

They are all such kind people, but in this cruel society, kindness has never been able to save people from suffering.

Zhang He borrowed my kitchen to cook a meal for us, because I was alone at home, and I was not good at cooking, which affected my parents. Every time, I cooked with a rice cooker, and my parents brought some cooked food from outside after get off work. pause.Zhang He was cooking, and Su Yan and I were watching TV and chatting in the living room.

She asked me: "Do you still like Lu Jiang?"

"Um"

"But Yi'an said you have a boyfriend, a nice boy." She asked me while controlling the TV.

"I want to try, maybe I'm not gay."

"That's good too. This road is too difficult, and it's been a hard walk."

"Sister Su Yan, are you tired?"

"En." She leaned her whole body on the sofa and stretched her legs, but she didn't stop pressing the remote control.It seems that every show is not to her liking.

"It has been five or six years since I graduated, and I have been to County J for many years, but I still have no fixed place to live. I am going back and forth between Chongqing and County J. I will be 30 next year, and I really want to settle down with a family. "

"You didn't buy a house here again?"

"I have a house in Chongqing, but Ah He doesn't want to go there with me. She is reluctant to part with her father. I have saved some money in the past few years. If Ah He will work here this time, let's consider buying a house here."

Su Yan must be extremely tired. There is a deep tiredness in her words, which I can't understand.

"I can't understand how you feel, it's too far away for me, but I still hope you and Sister Zhang He will be well."

"Jiang Ming, it's good that you are like this, you don't need to understand my feelings." She straightened up and sat upright.

She said that maturity that does not match her age is praised by adults, but in her opinion, it is a kind of sadness. Every age group is misaligned, just like wanting to eat watermelon in winter and hot pot in summer, there is nothing wrong with it. It's just that it's hard to be as happy as ordinary people throughout my life.We are very ordinary people, but we don't even have ordinary joy and happiness. It's really sad.

She said that Lu Yian and Zhang He are such people, because of their families, they became wise at a premature age, and there are many sorrows that ordinary people cannot understand.

"Sister Lu and Sister Zhang He are very similar, probably all teachers are like this."

"Yi'an was thinking about working, buying a house, and settling in the city as soon as she entered college. She was worried about coming out when she was with Qinghan just now. However, she hasn't come out for so many years. So don't think about her , I am full of thoughts every day, live my current life well, and be happy.”

"Sister Su Yan, are you born gay?"

"I don't know, I've talked about boyfriends before, but since I fell in love with Ah He, I haven't been attracted to anyone. I don't know if I was born, but I don't deny that I will always be gay in the future."

"What if you fall in love with another boy in the future?"

Su Yan stopped holding the remote control, and she glanced at me.With just one glance, I saw her frowning, which seemed to be in great pain.

"No more, I did, electroshock therapy."

I was about to ask her, when Zhang He came out of the kitchen with dishes, she asked me to clean up the books on the table, Su Yan immediately stood up to pick up the dishes, the crying on his face instantly turned into a smile, just like we just Saying something pleasant.

The meal was set up just as the parents came back.Because of my college affairs, they have always liked Zhang He very much. In addition, Su Yan works as an accountant and has a common language with his mother, so these two polite, career-oriented, and somewhat beautiful women have always been very close. Popular with elders, especially those who know unmarried men.

Sure enough, my mother wanted to introduce Zhang He, who was single, to a teacher from a middle school in the city.My mother talked endlessly, Zhang He shunned my mother with a little embarrassment, but still couldn't stop her enthusiasm. Dad saw Zhang He's embarrassment and pretended to cough, but still didn't attract her mother's attention.Su Yan bowed his head to dig a meal, and I sat next to her, and I could clearly see every sad detail on her face.She was sad because she couldn't interrupt my mother in a fair manner, and she couldn't say a simple sentence that she was my girlfriend.I saw her face full of weakness, and then kicked my calf so hard that I bit my lip in pain. The sound of eating pain finally caught my mother's attention and interrupted the topic.

Because of my mother's kindness, I had ulcers on my mouth for two weeks.Afterwards, it was inevitable to sue Zhang He for compensation, and Su Yan promised that he would go to FORHER when he was free in the future, and the drinks would be free.

I asked my dad: "Do we have to get married when we get older? We can't live as we want"

Dad rubbed my hair and spoke softly, as if I was ten years ago.

"Jiang Ming, it's a pity that we can't live as we please, because we have a responsibility to this society."

I don't agree with what Dad said, but I won't contradict him.There will be no people in the world who want to get married completely. Everyone will bear the happy and unfortunate consequences of their own choices, and that is their own business.I have always thought so. Of course, I am only 19 years old, and I haven't thought about getting married yet.

It's only me to blame, my feelings for Lu Yi'an sprouted too early, which killed my fantasy about men and marriage as a young girl.

Although I fell in love with Zhengzhou Yang, I was also confused about the future at that time. I was just in love, and I didn't even know how the result of this relationship would make me happy.

After that year, New Year's Day is Valentine's Day.Firecrackers were set off one after another in the city, and the fireworks bloomed in the night sky on time. At that time, I received a call from Zhengzhou Yang. At that time, someone in the community downstairs was singing the song Happy Valentine’s Day loudly. It was not quiet here At night he said:

"Jiang Ming, I love you."

He must think that the night on my side is very quiet, and his voice is so soft that I can pretend that I can't hear clearly.

"What? I'm setting off fireworks here. It's so noisy."

"Lin Jiangming, I said I love you. Answer me quickly." His voice was excited, and there must be a handsome face full of smiles on the phone.

"Jiang Ming, I love you."

Silence, silence.I can't wait for the fireworks to engulf me, but those three words are still stuck in my throat and I can't spit them out.I bit my lip tightly and shut my mouth tightly, the three words he wanted were sealed in my body.Whether it is, I too or I love you, I can't really deceive myself.When these three words appeared in my mind, the only thing I could think of was Lu Yian.

What I haven't said to her, I can't say to anyone else.

"Jiang Ming?"

He was waiting for my answer the whole time.I want not to break up, I would rather be alone, I would rather be wrong, I don't want to deceive myself, and I don't want to deceive others.

Sorry, those three words are always with I love you, they rush out of my blood and dilute all the lies I want to tell.After I said sorry, he was silent for a few seconds and hung up.That holiday, no more contact.

The moment he hung up the phone, he breathed a sigh of relief.

The fireworks in the night sky seemed to be much more beautiful. I remembered that Lu Yi'an has always disliked excitement, but at this moment, she should be on the phone or video with Chen Qinghan, so she should be happy at this moment.I pulled up the window and lay on the bed, waiting for the night to be quiet again.

I went to County J to meet Li Sumian.

Maybe we can see Lu Yian.

Big cities always make people change quickly. When I saw Li Sumian, I almost didn't recognize her.She came to pick me up at the station, dressed in a slightly fashionable way, with light makeup and seven-centimeter pink high-heeled shoes, and her long high school hair was cut short and permed.It looks really unusual, at least I watched her for a full minute before I realized it.

"Jiang Ming, why are you still the same, and you don't dress up?"

She ran over and held my arm intimately, just like in high school.

"My sister is naturally beautiful, so I don't need to dress up." I was overjoyed to see her. After parting and reuniting, and returning to the original place, she seemed to have become a lot more important.

She pulled me and said many things about her university.Friends who have just entered university always have a lot of things to say about themselves. The people they see, hear, and meet are much bigger than the small campus in the small city we used to be. At first, they were all very novel, enough for us to say a few days.I kept listening, about her joining that club with lots of handsome guys, or that weird female teacher, until she was satisfied.

She invited me to her home, and her parents went out to visit relatives, and she cooked for me and invited me to dinner.I stood at the door of the kitchen, leaning against the door, watching her skillfully stir-fry the dishes and talking to me, the oily fume was a little choking.I'm not good at cooking, one is that I don't like it, and the other is that my parents are spoiled, but I have always had a crush on girls who can cook, including Chen Qinghan.

"How are you and Zhao Yi?"

"It's good, we talk on the phone every night, and we celebrated Valentine's Day together this year, but he went to his grandmother's house in County Z, so we only met a few times when we got home. What about you, Jiang Ming? Have a boyfriend, Or a girlfriend?"

"I used to have a boyfriend, but I split up on Valentine's Day."

"Why?" She stopped the spoon and turned to look at me.

"I can't say I love you to him."

"Then why are you with him?"

"I actually like him. He is a bit like Lu Yian. Of course, I don't want to be with him for this reason. Sometimes I am very happy with him, but I always have to hide it. I don't want to. Lied to him, but there was no way to open up to him. It was tiring to have a lot of secrets in my heart and to set up some more lies."

"That's it, then. Come serve the food, and go to that table."

Li Sumian made fried cabbage with sauce, hot and sour potato shreds, and a three delicacies soup, which tasted pretty good.

I jokingly said: "Su Mian, anyone who can marry you is also happy. Although you are not a chef, you can eat enough."

"Well, let me just say, Zhao Yi will be very happy if he marries me in the future. I'm learning to cook some big dishes. Next time we meet, I'll make them for you to eat."

After dinner, we chatted in her room, and she pulled me to sit in front of her.

"Jiang Ming, let me make up for you. This is a skill that a woman must learn."

"I'm afraid you'll make me ugly."

But in the end, let her transform me.Her skills are not bad, and I fell in love with myself after makeup a little bit. We lay side by side on her bed and chatted all afternoon.At three or four o'clock in the afternoon, Li Sumian accompanied me to buy some fruit. I was going to visit Aunt Li, and bid farewell to her alone.

Before parting, she gave me a hug. I held the fruit in both hands, but didn't hug her.

She said, "Jiang Ming, look after Zhao Yi for me in Beijing."

She said: "Jiang Ming, tell me when you are sad. I know you will always like Teacher Lu. I understand you and support you. You are still my best friend."

Every relationship is not equal, we are blind, narrow-minded, iron-hearted like naughty children, we have been indifferent, selfish, and unwilling to cherish more than once, please forgive me.We will be treated as such.