Nancheng, nothing old.

When I returned to Beijing again, it was already March of the year, and it was still cold winter when I walked from the spring breeze in the south to the north.When Lu Yian went to the car to pick me up, he was wrapped up heavily and wore a neutral red and white down jacket.I called and asked her to pick me up. Otherwise, Aunt Li asked me to bring canned spicy chicken and woolen slippers made for her, and I would take it for myself.

Lu Yian came to pick me up, quite helpless, every time she drove Chen Qinghan's car, but never came with her.

"Jiang Ming, happy new year."

It's been March, and this is the first sentence she said when she saw me.I laughed at her, the New Year has passed for a long time, she said, the phrase "Happy New Year" is always in my heart, and she can't help but say it when she sees me.

"Sister Lu misses you so much, my mentor in life, missing a minute will make my whole life confused."

I playfully told her that when I saw her, I couldn't hide the joy in my heart, and the corners of my mouth always turned up, and in this case, don't hide it, and look at her with a happy face.

"I miss you too. I've been thinking about my mom's spicy chicken for weeks."

"So you just miss your spicy chicken, it's too much."

I kept talking to her, the corners of my mouth were already weak, but I still couldn't stop the joy in my heart, it's just her, it's just a smile now and then, a faint smile, it doesn't really matter whether she sees me or not.

Lu Yian sent me to school, and Zhengzhou Yang was waiting for me in front of the dormitory.I was about to avoid him and just go in without saying hello, but she went over to meet him and handed him the handle of my suitcase.

She said to me: "Jiang Ming, Zhou Yang contacted me during the winter vacation. There is always friction in love. If there is anything to talk about."

She passed me, went straight to her car, didn't stop for a moment, didn't say extra words to me, and she was as chic as if she was consummating a couple now.I heard the sound of the engine, and heard the wheels grunting and whizzing away.There was no time to turn to look at her, no time to speak to her, but I understood, understood everything, and knowing it made me so much harder.

Lu Yian abandoned me, of course she never hugged me.

But I was full of grief and anger at that time, I just felt that she abandoned me, not only did not want me, but also handed me to others like a suitcase that was manipulated by others.I dragged the suitcase from Zhengzhou Yang's hand, and strode towards the building area with my head down, completely forgetting that in everyone's eyes, Zhengzhou Yang was my boyfriend who would still get back together after a fight, and Lu Yian was just A neighbor sister.

She really shouldn't be nice to me, even a little bit, a little bit is enough to dislocate my heart.

Zheng Zhouyang pulled me from behind, he pulled me hard, and pulled me over to face him.I looked up at him, his eyes were flushed, he was stunned for a moment looking at the tears on my face, and the strength in his hand also loosened a bit.

"Jiang Ming, you won't forgive me? Even though I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You're not wrong, I'm sorry, I don't love you."

"I know you like others, but you said that you and him are absolutely impossible, why don't you give us a chance."

He was still a young man, holding my hand and refusing to let go.It took me a lot of effort to shake him off, at that moment my wrist was red and it hurt hotly.

"Zhou Yang, I don't think I'm wrong, but I still have to say sorry to you. I thought I could get along with you, but every time I see her, I find that I like her so deeply. If I don't like her, I won't like her forever. Don't meet her, but it's impossible, I can't bear it, and I can't control it. I'm still so young, I don't want to deceive myself and suppress myself even if I like someone. "

"Zhou Yang, I'm sorry. She won't like me anyway, so just think about it, and treat it as my punishment."

I pulled the suitcase and walked into the dormitory building without looking back, and I was not worried that he would pester me, thinking that he would not be able to enter the girls' dormitory anyway.It's just that the tears still flowed continuously, half for guilt, half for her.

Back in the dormitory, those innocent girls thought that Zhengzhou Yang and I had quarreled again, and told me that he had been coming to my dormitory building for the past two days, and that infatuated boys are always liked by most girls, and they tried to capture me.

I should like a boy like Zhengzhou Yang.I am so ordinary and ordinary. When I meet such an outstanding, handsome, gentle, and infatuated boy, I should like him.But I just focused on making the bed and didn't say a word to them.

What should and should not be in love.

I can't sympathize with Zhengzhou Yang's sadness, just like Lu Yi'an can't sympathize with me and will be sad, no one can be a saint, can they?To be a saint is to make yourself sad.

But in the days to come, I often met Zhengzhou Yang. He didn't take the initiative to hold my hand, and he didn't have any intimate behavior. He just smiled and said, come and play.Called me from a lonely pitch to his field.I learned to play basketball for Lu Yian, but I really love this sport, and I can be friends with him at a distance.Because, there is something that likes him, it has nothing to do with love.

In April, the temperature in the north has gradually risen, and the outdoor temperature can reach [-] or [-] degrees.The sun is shining in spring, and the sky is a vast expanse of blue. Compared with the rainy and hazy March in the south, it is really not too good.I often ask Lu Yian to come to play on weekends, sometimes at our school, sometimes at Beijing Normal University, every time she comes here she always wears thin clothes, and she started wearing short-sleeved shorts in April, walking in the crowd is strange and attractive Attention.

She often makes appointments with boys, and she plays really well.On the court, especially in the court of Beijing Normal University, many boys are her juniors, but she only hits ten balls each time when she plays with boys.Every time when she was still thinking about it, she quit the court, but her eyes were still fixed on the basket.

I asked her why she didn't have fun every time.

She said: "I have an old illness, and with boys, Qinghan only allows me to hit ten balls."

I actually forgot that Lu Yi'an can no longer play well because of her love.

However, this is also good, she has a lot of time to practice with me, but every time she sees others sad, I feel sad too, as if the next second she cries, I will cry too.

As the weather got better, Lu Yi'an and I began to really get along like friends. Although there was a few years difference, she would become more like a child as long as she took off her veteran cadre's skin in front of me.I accompany her to do what she loved most in the past.What she likes is the end of spring and the beginning of summer in the north, the weather is neither hot nor cold. At that time, the sky in Beijing was still blue, and there were only one or two white clouds in the past, which made people feel comfortable.She came on Saturday afternoon, played golf for two hours, sat on the ground drinking soda, walked around the court in the dark, stopped and stopped, looked at it even if she was not playing, and commented, probably talked the most. It's "Zhou Yang is really good at playing." It's always that she wants to win our hearts.Finally, when she mentioned Zhengzhou Yang in front of me for the No. 11 time, I interrupted her.

"I still like Lu Jiang. I like Lu Jiang just like you like Sister Qinghan. It's no different. There's no way to move on."

Chen Qinghan is her weakness. Sure enough, since then, she has never mentioned Zhengzhou Yang to me again.

When it was dark, the lights of the basketball court had just turned on, and Lu Yian was about to go back.Because Chen Qinghan went back to her home every Friday and came back on Saturday night.Although I haven't seen her for a long time, since Lu Yi'an often asked me to play ball once a week or two, I rarely went to their den.

I still harbor guilt towards Chen Qinghan in my heart, I am afraid of her eyes, afraid of being alone with her.It is enough to see Lu Yian once a week or two.I can do many other things and miss her less for a while.Lu Yi'an said, no matter how much we love someone, we must become better for her and ourselves. I work hard, although, many times, I can't do anything.

This lonely love is like a disease that goes deep into the bone marrow, and I am afraid that it will soon become terminally ill.

I didn’t go home during the summer vacation that year. I love the summer in the north. Even though there are many mosquitoes at night, I often get bitten on my arms and legs outside.But I am used to here, I am used to spending an afternoon with Lu Yian periodically, or when it is hotter, we spend a morning together, watching the sun rise at the beginning, and slowly listening to Lu Yian say something in my heart, I am Approaching her, step by step, not daring to go too far, for fear of seeing her change when she comes back.And the cycle I'm used to can't be that long, otherwise I'll kick back and rot my itchy heart.What's more, I need to slowly learn to be independent. When I was almost 20 years old, when I seemed to fall in love with a woman, I needed to become brave and independent.Although I didn't imagine that being a gay person might be a bit bad in the future, but if I keep liking Lu Yi'an like this for a long time, someone will always want to deprive me of the freedom of love.So, be braver.

I started an internship in my freshman year, and the place I went to was a small magazine recommended by Lu Yian. The place where she was located did not plan to recruit freshman interns, but this was enough, and I became like Lu Yian, only on weekends In this way, as soon as I stop, it is possible to meet her.

My parents are different from Lu Yian's parents. Although they will miss me and worry, they still support my independent life, including financial support, so my life is not bitter.But the previous Lu Yi'an was different. She never got a single vacation to stay outside during college. Aunt Li would always conquer her with all kinds of tears until she compromised and was willing to live the life she wanted her to live.During the last time, Aunt Li also cried, but Lu Yi'an persisted once, resolutely stayed in Beijing, and lived happily with Chen Qinghan in their old two-bedroom apartment.

I am envious of her happiness, and sometimes I am jealous of her happiness. All of this has nothing to do with me. My whole heart is towards the bright moon, but the bright moon does not shine on the ditch, but at least the moonlight does not shine on me move.When I was in love with Lu Yi'an deeply, my whole body was in darkness. In this love, I could see the sun, the moon, and all the lights. Look, don't give me anything.

Of course, I thought I was also happy, whether I got it or not, but what I was thinking of was always in front of me, in front of my eyes, we looked at each other without any scruples and smiled, we occasionally took each other as company, Friends, at least, until late August.

At the end of August of that year.At the end of August, on a certain day.

When I was almost 20 years old.That day was the same as usual, on a sunny Saturday, Chen Qinghan went home that night and stayed for a whole week before returning.I made an appointment with Lu Yian to go to the bar. Since I was in the magazine office, I gradually learned to drink a little wine. Occasionally, I would make an appointment with Lu Yian to go to Houhai, only order a glass of wine, and sit for most of the night.There was a girl who always sang Anita Mui’s songs, and she sang there every two days of the week. Every time we sat near the corner, the girl’s hair was loose, covering her face, so she couldn’t see her face clearly. She always wore a light-colored jumper The chiffon and dark purple long dress, on the stage with dim lights, looks very charming.Lu Yi'an likes her, she often says that her voice is three points like Sister Mei, but only three points is enough.

She looked at her with her chin propped up, a little obsessed.When Chen Qinghan was not around, she would drag me there, but she never approached me to strike up a conversation, and she didn't even know the name of the person.But when I look at her, I always feel a little guilty, so I must call me every time.

She can't always ask someone to go to the bar at night, regardless of gender.Thinking of this, I feel a little bit sad, but also a bit happy.The mood is complicated, of course I don't have to doubt Lu Yian's deep affection for Chen Qinghan, but there is a little bit in my heart, in case she doesn't have such affectionate thoughts, this thought is like an ant that keeps scratching my heart and eating my flesh, It engulfed my nerves, until one day, a thought popped out of my mind, "It would be great if Lu Yian didn't love Chen Qinghan that much, and it would be great if Lu Yian broke up with Chen Qinghan."

This idea suddenly frightened me, but I thought it didn't happen in a moment, so I didn't dare to think about it again.

But I couldn't help but ask the guy at the bar for her name, Lu Yian liked her name a little bit, only then did I realize that her name is Han Suxin.

Su Xin, Su Xin.Your heart.

Lu Yian repeats her name repeatedly, saying that her parents must be the ones who like Yishu.

Lu Yian's eyes were fascinated.I looked towards the stage shrouded in dark light, and saw that girl was looking this way. This was the first time I saw that face, that delicate face, smiling slightly at me with her lips pursed, and then turned around Over the top, sing Anita Mui's Intimate Lover again.

That night, Lu Yian and I drank an extra glass of wine, not enough to get drunk, but both of us were in high spirits. We walked slowly along Houhai, side by side. Lu Yian kept her hands in her trouser pockets, and she kept looking sideways at the lake. , I looked over, a dark lake with nothing but a row of yellow reflections of lights.

Lu Yi'an said: "Why don't we play golf with you. There is an open-air court nearby. It's not too far away. Let's take a taxi there."

On a midsummer weekend, even at ten o'clock in the evening, there are six boys in the stadium. The street lights are very high, and the warm dusk color makes people's shadows long and short.Two girls, Lu Yi'an and I, can just join them in 4VS4.

"Only hit ten balls."

"Well, only hit ten balls."

Lu Yi'an played very well that night, almost every time he dribbled the ball to the basket alone, I couldn't guard her, even though she was a little taller than her, she ran fast and jumped very high, taking all the fun she had that night, All released on the jump.

We hit ten balls.Hit five more balls, hit five more balls, I was a little scared at first, I wanted to persuade her, but she was panting and wiping the sweat off her face, and when I stood in front of her, she kept smiling at me.

I thought why there are ten balls, why should I follow Chen Qinghan completely, why can't I play one more ball, one ball, her body should be able to afford it, and I don't usually see her have any problems.

I forgot which ball it was, and Lu Yian provocatively said in front of me holding the ball: "Jiang Ming, come here, come here and win me a ball."

Jiang Ming, come here.

I squatted down, and as she rushed, I jumped up and knocked the ball out of her hands, hitting her head with my shoulder, just knocking her to the ground.

"Good shot." Everyone around applauded, and that shot was really good. I was quite pleased with myself, and reached out to pull Lu Yian up, only to find that she was lying on the ground with a painful expression, her legs were bent, her upper body was motionless, and she bit her. His lips were pursed, his face was sweating, and some indistinct sounds came out of his mouth.Her painful appearance made me feel at a loss for a moment, so someone else called an ambulance.

I want to help her, I want to touch her, to make her less painful, but as soon as I squat down, the boy behind me pulls me up.

"Don't touch her yet, wait for the ambulance to come."

I can only see her in so much pain.My face started to sweat, my hands and feet were shaking, and I could barely stand.I can't see her in so much pain, but I can't stop seeing her.

With trembling hands, I took out my cell phone and called Chen Qinghan.

Stumbling around, I still forget how I told her that night. The only thing I can remember is that the boy next to me took the phone in my hand and told her that the coming ambulance is the nearest hospital in Dongcheng District. 10 minutes by car.

I followed Lu Yi'an into the ambulance, she was lying flat on the stretcher, and I was finally able to hold her hand tightly.She bit her lip and called Qing Han.

Qinghan!Qinghan!Qinghan!

She was in so much pain that her lips were bleeding profusely.When I saw her, my heart was twisted, her rosy face turned pale, and big beads of sweat flowed down her cheeks. I took out a tissue to help her wipe the sweat, but I couldn't help crying.

The accompanying nurse motioned for me to be quiet, so I covered my mouth with my hand and sobbed.The doctor gave her a painkiller injection, and she finally stopped biting her lip, Qinghan, Qinghan, and fainted twice before falling asleep.