Nancheng, nothing old.

When Chen Qinghan came, Lu Yian had already entered the operating room with a broken spine.

She came in with her friend, flustered, flushed, disheveled hair, home clothes and sneakers.

"Jiang Ming, is Yi'an okay?"

"In the operating room." Don't ask me too much, my mind is also blank, but I can't tell her this.

"What happened."

"I'm sorry, Sister Qinghan. We went to play ball tonight. I'm sorry, I... It's all my fault, it's my fault."

"Is it serious?" Chen Qinghan looked at me solemnly, and her friend kept supporting her shoulders.

Perhaps, she was trying to get some verbal comfort from me.

"I don't know. Sister Lu is in great pain. She keeps calling your name."

Finally, she had the same pain on her face as mine.

"Jiang Ming, can you leave my eyes for a while?"

"Sister Qinghan, I..." I wanted to see Lu Yian come out safely.

"Don't appear in front of me for the time being, and don't appear in front of Yi'an if you can."

"But.."

"No but." Chen Qinghan sternly said to me, I've never seen her like this.However, it was only for a moment, and her mood was always sad. "My Yi'an, lying there because of you, can you not show up for a while?"

Her friend came over and took my arm and pulled me out of the corridor in front of the operating room.

"Can you go back first? Don't be angry with Qinghan, she loves Lu Yian more than herself."

She pulls out her phone.

"Leave me a number. I'll let you know if Lu Yian is fine, but don't provoke Qinghan for now, okay?"

They all spoke in soft voices, as if they were coaxing children, but it was undeniable.They are all adults, and I may be just a child.I have no right or qualification to be stubborn. I sat on the steps of the hospital entrance, buried my head in my knees and cried, and didn't mind the eyes of the people around me. At first I just shed tears, but finally I couldn't control myself and cried bitterly , Tired of crying, Lu Jiang called. It was past one o'clock in the morning, and she had just woke up from a dream.But apart from her, I don't know who to talk to at this moment about this thing that scares me, worries me, and makes me sad.

"Jiang Ming."

"Lu Jiang, I'm very scared." When I called her, I calmed down slowly, stopped sobbing, and briefly told her what happened that night.

"Lu Jiang, do you think she will be disabled?"

"I don't know, but it's not impossible." Lu Jiang's tone was heavy, and he didn't mean to comfort me.

"Jiang Ming, I'm not blaming you, it's just that Sister An was injured so badly before, it's hard to say if the injury is in the same place this time."

"I"

what do I do.

I'm taking the risk of ruining the life of someone I love.If so, how will I face her in the future, when she opens her eyes and lies weakly on the hospital bed, thinking of me.How do I face her possible hatred.How to face Lu Yian's parents who treat me so kindly, and Chen Qinghan who loves her so much.I am afraid that because of guilt, I will not dare to step half a step around where she is.

"Jiang Ming?"

what do I do.There was nothing I could do but wait the long, long night. "Jiang Ming, you go back first, don't appear in front of Sister Qinghan recently, I'm afraid she will embarrass you, she will become uncontrollably mean for Lu Yian, but this is not her original intention."

"Jiang Ming, you have already made Sister Qinghan very sad, don't make her more sad."

"I see."

"Jiang Ming... Maybe you are not suitable to be friends with Sister Yi'an."

"Well, I see." If Lu Yian is safe and sound this time, I will leave her, I am not going to like her anymore, and I am not going to get close to her again.At that time, I said this to myself in order to calm down the guilt and worry in my heart.

Lu Jiang didn't talk to me a lot, he just said that he was concerned about Lu Yi'an's situation and would inform me.They all said this, I can only be the one who waits for news from others in the distance.

At around four o'clock in the morning, I received a text message from Chen Qinghan's friend. She knew that I hadn't left, so she came to see me.

"I'm Qinghan's college roommate Shu Jing."

"How is Lu Yi'an?" I sat on the ground, looked up at her, and didn't intend to stand up.It doesn't matter if it's rude.

"I just finished the operation and was sent to the general ward. I'm afraid I'll have to stay in the hospital for two months. Let me tell you so you don't worry."

"Will she be okay?"

"Well, it's not paralyzed yet."

I'm a little relieved.

"However, in the future, the root cause of the disease will probably fall. It will inevitably suffer from cold weather and rain. What can we do when we get old? Yi An is only 23 years old. They may not have children in this way."

"I take care of her." These four words blurted out without thinking.

"I don't need you to take care of me." Her tone was indifferent. All the people who talked to me tonight were extremely indifferent. Perhaps this is the truth.

"Lin Jiangming, we all know that you like Lu Yian." Shu Jing squatted down and sat next to me.

"At first Qinghan only thought of you as a child, but you are not a child after all."

"It's not that generous to like someone, not to mention that she loves Yi'an far more than you think. Maybe you often feel that you like Yi'an so much, that's because you haven't seen them go all the way."

"I know, I know that their journey has not been easy. I never thought about getting anything from Lu Yian, nor did I think about intervening with them."

"You didn't think about it, but you did. Jiang Ming, I've known you since you came to Beijing. Qinghan doesn't say anything, but she cares about you. You and Lu Yi'an have no chance, so why bother?" Increase the grudge between them."

"Needless to say, I know."

I know, what everyone wants to emphasize to me, I know that in their words, I look like a third party, including Lu Jiang.But I didn't do anything wrong, I like Lu Yian, I like Lu Yian very much, I never crossed the line, that's all.But so what, if you like someone, but she doesn't like you, then it's wrong. Some people say that in love, every incomplete soul has a suitable partner. I'm not Lu Yi'an's half, so Everything doesn't look quite right.

I went back to the magazine’s temporary dormitory in the early hours of that day, took a leave of absence, and had a peaceful sleep. It was a long, dreamless sleep. When I woke up, it was already night and I received a text message from Lu Jiang: “Jiang Ming ,Happy 20th birthday, I have already called to ask, Yi An is fine, don't worry."

I got up to wash up, but the girl in the same room hadn’t come back yet, so I ordered takeaway, went to the canteen downstairs and bought four bottles of Yanjing beer, borrowed a bottle opener from the engineering man opposite, and offered him a beer, he readily agreed, that slovenly The boy was wearing a tank top and shorts. We sat on the ground casually and took down the small computer table on the bed to put food on. At that time, it was still hot in Beijing. We drank cold beer and told a man who seldom talked today. It's my 20th birthday, why don't you wish me a happy birthday.

Since I was 20 years old, with a stranger, come to a new beginning.

"Jiang Ming, happy birthday." He raised his glass and smiled at me. "I hear Shen Can call you that, don't mind." Shen Can is the girl who is intern at the magazine with me.

"I don't mind, I don't mind at all."

The person who will accompany me on my 20th birthday is this irrelevant person in front of me, but with such a sincere smile on his face, it is also good to be with a kind stranger, so that happiness will be simpler.

We talked a lot. He just graduated, talked about work, and talked about the university he missed.I am about to be a sophomore, talk about the university, talk about the future I yearn for.Of course, young people should also talk about our feelings.

"When I met her, she was a lovely southern girl. We used to make many naive vows. Every time we broke up in the graduation season, we firmly believed that we would go on forever. I went to the South for her. , or she stayed in the north for me. But after graduating, she went home, and it is estimated that she will marry a local man and have children in the future. It's nothing to do with me."

"You hate her?"

"No, I'm just sad. When I said so much before, I thought I could do it. But when the time comes, I realize that we are not so brave people."

I drank surprisingly well that night. I drank two bottles of beer without getting drunk.The engineering man then went downstairs to buy wine and brought some skewers to go with the wine.

In that gap, I made a phone call with my family.My parents are watching TV at home, fortunately they are companions, and I am not too lonely. When I heard my mother’s voice, I suddenly wanted to go home. In those small southern towns where I lived, I spoke dialect with the neighbors and ate my mother. The dishes I cook are not delicious. I have never been a person with big ideas. If, if I hadn’t met Lu Yi’an at that time, maybe I just went to a university in the province and took the bus home on holidays. I will stay in the south, Chengdu, Chongqing, and a little further away in Hunan, but not here, that is, it is not my ideal university. Well, I don’t want to contact Lu Yian anymore.However, at a place so close to her, I have to live in pain for a year, two years, and I don't know when it will end.

"Jiang Ming, Dad has sent money to your card. Go buy some new clothes and eat some delicious food. Mom will make up for you when you come home from the winter vacation."

"Ah."

"Jiang Ming, Dad and Mom miss you, take good care of yourself outside."

"Well, you have to take care of yourselves too."

"Talking to Dad? Is he watching TV?"

At this time, the engineering man knocked on the window outside, showed his head there, and beckoned me to open the door.

I took the phone and went to open the door, talking to my mother as calmly as possible.

"Stop mommy, say hello to daddy for me, I'm having my birthday with friends."

Even though there is only one person, he is not considered a friend, he is carrying wine and skewers, and he looks like he is getting drunk. I don’t know if it’s right to drink with a boy like this, and I don’t even think about the consequences. At that time, my mood was terribly calm , I don't worry about whether Lu Yi'an, who is currently in the hospital, wakes up, whether she hurts, whether she remembers me, and I don't worry about what my tomorrow will look like, bad, or whether it is really as I expected, a new starting point.

Nothing to do with tonight, I just want to pass the moment peacefully.

"Call your family?" He took the beer out of the bag, which may not be the same as the one I just went to, snow beer, and two large boxes of skewers, mixed with meat and vegetables.

"Well, I called my mother just now, and I feel a little homesick."

We sat on the ground again, and he opened a bottle and handed it to me, and said with a smile, "Snow Beer, brave the world, kids, be brave."

"By the way, why did you choose to come to Beijing?"

"For the person I like at the age of 17, come and have a drink for the brave." I touched the bottle with him, and the two looked at each other and smiled.

"However, it's over. Yesterday her girlfriend told me to stop showing up in front of them."

We talked to each other, but we didn't comfort each other, we just listened, and after drinking, we found out that this engineering man was agreeable to me.

But, "I'm lesbian." I told him so.

Sure enough, as expected, he choked himself with alcohol and looked at me dumbfounded.

"I'm gay, and I like girls." I drank half a bottle of wine in one breath and said to him.That was the first time that I told people about it so bluntly. A man I was not familiar with was completely reckless, just because I wanted to say it, so I said it.Thinking about it now, my overly peaceful mood that night was probably destructive.If conditions and circumstances permit, I will destroy myself that night without frowning, although at that time I did think, let’s start again, meet new people, do more happy things, and completely separate me Lu Yian is isolated, I leave her world, or she never gets involved in my life, not at all.But the premise of all this is that I can wait until tomorrow.

Fortunately, the engineering man was a kind person and later became my best friend.

He was just surprised for a short while, and apologized to me: "Jiang Ming, I'm sorry, I was just a little surprised. Come on, do it, and go to a faraway place alone for a brave girl and another girl."

"Thank you."

He said a lot, for being brave.Probably because he is a cowardly person, at least he has lost a lot because of lack of bravery, so it has to be emphasized all the time.

He tried to kiss me that night, two single men and women, very drunk, that's what he meant, but when his stubble was about to touch my cheek, I pushed him away.

I'm not going to make myself so unbearable, and I shouldn't be like this.He helped me clean up, took away the trash, and said goodnight.

I was not drunk until he left, but after I closed the door, I felt dizzy and dizzy, and I fell on the bed before I could wash up, and had another sleepless night.

But wake up again, September, it is indeed a new day.The past is not important, I forget what happened last night, let go of all the heavy burdens, in this big city where people come and go, the sky is still so blue, take a deep breath, let's start all over again, again and again Do it all over again until it really is a new beginning.

The author has something to say: starting to update again