Nancheng, nothing old.

Huang Biyun said, if we hadn't been close, wouldn't I have fallen so deep?

I think so, but it’s not that important, there are so many memories and facts, we can’t erase them, even after a long time, we don’t have to ask if I never wanted to come to Beijing or didn’t go to that city at all met her.If you understand the past, don’t remonstrate, but if you know what’s coming, you can chase after it. Didn’t the ancients say that, look forward, go alone, don’t look back.

On the first day of September, I resigned from my internship at the magazine. The editor I have been following is Lu Yian’s college classmate. She is quite satisfied with me and told me to contact her again for the next summer internship.However, next time, I plan to change a magazine, at least not to have anything to do with Lu Yian. Since I came to Beijing, she has helped me enough.

On the Wednesday when I returned to school, before the official class started, I went to the hospital to visit Lu Yian.I asked her bed number from the nurse, and when I went, I carefully pushed open the door of the ward. In the four-person room, everyone inside looked at me, except for the bed by the window. Lu Yian was sleeping soundly, and Chen Qinghan sat next to her with her computer in her arms. Work.

"Sister Qinghan." I called her, standing with her back to the window, just to cover the sun, the shadow cast on the hospital bed was Lu Yian's face, she was sleeping peacefully with her eyes closed.

Chen Qinghan looked at me with a hint of anxiety on his face. Seeing that it was me, he showed a shallow smile, which was very natural. It seemed that what happened that night didn't happen.

"Jiang Ming."

I nodded slightly, with a forced smile on my face.

She put the computer on the small table next to the house and stood up.

"Let's go for a walk, she just fell asleep, don't wake her up."

"Ah."

She goes ahead.I was behind and looked at Lu Yi'an twice more, she was in a deep sleep and didn't move at all, so she wouldn't know that I had been here.I took a second look at her eyebrows. When she was asleep, her eye hair was very long, and she was lying down neatly, with her hands crossed on her chest, like a sleeping child, her hair was loose, and she was lying on one side. Covering my eyes, I unconsciously took a step towards her and brushed her hair aside.

"Jiang Ming?"

Chen Qinghan stood by the door waiting for me, and I walked out quickly.

"How is Sister Yi'an?"

I followed Chen Qinghan at a distance of [-] meters.

"Not great, but not as bad as I thought. She couldn't leave that bed for at least a month."

"Sister Qinghan, I'm sorry." Lu Yian's behavior is half my responsibility, and I feel both guilty and distressed. "How about I take care of her with you. Aunt Li also takes care of me when I'm at home."

"No need." She immediately vetoed it, turned around, and faced me.

"My mother will come over when she is free. She likes Yi An very much. I also want to take this opportunity to let her spend more time with Yi An. By the way, don't tell her mother about Yi An's injury for now. She doesn't want her family to worry. "

"Hmm." I said dully.He followed her with his bag in both hands.

"Jiang Ming, I should say sorry to you and forgive my attitude that night. I knew it wasn't your fault, but I couldn't hold it back. Think about it, with An's temper, I was the one who made her unable to play well. But I can't help it. I'm sorry, Jiang Ming."

She turned to look at me, and met my eyes, with three parts of sincerity and four parts of guilt. At this moment, I really don't mean to blame me, I can't understand her.At this moment, the two women standing here should know it well.

"Sister Qinghan, I understand, but don't worry, I don't have that many thoughts about Sister Yi'an, and I never have."

She didn't answer me directly.

"Jiang Ming, go sit over there."

I think she should be very concerned about such a blunt change of topic.

We are sitting in the rest area of ​​the hospital, the morning sun is very good, the cool breeze blows the surrounding branches, and there are some lush trees in September, she is lazily and gracefully tilting Erlang up, with her hands clasped on her lap, Half-raised my head, maybe I was looking at the sky, maybe I was looking at the sunlight between the branches and leaves, for a long time, I thought maybe I just didn’t want to look at me.She kept silent, so quiet that I was embarrassed.

"Will you be irritable when taking care of Sister Yi'an?" I asked her this question, and she felt a bit abrupt after asking.Quickly added: "I remembered that once my mother was in the hospital, and I often went to accompany her. The room with her was a middle-aged man. He had to stay in the hospital for a long time after a car accident. Every time his wife came to the hospital, she would always talk It took a long time. Later, I was too busy, so I simply hired a nurse. It’s not that I don’t love it, but it’s always tiring to do it myself.”

"I'm tired, and I'll chatter, but when I think of Yi'an lying there, I wish I was the one who was hurt. She is such a noisy and active person, and she can't move for a month. It must be in great pain. When she gets better, Don't let her play anymore, don't let her act like a boy all the time."

"Besides, there are always complaints and quarrels between couples, and sometimes they get bored. This is a quarrel, and I don't just want to fall in love with Yi'an, I want to live with her, ten or twenty years 20 years, we have to be together until we are old, we depend on each other, we have to take care of each other, if I feel irritable now, how can I live with her for the rest of my life. Of course, it may be a bit far away now, but she and I have always been like this I planned it. However, Jiang Ming, you may not understand that the two women want to live a lifetime."

"No..." I tried to deny it, but she cut me off.

"Even if you like Yi'an, you definitely haven't thought about living with her, or even about life after graduation."

"Yeah." I don't deny it, it's because, from the very beginning, I never thought about what would happen to Lu Yian in the future, nor did I plan for the future, and I always just let it go.

"But when I fell in love with Ean, I started to plan how to make her like me, plan how we could overcome everything and live together if she was with me. I want to live with Ean, I want to have Our own family, but the Lu Yi'an I know is a coward, a coward with low self-esteem, obsessed with her words and her own life every day. I often think, if I can't change her, I have to make myself stronger, no matter what How can I not let her go"

"But aren't you tired?"

"Not too tired." Her voice was calm, and there was a little joy in the calm, which I caught.

"Yi Anyuan is better than I thought, she is changing every day, but I am too close to her, so I often can't find it, but it is true, she is becoming better day by day for me and us "

"However, Jiang Ming, don't think too much, I'm just telling you this because I'm suddenly tired and want to talk about what's on my mind."

"It's okay." However, I always feel that she is showing off in front of me.

She kept her head up all the time, and she didn't know if her neck was tired, probably because she was afraid of seeing me embarrassed.

She said something about Lu Yian's past, the Lu Yian in her mouth is not the same person I saw, but I have clearly glimpsed the face of the person in her mouth before, I think.Lu Yi'an shows different faces in front of everyone, one is in front of me, another is in front of Chen Qinghan, it doesn't mean that what is in front of me is not what she likes, but it is more natural in front of people she likes to rely on some.

"Sister Qinghan, let me help you take care of Sister Yi'an, I don't have many classes this semester." I mentioned it again, but she still refused me.

"Jiang Ming, don't be too obsessed with Yi'an, I'm afraid you will be sad in the future."

Why?She is so confident, is she and Lu Yi'an?

"Besides, I don't like you being with Yi'an very much. Yi'an often says that I am gentle, but my heart is not that big. Although I don't know how much you like Yi'an, but think about it, in your heart Is it still going to be comfortable?" She said it in a calm and normal way, as if it was not important at all, but it made me blush instantly.

"Well, I know." My voice was almost low, and I can't remember how many times I said it. Everyone said this to me, telling me in a reasonable way, stay away from her , don't like her, but, what do I know, I know I can't?No, but I can't help but want to do it, because the emotions of liking someone and liking something are so uncontrollable. If you want to get close, your heart is attracted by a magnet, and you want to leave your body and go to another place. There is a small house there, it looks very cute, I like it very much.There is only one door. I don't have the key to that door, and I don't know what's in it. I just want to go, I really want to go, not because I want to explore the secrets, but I really want to live in it.However, it was someone else's house, and I didn't have the ability to break in and steal anything. Of course, I didn't have the courage to go through that door, but it was very small, and I was afraid that others would accuse me of being a thief, so I had to be obedient and retreat step by step.

Chen Qinghan stood up from the chair, she was as tall as me in flat heels, she looked at me at the same level, it happened to be my eyes, she still had such a kind and gentle smile.

"Jiang Ming, go back, Yi'an will wake up later, I think she will see me when she wakes up."

However, I did not go back to the ward with her, but just said goodbye politely.Maybe Lu Yi'an woke up, I just need to open the door and walk in, her eyes can always see me, but it doesn't have to be like this.

That's all right, I'll do it myself, and go far away step by step.In the ward, the sleeping face covered by my shadow was the last time I saw Lu Yian at that time.

The days when I decided to let go were always difficult at first, but after the past, everything can become a conversation piece, and I will become a storyteller, telling everything about it.

Lu Yian's existence deprived me of all my happiness. Although I occasionally worried about her recent situation in the hospital, I never went to see her again. □□, Renren, Weibo, everything related to her was blocked, and even stopped contacting Lu Jiang, changed a new mobile phone number, and only told people around who needed to be connected.Concentrate on studying, pack the birthday present Lu Yian gave me, and those photos I kept privately, and send them home.

Photos, photos of my beloved, I have kissed her face and lips countless times.In the book, there are only four photos.

"Yi'an, I was 17 the first year I met her."

"This is the second year, me, and her."

"It's the third year, hello, 19-year-old Lin Jiangming, 22-year-old Lu Yian"

"It was the end, the day I turned 20. The end."

This was finally, on the day I turned 20, over.Pick up the pen and write these words on the back of the photo to draw the final photo.Being so humble, it is indeed the so-called love, I secretly despised others, and I was able to take a photo with Lu Yian, everything was like a conspiracy, after defrauding her trust, one person did whatever he wanted.At that time, when I saw the photos of Lu Yian and Chen Qinghan for the first time, certain thoughts entered my mind like lightning, and I began to plan some unique things that belonged to Lu Yian and me.

But now it seems that everything is so despicable, I let myself go and try to steal other people's fruits, that's enough, let's do it, end the self-torture, pack everything up, and throw it back to the far south, Throw it to the 17-year-old me.

You said, life is long, can I have a new start.

The author has something to say: I am eager for a new beginning in every chapter, and I have repeatedly emphasized.

Because I understand how painful it is not to be loved, I have always hoped that I can be redeemed, but I am looking forward to it every day.