Nancheng, nothing old.

Lu Yian.

From the age of 17 to the age of 21, the love that has grown deeper and deeper should start to cool down like a parabola.

At night, I slept on Lu Yian's bed, she hugged the quilt and slept on the sofa, she refused to sleep with me or I slept on the sofa, she made an undeniable decision like a big sister, I lay on Lu Yian's bed, the second time , covered her head with a quilt, she was separated from me by a door.At twelve o'clock in the evening, the fireworks were set off outside, like lightning, and the room lit up for a while, my mind was confused, and it was difficult to fall asleep. I received many blessing text messages and selectively replied to some.

I got out of bed, opened the door gently, and prepared to see if Lu Yian was asleep, but found that she kicked away her life, huddled up, pulling her hair in silent pain, the faint city light came in through the balcony, and I saw her grim expression And painful.That face, with tangled facial features, was like the light of a firework bursting out in an instant, which dazzled me so much that I couldn't open my eyes. Her painful expression was like an iron stamp, someone held it, and it was imprinted on my heart with a clang. , The meat was so hot that it smoked, and then it was burned in my heart.

That's what I was last year.

This is what it looks like when you are helpless and insomnia at night.I walked over and hugged her, hugged her tightly, hugged her thin, hugged her vulnerable state of mind at the moment.

She circled me and finally burst into tears.

If she is like this every night, alone in the bed and hurting, just like me at that time, how long can she last.

The heart that had just been branded with a seal was in deep pain, and her tears flowed into my heart. It was too salty, and she sprinkled some salt on my wound.

That's enough.

After crying for an unknown amount of time, she finally stopped and let me go.After getting out of bed and turning on the light with bare feet, her eyes were red and her hair was messy sticking to her cheeks.She went to the cabinet to get a bottle of wine, 46% Irish whiskey, I saw it at Suxin Bar, and Lu Yi'an directly took a big sip of the wine.Before I knew it, Lu Yi'an started to drink, and drank some wine that was not cheap.She held the wine bottle and said to me: "Jiang Ming, you go to bed first, I have to write something and hand it in two days, otherwise I won't even be able to drink alcohol."

She opened the notebook and started typing on the keyboard, without saying a word.I stood by and watched her for 10 minutes, but she ignored me, so I had to go into the house.That night, I didn't fall asleep all night, Lu Yian's insomnia and pain, my painful days, the sound of the keyboard being amplified outside the door, and the sound of Lu Yian swallowing wine, all lingered around, sleepless all night, until five o'clock in the morning It took me a long time to fall asleep.

I woke up at noon the next day, and Lu Yian was wearing men's brown and white striped button-down pajamas, and was cooking lunch in a small part of the kitchen separated from her not spacious living room. Her hair was tied up high, and she looked better than yesterday. A lot of energy.

Lu Yi'an fried mung bean sprouts, shredded potatoes and braised eggplant. The pork rib soup was a takeaway.While serving the dishes, she smiled and told me to wash up and eat, as if what happened last night never happened.

I sat at the small dining table with her after washing up, and she first served me a bowl of soup.

"Jiang Ming, warm your stomach first. This year I learned to cook by myself, but I can't cook soup at all."

In the past, Lu Yian often told me that she has a mother at home and Qinghan outside, she is too lazy to learn how to cook, and she never wants to learn cooking in her life. She is usually hungry and would rather order takeaway.

But as time goes by, when we can no longer rely on a certain person, we will learn by ourselves if we didn't know it before.Always take care of yourself, don't spoil your body, you feel sorry for it, you want to make her feel bad, but you are really helpless, she may not be able to come back.

A heartbreaking sentence suddenly popped into my head.About Lu Yi'an and Chen Qinghan, I have already speculated countless times in my mind. When I asked Lu Jiang, she didn't tell me exactly. There was a client I cared about sitting in front of me, but I didn't know where to start.

It was Lu Yian who spoke first.

"Do you have a lot to ask?" Without waiting for my answer, she began to talk to herself, and I was only responsible for listening.

"The last time I was injured, I was depressed for a long time. I will not be able to do strenuous exercise in the future. The doctor said so, but I know that I can't do anything unless I want to become disabled. Qinghan has been taking care of Me, taking care of me while working, the more I love her, the more I hate myself for being useless. At that time, all the inferiority complex burst out. I know, everyone thought I was not good enough for her at the beginning. I also retreated countless times. It was Qinghan’s persistence that made me brave. But after lying in the hospital for more than a month, all the negative emotions and insecurities broke out. She fights, expects her to leave me, but is very scared at the same time, and the conflict almost makes my body explode."

When Lu Yi'an spoke, her face was full of pain, her hand holding the chopsticks drooped weakly, and it was hard to swallow. I took two mouthfuls of soup, but I didn't eat it at all, and listened to her carefully.When people are in pain, just listen to her quietly, don't try to comfort her, it's really powerless.

"We quarreled for a while. She always spoiled me, but her mother noticed something strange and slowly found someone for her."

"Haven't her parents already accepted you?"

"Uncle and aunt accept it, but they can't hold her back. My awkward position in her family depends on her loving me. If she doesn't love me, I'm just an insignificant person to her family. It's not that I said uncle and aunt So ruthless, but parents always hope that their daughter can be like ordinary people, and it is best to break up with me as soon as possible, not to mention this is an opportunity. It is helpless to say, but the fact is like this, just like if my mother knows that Qinghan is my girlfriend, just I'm afraid I'll hate her immediately, and blame her for spoiling me, parents always prefer."

"What then?"

I can't imagine that they will be separated like this.

"During that time, Qinghan did date some young talents. I resented her and hated myself, and kept arguing with her. You said I was of no use. I lived in Qinghan's house in Beijing for two years, and my salary was meager. Although there is no one who takes care of the other when two girls are together, I have too much self-esteem after all. I am in love with Qinghan on weekdays and deliberately ignore these problems. When it comes to critical moments, it is these problems that hinder us."

"In my heart, Sister Lu has always been excellent, otherwise Sister Qinghan wouldn't like you." I couldn't help but interjected, unable to bear her belittling myself like this.

Lu Yi'an smiled lightly, showing no emotion.

"That's because you are still young. I used to rely on myself for having some talents, and I had the pride of a literati in my bones. But when I went out to society, I really couldn't eat all of this. That's why I said poor scholar. No matter how proud, face-to-face It is also useless for firewood, rice, oil and salt."

"Then what happened to you and Sister Qinghan?"

"During the time I was in the hospital, no matter how unreasonable I made trouble, Qinghan tolerated me in every possible way, but as soon as I was discharged from the hospital, she ignored me and often called others in front of me."

I laughed and said, "That's because she was angry."

"That's true. Qinghan said we need to calm down, so she went to Japan. She was going to go in her junior year, because I didn't make it."

"Did you break up?" This sentence couldn't be restrained, and suddenly appeared.

Lu Yi'an's hand holding the cup stopped in the air, she frowned and looked at me, then smiled: "Of course not."

"Going to Japan to study was put on the agenda by Qing Han a long time ago. However, I have been sticky before, and now she thinks it's time for a little distance to calm down. She went there at about this time last year, and New Year's Day has not yet passed. Then At that time, my current company suddenly had a column just for me, and I also regretted my attitude towards Qinghan during the hospitalization, so I prepared to work hard and wait for her to come back.”

I have never asked why she cut off contact with me when I came to Shanghai. Although I stayed away first, I couldn’t control it. I still hope that she will find me, even if it’s just a friend, but I have never had the courage to ask. I’m afraid In fact, she also deliberately avoided this topic.

"Sister Lu, did you still have the situation last night? I feel like you are suffering from depression. Or, people like you who are obsessed with words have this kind of phenomenon."

"Is it crazy to like literature?" Lu Yi'an looked at me blankly.

"I started like this a month ago. Qinghan has been ignoring me for a month, and every time she has a short call with me, she will mention someone else. Every time she talks about that person, she is very happy." Lu Yian Quite lonely in his words.

"Don't you suspect that sister Qinghan likes someone else?"

Lu Yi'an lowered his head and remained silent, which made me a little angry.

"Are you suspicious of her? Don't trust her?"

"No, I just don't believe in myself. Jiang Ming, have you watched "Auntie, I Want to Marry Your Daughter"?"

I nodded. After college, I also read some novels about sympathy, both gay and lesbian. This is one of them, a sad one.

"I've always been afraid that Qinghan would fall in love with others like this. Recently, I have become more and more afraid. I always think that if she falls in love with me, she can fall in love with others."

"And would you love anyone but her?"

"No, I won't."

She replied quickly, without hesitation, and said firmly, she would not.These words made my heart pound, and I felt uncomfortable.

"You are so selfish." You think you will never betray your lover, but you think your lover will betray you, how self-centered.

"I'm really selfish." Lu Yian lowered his head. "I was scared, but I didn't dare to ask her. I was tortured by my own suspicion every day, and I couldn't sleep at night. It seemed that she would leave me as soon as I closed my eyes."

Like a child, Lu Yi'an, who is pulling his head together, still makes me feel distressed, and makes me even more powerless.Her unhappiness, her sadness are never for me, let me how to untie this bell.

But her sadness lasted only a moment, and she raised her head and looked at me sadly. "I'm sorry Jiang Ming, I've talked to you so much, the food is cold, let's make another delivery."

In the afternoon, I spoke to Lu Jiang, and I knew the same situation as her, but I really couldn't figure out why she asked me to come over. Obviously, the last time she called, she deliberately hid the news that Lu Yian was in Shanghai.

I said that I initially suspected that Lu Yian was suffering from depression, and asked her if she had contacted Chen Qinghan.She said that Lu Yian forbade her to do this, and I called her stupid, such things should have been kept from Lu Yian.She said, Jiang Ming, I never doubted that sister Qinghan would fall in love with someone else. This call is waiting for you. You have to understand that there is no possibility at all between you and Lu Yian. There may be a gap between them, but there is no People can go.I know you are running away, so I will let you come no matter what, I hope you can face Lu Yian's feelings directly and untie the knot in your heart.

"Jiang Ming, Su Xin called me. Just after I contacted you last time, she said she liked you. She also asked a lot about you and Lu Yian. Forgive me for telling the truth. Go and tell the truth about this matter." Let's settle the matter, Suxin is waiting for you, she is a good girl. Jiang Ming, never lose too much like me."

is it?

The mobile phone in my hand is hot from the long conversation, and my ears and cheeks are also hot.

That night, I called Chen Qinghan, Lu Yian was watching TV on the sofa, I slipped out, downstairs, in the cold night, I called Chen Qinghan.The time difference between Japan and China is only one hour, so I thought she would not be busy at that time.

She didn't expect that I would call her, and she was surprised at first.However, I will tell the truth about Lu Yian.As Lu Yian's friend and Lu Yian's younger sister.

Her tone was rather sad.

"I didn't expect her to distrust me so much."

I didn't want to create gaps between them, so I explained: "Sister Lu said that she will only like you in this life, but her character is like this, so don't blame her."

"You don't need to tell me, Jiang Ming, I've known Yi'an for nine years. I know her well, but I'm already like this. She would even suspect that I like someone else."

Lu Yian contracted alcoholism, Lu Yian contracted insomnia, Lu Yian is such a silly child.But, am I not the same?