Nancheng, nothing old.

When you love someone, you can never forget them no matter what, and you can't let go of them no matter what. It's like being bewildered, and this bewilderment lasts a lifetime.I have been insane all my life, hopeless, what can I do, I drank the poisonous wine of love when I was 17 years old.

Su Xin walked alone. Along the street, she also walked alone, walking on my right.My whole body hurts, too painful to move, too painful to watch her off.

I hate Lu Yi'an, and occasionally I can't bear it for a moment or two, but what do I hate?Hate God for letting me meet her, hate me for falling in love with her, hate that she doesn't love me.Seeing everything is inexplicable, who stipulated that I love her, and she must love me?This unprovoked hatred quickly dissipated, leaving only love.And, hate myself.

I remember what Su Xin said to me when I went back to the hotel that night, when she was sitting on the hotel bed.

"Lin Jiangming, what exactly do you want?"

what do you want?I don't know myself, maybe I want Lu Yi'an, but I know I can't get it, so I suppress my desire, and Su Xin, she is close in front of me, she loves me, so I choose her, but.do i want it

Love is such a morally corrupt and selfish thing.

"You still love her, no matter what I do, I can't change you." Su Xin sighed long, I sat on the hard bench next to me, my eyes wandered, and I didn't dare to look at her.

"We kiss, live together, go to the supermarket hand in hand to buy vegetables, we fall in love, buy the clothes, shoes, and furniture that each other likes, we live all the short lives of parents, you will cooperate with me in whatever I say, you promise to be with me Struggle, we made a plan to buy a house and planned our life together for the next ten years. You do a lot of things to love me, hug me when I am sad, and go crazy with me when I am happy. I thought we were in love , is that so, Jiang Ming?"

"Yes."

"Jiang Ming, you're lying." Su Xin cried, her voice trembling, this was the first time I've seen her cry in the years since I've known her.I didn't dare to look at her tears, so I reached out and handed over the tissue, but she didn't take it.

"Maybe you love me, but your heart will be taken away by a bird named Lu Yi'an at any time. I should have known it long ago."

"Su Xin. I'm sorry, I can't control it."

"You will do it even though you know it will hurt me, so why say sorry? I just ask you, Lin Jiangming, if you want to go with me tonight. If you go with me, you will go for the rest of your life, and you are not allowed to look back."

Me, I don't know.I don't know what exactly I want.

Su Xin threw me a pillow.

"It should be like this, don't contact me in the future."

Su Xin started to pack her bag, at this moment I finally looked up at her, tears were all over her face, her eyes were flushed, all my senses were numb for a moment, and I lost all emotional perception.

Love is such a morally corrupt and selfish thing.Because, it comes from the heart, the human heart has always been selfish and narrow, we are just such ordinary people.

Jiang Ming, you went to Beijing for Lu Yi'an, you went to Shanghai again, and now you are back, somehow or on purpose, you always want to be in the same city with her, if this is the case, don't drag me.Now that Lu Yian and Chen Qinghan may break up, you finally have a chance, you have been waiting for this day for a long time, don't deny it, ask your heart.Lin Jiangming, I wish you happiness, I wish you happiness every day in the future, I wish you never think of me, you better not think of me at all, otherwise I will turn into an eagle and come to eat you every day Heart, the pain I have suffered today will be repaid by working overtime in the future. It is best not to think of me at all in this life, and never meet me again.

Su Xin left that night, the bus left at [-] o'clock in the evening.She walked forward, and I followed her, and followed her to the station. She bought the latest bus, and I stood two meters away from her, without saying a word.Until she got in the car, I watched her from the car window and got her text message.

"Jiang Ming, how can people's hearts be harder and colder than cold stones. Don't tell uncles and aunts about us."

Su Xin, I don't know either.If only I could understand.

Later, I went to see Chen Qinghan, she was not much better than Lu Yian and me.

I handed her the crumpled ticket without saying a word, but she probably understood.Let it be like this, Chen Qinghan closed the door, no one knew what she looked like in that room.

Chen Qinghan left alone. As far as I know, she called Lu Yian that night, and Lu Yian's cell phone was charged and rang all night.She was lying on the bed with her cell phone next to her pillow. It rang all night, but she didn't answer it.

That's how it all ended silently.

When I went home the next day, Su Xin had already left. She told my parents that there was an urgent matter at home, and my father blamed me for letting her come back alone.Back in the room, she took away her few clothes and left a sky blue origami crane on my table, Su Xin, when she sat in front of me for the first time at the end of 2010, she wore sky blue trench coat.

I lay on the bed and took apart the Thousand Paper Crane, on which was her handwriting.

"Whatever is not obtained, but what is in the past, is always the most correct."

Later, I did not go back.I acquiesced to what Su Xin said.In March, when I received a call from Lu Jiang, Su Xin packed my luggage and sent it to her. Not much, I only lived in Shanghai for half a year.Lu Jiang asked me if I wanted to mail it back, I said, put it there first.Maybe I'll go back, if not, ask her to take care of it.

At that time, No. [-] Middle School in J County, which is the high school of Lu Yian and I, was recruiting teachers. There were not many teachers, only one Chinese teacher, three geography teachers, and the rest of science subjects.I know that Lu Yi'an should be able to apply for Chinese, and she is not interested in anything except writing, and I can only choose geography.Then, both she and I passed the exam.

In May, I went to County J again and met Lu Yian.

It happened to be the house I used to live in, and the family’s children finished their art exams in April, so they didn’t need to live there anymore, and the rent was less than two months away, so I rented it out.Lu Yian is upstairs and I am downstairs.In 2012, her family moved to a new house, which was a 10-minute walk from the previous house. Lu Yian used work as an excuse to live here alone. Because of this, she and I were once again separated by a wall.

Right now, 27-year-old Lu Yian.When I saw her again, I was so sad.She became thinner and thinner. When she smiled, the shallow dimple on her face really turned into a deep dimple. The thinner Lu Yian is even prettier than before.Every time I saw her, it was different from the last time, she was more and more haggard, her face was dull, her eyes were often melancholy, and the child who laughed, with crooked brows and bright eyes, was never seen again.She has long hair, sometimes wears stilettos, she wears long skirts, with blue retro earlobes, she dyes her hair, curls her hair, she starts to speak softly, she starts to learn to cook, she loses all the manly things on her body Childish, no longer naughty.Many students like her, Lu Yi'an, began to look like a gentle woman, her body is full of soft breath, delicate like water, although she was gentle before, but it is different from now, I have never seen her play basketball again, I don't see her careless, she behaves like a lady in everything, which is loved by those adolescent boys and girls. Only I know that it is not her, that is Chen Qinghan's appearance.

She has always been friendly to me.I often go to her place for dinner, she seldom comes home, and I have never seen Aunt Li again. I don’t ask if she doesn’t tell me about these things.Just like she didn't ask, Jiang Ming, how are you and Su Xin, Jiang Ming, why did you leave Shanghai and come here.We sometimes go to that Dezhuang hot pot for dinner, even in summer, and miss the time when we drank there.

From time to time, I see Zhang He, and I am in the teaching group with her.

She already had a boyfriend at that time, an employee of a certain government department, young and promising, Zhang He's father's favorite student, she heard from the teacher in the same group that one was a considerate man, four out of thirty, and Su Yan's childhood, every night Come pick up Zhang He for his evening self-study.I have been fortunate enough to meet a few times, a man from IKEA, who drives a car worth hundreds of thousands in this small town, is a good match with Zhang He, a teacher, and a civil servant, and he is also good-looking.Although Zhang He was unmarried at thirty, such a man was envied by other female colleagues.It's just, it's just that when I think of Su Yan and Su Yan who has been with her for ten years, I can't bless her for the time being. No matter how good that man is, he can't compare to Su Yan.

I have also heard her talking to Su Yan. Sometimes Zhang He said something like I love you on the phone, sometimes it was a quarrel, and later the quarrels became more and more.Lu Yi'an said, the two are so connected, the two have been together for so long, how can it be so easy to break up, but Zhang He is getting married soon, and with Su Yan's temperament, he will not be a mistress.Even if she loves Zhang He again.

I asked her, what about you and Sister Qinghan?

me and her?

In June, Lu Yian was 27 years old.On my birthday with her, Lu Yiping called and told her to go home, but she seemed to be fighting with Aunt Li, and she never went home after the year.

Whether it's her or me, people around me have already started looking for a partner for us. Lu Yian is old and has become a commodity. I have heard her quarrel with Aunt Li a few times, nothing more than things like boyfriend and marriage.I asked her why so.If he persisted like this, he should have left with Chen Qing in the first place.I also advised her that since she has stayed, there is no need to fight against Aunt Li.Since the original intention was to not hurt the parents, how can they do things that hurt the parents now.For example, in "Face", you say you love me, but you do things that hurt me.

She said, it's not grudge, it's just that I can't accept it no matter what, I may lose Qinghan like this, and when I think about it, I can only blame myself for being powerless.

Jiang Ming, if you had to choose between your parents and your lover, how would you choose?

Immediately, she laughed at herself again: "Yes, you are not me, you don't have to choose at all."

You don't have to choose, I don't have to choose, in my heart I always think of my mother and Qinghan at the same time. It will get older and older, and in the end I will die decades before me.I am young and that is my only sorrow.I love Qinghan, I love her deeply, I persist in my own way where she will not see, this may be self-deception, but I know that not getting married is the last straw for us.Maybe we still have a chance.

What if she won't give you a chance?

Then it's good fortune to trick people, I deserve it.

But,

No, but, Jiang Ming, not everyone is as lucky as you.

Even so, Lu Yian still has to get tired of the relationship between men and women, because she has reached the age of marriage.

In August, I was 24 years old.In such a small county, with a stable job and a single person, he will naturally face the same predicament as Lu Yian. Fortunately, my parents have always been with me, but they always love to mention Suxin to me.It's strange, they liked Lu Yian who was excellent in everything at that time, and they only objected to the fact that I liked Lu Yian.Parents always want us to choose someone who loves us instead of someone we love.

But I have no contact with Su Xin.I stood quietly beside Lu Yian, doing nothing, sometimes I thought, maybe I don't love Lu Yian anymore, and it's just a habit of being with her, pulling me to stay with her.

In October, in October, many things ended.On the National Day of that year, I attended two weddings in J County, and it was time for me to prepare the money.October [-]rd was Li Sumian's wedding. She went back to County J first, but I had little contact with her after graduation. I didn't know that Li Sumian was getting married until I received a call from her at the end of September.My little friend from high school once fell in love with Ding Diu's Lu Yi'an, and then she was going to get married. From now on, she would start a family, start a family and raise children, and she could no longer be a simple woman.But it never occurred to her that her husband was Zhao Yi.The two people went around in a big circle.

She said that sometimes getting married is not necessarily about falling in love, but more about being suitable. She is already very lucky. She once loved Zhao Yi and met later, and she can vaguely find that feeling, and it is the love of two adult men and women. business.After graduating, she broke up with her boyfriend from college. When she returned to County J, Zhao Yi also came back. One passed the civil servant exam, and the other passed the public institution exam. The job seemed to be appropriate. The family also knew everything about each other, and they knew each other very well. Appropriate, goodbye and sparks, if we are not together like this, could it be that we are still waiting for a blind date.

When I went to their wedding, the two were as loving as ever, a mature love, holding each other's arms and preparing to spend a lifetime together.This is really great, and the youth is already insignificant.I wish them well, sincerely.

While drinking, Su Mian asked me.

"Jiang Ming, do you still like Teacher Lu after all these years?"

I was taken aback, and to be honest, I didn't know.Everything is natural, everything is habit, used to being so far away from her, just want to accompany, never ready to go further.Seriously, I don't know what's the point of staying here.Maybe I'm waiting for Lu Yian to take the initiative, but I know very well that Lu Yian will never.

Jiang Ming, I also wish you happiness, no matter whether I can attend your wedding one day or not.

The author has something to say: These plots were all written a year ago, as if they were well thought out