Nancheng, nothing old.

Reunited in a broken mirror, going round and round, or fate, that night, I wanted to talk to Su Xin, but Su Xin, we had already said goodbye, I huddled under the quilt, thinking about her all the time.In October, it started to get cold in the north. I don't know if she is still in Shanghai.But I think of her, she will definitely listen to many things I say, and she will hug my head and comfort me gently.Don't be afraid, Jiang Ming, I will always be here.

However, I left.

I grabbed the phone tightly, my palms were sweaty, I stayed up until two o'clock in the morning, and finally held back a phone call with Su Xin.

On the morning of the fourth day, I got up very early.Lu Yian and I are Zhang He's bridesmaids.

Look, Zhang He is getting married too.Her face is also happy, I can't see that she is sad, but at this moment, do I want to wish her sad?I still want to wish her happiness, or as a bystander, I hoped for a fairy tale-like plot. Su Yan suddenly appeared at the wedding scene, called Zhang He's name loudly, and took her away.It’s just like this, although it’s beautiful for a young man, it will inevitably ruin the two families afterwards. Besides, I can see Zhang He’s joy, anxiety, excitement, and nervousness. All these tell me that she is a suitable person. The bride, at the age of 32, is finally married, and perhaps she has already thought about giving birth quickly after marriage.

We set off from J County at six o'clock in the morning and went to the city.

The bridesmaids group consisted of me, Lu Yi'an, and two teachers from the same school. There was one less person named Su Yan. I haven't seen her for a long time.I heard that she went to travel to Tibet with a backpack, and □ signed a new work "I have nothing left, and I just went to wander the world".

A lively day, in the eyes of outsiders, is just a festive wedding, and no one knows the twists and turns of the story.

Zhang He said that she told her husband everything, including the ten-year relationship with Su Yan. She said to Lu Yi'an: "Yi'an, I really want to live with him for the rest of my life. At first I resisted, but he is a good man. Being with him, I can experience a lot that I couldn’t with Ah Yan before. I can talk to others about my relationship with him. My father is satisfied. I don’t have to hide it. We can get married, have a child, and start a family. , peacefully but happily.”

Lu Yi'an replied to her: "Senior sister, I wish you a peaceful and happy life. However, even if I can't now, even if Qinghan may no longer want me, I still firmly believe that one day I will have my own family, and the woman I like."

At that time, my heart was sore, because of Lu Yian's loneliness and firmness, and feeling the betrayal for Su Yan. Su Yan, who is so proud, will probably never appear in front of Zhang He again. All her pride is in Zhang He's past. When everything was told to her husband, she was already trampled underfoot.But no one is wrong, some people’s past is not as good as the present, and some people’s present is not as good as what they can’t get. Generally speaking, we should bless the former and wish everyone a new start, even if I can’t have it. .

I still wish Zhang He, as Lu Yian said, a peaceful and happy life.

That night Lu Yi'an drank a lot of wine, it was the first time since she left Chen Qinghan that she drank a lot of wine.I helped her go to my house. At that time, my parents went back to my hometown, and I was the only one at home.

I lay on the same bed with Lu Yi'an, and I said that there is no guest room in my house.

For the first time in seven years, I lay on the same bed with her, covered with a quilt, and she was right next to me, ten centimeters away, and sometimes I could touch her arm.She was resting on her hands, staring at the ceiling, smelling of alcohol, but I wasn't much better.We walked side by side, and I followed her example, looking at the ceiling with my arms on the pillow. There was a lotus flower on the ceiling, but I didn't think there was anything interesting about it.

In the quiet night.I closed the curtains and couldn't see anything, I heard Lu Yi'an crying.Picking up the phone, the faint light shone on her face, her eyes were closed, and her face was full of tears.Finally, I pulled up the covers and kissed her.I kissed her cheek, her lips, it was so dark that her nose and lips could not be distinguished, the tears on her face were sticky, sticking to my lips.

Lu Yi'an was exhaling, but she didn't push me away, nor did she respond. I tried to pry open her teeth, with the tip of my tongue pressing against her front teeth, but she didn't refuse me, nor did she cooperate.Let me hold her head, hair hanging down her face.I repeatedly pursed her lips and sucked her chin, my heart was beating fast, and I didn't know what her acquiescence meant. I stopped and looked at her sideways. In the dark room, I couldn't see anything. With trembling hands, I pushed back the hair on her forehead, and asked her softly, with a crying tone that I couldn't explain clearly.

"Lu Yian, can I hug you?"

"Jiang Ming, would you like to hear the story between me and Qinghan?" She pushed me away and kept the original posture again.

Lin Jiangming, I actually had a crush on you.

I envy your simple and carefree life, I often like you, just like I always miss my past self.

Jiang Ming, I have actually hesitated, wavered, and thought about you when I was in the most pain. With you, everything will be much easier, but I still can't do it. I can deceive people for a while, but I can't deceive people for a lifetime. Not everyone.

Jiang Ming, you have been by my side for so many years, thank you, but I don't want to send you a good person card, I really like you, but this is not life, you are not the one I can accompany every day.Go live your own life, you don't belong here, you can't waste your life here without meaning.

I tried, trying to convince myself, but I understand that apart from Qinghan, I have no way to live with anyone, not her, I would rather live alone.I don't understand other people's love, but mine is like this. Qinghan is my love and my life.

Jiang Ming, to live your life.

We don't belong to each other.

Lu Yi'an, I love you, from the age of 17, maybe it should be over at the age of 24, wait for the teaching

I'm leaving after this semester, to put an end to everything.

Lu Yian does not drink alcohol, does not smoke, does not drink coffee, eats three meals regularly, and does regular exercise. She said that she will not be depressed, as long as there is a chance, she will cherish herself for a better future with Chen Qinghan.However, she is getting thinner and thinner. She smiles in class, at students and colleagues, when meeting neighbors, and even at me, she always smiles.But she was unhappy and was getting thinner and thinner day by day.I often go up to the balcony at twelve o'clock in the evening and see her room is brightly lit, and through the window I can see the waste paper on the floor.

Lu Yian said that she has a long story to write.

Sometimes I see her leaning on the old recliner made by her grandfather, she rests her forehead with a sad face.She frowned slightly, and I seemed to hear her sigh.She drank warm water in gulps, paced anxiously back and forth in the small room, and when she was agitated, she tore up the notebook and slammed it on the wall with all her strength, but there was no sound, and sometimes she tapped quickly On the computer keyboard, the sound of clicking is particularly obvious.

I see her like this from time to time, but there is nothing I can do.

I think of a saying.

The scholar lit her lamp and burned it out in words.

Lu Yi'an may die, her soul will die first, followed by her body.She was suppressing, suppressing, suppressing, suppressing her nature, suppressing her desires, until one day it broke out and killed herself first, because she was never willing to hurt others.

This kind of Lu Yian, she told me to go, and I wanted to go too, but my footsteps were fixed not far from her. Can't escape.

It was January [-] when Lu Yian had an accident.

First, a female student fell in love with her. That ignorant 15-year-old girl was unscrupulous, self-willed, and thought she was brave, which caused her parents to come to her. In addition, because of her former neighbors, it was rumored that Lu Yian was gay. Open, and then being stirred up by an ignorant girl, she was temporarily suspended.

Then there is Aunt Li's constant blind date.

Aunt Li said, the biggest regret when your grandfather passed away was not being able to see you get married and have children. Now you are going to let your parents die with this regret, right?

Parents love us so much, so they know how to poke our hearts.Blindfolded by what he thought was love, they couldn't see for a moment that we were dripping with blood.

All kinds of men, divorced, unmarried for a long time, arrogant, ugly and useless, they look down on Lu Yian just because she is gay.

These arrogant men are a tragedy for women, but also for society.

They talk a lot, boast about themselves, and show their nobility by belittling others.Finally Lu Yian couldn't help losing his temper.

"Even if I am in Pingyang, I am still a tiger. I will never let the vicious dogs take advantage of you. At worst, you will die."

During the Spring Festival of that year, it just happened. I don’t know whether to say that Lu Yi’an’s life is full of troubles or just because this society is too narrow.

In order to save her former students.

Of course, we watched the surveillance video later, Lu Yian's injury was not because she was too heroic, but because she was too crazy.During the Chinese New Year, in the alley of her house, a girl who was not obsessed with the world at night encountered a gangster. Lu Yian bravely came out. Lu Yian let the girl go first, but the girl fled home in panic and did not call the police.This is not the case, but because Lu Yian is gay, this incident happened to be known by those little ruffians, and they tried to rape Lu Yian.I don't want to recall too much about this incident. At that time, Lu Yian wanted to die. Her crazy behavior scared a few young people. They were about to run away. Lu Yian grabbed one of them and fought him desperately. He was stabbed , but Lu Yian still grabbed him, the man hit Lu Yian's head with a blunt object, and hit the wall several times until Lu Yian passed out, the wall was covered with Lu Yian's blood, and the ground was also shocking.

Everyone thought that Lu Yi'an was brave and fearless, and fought to the death with the gangsters. This incident even made the news, and was praised by the local media with brilliant rhetoric.Only I know that she is desperate and wants to die.Her voice could not be heard in the surveillance, but her mouth shape and the words she kept shouting were "Kill me".

The girl fled back home, but fortunately her parents called the police, and Lu Yian was sent to the hospital for treatment in time.At that time, I was at home, and I received a call from Lu Yiping, begging my father to take me back to County J by night train.

I watched the surveillance video with Aunt Li, she was crying while watching, I know, she understands the same as me.

Although the hearts of the people in this narrow society and this small city are not indifferent, they are so obviously selfish.

I sat with her on the bench in the corridor of the hospital, and this time she was outside.

she says.

Yi An has always been so good, she has never let me down since she was a child, she did her best for whatever we wanted, Yi An never made me sad, she was very sensible since she was a child, she never said what she wanted, When she was a child, she wanted a pen very much, but she never said it. She saved her pocket money for a long time to buy it, and never let her parents worry about it. Every teacher liked her, and neighbors used her as an example to educate their children. At the parent meeting, Yi An was praised by the head teacher in front of the whole class. Later, I got into a good university, and the neighbors envied me for having such a good daughter.

Yian, she spoiled me.I can't stand her being different from what I think, even just a little bit.

"But Auntie, Sister Lu is her own. She can find a man to marry as you wish, and stay in this small county to take care of her husband and raise her children. But after you have been with you for a hundred years, how do you want her to live her life? You never I don’t know, Sister Lu loves to write novels. You must have never read her writing. You don’t know how many people like her articles and support her dreams. You don’t know how hard and sad she is. Auntie, cruel To put it bluntly, you are not the one who stays with her all her life, but tries to control her life. Lu Yian has always been a simple child. If I were the one who could take care of her all her life, I would do my best to keep her from growing up. big"

Maybe my words were cruel, but Uncle Lu and Lu Yiping who stood aside did not stop me.

Aunt Li covered her face and wept bitterly.

"If Yi'an is safe and well, I will follow her all the way. Parents don't want their children."

"But what if there is no future."

This sentence hit Aunt Li's heart, and it hit me too.What if I don't see Lu Yian again?

The author has something to say: This point is a bit bloody. . .

However, it is not easy for parents to figure it out, it depends on who loves who more and who is more soft-hearted.

Like Zhang He's father's illness