Please, Don't See Me

That was their last half month together.

Shu Jin skipped class, took a long vacation, and stayed with Sheng Xinghe every day.

Shu Jin didn't dare to look Sheng Xinghe in the eyes.

When they look at each other, they will look away, and when they speak, they dare not look at his face, just like there is some treasure on the ground, and they always keep their heads down.

He was in a trance all day long, and Sheng Xinghe tried several times to communicate with him and take him to do something he was interested in, but he was in a self-enclosed state.However, if it made Sheng Xinghe angry and anxious, he would post it impatiently, admitting his mistake and acting like a baby.

"Brother. If your eyes were good, would you still like me?"

One night, he suddenly asked this question.

Sheng Xinghe was working on his work. Hearing this, he put the laptop aside and looked down at the person on the pillow: "Why do you ask that?"

Shu Jin said, "It's just a hypothesis."

Sheng Xinghe said: "This assumption is not valid. Whether I like you or not has anything to do with my eyes?"

Shu Jin buried half of his face in the quilt and did not speak.

Sheng Xinghe also lay down, wrapped his arms around Shu Jin's waist, sighed and said, "What's the matter recently? Didn't you say that you should stop thinking about Uncle?" If it's not the eyes, I might not be funded by my uncle, then we won't meet."

It was very warm under the quilt.

The warmth of two people melting together makes people greedy.

Shu Jin closed her eyes, and kissed Sheng Xinghe's lips actively. Both of them hid under the quilt, making a small and long sound.

Shu Jin felt pain, they hadn't done it many times, they could count with one hand.

He cheated when he was in pain, Sheng Xinghe wanted him to adapt well, so he often let him dismiss him, even if the two of them were on the point, he would not let him go.In those half a month, the number of times they did it accounted for more than half of the time they were together. Shu Jin cried and hurt, but still didn't want to let him go.

Shu Jin didn't go back to school, and he stopped answering Shu Zhaoyuan's phone calls.

He had seriously thought about it, he just pretended that he still didn't know anything, he was willing to shamelessly violate his conscience, and pretended that the conversation Shu Zhaoyuan had with him never happened.

But the world is so small.

In those last days of avoiding the truth, he was forced to sober.

Everything seems to be predestined, so that those who should have been punished can no longer escape their guilt.

——They unexpectedly ran into that family in this city.

It was a very ordinary restaurant, Shu Jin felt better, and tasted the famous barbecue here with Sheng Xinghe.

When the waiter came to arrange the baking tray for them, he was obviously taken aback, and said, "What a coincidence, you come here to eat."

It was a boy about 20 years old.

About the same age as them.

He didn't have Sheng Xinghe's name, but Sheng Xinghe agreed with a surprised look: "Well, you work here."

The atmosphere is awkward.

They don't look like acquaintances, but they are not completely unknown.

The boy put the meat slices in silence and adjusted the heat.

Sheng Xinghe didn't speak either.

The boy finally said: "...the meat will be ready when it starts to puff up, be careful not to burn it. It will taste better when dipped in the sauce on the left, you can try it."

Shu Jin said "thank you", and the boy left.

After he left, Shu Jin asked who it was.

Sheng Xinghe poured him a drink, the relaxed expression on his face disappeared, and he said without emotion: "The family opposite my house, the one who moved to another place to study, so he is already working."

Shu Jin suddenly remembered something, and sat there blankly.

Half a month ago when Shu Zhaoyuan spoke to him, the roar in his ears sounded again, and Shu Jin fell into a samsara that belonged to him. No matter how he deceived himself or avoided it, the truth was like a circle, waiting for him to confirm repeatedly. .

Then the waiter changed and the boy never came to serve them again.

Shu Jin remembered that Sheng Xinghe once said, "That person dared not see me, and every time he met me from a distance, he walked away."

Because of guilt, because he didn't know how to face the victim, even if he saw Sheng Xinghe again after more than ten years, and met Sheng Xinghe's gray eyes again, he chose to avoid it.

The appearance of that person was a gust of wind, not even an episode.

But Shu Jin could no longer feel at ease, and whitewashed the peace.

After they left the restaurant, Shu Jin went back there alone.

The boss said that the man was in the back kitchen, and when he was brought in, the boy was cleaning the kitchen.In the early winter, the boy was wearing plastic boots and trousers, and in his hand was a cleaning tool that Shu Jin had never touched and whose purpose he didn’t know what to use. Chilblains had already appeared on the back of his hands.

Shu Jin went back to school without telling Sheng Xinghe.

He turned off the phone, went to Lingjiang alone, and found Shu Zhaoyuan.

When Sheng Xinghe finally got through to him, he cried.

"Let's break up," he said, "I was the one who hurt your eyes."

Sheng Xinghe's tone was calmer than he had imagined.

When Shu Jin thought about it after a long time, he felt that that period of time passed very vaguely, maybe Sheng Xinghe knew about it before that phone call.He is so smart, how could he not notice the clues of Shu Jin's abnormal behavior.

Sheng Xinghe said, "There's no need to break up."

Shu Jin was crying loudly.

Sheng Xinghe's voice also became distant: "No matter who hurt me, you don't have to break up with me."

"Shu Jin, give me some time."

"OK?"

Shu Jin didn't remember whether he agreed or not.

They got in touch again, more than a month later.

It was Shu Jin who called. He didn't ask what Sheng Xinghe was thinking, nor did he ask what Sheng Xinghe knew all this time. He didn't even feel that time passed so fast, it took as long as a month.

He just told Sheng Xinghe: "I'm sorry."

"I can't be with you anymore," he said.

He said, "Let's break up, bro."

Thinking of Sheng Xinghe's kindness to him and the love he gave him, the shackles on him became heavier, so even if Sheng Xinghe kept saying "I'll talk about it when I come back" on the phone, asking him "where are you", "I don't agree" , he still insisted on making the decision.

"You still have a long life, I don't deserve it." He sat in front of the window, and Puff squatted beside him, licking his tears.

He was crying all over.

At night, Sheng Xinghe appeared at his home.

Shu Zhaoyuan wasn't there, and neither was her aunt. The locks had been changed long ago, but Shu Jin didn't hear the dog barking.

"I don't agree to break up." Sheng Xinghe's body was chilled, and he was more haggard than before, his gray eyes were full of sadness.

He pinched Shu Jin's chin, his eyes were also red.

"It's hard, but we can overcome it!"

Shu Jin's eyes were swollen, and he lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, and his previous dazzling look was gone.Ren Sheng Xinghe watched, but he still didn't have any leeway to tell the truth: "I can't overcome it."

"do not you get it."

"From now on, every time I see you, I will think that your eyes are because of me."

"It's me who caused you to be like this, and it's me who should avoid you! It's not someone else! I can't give you an eye, and I don't want you to see me again!"

"Even if we are together again, my love for you will be replaced by guilt in the future."

"I can't love you any more."

Shu Jin had never seen such an expression on Sheng Xinghe's face, and never knew that that gray disabled eye could shed hot tears.

"How do you know if you don't try?" Sheng Xinghe asked, "Do you remember the future we talked about? If you don't try, how do you know that you will change?!"

Shu Jin broke away from him and retreated to the corner, while Puff yelled around him.

"I don't want to be real, and I don't want it anymore." He shrank into a small ball and said, "Go and develop your life."

"I don't want to waste time."

As if stung by this sentence, Sheng Xinghe's words were also harsh: "If I start my life, then you will not be in my life plan, Shu Jin."

No more buying a one-bedroom house together, cooking together, raising dogs together.

In the future, the person who will accompany Sheng Xinghe will become another him, or she, Shu Jin doesn't know, in short, that person will no longer be him.

He said to Sheng Xinghe, "Okay."

At the end of that day, Sheng Xinghe asked him "Have you ever loved me?"

He didn't give an answer.

On the phone, Shu Jin was silent for a long time.

Sheng Xinghe said the sentence "there will be no next five years", and remained silent for a long time, until Shu Jin thought he had hung up the phone, only to hear him let out a long breath and ask, "Where are you?"

Shu Jin seemed to come alive, tears rushed out of his eyes, bit his fingers to keep himself from crying, and tried to speak in a calm tone: "You don't have to come here now."

He didn't want Sheng Xinghe to see the injury on his forehead.

He found an excuse for fear of Shu Zhaoyuan's anger, "It's not convenient."

"Okay." Sheng Xinghe said, "Then I'll wait for you here, call me if you need it."

Shu Jin immediately said: "No need, it's so cold that you gave me your coat again, you go back first."

Sheng Xinghe changed his tone and seemed to chuckle a bit: "Why, my clothes are so easy to wear, you still don't want to return them to me?"

Shu Jin: "..."

Sheng Xinghe probably planned to wait for him, and didn't want to leave him here alone to go back.

Before hanging up the phone, Shu Jin called him: "Brother!"

Shu Jin hesitated for a few seconds, feeling very confused.

He didn't know what to say, so he could barely squeeze out panicked words: "I didn't."

The meaning of these three words is unclear and extremely irresponsible, even he himself didn't figure out what he wanted to express.

But Sheng Xinghe heard it, and only responded: "Yes."