if i lose my face

Hu Hang's birthday is approaching.

I used to have a habit of recording all the birthdays that I knew, no matter whose birthday it was, in the memo on the phone.

Even if it's someone who met once, as long as I know when his birthday is, I will definitely have to choose carefully and toss about it.Speaking of the reason, I am actually quite ashamed now, and even feel like a scumbag.

In the past, I did nothing else, just to get people.Think about it, a handsome and heroic guy who attracts everyone's attention, prepares a pleasant gift for you on your birthday alone, and tells you with a unique and magnetic voice that this is only for two people. The little secret between the two, the tone is tolerant and gentle.Presumably no one will not fall.

Of course, that's a thing of the past for me.I, Lin Zhou, am now an out-and-out "ordinary" person.

Ever since I became like this, I really don't have the half-hearted desire to engage in these things.When I think about it, Hu Hang's birthday is also what I saw when I accidentally flipped through the memo.That string of numbers is so inconspicuously hidden among so many dazzling numbers, there are no special symbols marked, and I have not remembered them well.

In the past, I took good care of those lovable juniors and girls, and spent a lot of money on gifts for them without hesitation, but I was extremely indifferent to those roommates who were with me day and night.

Whenever their birthdays, I always just go to the store to buy some gifts for the sake of face.It's rare for the four of us to celebrate someone's birthday. When I go to a restaurant next time, if someone I'm dating sends a text message or calls, my heart will be completely out of control.Holding the mobile phone in my hand, they were chatting enthusiastically, and there seemed to be an immeasurable space and distance between them.

At this time, Hu Hang will look at me.I know he is blaming me.He blamed me for sticking to those cronies I had been with in fresh water all by myself, and he didn't want to let go of my airs and have a lively meal with the three of them who had been by my side for a long time.

But it's not my fault.I used to think that way all the time.I can't play with the three of them, there is a world suitable for me, why don't I open my arms and plunge into the colorful world that belongs to me and is full of fun?

But now I realize I was wrong.So completely wrong.What kind people they are to me!

Whether in the past or now, Hu Hang takes care of me wholeheartedly, without a single complaint, and spends a lot of time and energy on me based on his own willingness and kindness.Zhang Yan and Shaoyang brought me delicious food and drink every day.In our entire department, they are the two who enjoy life the most.

Now, I just think, I have to treat them well in the few remaining college days.

This time, Hu Hang celebrated his birthday, so I went out to buy him a new set of clothes when I had no classes in the afternoon. Now that Mu Qiao has broken up with me, I will be self-sufficient, and the money is all my own. Bought with blood and sweat!

Back then, when I tied up a big boss like Mu Qiao, I didn't need to worry about food and clothing, so I didn't work part-time.Now that I'm down, I have to take care of myself.Originally, there was still some money left by Mu Qiao in the account, but I always felt uncomfortable to use this money to buy the gift that was about to be given to my great benefactor.

I never had a part-time job. In order to save the money for Hu Hang, I went to work as a small worker in a restaurant. I washed the dishes and always smashed them with a slippery hand.

I've never cared so much about a person.In fact, if possible, I really hope that Huhang can take care of me and let me go, instead of letting me try these painful things myself.I know, I'm a little greedy, after all, Hu Hang can't take care of me forever...

Whenever I think of this, I feel sick.Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I have to smash the plate again.So I try to control myself not to think about these while working.

I majored in fine arts, and during that time I occupied Shaoyang’s laptop to draw pictures and design.Sometimes people are so urgent that I don't go to bed until around two o'clock in the middle of the night.Zongling always saved up some money.

Hu Hang kept asking me what I was doing, but I still kept it under wraps.Thinking that I fooled him on his birthday before, and now I suddenly bought him clothes, no matter what, it must be a surprise!

A month has passed, and I finally took the money I spent half my life to get, and went to buy decent clothes for Hu Hang.A black coat is the most expensive, cutting off most of the money at once.When I handed it over to Hu Hang on my birthday, even though the bag of clothes was not heavy, my hands were shaking.

Hu Hang was particularly surprised.At that time, he had just come back from the outside, he was a little tired and out of breath.Just like that, he just stared at me, not even breathing!

I knew he was surprised, so I prepared the psychological construction in advance.I behaved very naturally and said happy birthday to him.Then there was silence between us

I hid my scarred hands in my sleeves, smiled to see Hu Hang's expression moved a little, and then pursed my lips to look moved.I could tell he was really happy about my unexpected gift.I looked at his smile and laughed silly myself too.

However, inexplicably, there was a great and tragic emotion in my heart.The heat filled my chest, and I clearly felt the strong beating of this heart.

At this moment, I really want to say to Hu Hang: Hu Hang, in order to save the money for you to buy clothes, I scratched my hand.I work for you until two o'clock in the morning; I get scolded by my boss because of you; I'm still scared because of you.Can you hurry up and comfort me?Don't make me work so hard anymore, I just want to be protected and pampered by you...

Immediately afterwards, Shaoyang and Zhang Yan came in.The two of them pulled Hu Hang and me with bright smiles, saying they were going out to celebrate Hu Hang's birthday.At that moment, I choked back all these words.Actually, I wasn't going to say it.I want to keep this great and tragic emotion in my heart.

This time, the few of us opened up our hearts, talking loudly in the small private room of the restaurant, as if we could do anything.

We celebrated with all our strength and devoted ourselves to this birthday party where thoughts and spirits were thoroughly blended.Hu Hang was helpless and overwhelmed by our enthusiasm, but smiled happily.He seems to have always been so restrained, only showing his emotions unreservedly in front of the few of us.It's just that I never found out.

I was a little drunk, so I leaned on the sofa, silently staring at Hu Hang's particularly beautiful side face under the light, and there was an open-minded and sincere smile on the corner of his mouth.

Ah, how tolerant and gentle this kind of Huhang is, like a god who saves all the unfortunate people in the world, lofty and untouched by the world; this kind of Huhang always pampers me so much, even if I lose my temper and play tricks Temperament, he will not be angry.He is so nice.

I don't know why, but I thought of Hu Hang's own words that day: I have my own plans.

Ah, Hu Hang, who loves me so much, has plans for me...

Thinking, thinking, I numbly closed my eyes.In this place where the lights are shining brightly, there is boundless darkness in front of my eyes.In the darkness, it seemed that something hot and hot gathered in the darkness and slowly slid down my cheeks, making me feel like a throbbing pain in my heart.

Suddenly, I felt someone wiping away my tears with a broad palm.I knew it must be Huhang.

When I left the restaurant, the warm summer wind hit my hot body like that.I was already dizzy, and immediately vomited in the street.At that time, there was a cleaner standing by the side of the street, and the street sweeper almost gouged me out with his eyes!

Zhang Yan was driving a taxi under the street lamp, while Shaoyang and Hu Hang kept patting me on the back.I don’t know who brought the water to my mouth, I drank it in a daze, and then they dragged me into a taxi.

In the car, my head was resting on Hu Hang's lap, my breath was full of his breath, and I felt extremely at ease.

Why does Huhang make me feel so at ease?

The faint scent of his body, revealing a greenness, has been mysteriously lingering at the tip of my nose.

I closed my eyes, and it seemed that his hazy back would slowly emerge in front of my eyes.He just stood in front of me peacefully, really, with open arms to block and bear everything for me.

Sometimes, I especially hope that this person will stand by my side and spend my whole life with me.

The two of us can hold hands in the sunset, go shopping for daily food together, and enjoy the round moon of the Mid-Autumn Festival together.We can just be like this, smiling for the rest of our lives, never letting go of each other.No matter how many difficulties and obstacles there are in the world, it is enough for the two of us to be together.

But is this possible?

No.

I know Hu Hang is straight.He is not a gay.He is different from me.He is getting married.

He is so good, he must have a beautiful wife, and he will get a lively and healthy baby in a short time.

I also admit that later Hu Hang put on the new clothes I bought for him and stood upright in the bright sunshine, so sincere and lovable.

When I saw him so dazzling, I started to feel scared.

In the end, when he got into a fight for me and allowed me to apply medicine to him with bruises, I really broke down.

That day, I went to the cafeteria to have a meal on a whim, but unexpectedly, I ran into an "old friend" unexpectedly.

He grew taller, and became arrogant and domineering, with a group of wild flowers and weeds behind him.He looks so wanton and romantic, and he is very proud of his life.Compared with the appearance when I snatched his girlfriend away a year ago, it's a lot better.

I just vaguely remember his name is Wang Yuxuan.Just based on the look in his eyes that stared at me, wishing I would die, I was sure that this kid still hated me.

That's right, back then I was more energetic than he looks now.His girlfriend took a fancy to me, so she insisted on getting along with me.I can't help it, his girlfriend is pestering me, so I agree.

At that time, not only was he short, but he also looked poor, wringing a few small coins in his hands, and complaining to others all day long.I finally made a beautiful girlfriend, but I snatched her away.Can you not hate this?

He has become so powerful now that he looks superior to others when he looks at me.As soon as he came up, he slapped me with a slap.Suddenly a slap print appeared on the white shirt that Hu Hang just washed for me last night, and my face was pulled down immediately.

He seemed dissatisfied when he saw me, and then he sneered.Seeing that I ignored him, he seemed to feel that he had lost his value, and immediately became angry and punched me impartially on the bridge of my nose!

After talking for a long time, I really didn't expect this punch to be so sudden.All of a sudden, nosebleeds dripped to the ground, so I hurried to cover my nose.Blood spilled out from between my fingers, and after a while, my hand was covered with blood, which looked terrible.

There were not many people in the cafeteria at the moment, only a few people beside Wang Yuxuan.They looked at me gloatingly, and cast their disdainful eyes on me, like a sharp sword piercing my heart.His sarcasm was indeed so harsh that I hung my head for a while and couldn't say a word.

I wanted to leave, but Wang Yuxuan's grandson still stopped me, and then he slapped my face again, causing burning pain.I couldn't stand still, and sat on the ground with my buttocks. It must have looked ridiculous to see blood all over my face.I was like a dying fish, breathing weakly, leaning against the table legs, very silent.

It seemed that some of them saw that my situation was not good, so they hesitated to persuade Wang Yuxuan who was about to come forward and kick me a few times.

But at that time, there was no need for these grandsons to persuade, really.

Because Hu Hang is here.

I've never seen a Huko like that.Or it can be said that I have never seen such a furious Hu Hang.

He knocked Wang Yuxuan to the ground with one punch, bursting out with a hundred times stronger force than usual.That punch also hit Wang Yuxuan on the bridge of the nose impartially, and it was very ruthless, as if wishing to shatter his ugly face with all his strength.

Wang Yuxuan's men immediately became angry, rushed up and attacked Hu Hang regardless of severity, and grabbed the plate and flung at him.One by one, the blunt fists landed heavily on Hu Hang's not-so-strong body, but Hu Hang still clenched his fists tightly and never fell down.

Hu Hang has never fought.At least in the life I have known him, I have never seen him fight like an angry child, trying to tear each other apart.

The scuffle finally ended with the arrival of the school leaders.Since Wang Yuxuan hit me, he had to be punished.But because Hu Hang took the initiative to hit Wang Yuxuan, even though Hu Hang was protecting me, he was still punished accordingly.

At this moment, Hu Hang was sitting in front of me with a bruised nose and a swollen face.We both sat on his bed, Zhang Yan and Shaoyang were not there.

The corners of his eyes were quite blue.The wound was really conspicuous on his fair face.The corner of his mouth was also torn, bleeding profusely.When I touched it, he gasped in pain.Big and small bruises covered his body, how terrified I was!

My injury has been dealt with.But the nosebleed on his face hadn't been wiped clean, and it stuck to his skin dryly.But I didn't want to worry about anything, I just carefully applied the medicine for Hu Hang.Hu Hang's face is close at hand.He has calmed down, as docile as a big obedient dog.

Every time I touch his wound lightly, he trembles in pain.My heart also twitched.

I'm a person who obviously doesn't know how to do this job, and my hands are clumsy, but Hu Hang still pampers me!Why are you pampering me so much?Hu Hang.What are you trying to figure out about me?

There was a pain in my heart, and a feeling of powerlessness hit my chest... Finally, I couldn't help but stop what I was doing, lowered my head, and sobbed softly.

Seeing me crying, Hu Hang immediately panicked.

"Lin Zhou? Lin Zhou? What's wrong with you, is the wound still hurting?"

When I looked up, there were hot tears in my eyes, and my vision was blurred.I poked my head up and kissed Hu Hang.

Hu Hang's lips are very soft, and there is still some fragrance.I couldn't see his expression clearly, I just kept rolling between his lips, touching him tremblingly.My heart trembled for a while, and gradually there was a wonderful but sad feeling.I knew he would push me away forever after I kissed him so desperately.

I kissed desperately, and tears rolled down my cheeks one by one.Hu Hang's mouth was still wounded, and he and I were both hurt.

But who would have thought that the second I was about to stop, Hu Hang grabbed the back of my head suddenly, ignoring the injuries on my body, and took the initiative to kiss me with shortness of breath.I was surprised and happy in my heart, and I was a little overwhelmed by him who was suddenly so tough.I looked at him in a daze, and my appearance was also deeply hidden in his beautiful eyes.

He kissed me hard.But thinking of Hu Hang's curse-like words, my heart became more and more desolate.

After slowly separating, Hu Hang seemed to be looking at me a little excitedly, his eyes flickering.He and I fell on the bed, touching and demanding each other intimately.I started to unbutton myself, and my body became hot.My tears still kept flowing, so that my voice was choked with sobs.

"What you pictured...isn't this it?"

In the darkness, with just one sentence, Hu Hang's fingertips that had just touched my skin shrank back cruelly like an electric shock.

I gasped anxiously, unable to see Toko's expression clearly.I sat up and looked at him with a sudden premonition: he would never touch me again.

Sure enough, Hu Hang left.

He took one last deep look at me, got up from the bed, and left without looking back.

I know... I know, Hu Hang will not accept me.This is just his natural physiological reaction for a while!

I gritted my teeth and burst into tears.Only this time, Hu Hang no longer pats me gently with his big warm hands to comfort me.What greeted me was only boundless darkness.