bud

Jiang Yu has always believed that love is the most rare thing in this world, hard to have, hard to maintain, hard to last forever.Even though he and Zi Luo grew up together, he would still have a deep fear in his heart. The more he loves, the more afraid he becomes. After a long time, flaws will always be revealed, causing Xie Xiaoan to feel terrified. Another example is the scene where the drawer he has been locked is opened, and everything is finally discovered.

Jiang Yu thought about what it would be like when Xu Meiyin found out about his relationship with Zi Luo, but every time he was lucky, he thought that he and Zi Luo had grown up together, no matter how close they were, it was normal for them to be discovered so easily.

But this time it was his own fault, he forgot to lock the drawer before leaving.

The more you expect, the less you can get what you want, and the more you fear something, the more something will come.

Jiang Yu didn't know why he kept going through this.

Xu Meiyin kept her gaze on that jade, and turned her head after seeing a figure out of the corner of her eye, that look was enough to cut him off a million times.

"Did you go to Ziluo again?" Xu Meiyin gritted her teeth as if she was suppressing her anger, "Please explain to me, what are these things?"

Tickets and photos were placed messily on the table. Jiang Yu saw the top one. It was the time when he and Zi Luo went to Yungang to play. The two wore straw hats and looked at the camera with a smile. go in.

"You really have the guts of a bear..." Xu Meiyin's hands were shaking all the time, "You dare to do such a thing under our noses, what about your face, Jiang Yu, you still have to be shameless, ah ?”

"Do you know what you're doing? You're a boy, how could you—" Xu Meiyin couldn't utter those words, but the hatred in her eyes was conveyed from her words. She grabbed the jade and pointed at him Walking over, she almost pointed at his nose, hating her, "This jade was passed down from your aunt Xie's family to her future daughter-in-law, what are you!"

Jiang Yu pursed his lips and said nothing, his eyes followed Xu Meiyin's hand, he felt that Xu Meiyin would smash the jade into pieces in the next second, just like the precarious relationship between him and Ziluo, once broken, it cannot be restored .

Xu Meiyin clenched the jade tightly, her fingers turned white, and the words she said seemed to be grated between her teeth: "Are you sorry for your brother? Think about your brother! Think about your father! Your father left not long ago Nian, what are you thinking in your mind every day? Ah? Is this life for you to repay us like this? How can we be sorry for you and you want to disgust me like this?!"

Perhaps because she knew how important this jade was, Xu Meiyin just held it in her hand, and the long red rope fell down and swayed. Jiang Yu looked at it, but thought, as long as it doesn't break.

Seeing that he didn't say a word, Xu Meiyin became even more furious. She turned around and grabbed the tickets and photos on the table. With trembling hands, she slapped him in the face with these papers: "It turns out that you have been slapping him a lot in recent years." Running there, what is in the school laboratory...Jiang Yu, you are a liar now, aren't you? Do you know what you are doing? Do you know?!"

Before he finished speaking, the boxy piece of paper was already thrown towards his face. Maybe it was because the edges and corners were too sharp, or maybe it scratched the flesh, and Jiang Yu felt a sharp pain on his face.

The papers stayed in the air, and within a few seconds, they quietly fell to the ground and his feet.

Jiang Yu lowered his head to look at it. It was a group photo of him and Zi Luo looking at the starry sky together one night.

It was a time when they were all still in this little city, really happy.

Xu Meiyin's anger didn't dissipate for an hour. The old man was woken up in her sleep and walked slowly with a cane. Jiang Yu moved only when he saw her figure from the corner of her eyes, stopped Granny Yu's footsteps, and sent her back to the hospital. in the room.

"You know it's embarrassing too? If your grandma finds out about this, you'll be pissed off!" Xu Meiyin twisted his arm forcefully, "You're not allowed to look for him again, and you're not allowed to meet him again! Someone else is a top A student, what are you!"

Jiang Yu suddenly laughed.

"Mom." He asked in a low voice, "Do you know my score in the college entrance examination?"

Of course Xu Meiyin didn't know, even Zi Luo didn't know his score in the college entrance examination.

Jiang Yu looked at her for a while, and suddenly felt that this kind of debate was meaningless. It had been more than two years, and he had already chosen to stay in Zhangcheng.

He's already stuck here.

Xu Meiyin couldn't listen to anything, she grabbed Jiang Yu's collar tightly, and repeated: "Don't meet him again in the future, delete the contact information, if I see you calling your phone, don't even think about it." Do you hear me?!"

Jiang Yu didn't speak.

"...OK, Jiang Yu." Knowing that he was resisting silently, Xu Meiyin pulled him out of the door, "Follow me."

The car was driving fast on the road, and when it stopped, Jiang Yu saw what it was.He was almost dragged up all the way, he thought Xu Meiyin was taking him to see Jiang Dezhi, but he finally came to Jiang Lai's tomb.

Xu Meiyin pointed at the tombstone and looked at him: "Now tell your brother what you did, tell him!"

The person in front of him smiled brightly, and Jiang Yu stepped back. He didn't understand why he came to see Jiang Lai, and he didn't want to argue about it in front of Jiang Lai's tomb. He opened his mouth and said weakly, "What does this have to do with my brother?" ..."

"It doesn't matter!" Xu Meiyin roared and cried, interrupting him, "How do you think he died to save you!"

...In an instant, it was as if five thunders had struck the top!

Jiang Yu stopped breathing, looked at Xu Meiyin in horror, and heard her crying hysterically: "Do you think he really died because the rescue failed? No! No! He is here to save you, to save you who fell into the water! "

"At that time, he had just been discharged from the hospital not long ago..."

"At that time, after entering the operating room...doctor, tell me and your father, let us be mentally prepared, I, I am terrified, afraid that my son will leave me like this," Xu Meiyin cried out of breath He caught his breath and couldn't complete a sentence, "But he survived, such a dangerous operation, the success rate is less than 30.00%... My son, he still survived..."

"In order to save you, he died in Tian'an Lake!" Xu Meiyin pointed at him angrily, "My son died in Tian'an Lake in order to save you. He was only 15 years old that year! What are you doing, Jiang Yu!"

Jiang Yu's face was pale, and when he heard Xu Meiyin's voice exploded in his mind, he stood at a loss, his headache was splitting, and the scattered memories of the past came to his mind at this moment. The suffocation brought by the nightmare of drowning stimulated his nerves and made him breathless.

In that dream, it was dark and silent, unable to breathe, he fell into the bottom of the lake, someone was calling him, with panic and worry, it turned out that it was the voice from Jiang Lai.

It turned out that those were not dreams.

From the time he could remember, Jiang Dezhi hated him, beat and scolded him, gave him cold eyes, people around him stayed away from him, relatives didn't like him... everything had a reason.

The sharp pain made him unable to stand, Jiang Yu knelt on one knee, looking at Jiang Lai's black and white photo as if his soul had come out of his body, Xu Meiyin's voice was still ringing in his ears.

"You have been blaming your father for treating you badly. What right do you have to blame? What right do you have to blame anyone? You killed our son, why do we still love you in every possible way?!" Xu Meiyin's voice She broke down a long time ago, and she slapped him with a slap, "Now tell your brother that you used the life he saved to be gay, say!"

Jiang Yu remained motionless.

"If I knew you were like this, you should have died in that lake back then, so why save you!" She knelt on the ground, crying and begging, "Give me back my son..."

……

Jiang Yu locked himself in the room without eating or drinking for a whole day. The mobile phone on the bedside turned on and off repeatedly, until finally it ran out of power and turned it off.

He hasn't said a word since he came back from the cemetery, and there are still slap marks on his face.Xu Meiyin was sitting in the living room, her eyes swollen like walnuts.

He still didn't give Xu Meiyin an answer.

Old Madam Yu didn't know what had happened, she pressed the doorknob and couldn't open it, so she reached out and knocked on Jiang Yu's door, telling him to come out for dinner.

No one paid any attention, so she went to see Xu Meiyin again: "Why don't you cook? Get some food for Xiaoyu."

"What to eat, let him starve to death!"

Clutching the hem of her clothes, Mrs. Yu knocked on the door a few more times, calling out to him.

Any family in Baihua Street can't hide anything. Such a big news about Jiang's family has been spread long ago, but those people don't know why, and they are used to Jiang's making troubles every once in a while. After a few words, the topic was changed.

Only Xie Xiaoan knew the reason.

She stood in the yard listening to the conversation between Xu Meiyin and the old man, one was puzzled and the other was manic.Zi Chengmin curiously asked her what was the matter, Xie Xiaoan thought about Zi Luo far away in City A, but said nothing.

Xu Meiyin stayed up all night, her face was sallow and haggard.She prepared some simple meals for Old Madam Yu, then turned and knocked on Jiang Yu's door.

No one paid any attention, she kicked with her foot, went out and took an iron rod and smashed it hard.

Jiang Yu looked up from the corner.

Xu Meiyin looked at him coldly, her gaze was more piercing than ever before: "Even so, you don't want to be separated from him, do you?"

Jiang Yu's whole body was cold, and he lowered his head to stop looking at her.

"...Why didn't you die?" Xu Meiyin said, "Why wasn't you the one who died back then? Look now, you killed my son, killed my husband, and raised you for more than 20 years. I have almost nothing left."

"You feel aggrieved by staying in Zhangcheng, don't you? Without us, you would have been bitten to death by wild dogs long ago. How could you be ordered to be gay?"

Her words were like needles piercing into the flesh bit by bit, Jiang Yu's body trembled slightly, like fallen leaves in a strong wind.

Xu Meiyin was still holding the stick in her hand: "I'll ask you again, you and him will never stop."

A few seconds later, a sharp pain came from behind. Jiang Yu couldn't bear it and leaned forward. He closed his mouth and held back without humming. He looked up and saw Mrs. Yu appearing outside the door.

"What are you doing!" Before the second stick fell, Mrs. Yu yelled loudly, trying to stop Xu Meiyin, "Why are you always beating children! Look, since I came, how often do you not talk about him?" , how can you, a mother, treat a child like this?"

Xu Meiyin's eyes were red, almost insane: "Don't worry about it!"

"How can I not care, I definitely don't agree with you beating my grandson!" Madam Yu poked her with a cane, protecting Jiang Yu behind her, "Get out, get out!"

"You should go out! I told you to leave it alone, you don't understand anything!"

The old man is old and not easy to be emotional, not to mention that Xu Meiyin has completely lost her mind now. Jiang Yu endured the pain and stood up to support her: "...Grandma, it's okay, you go back to the house first."

Granny Yu grabbed him and said, "Let's go, let's go."

Xu Meiyin stretched out her hand and pulled him aside: "You stay!"

"What are you doing..." Mrs. Yu was so angry that she hit her directly, "Look at how Xiaoyu was beaten by you. Do you want to beat him to death?"

Xu Meiyin was annoyed by the pushing and shoving, she screamed and shouted again: "I told you that you don't understand anything—"

A loud noise interrupted her words, followed by Jiang Yu's exclamation in her ears. Xu Meiyin opened her eyes, and saw the old man who had fallen to the wall and was motionless.

120 The car drove into Baihua Alley.

Many people came out to watch on a street, but the Jiang family left in such a hurry that they didn't even have time to close the door. Xie Xiaoan stood at the door watching the 120 car go away, and closed the door of Jiang's house with his hand.

That night, she received a call from Zi Luo.

Zi Luo hadn't contacted Jiang Yu for a day.

He was standing in the rented hut next to a piano that had just been delivered last night. He was astonished. The staff told him that a gentleman named Jiang Yu bought it and asked to send it to this place.

Looking at the piano in front of him, Zi Luo understood why Jiang Yu had been working part-time for the past few years almost immediately.

He wants to make money to give him a piano.

Feeling a dense tingling pain from the bottom of his heart, Zi Luo took out his mobile phone, but he didn't make a call.

The fingers stopped on the black and white keys and pressed lightly, the sound of the piano echoed around, like a heavy heartbeat, one after another.

He sat by the floor-to-ceiling window, looked far away, quietly looked into the distance, and did not dial the number again.

"Is the house okay?"

"Okay, everything is fine." Xie Xiaoan's voice came from the phone, "Just like before, Sanbai has gained weight again, everything is fine."

Zi Luo hummed lightly, and Xie Xiaoan followed suit in silence for a while.

He stared at the keys, hesitating whether to ask or not, Xie Xiaoan spoke at this moment, chatting with him about family affairs in the usual tone: "But Xiaoyu's family is quite noisy."

Zi Luo opened his eyes slightly.

Xie Xiaoan said: "It seems that because Xiaoyu went to City A and was discovered, your Aunt Xu was very angry when she came back, and the whole family went to the hospital right now."

"Hospital?" Zi Luo's heart suddenly rose, "What's wrong with Jiang Yu?"

"He's fine." Xie Xiaoan paused for two seconds, "It's his grandma."

Zi Luo was silent.

Xie Xiaoan sat in the yard looking at the sky, sighed, and spoke slowly: "Do you still remember that Jiang Yu came to our house to play when he was a child, and we all kept silent about Jiang Lai, fearing that he would think about it every day. Your Aunt Xu also She told me that she would never let Jiang Yu know about it in her life, and it has been almost 22 years now, I don't think Xiao Yu will remember it, it's pretty good."

"But yesterday, your Aunt Xu took Jiang Yu to the cemetery. I guess, maybe she took him to see Jiang Lai. She was very angry when she left. When she came back, she forced Xiao Yu to make up her mind. Willing to talk, but I know Xiao Yu has remembered everything." Xie Xiaoan stopped, but still did not hear Zi Luo speak, she continued, "Your Aunt Xu said that she would not tell Jiang Yu about this, I don't want him to have a psychological burden, and I don't want him to live with this burden all the time, why do you think she suddenly said it?"

Xie Xiaoan said: "Mom understands some things, so you understand too, don't you?"

Zi backward took a few steps, leaning against the cold wall, watching the night light outside the window shine on the piano, and then slowly disappear.

The phone hung up, and the surroundings returned to silence.

What should come will come, sooner or later.

The old man couldn't stand such a fall, and the rescue failed.

Mrs. Yu's daughters were all present, and the eldest, Xu Qing, immediately bought a ticket and went back to Zhangcheng. He was still on the way, and Xu Meiyin was sitting there like a shell.

She went home as if she lost her mind all the way, and Jiang Yu followed her silently.

He took a week's leave with his teacher, and stayed at his uncle Xu Qing's home to observe mourning. There was a coffin in the room, and a photo of Mrs. Yu was placed in front of him. People around him came and went, burned paper money and returned.

Xu Meiyin sat paralyzed by the side, covered with a layer of white cloth. The old man's children were all here, so he couldn't speak a word for a long time, and he didn't take the initiative to talk to him.

They didn't know the real reason for the old man's death. Xu Meiyin just said that she didn't take good care of her mother.

Jiang Yu listened silently, his eyes dimmed.

He couldn't lie to himself.

Old Madam Yu's tomb stood in the nearby land, and Jiang Yu followed Xu Meiyin back to Baihua Lane without saying a word. The surroundings were dead silent, and the mother and son stood in the living room without saying a word.

"...Jiang Yu." After a long silence, Xu Meiyin said, "Didn't you always want to leave, go back and forth wherever you came from, and go back to your biological mother."

Jiang Yu looked at her back and walked forward step by step.

"You never listen to me, why do I need you." Xu Meiyin didn't look back, "Let's go, I can live alone."

……

Jiang Yu clenched his fingers tightly, his heart throbbing with pain, his thoughts were confused, as if he couldn't figure out anything, only one thought was deeply embedded in his mind——

He killed another man who loved him.

Mrs. Yu has loved him very much since he was young, favored him, and protected him. It is one of the few precious memories from his relatives in his childhood. He is usually busy with his studies. take a look.

But he never expected that he would indirectly kill the person who loved him the most.

"I'm sorry." He breathed tremblingly, and said in a small, choked voice, "...I'll listen, I agree."

The night outside the window was thick, and it was gray everywhere, like a thick fog.

Jiang Yu took out his mobile phone and saw that the chat history between him and Zi Luo had stopped eight days ago.

He pulled his hair vigorously with his hands, as if he had nowhere to vent his suppressed emotions, he could only gently bump his head against the wall again and again, and let out a painful roar from his voice.

It was a long, long time before he called the number.

It took a long time for the other party to answer, and the silence over there was terrifying. After a few minutes, no one spoke first, and they couldn't even hear a greeting.Jiang Yu didn't know what Zi Luo was doing at the moment, he looked out the window at the hazy moonlight covered by fog, and heard Sanbai screaming non-stop next door.

He took a deep breath, heard rustling voices from Zi Luo's side, and finally opened his mouth: "...Have you received the piano?"

His voice was so hoarse that it was shocking to hear.Zi Luo stood by the huge French window, looking at the same sky.

"Got it." He slowed down, "It's too expensive, you can keep the money for yourself..."

"It's useless for me to ask for money." Jiang Yu interrupted him, "The piano... your dream, I have long wanted to give it away."

Zi Luo was dumbfounded.

Jiang Yu was silent for a while: "I, grandma passed away."

"Because I was protecting me, I accidentally fell down." He looked at his fingers in a daze, where there was a little light, "Because..."

He lost his voice, but Zi Luo understood his silence.

Jiang Yu pulled the corner of his lower lip, and said with a wry smile, "I don't know why, but I can't keep those who love me...Jiang Lai, and grandma."

"You told me to find a way to get better in what has happened, have you found it?" His voice was so small that he could hardly hear him, "I'm sorry Luoluo, I didn't find it."

"I feel like I can't find it."

There was a strong wind blowing outside, and the howling sound could be clearly heard through the thick windows. The streets of City A were still bustling, with bright spots everywhere, reflected in Zi Luo's pupils.

He didn't speak for a while.

"Luoluo." Jiang Yu said, "Play the first piece and listen."

Zi Luo sat down in front of the piano, put the phone aside, fingers hanging on the keys, and felt his hands trembling slightly.

It was already a few minutes after the sound of the piano sounded.

The lights were not turned on in the room, Jiang Yu was sitting in the corner, his eyes were red when the piano sounded, he endured the severe pain in his throat, and buried his face in his knees, not wanting to let his breath spread to Zi Luo in the ears.

For a long time, he wrapped himself like an iron bucket. The only person who can enter his world is Zi Luo. His emotions and sorrows are involved in Zi Luo's life. There seems to be nothing unhappy in Zi Luo's world. Therefore, what he brings to him is always the brightest light.

For a long time, he didn't know how to cherish a relationship, and he didn't know how to make things better, so he kept avoiding, avoiding to see, and avoiding to deal with it, so that the relationship between him and his family became more and more rigid, and became The current situation.

From childhood to adulthood...he didn't know how to protect the relationship with Zi Luo. From being cautious at the beginning to gradually sinking together, he plunged into it, never thinking about getting out.But he forgot that nothing in this world is eternal, what is gone will never return, what is lost will never be possessed, and most of the time people spend their lives with regrets.

But at this moment, he also really felt the pain of forcibly stripping himself from the world of one person, like a knife was slashing his heart again and again, until it was finally shattered and dripping with blood.

He seems to be unable to keep the people who love him... One by one they are leaving him in cruel ways, caught off guard and not allowing him to react.But now Zi Luo is still here, he knows where he is, and his voice is still ringing in his ears, but the most powerless thing for him is that he doesn't know what to do to make Zi Luo stay by his side.

You can clearly see it, you can touch it, you can hear it.

The sound of the piano was long, slow and heavy, and with Zi Luo's slightly trembling voice, Jiang Yu firmly remembered the melody of that song in his heart.

"The moonlight in the city illuminates the dream, please warm his heart..."

I am sorry.

He listened to Zi Luo's trembling singing, and even said these three words intermittently, he kept repeating them, even though Zi Luo didn't like to hear them.

...I'm sorry, Luoluo, I'm sorry.

"The moonlight in the city illuminates the dream, please guard him."

……

The sound of the piano stopped suddenly and calmed down.

No one hung up first, and no one spoke again.Maybe it's because they all understand that once they hang up, it's not just the phone call, but also their 21 years of unforgettable time.

Jiang Yu was already out of breath.

My world is like a swamp. You have been by my side all the time, making me think that I am out of the darkness, but now I realize that it is you who stand with me in the darkness. It turns out that I have never broken free.