the name engraved in your heart

The two spent the whole afternoon in the MTV pavilion in Ximending with the little money they had left.Han chose the movie "Birdman".

Why, he wondered, did Birdy like the movie so much?

In the movie, there is a young boy named Birdy, who is shy and socially awkward, but is obsessed with birds, and even researches various methods, hoping that he can fly like a bird. Al has since become Birdy's friend. No matter how crazy By is, Al always stays with him. After the Vietnam War happened, Birdy went to the front and saw scenes of cruel war scenes. So he was sent to the hospital and locked in a small room. In the small room, Birdy kept silent, but curled up his body like a bird all day long, perched on the edge of the iron bed and stared at the blue sky outside the window.

In order to treat Birdy, the hospital hopes that he can talk to people again and return to a normal life, so they find A, hoping that he can help Birdy return to society. Al also participated in the Vietnam War, and his handsome face was seriously injured. Seeing Birdy', the past memories of the two, he tried his best to restore Birdy to normal, but finally he found that Birdy had only one dream all along, which was to be able to leave his cage like a bird and be free. fly in the air...

In the movie, the strange and beautiful interlacing of light and shadow, the naked Birdy is like a bird perched alone on the iron bed. In this world, no one really understands him. Two young boys go out to play, fight and fight, Birdy always starts to do some crazy things that people can't figure out. Although A looks distressed, he always follows him, making fools together. Ahan thinks This is simply the daily life between himself and Birdy. He couldn't help laughing while watching. But as the plot progressed, Birdy, who was imprisoned in the hospital room, had originally flowing hair turned into a cold crew cut, and his eyes full of life also lost. Without the brilliance he should have, his soul seems to have died. Only when he stares out of the window can people feel that he is still alive.

In the movie, when A1 saw Birdy in the ward, it was so difficult and self-blaming. Afterwards, Al decided to stay with him and take good care of him.

Al looked at Birdy's eyes, heartache and tenderness. Ah Han has never seen such eyes. Are A1 and Birdy in the movie really just friends?

Ahan turned his head, and Birdy beside him was sitting on the soft sofa, his eyes were closed at some point. "Birdy?" Ahan yelled softly, and at the same time turned down the sound of the TV, did he fall asleep?

"Are you tired?" Ah Han asked Birdy silently at first, and after a while, he suddenly asked, "Will you be sad if one day I die?" : "Why are you mentioning this? What is in your head?" "I mean, if you just imagine it!" After Birdy finished speaking, he stopped talking and pretended to be dead. After a while, I dared to turn my head to look at him.

"BirdyBirdy didn't respond. He looked at Birdy's face quietly, imagining that the person in front of him was dead. He would never jump up and mess around again, and he would never speak to him again. This person would be buried deep in the soil. From then on, He will never see this person again... Thinking about it, he suddenly felt sad, Ah Hanjing found that his vision was a little blurred, he stretched out his hand and rubbed his eyes, feeling a little wet.

In his imagination, the world without Birdy was so sad. He suddenly wanted to be like Al in the movie, holding Biry in his arms and telling him that he could no longer live without him.

Suddenly, Birdy in front of him snored lightly, Ah Han was taken aback, and then he couldn't laugh or cry. "Get up! I fell asleep! Didn't you say you liked this movie?" He shook Birdy awake. Birdy rubbed his eyes, sat up straight on the sofa, and continued to watch the movie, but his body began to Slowly fell to Ahan, and finally leaned on Ahan.

Ah Han felt his heart beating faster, was Birdy testing him?Or, are you really just tired?

He could no longer focus on the movie, and looked at the boy next to him from time to time. The sound of birds fluttering and flying came from the phone, and he saw intermittent light and shadow jumping on Birdy's face at the same time. Birdy was beautiful and, from this angle, he could see that Birdy's long eyelashes were fluttering slightly.

He saw that Birdy was blinking, blinking, as if he was really tired, so he slowly closed his eyes.

He didn't turn off the volume of the electricity, but strangely, he couldn't hear any other sound except Birdy's heartbeat.

He even thought he heard Birdy's breathing.

Birdy slowly fell into his arms, and fell into a deep sleep until the end of the movie. Han still held the same position, for fear of waking him up.

The movie stopped playing.

The room was plunged into darkness, only the light from the outside could be seen through the window above the door.He looked at Birdy in a haze, feeling his whole body was hot, and he didn't know what was going on in his head. When he came back to his senses, he had already kissed Birdy. It was his first kiss. Birdy's lips were dry. It was hot, but unexpectedly soft. Ahan looked at Birdy with some unease and saw that he was still sleeping soundly, and then slowly relieved that Ahan didn't notice that Birdy's eyelashes trembled slightly.

After watching the movie, the money left by the two of them was no longer enough to spend the night in a hotel, so they planned to find a place to spend the night on the side of the road, and took the train back to Taichung the next morning. In the cold night, the two huddled together and wandered around the East District of Taipei. Then, Birdy suddenly asked without thinking: "Do you think they are friends?

Ah Han was taken aback, and it took a few seconds to realize that he was asking the two protagonists in the movie. Could it be love?" Birdy turned his head and glanced at him with a smile.

"The two of them didn't kiss or anything, how could it be love?" Ah Han suddenly felt guilty.

So, kissing each other is love?

He remembered that kiss in the hazy darkness before.

Would he want to kiss Birdy because of... love?

So... he likes Birdy?

What he likes is really a boy?

He vaguely knew that he had this tendency very early on, but he never told others, and no one knew until he met Birdy. Where is Birdy?

Does Birdy like him?

Turning his head to take a sneak peek, he found that Birdy stepped forward and came to a jukebox at the entrance of the bar, looking around curiously.

"Do you read Sanmao's book?" Birdy asked Han while looking at the jukebox. He was used to Birdy's sudden question from the sky, and he nodded.

"There's a line in her book: 'If you give me what you give to someone else, then I don't want it!'" Birdy said, scanning the jukebox playlist.

Ahan was thinking about the meaning of that sentence. Why did Birdy tell him this sentence specially?

If what you give to me is the same as what you give to others, then I don't want it.

Therefore, what I want is unique and different from everyone else.

What is that one thing that I just want to monopolize?

"What you want to say in that sentence is love?" Ah Han blurted out unconsciously.

Birdy looked up at him, smiled and said: Yes!Love is something that nothing can replace!

"So those two people in the movie are love?" Ah Han still half understood. "Of course!" Birdy said with certainty, "How do you know? Have you ever talked about love?" When Han asked this question, he felt a slight sourness in his heart for some reason.

When he saw Birdy shaking his head, he breathed a sigh of relief inexplicably, "No one in this world understands me." Birdy sighed exaggeratedly, "I understand you! Didn't Birdy in the movie have A1? I am your A! Birdy looked at him with a smile and said, "Fool!" Turned around, and then, the melody sounded, it was a young male voice that sounded slightly melancholy.

In this world, there is a little hope and a little disappointment, I often think so.

In this world, there is a little joy and a little sadness, and no one can escape.

As Han listened quietly, he wondered why Birdy specially ordered this song for him?

Our world is not as bad as you make it out to be.

Why do you feel emotional, use your care and all your love to add some beautiful colors to this world...

The lyrics are very simple and easy to understand, as if the person who sang this song wanted to believe something. "What's the name of this song? Who sang it?" Ah Han asked.

""This World" was sung by Cai Lanqin," said "it's pretty good." Ah Han said.

"He's dead." Birdy said that Han asked stupidly, "Who died?" "Cai Lanqin!" "His voice sounds very young! How did he die? Did he commit suicide?"

Birdy shrugged and didn't answer.

Ahan later learned that the singer died of a heart attack caused by shock a week after he finished his first album. He was only 22 years old when he was sent to the hospital. His first and last album is "This World" Birdy from the pocket He took out a pack of cigarettes, lit two, and handed one to Han.

The two sat by the jukebox, puffing away at ease °It's good to leave school, no one cares about whatever you do, so free!

Birdy took a puff of cigarette and looked up at the sky. His eyes seemed a little foggy and he said, "Did you know that there were more than 50 billion people in this world at the end of last year? Didn't the Bible say at the beginning that there were only Yachang and Eve? From two people in the blink of an eye." One person sewed into so many people!" Ah Han also took a drag on his cigarette, followed Birdy's gaze, and looked at the night sky.

Brilliant Stars Ahan said emotionally: "God didn't want so many people in the beginning, right?

The world doesn't need that many people at all.

Birdy interface: "So sometimes, I feel that I am extra. My dad often said: Raising you for nothing! If I knew you were born, I would strangle you to death!" When JBirdy spoke, the voice was faint, but Ah Han Finding that the usual smile disappeared from his face at some point, Ahan almost blurted out: No, you are definitely not superfluous!

At least, in his mind, Birdy was never superfluous.

Even, he wanted to thank the world for letting Birdy appear in front of his eyes but he couldn't say it.

"Then let's not have any more children in the future, there are already too many people!" Ah Han deliberately tried to hide the thoughts that suddenly popped up in his heart.

Those are almost the thoughts of confession.

Birdy suddenly smiled, puffed on him, and said, "You and I can't have sex!" A long time later, when Ah Han recalled this scene, he realized that he seemed to be the one who was confessed.

But at that time, he was too young to know how to look for vague certainties in words.Or maybe it's Birdy who is not sure, so even the confession is so uncertain. As the night deepens, the cigarettes in their hands are gradually extinguished. A few words, waiting for the dawn.

The temperature dropped rapidly at night. In order to keep warm, the two of them got closer and closer, but they were still shivering from the cold. "It's so cold, Birdy." Said Ah Han thought about it, changed his position, and hugged him from behind Birdy.

Birdy's body froze for a moment, and then slowly relaxed "Is it warmer this way?" Han asked.

Birdy didn't answer Ah Han's hand, so he moved his hand a little restlessly, asking: "Hey, won't you die of sleep?" "Damn, don't touch your hands!" Birdy suddenly said, "I want it!" Han's hands fumbled on him intentionally, and accidentally touched between Birdy's legs. Birdy seemed to get an electric shock, and almost jumped up, "You're crazy!" Birdy's voice didn't sound very angry. "Are you shrinking in because you are too small? Or because you are too cold?" Han said jokingly.

Birdy counterattacked, reaching back and scratching between Han's legs. The two of them started fighting and aimed at the crotch. In the end, both hands tightly grasped each other's crotch, panting slightly, "Let go!" Birdy Shouted "Then you let go first!" Han said "You let go first, I will let go!" "I don't want it!" Feeling the other person's scorching body temperature, if he doesn't let go, what will happen in the end?

The moment Bindy let go of her hand first with a clear cry, Ah actually felt a strong sense of loss.

"I've already let go, let go!" Birdy protested in a low voice. I don't know if it was because of anger or to cover up his loss. Ahan suddenly grabbed it hard. Birdy's whole body arched slightly in pain, but he didn't get angry. Just smiled and scolded him: "Damn then Birdy turned around and no longer faced him.

He didn't see that Birdy's face was flushed, and his chest rose and fell slightly.

Ahan yelled a few times, but Birdy stopped responding. Ahan looked at his silent back for a while, slowly leaned against him, then closed his eyes, and fell asleep in a daze.

That night when he returned to Taichung, Ah Han had a vague dream.

He only remembered that there was Birdy in his dream, and the scene in the dream was that he kissed Birdy next to the karaoke machine in Taipei, held Birdy with his hands, and touched Birdy's body with both hands. from the swimming pool that day.

The water in the pool was ice, but the boy's tall and strong muscles trembled in the palm of his hand. His hand slowly slid between the boy's legs, and he heard Birdy's panting in a daze.is that real?Or is it just my imagination?

He felt Birdy's hand reach out and gently caress his legs, and the pleasure in words rose from there. At the moment when it reached its peak, he saw a dazzling white light...

While waiting for the tide of desire to recede, he opened his eyes, Yisao was a blinding white light, and in that hot white light, he was looking for Birdy, he blinked and suddenly felt something was wrong.

The glare of the sun came into view and he was lying on the bed in his room.

He slowly got up and felt sticky and wet between his legs. When he lifted the quilt and looked at it, his face turned red. He had a dream, and the object of his one-night dream was Birdy. It is so clear and strong that he can no longer ignore the fact that he likes the same sex. When he was young, his mother often took him to church. Until he was in junior high school, a college student who was good at playing the piano came to the choir he taught. Call him Arong, and the children call him Brother Rong. Ahan likes watching Brother Rong concentrate on talking about the piano. He thinks Brother Rong's side profile is perfect, even the stubble on his chin that is sometimes too late to shave. They all looked so attractive. Brother Rong probably felt that Mr. Ah was looking at him, and he also began to notice his rainy gaze, so he started chasing each other in the church from time to time. Soon, Brother Rong became familiar with Ah Han. He often drives him out to play on a scooter. Brother Rong likes music very much. Apart from classical music, he also likes Western pop music. He will teach Ah to sing some English songs. In fact, at that time, he thought that as long as Brother Rong liked it, it must be the best.Brother Rong took him to the beach for a ride, and he asked Han to sit at the front. The weather was very cold, so he pulled off his fashionable leather jacket to cover Han's entire upper body, and the two of them hummed while facing the sea breeze. I have never been so happy.

Brother Rong occasionally takes Ah Han home to play.

In Brother Rong's room, there are many interesting things that Han has never seen before, such as original text books, original music, Yazhi scores, stereos, etc., and a guitar placed in the corner of the room.

That day, in Brother Rong's room, Ah Han was sitting on the bed flipping through an original book with some illustrations in it, but he still couldn't fully understand it with his limited English. He only knew that the main character in it was a prince.

The handsome Rong brother sat beside him at the right time, and the smile on his face was enough to fascinate people, saying: "Do you know what this wooden book is talking about?

Ahan shook his head honestly.

"This book tells the story of aliens! In the far universe, there is a galaxy, and there is a planet called B519 in this galaxy." Brother Rong said that Han listened attentively.

On that planet, there are differences between boys and girls, and the aliens there can have children by themselves!

"Really?" Han asked, "That's where I came from." Brother Rong said that Han was dubious.

He never questioned brother, but... is brother really an alien?

Brother Rong can really have a baby by himself?

The weather was very cold that day, and the heater was turned on in Brother Rong's room, and the quartz tube in the heater was bright red, as if a flame was burning.

Brother Rong got under the thick quilt and beckoned Han to come over. Han obediently went in too. Brother Rong looked at him and said, "Can you go later?" Han nodded and smiled. A child who understands, of course, will not immediately believe that Brother Rong is an alien, but he believes that the place that Brother Rong will take him to in the future must be a cool and fun place. "Will it be cold?" Brother Rong said while arranging the quilt, until finally he put his arms around Han.

Ah Han suddenly felt very hot. He wondered if it was because the heater was turned on too strongly?Or is the quilt too thick?Or is it because my brother's body temperature is very hot?

Brother Rong suddenly hugged him into his arms. Although Han was a little surprised, he didn't resist. Some enjoyed the firmness of Brother Rong's chest. Han's hand accidentally touched his chest muscle, and Brother Rong suddenly said: " I have a tattoo on my chest, do you want to see it?" Han nodded.

Rong Geyue took off his shirt, and there was a strange-looking tattoo on his chest. Rong Ge said, this is the alien on planet B519. "Have you ever seen a tattoo? Do you want to touch it?" Brother asked Ah Han and nodded again , curiously reached out to touch the tattoo on Brother Rong's chest.

Brother Rong's muscles were scorching hot. When his fingertips slid slightly on the tattoo, Brother Rong kept staring at him and then suddenly hugged him tighter.

Then Brother Rong started to caress Ah Han through his clothes.

Ah Han didn't know how to respond, he vaguely knew that Brother Rong had violated the rules by doing this, but he didn't want to stop him from getting Brother Rong's hand between his legs. Hugging him from behind, suppressing his whole body on the bed, his hands roamed over him more recklessly, Ahan dared not shout out.

There was a call coming from Brother Rong's room, and Brother Rong's mother was watching TV in the living room. Brother Rong's hand was sliding up and down between him, an unprecedented inexplicable feeling came from that part, because he was very nervous and embarrassed, and Ah Han couldn't tell the difference. Is that feeling comfortable or uncomfortable?

Should he refuse?

If he refuses, will Brother Rong stop talking to him from now on?

He was a little scared but...as if he expected Brother Rong to treat him like this?

Ah Han's head was in a mess, at this moment Brother Rong's breath was getting thicker, he suddenly grabbed Ah Han's hand and stretched it towards his crotch, as if he wanted Ah Han to touch him.

Just when Ah Han didn't know what to do, someone knocked on the door suddenly!

Ah Han!Your mother called to ask if you want to go home for dinner? "Brother's mother shouted at Ah Han from outside the door like a frightened rabbit, she jumped away from Brother Rong, and left the room in a hurry. Not long after, Brother Rong graduated from university and went to serve in the army. he.

Later, Ah Han gradually forgot about it until this morning.

Ah Han was secretly washing his pants in the bathroom, when his mother suddenly called him from outside the door: "Han, wait until I have something to tell you that what he thought was washing his underwear secretly was discovered. Ah Han lowered his head, as if he did something wrong. Seeing him, the child came out of the bathroom, and his mother sighed softly when she saw him, and said, "Your class teacher called yesterday." Ahan's heart froze, and he told himself that it was impossible, that the teacher was impossible, "He wants you Transferred to the social group, so as not to... The mother was hesitant to say anything. The tutor told her very tactfully that the school pays great attention to the enrollment rate. The admission rate of the school is not good, so he hopes that Ahan can transfer to the Shezeng group during the second year of high school, change the track and start again, maybe he will perform better. Of course, Ahan's mother can hear the meaning of the instructor: Her son was given up and transferred to social renting. To put it bluntly, he changed the track and started again. But at that time, no one was optimistic about the social groups. After graduating from university, he could only be a civil servant teacher, lawyer or accountant. There was no prospect of work. The salary is not high, it’s not as good as the natural group can be admitted to the Department of Medicine, like Han’s brother was admitted to the Department of Dentistry, although Han’s father is not very satisfied, but at least he is a doctor after graduation, so he didn’t say anything .

This result, Han had more or less expected it, but he kept mentioning to his family that Han kept his head down, not knowing what to say, and the silence flowed awkwardly between mother and child.

Suddenly, he saw a drop of water falling on the floor, and when he looked up suddenly, he found his mother crying.His mother was always optimistic. This was the first time he saw her cry. It took a long time for Ah Han to say in a low voice, "Mom, I'm sorry." His mother stroked his head, forced a smile, and said, "No need to apologize, I'm sorry. I know that you have a good nature, but you are not good at studying, it’s okay, don’t worry, I will take care of it with your dad.” She wiped away her tears, cheered up, and encouraged her son, “You should be more serious when you transfer to the social group. Don’t let people look down upon you! You should buy your reference books again, right? I’ll buy them for you! And see if you can’t keep up with any subject, do you want to study? Isn’t there some pre-examination sprint class? Mom bit her lip , "Ahan, you will have to rely on yourself in the future, your father..." In the end, she swallowed the last sentence without saying it.

My mother sighed, and regained her previous optimism, saying, "Being an accountant is not bad in the future. Every company needs it. I don't worry if I can't find a job, and I can count money every day!"