I'm not the only one in the mountain

It was already dusk when Xiao Greed woke up again, the lights in the room were turned off, the curtains blocked the light, and only the setting sun could be vaguely seen to judge the time.

He was alone in the room, the air conditioner was not turned on, and the air was slightly cold.

If it wasn't for the bandaged gauze on his arm, Xiao Li would almost suspect that he dreamed of Gu Donghe while dreaming.

Xiao Greed supported the bed and sat up. His movements were very slow, but the wound was still involved. He sat down as if he didn't realize it, with his head lowered and his hands in front of him.

Gu Donghe opened the door and came in and saw him sitting on the bed, he was stunned for a moment.

"Xiao Greed?"

Xiao Greed turned his head to look at him, against the light, Gu Donghe couldn't see his expression clearly.

He walked to the bed and sat down, looking at Xiao Greed almost cautiously.

"……How did you come."

Xiao Greed hadn't spoken for a long time, and when he opened his mouth, his voice was dry, so hoarse that he could hardly hear it.

"I'll get you a glass of water."

Gu Donghe didn't answer him, got up and went to the kitchen to pour water and bring it over, Xiao Li wanted to take it, but was rejected, so he had to finish drinking the water with Gu Donghe's hand.

"How can I rest assured that you called Song Li and said those words?"

Xiao Greed didn't speak, and looked away from him.

"Why didn't you call me?"

Xiao Greed's eyes widened suddenly, Gu Donghe stared at him, paying attention to every slight change in him, not letting go of each one.

"Xiao Greed, look at me."

Xiao Greed quickly glanced at him and then moved away, as if he was forcing himself to endure something.

"Don't look at me."

Xiao Greed couldn't stand it and closed his eyes.

Gu Donghe knew it all, he knew it all.

The past he desperately wanted to hide, the gray memory he desperately wanted to forget.

He knows it all.

Xiao Greed felt as if he was stripped naked to be looked at by others, just like before, a sense of shame flooded his heart and overwhelmed him.

"Don't look at me..."

He could feel Gu Dong and his scorching gaze, which made him almost collapse.

Don't look at me.

"Xiao Greed! Look at me!"

Gu Donghe shouted, he held Xiao Greed's shoulders and forced him to look up.

"It's over, I don't care."

"I do not believe."

Gu Donghe looked at him, looking straight into his eyes.

At a glance, fear, pain, humbleness.

"I know your father is gay, I know he married your mother as a fraud, I know he lived with a man after divorce, I know you were looked down upon at school, I know you were sent to treat homosexuality, I know she later Because you died in a car accident, I know you went to see a psychiatrist, I know you have had many boyfriends, and I know about you and Lin Su."

Gu Donghe stared at the eyes he was trying to avoid, and every word came to his ears clearly.

When talking about treatment, Xiao Li raised his head abruptly, grabbed his arm with both hands, his eyes were full of begging and sadness, and his lips trembled as if he wanted to say something.

Please stop talking.

Stop talking... please.

But Gu Donghe didn't give him a chance, and continued almost cruelly.

There was a flash of unbearable in his firm eyes.

Why doesn't he feel distressed.

But he wants to say, he wants to tell Xiao Greed, he knows everything.

"I know all of this," pinching Xiao Greed's shoulders, seeing the pale face of the person in front of him, Gu Donghe's voice trembled, "But Xiao Greed, I love you."

"This cannot be changed."

Nothing can stop, nothing can change.

I love you.

I don't know when it started, like a plant took root in my heart, sprouted, and then it grew out of control, liking turned into love, and I was no longer satisfied and just watched from afar.

"Xiao Greed, you don't need to respond to me, but don't push me away."

"Don't say I don't love you."

"OK?"

After Gu Donghe finished speaking, he stopped and looked at Xiao Greed steadfastly, his eyes turned red, and the hand holding his arm began to become unsteady.

"It's not worth it... Gu Donghe, I'm not worth it."

Xiao Greed's voice was weak, mixed with crying.

"worth."

Gu Donghe hugged him and whispered in his ear.

The ultimate tenderness and certainty.

Xiao Greed couldn't hold back any longer, grabbed Gu Donghe's clothes, and leaned his head on his shoulder.

What started as a small sob gradually turned into a howling cry.

Gu Dong and Ren He cried loudly wantonly, slapped themselves hard, tore their clothes, and vented their anger.

She didn't resist, but hugged his trembling body even tighter.

Tight as if you can't wait to rub it into your own body.

Xiao Greed cried extremely uncomfortable, the emotions that had been suppressed for more than ten years suddenly erupted, and the attack was menacing, leaving no room for others.

He cried loudly, screaming regardless of his image.

All the grievances, sufferings, patience, and unwillingness all burst forth.

The numb heart finally cracked, and the pain started from the heart, along the nerves and blood vessels, and flowed to the whole body.

Can't help it, can't help crying, can't help feeling uncomfortable.

Like a child who has been robbed of candy, he burst into tears, crying terribly.

Gu Donghe gently patted his back like comforting a wounded and wronged animal in his arms.

Until the crying subsided, Xiao Greed was tired from shouting, closed his eyes and shed tears silently.

Gu Donghe gently opened his eyes to look at his face, but Xiao Li lowered his head even lower to prevent him from looking at it.

"Let me see," Gu Donghe coaxed, pinching his chin lightly, "Stop crying, it's not good for your eyes."

That woman once told him that homosexuality is not good, that it is not good for you to be like this, and it is not good to be like that, but she did not tell him, stop crying, it is not good for your eyes.

What she said is always, do you know how to cry?Are you trash?

Babies need to stand up on their own, but they also need a warm embrace.

Xiao Greed is not a child, but he still longs for a hug.

It seems that since elementary school, she has never hugged anyone again. The bed partners all get what they need on the bed, and they are strangers under the bed. Even Lin Su has never really hugged anyone.

He turned his head away from Gu Donghe's hand, and hugged him tightly, like hugging a life-saving straw.

So hard, so afraid of losing.

Gu Donghe was helpless, opened his arms to hug him back, felt a hairy head rub against the side of his neck, and warm tears slipped into his collar.

"It's okay, it's okay."

He comforted him softly, and suddenly felt a little empty in his heart.

What should he do?

"When I was young, my parents were actually very kind to me."

Unexpectedly, Xiao Greed would open his mouth. Gu Donghe was surprised and a little happy, but he didn't know how stable Xiao Greed's mood had become, so he only answered "Yes" cautiously.

"But my mother found out..." Xiao Li took a deep breath, gritted his teeth and said, "My father kissed a man."

"It wasn't her who saw it, it was an old woman in the community, she told my mother, and everyone."

"So everyone knows."

Xiao Greed paused, as if trying to stabilize himself, Gu Donghe followed his back.

"They divorced, he went to find that man and left me...it was fine." Xiao Greed's arms tightened a little.

"Be careful with your arm, it hurts."

Gu Donghe said in a low voice, Xiao Greed didn't care, and continued to talk about things he never dared to say.

"But it was in junior high school at the time, and it spread to the school, and many people knew about it."

"They, they..." Xiao Lian's voice was trembling, he could hardly continue, he bit his lips and forced himself to calm down, "They called me to the corner of the teaching building after school, beat me, and called me a gay son .”

"Then they took off their pants, came again, and took off mine...I can't, I can't," Xiao Lian whimpered softly, grabbed Gu Donghe's clothes in pain, and began to speak incoherently, "But there are so many of them, I resisted , I resisted them..."

Where he couldn't see, Gu Donghe gritted his teeth tightly, resisting the pain in his heart, and couldn't help the redness of his eyes.He had heard Lin Su say this before, but when Xiao Lie said it himself, he felt even more violent anger and heartache.

"Then they told many people that I, I was in bed..." Xiao Li tried his best to stabilize his emotions, but the painful memory made him breathless.

"My mother doesn't know how to know."

"In the past, she just beat me and scolded me, but she still treats me well."

"It's the first time she's looking at me like that."

"It's like looking at a pile of...garbage."

Gu Donghe took a deep breath, restraining his emotions.

He also wanted to appease Xiao Greed, he couldn't lose control.

"Then she sent me to a certain place." Xiao Lian's voice was full of despair and fear, his body began to break out in cold sweat, and his stomach rolled with discomfort

"Go to... the same room."

"They, they used electric shocks..."

Xiao Greed felt dizzy in front of his eyes, his throat was blocked, and his breathing was difficult.

"I, I resisted, and was... vomited!"

Feeling sick, he pushed Gu Donghe away.

"Greedy!"

Gu Donghe supported his crumbling body, his whole body was tense, and he called him nervously.

Xiao Greed leaned softly in his arms, tossed by the physiological reaction without a trace of strength, his whole body was soaked in sweat, his whole body seemed to be fished out of the water, his eyes were red, his face was pale, tears and sweat were mixed on his face.

"I told her, I'm going out or I'm going to die."

He didn't have the strength to speak anymore, so he could only speak intermittently in a breathy voice.

"Don't talk, don't talk."

Gu Donghe closed his eyes forcefully, his heart ached violently.

"She didn't agree, but I came out anyway."

"I took a whole jar of sleeping pills, I cut my wrists, I bang my head against the wall and I ended up on the roof and I wanted to jump."

"I'm finally out."

Xiao Greed was almost silent after speaking, Gu Donghe just hugged him tightly.

Tears dripped on Xiao Greed's clothes.

The man did not flick his tears lightly, but Gu Donghe couldn't hold back anymore.

why.

Xiao Greed must endure this?

Gu Donghe wanted to ask, but he had nowhere to ask.

For the first time in his 28 years of life, he felt such powerlessness.

For the first time, I hated this filthy world so much.