every breath

After the new semester of senior year started, they all became the oldest batch of undergraduates in the school.In the senior year, there are pressures of job hunting, pressure of further study, pressure of stepping into the society, and pressure of defense of graduation thesis.

September is the busiest season in this city. Although the heat of summer has begun to drop, the heat of work and study is gradually rising.

Like other people in the dormitory, Zhuang Yu began to frequently attend various employment lectures and job fairs on campus.

However, even in the face of the serious interviewer, he still can't feel the real feeling that he is about to step into the society.During the interview, looking at the interviewer who looked down at the resume, he didn't feel that the person in front of him would have such an important impact on his life.

It was as if the interviewers lined up in front of him were not interviewers, the person sitting on the plastic chair introducing himself was not himself, and the students lining up behind him anxiously waiting for an interview opportunity were not graduates who were about to graduate.

It seems that all the people rushing to and from the job fair are just characters in a stage play.When the lights go out and the curtain is pulled down, everyone relaxes and returns to their daily life: continue to attend classes, skip classes, fall in love, and go shopping.

After he returned to the dormitory, he told Zhao Xiaolang how he felt, and Zhao Xiaolang pointed at his nose and snorted, "You, you are so relaxed."

Then I started to tell him about the increasingly severe employment situation and employment prospects, fewer and fewer jobs and more and more college students.

After Zhuang Yu finished listening, he still didn't feel nervous.

He felt a little confused, so he dialed a familiar phone number.The phone rang twice, the other party picked it up but hung up immediately.A second later, the other party called him back.

He was already used to this process, and when he swiped his finger to answer, Qin Xuanyang's voice came slowly:

"Male god, do you miss me again?"

After entering senior year, Zhuang Yu faced two major changes: one was the transition from a student to a member of society; the other was the transition without Qin Xuanyang.

In mid-September, Qin Xuanyang went back to his home in City B.Originally, it was only said that I would go back for a week, but for some reason, the day of returning to school was delayed again and again.

The person who had been by his side for the whole summer vacation and even relied on him to go home was suddenly not by his side, Zhuang Yu was really uncomfortable at first.

But later, when a series of annoying things such as attending job fairs, listening to various employment lectures, and making job application resumes flooded in, he gradually got used to it.But when he encountered any difficult and difficult problems, when he was overwhelmed and felt upset, he would subconsciously ask Qin Xuanyang for help.Because inter-provincial roaming charges are expensive, in order to save Zhuang Yu's phone charges, Qin Xuanyang usually hangs up immediately after receiving his call, and then dials it by himself.

Zhuang Yu found it troublesome at first, but he insisted on doing so.

Over time, Zhuang Yu got used to this process.

Over time, their calls became longer and more frequent.

As usual, Zhuang Yu once again discussed with Qin Xuanyang about his extreme lack of tension in the process of job hunting. Qin Xuanyang did not scold him like Zhao Xiaolang, but instead smiled: "Why not?" The idea of ​​having tension and thinking of everyone as actors on stage is actually quite interesting. I don’t see anything to correct.”

"Zhao Xiaolang said that according to my nervousness, it would be hell if I could find a job."

Qin Xuanyang laughed even more happily: "If everyone is tense, it will be hell if they can find a job."

Between speaking, Zhuang Yu heard a female voice from the other end, which was a little vague, but he still heard the word "injection".

"Are you in the hospital now? Why do I seem to hear a nurse calling you for an injection?"

"Ah, oh, I... have a cold, and my mother insisted that I come to the hospital for an injection."

"Is it serious?" Zhuang Yu was a little puzzled, "I heard you speak in a good voice, and your nose is not blocked."

"Ah, oh. My nasal congestion is not serious, but I just have a little fever." Qin Xuanyang's words were not as slippery as before, and he seemed a little stuttering.

Although Zhuang Yu felt a little strange, he still didn't get to the bottom of it: "Then you should have a good rest. Let's talk next time."

After a pause, he asked again: "Qin Xuanyang, when are you going back to school?"

"It may take a while, there is something at home."

Qin Xuanyang didn't want to say more, and Zhuang Yu tactfully didn't ask any more questions. They said good night to each other, and they hung up the phone tacitly.

The relationship with Qin Xuanyang has always been something in Zhuang Yu's heart that he can't explain clearly.

It is said that they are ordinary friends, but they seem to be closer than ordinary friends.It is said that they are lovers, but the two parties are not in a serious relationship, and they are just treating it as a house-keeping game.

He has always been reluctant to think seriously about this ambiguous relationship.

During the three-month long-term relationship, although Qin Xuanyang always emphasized that they only got together for their own interests, but in the actual communication process, he felt that the other party seemed to be more than just I was with myself with the idea of ​​"passing the time".After all, Qin Xuanyang has always given the most sincere help to all his problems and requests for help.

This made him reflect on the rationality of the game more than once.

He began to worry that he would be serious.

No, no, you lose if you are serious.

One day at noon in mid-October, Zhuang Yu suddenly received a call from Qin Xuanyang, saying that he was back and was downstairs in his dormitory.

He clattered down the stairs with his slippers on, and saw Qin Xuanyang standing on the sycamore tree downstairs in the dormitory.

The handsome man in the white shirt, the shattering sunlight, the summer breeze, when these things are combined, the picture is not so simple as eye-catching.

"I'm willing to come back." He greeted Qin Xuanyang seemingly relaxedly.

Qin Xuanyang turned her head to look at him and smiled, stretched out her long hands and stroked his hair intimately: "It's rare that the weather is so good, let's go out on a date."

He glanced at the overly clear sky: "Would you be afraid of heatstroke if you walk outside in such hot weather?"

"Then go to the movies? There are a few good movies recently, you should like them."

Zhuang Yu was still not very interested, but for Qin Xuanyang's sake, he nodded.

In fact, Zhuang Yu should have seen the signs that day.

When watching the movie, he felt that Qin Xuanyang approached his ear several times, wanting to say something to him.But when the words came to my lips, they gave up and turned into meaningless conversations.

"I'm thirsty, the male god give me some water."

Zhuang Yu handed over his Coke in disgust.

"Where's the popcorn, male god, where did you hide the popcorn?"

Zhuang Yu handed him his popcorn in disgust.

After watching a movie, Zhuang Yu didn't remember what the plot was about at all, but he was deeply impressed by Qin Xuanyang's tireless interruption of his watching the movie over and over again.

After watching the movie, it was already evening, and Qin Xuanyang said that he would treat him to dinner, so he lazily followed.In the bright and gentle light of dusk, he looked at the thin side face of the man walking in front of him, and suddenly noticed the changes in him during this period of time.

"Are you losing weight?" he asked.

Qin Xuanyang smiled: "I had a small illness during the time I went home."

Zhuang Yu pinched his arm unconsciously: "What is the disease? The effect of losing weight is so obvious."

He smiled a little forcedly: "Fever, cold or something. By the way, what do you want to eat?"

Zhuang Yu quickly took the topic away: "Whatever, Cantonese cuisine? Your home is in Guangdong."

There is a well-known Cantonese-style restaurant in the city center. Qin Xuan and Yang Shumen ordered a few classic Cantonese dishes. When the dishes were served, Zhuang Yu was startled by the exquisite presentation of the dishes.

"Should the two of us stay here to wash the dishes after this meal?" He belatedly glanced at the elegant and heavy Chinese-style decoration in the hall behind him, feeling concerned.

Qin Xuanyang picked up chopsticks to steam the fish meat for him: "What are you afraid of. You stay here to wash the dishes, and I will go back to rescue the soldiers."

"I think you will run away." Zhuang Yu tried the fish, and found it very delicious, and the taste was particularly good.

Qin Xuanyang, who was so grinned by his eating face, helped him hold a big chopsticks again: "No one is robbing you, what are you in a hurry for?"

"The food over there is quite delicious. I'll go to your house for a meal sometime." He ate vigorously, glanced at Qin Xuanyang from the corner of his eye, and noticed that the other's smiling face dimmed for a moment , "What's the matter, you don't want me to go to your house for a meal? You can't be so unkind, Qin Xuanyang, you spent half a month eating and drinking at my house during the summer vacation."

What he said was actually just a joke. Based on his knowledge of Qin Xuanyang, he knew that Qin Xuanyang would immediately explain with a cheeky smile.

But this time he was wrong.

The smile on Qin Xuanyang's face became weaker and weaker, and finally disappeared altogether.

He also felt something was wrong, so he put down his chopsticks: "What's wrong with you?"

"I think it's time for the game to end."

Zhuang Yu was startled for a moment, but didn't react immediately.

Qin Xuanyang forced a pale smile: "It was originally a game of mutual benefit to kill time, now that you are a senior, you are already busy enough looking for a job, and I have a lot of things to think about, neither of us have time It's unnecessary to play this kind of house-playing game. So, let's call it a day. What do you think?"

Zhuang Yu's face turned cold when he heard it, especially the last sentence, which made him feel harsh: You, Qin Xuanyang, have already decided everything, is it interesting to ask my opinion now?

He poked the bowl, but he didn't want to express his inner dissatisfaction, that would make it look like he took this game seriously by himself, silly.

"It's just a game anyway, it doesn't matter when it ends." He shrugged, pretending to continue eating generously, and wanted to make a joke to ease the current embarrassing situation, "You won't invite me to dinner just because the game is over Well, if you can't be a boyfriend, you still have to be a friend, and you still have to treat me to this meal."

Qin Xuanyang was still silent for a while, and then slowly said: "I think we should stop contacting in the future."

Zhuang Yu resisted the urge to throw his chopsticks, and glared at him: "What do you mean?"

Are you trying to say that you can't even be friends?

"I just feel that there is no need to contact me in the future." I don't know why, but when Qin Xuanyang said such unfeeling words, his expression was very sad, "I will delete your number, and you can delete mine too. .”

"Damn!" He stood up abruptly, gritted his teeth and looked at Qin Xuanyang.For a while, many curse words passed through his mind one by one, but he finally held back and didn't say a word.

If he really lost his temper because of this, it would appear as if he cared about Qin Xuanyang, a person who didn't take him seriously at all, so stupid.

But this meal, no matter what, I couldn't eat it anymore.

He could only suppress the emotion in his voice as much as possible, and finally took a look at Qin Xuanyang: "Don't worry, I won't contact you again in the future. Anyway, if you are serious, you will lose, right?"

He didn't give Qin Xuanyang a chance to respond, he turned around and left neatly.

He clearly remembered that it was a night in mid-October. When he walked out of the restaurant, he felt that the oncoming wind had begun to carry the breath of autumn. He suppressed the churning emotions in his heart and never looked back.

So he didn't know how helplessly and painfully Qin Xuanyang watched his departure under the light.

Since then, he has never heard from Qin Xuanyang again.

It was not until May of the following year that he heard the words "Qin Xuanyang" again by chance.At that time, eight months had passed since they "broke up".