Before and After Divorce

Su Yan was standing on the stairs wearing a white shirt, Xia Tingwan looked up at him, it was the man who had shared the bed with him for five years, but suddenly he was so unfamiliar that he didn't know how to speak.

"sit down."

When Su Yan walked down, he didn't shy away from Xia Tingwan, he gently supported the young man's waist, and said gently: "I want to talk to Mr. Xia alone."

"En." The young man looked at Su Yan with gentle and bright eyes, and he nodded obediently: "Brother Yan, then I'll go up and accompany Ningning."

The demeanor cannot be faked, Xia Tingwan understood that young man's admiration for Su Yan just by looking at it.And Su Yan's actions and words have already recognized the young man's position in this Su residence.

Xia Tingwan suddenly felt that it was a big mistake for him to appear here.

This was his home a month ago, but now he is an unexpected guest.How ridiculous, he thought Su Yan couldn't let go, he thought he had a chance to try again.

"Is something wrong?"

Su Yan poured Xia Tingwan a cup of tea, and then sat opposite.

He was indifferent, his eyes only gliding over him, polite and distant, without making any extra stops.

Xia Tingwan's face was pale, the hairstyle he gave himself, the clothes he chose, and the anger he gave himself were all turning into a clown-like performance, and he lost all fighting spirit in an instant: "I... Only then did I realize that there are still some sorted items that I haven’t received yet.”

"I'll ask the housekeeper to check it out. If there's anything missing, I'll ask someone to send it to you tomorrow."

The poor excuse Xia Tingwan came up with on the spur of the moment was, of course, immediately dismissed by Su Yan. Su Yan bowed, and although he didn't stand up, he vaguely expressed the meaning of urging: "There are other things. ?"

"without me……"

Xia Tingwan answered subconsciously, but when he raised his head to meet Su Yan's light gray eyes, his nose couldn't help but feel sore.

"Su Yan, why did you divorce me?"

He still asked stubbornly.

"Have you fallen in love with someone else? But you told me, at that time, that I am your little prince, and will always be...don't you remember?"

The love words spoken when the love was hot, but now it is embarrassing and ashamed to speak out, Xia Tingwan knew that his questioning was too capricious.

But how could Su Yan change his mind?

How could you change your mind after saying such things to him, how could you hold him in your palm for five years and then slam him to the ground.

If love has a time limit, if he can only be a little prince for five years, why not tell him in the morning.

"Xia Tingwan."

Su Yan's eyes stared at Xia Tingwan for the first time today, his face was tense, showing a serious look.

"When we got married five years ago, it was you who said that you were forced to be reluctant; it was you who said that you liked younger and more handsome men; You; the one who got drunk and kissed other men was photographed by the weekly magazine, you were the one; half a year ago, you were the one who got angry with me and went out to drink and drive. It takes others to give you a step before you are a little soft. You have never cared about my marriage with you. For so many years, because I love you, I have given you the face and the heart. I am tired. "

Xia Tingwan's body trembled, obviously it was the answer he forced himself to ask, but every time Su Yan uttered a word, he felt so uncomfortable that he wanted to cover his ears. At the end of Su Yan's words, his eyes were full of tears, exhausted. She tried her best not to cry in front of Su Yan.

The courage he had just put together was defeated at this moment.

For five years, Su Yan never settled old scores with him.

No matter how annoying things are, as long as they forgive and turn the page, they won't mention anything from now on, so even Xia Tingwan seems to have forgotten something wrong.

"I was wrong," he choked up: "Sir, I know I was wrong..."

He still called him Su Yan in the previous sentence, but this sentence has been replaced by Mr.

He used to only call Su Yan "Sir" loudly on the bed and when he was acting like a baby, but now he called Su Yan because he was afraid.

He had never admitted his fault so straightforwardly in front of Su Yan, but even if he did, his heart was filled with panic.

He even wanted time to stop at this moment forever, so that he wouldn't have to hear Su Yan's next words.

"I'm tired, and I don't want to save your face anymore. Since you asked me, I'll tell you."

Su Yan's voice was low, and he repeated "tired" again, but with a calm expression on his face, he said slowly: "I divorced because I don't love you anymore, and it has nothing to do with others. I neither love you nor hate you." You, I owe you nothing, and I don't miss you. So, if there's nothing else, I don't have to see you again in the future. "

-

Xia Tingwan left the Su family's house as if he had run away. Zhao Nanshu saw him in a daze, so he didn't dare to ask a word at all, and just drove with his head down.

After driving down Xiangshan, Xia Tingwan suddenly said: "He doesn't love me anymore."

Zhao Nanshu's hands shook slightly. He wanted to comfort him, but found that he couldn't say anything.

Xia Tingwan rolled down the car window, and there was still the faint fragrance of the Su family's rose garden in the night. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he was at Zhao Nanshu's house a few days ago, he quietly sorted out the letters Su Yan had written to him.

Su Yan has a habit of sending Xia Tingwan a postcard whenever he leaves City H for a business trip, no matter where he ends up.

Xia Tingwan always joked that he was an antique left over from the period of the Republic of China, and Su Yan was not angry, he said: When I was away, there were many things I wanted to share with you, but there is no rush, just take your time.

They are really different people. Xia Tingwan is the one who always makes some noises. He ate a huge king crab and wanted to take a picture and send it to Su Yan; time to come back.

But Su Yan is different - Su Yan is very quiet and slow, he is like a river flowing under the moonlit night, at some point, love has slowly flowed into the sea and never returns.

In the first year of marriage, Su Yan sent him a postcard when he went to France to deal with matters, and wrote a few words on it:

Ting Ting, good morning letter.

I am in Paris, and it has been rainy for the past few days, but I was fortunate to receive the original French version of "The Little Prince" published by Mr. Saint-Exupery in 1943, so I am in a good mood.

There are a few sentences that I have been wanting to excerpt for you, so I attach them here.

"That rose of mine that others would think she is like you, but she alone is better than all of you. Because I watered her. Because I put her in the flower cover. Because I used her screen. Because I killed the caterpillars on her body (except for two or three left to turn into butterflies). Because I have listened to her complaints, her bragging, and sometimes her silence. Because she It's my rose."

I can't help but think of you as I read this.

You alone are better than everything in the world, because you are mine, the little prince I want to protect for the rest of my life.

The memories Su Yan gave him were like the aroma of roses, which came from a far away place, but still had a sweetness that made him feel sour.

It was the words on this postcard that gave him the courage to come to Su Yan.

On his body, in those very secret places, there are many thin and dense spikes, as long as they are touched, they will stand up in disobedience.

Maybe it's because he never thought he was cute. Before being with Su Yan, he never believed that anyone would really love him.

Su Yan was his first man, his only man.

When he took off his clothes and had sex with Su Yan, Su Yan repeatedly and meticulously kissed the ugliest parts of his body, the scars burned by cigarette butts, the rough skin scratched by glass.

He cried loudly in Su Yan's arms, begging Su Yan over and over again not to beat him, maybe never.

Su Yan agreed.

Su Yan promised again and again, but even so, he couldn't restrain himself, he wanted to hurt Su Yan.

Only when Su Yan endured the pain to defend him and water him can he feel loved. In the past five years, he has repeated this action, confirming that he is loved over and over again.

Today, it's all over.

Su Yan was tired of all this, and uprooted his unflowered torso from the ground. It really hurt him, and it hurt even more because he hated himself.

He personally destroyed the only chance to be loved in this life.

-

For the next few days, Xia Tingwan felt that he could not get out of despair and pain at all.

Even though the divorce agreement was signed before, the whole matter always seemed illusory and distant because she never communicated with Su Yan face to face.

It wasn't until Su Yan told him in front of him that he didn't love her anymore that he finally felt the pain.

He stayed at home and read the letters that Su Yan had written to him. Sometimes the day passed in such a daze. None of them moved.

Xia Tingwan thought about deleting Su Yan's WeChat, but he couldn't click the delete button when he opened the chat interface with Su Yan.

The last sentence in the chat window was from nearly two months ago, and it was from Su Yan: "Tingting, I'm going to be home late, remember to take medicine."

He didn't reply.

It should be from the year they met, Su Yan's profile picture is the back of Xiao Xia leaping in the movie "Whale Language"

Xia Tingwan didn't know why Su Yan still used that avatar until now, but he couldn't help secretly imagining the reason in his heart.

Even he himself knows that any speculation is so ridiculous even today.

He seems to be suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, opening Su Yan's profile picture over and over again every day, while he is deeply afraid that one day he will see Su Yan change his profile picture to a photo with the young man in Su's house that day, and at the same time, he feels deeply about the behavior that he is deeply involved in. strong disgust.

He hasn't seen any movement yet, and the scandal about Su Yan's new love has already hit the newspapers.

In fact, before getting together with Xia Tingwan, Su Yan basically never appeared in the entertainment section or gossip tabloids. Considering his wealth, he was so low-key that it was almost mysterious.

It wasn't until he pursued Xia Tingwan and got married that the media suddenly discovered this hot spot.

The love entanglement between celebrities and the rich and powerful has always been the most eye-catching story, let alone between men. From this perspective, Xia Tingwan and Su Yan are simply treasures in the gossip world. Some leftovers can make the public watch with gusto.

It was written in the newspaper that after eating Japanese food with Su Yan last night, the young man also went to the black box theater in City H to watch a drama together. His behavior was intimate, and he was suspected to be Su Yan's new love.

Of course, the article did not forget to mention Xia Tingwan. He didn't have any works in the past few years. After the drunk driving incident, his reputation became more and more sluggish. Coupled with the divorce news, the passionate love with Su Yan seemed to have changed in people's eyes. tasted.

The media is happy to present him as a loser in a speculative marriage. Even in this news that has nothing to do with him, they have to pick him out and tease him again in a teasing tone. I didn't expect to be PKed by the young mistress because of this. This seems to be a funny thing for everyone.

Xia Tingwan actually didn't care much about what the media wrote about him, but when he saw the photos secretly taken in the newspaper, he still couldn't calm down.

The candid photos are very blurry, but Xia Tingwan can tell at a glance that the young man next to Su Yan in the photo is indeed the young man he saw in Su's house that day.

The young man's figure was similar to his, but his appearance was completely different from his.Leaning beside Su Yan, the posture of raising his head slightly and talking to Su Yan was a bit like him. The inexplicable familiarity made him feel a convulsive pain in his stomach.

He used to do that too, looking up at Su Yan in the night, resting his head on Su Yan's shoulder.

As time goes by, he will retire one day, but there will always be someone who can take his place.

Come to think of it, even I find it funny.All of a sudden, he suddenly understood why the public found such news funny and exciting.

Zhao Nanshu, who was next to him, was still reading the newspaper with him, but he seemed to have received some news suddenly, and answered the mobile phone WeChat with a serious expression.

"Boss, my friend knows this person."

When he raised his head again, Zhao Nanshu suddenly said to Xia Tingwan, "He is a nurse from the Pediatrics Department of Ren'ai Hospital, and his name is Wen Zichen."

"Benevolence Hospital?"

Xia Tingwan froze for a moment.

Ren'ai Hospital is a well-known private general hospital in H City, and the price is extremely expensive. After he had a car accident half a year ago, he was sent to Ren'ai Hospital for treatment, and he stayed there for nearly two months. For some reason, this made him feel Something strange.

"It's a bit strange, boss." Zhao Nanshu glanced at Xia Tingwan, and tentatively said, "How about we check Wen Zichen...?"

When he said this, he seemed to be afraid that Xia Tingwan would misunderstand, so he immediately added: "It's not for anything else, and it's impossible to make trouble for others, just to check the situation."

"That's fine."

Xia Tingwan was a little overwhelmed, he actually didn't know why he wanted to investigate, he knew that knowing a little more would make his heart ache a little more, but he still couldn't help it, he wasn't curious about Wen Zichen, he just couldn't let go of Su Yan .

-

That night, Xia Tingwan was so bored that he couldn't sleep, so he remembered that when he went to find Su Yan, it seemed that Wen Zichen had mentioned "go upstairs to accompany Ning Ning", and Zhao Nanshu said that Wen Zichen was a pediatric nurse, These pieces of information seemed to be a little bit related, but he couldn't find a way to piece them together.

He stood on the balcony of Zhao Nanshu's house and watched the busy traffic downstairs, lit a cigarette and smoked slowly.

Zhao Nanshu likes lively places, so even after twelve o'clock in the middle of the night, the old neighborhood here can still be called noisy. There is a food stall on the corner of the street when people are bustling with people, and a woman is chasing him on the opposite street. Her men were fighting, amidst the sound of fierce cursing, the smell of skewers and beer wafted leisurely.

Xia Tingwan just looked at it like this.

He suddenly thought, how do other couples and lovers get along in this world? They will probably quarrel, just like the young couple downstairs are doing now, but will they break up?Are those people who broke up really no longer looking back?

Thinking about it, I couldn't help being a little dazed.

"Boss, can't you sleep?"

Zhao Nanshu's voice came from behind. He rubbed his eyes, and with his hair messed up in sleep, he took out a Marlboro from the metal cigarette case that Xia Tingwan put aside: "Borrow me a fire."

"Didn't you quit smoking?" Although Xia Tingwan said so, he still threw the lighter over.

Zhao Nanshu lit the fire cleanly, then raised his head and exhaled the smoke circles, and then replied, "I'll stay with you."

"Boss, do you remember? When I broke up with you last year, I asked you for three days off. You were worried about me at that time, but I didn't let you come to see me. Actually, I watched it at home during those three days. "Happy Together" several times."

I don't know if it was because of the smoke, Zhao Nanshu's eyes looked a little blurred, and he smiled.

"It's strange to say that everything else is okay, but every time I see He Baorong say: Li Yaohui, why don't we start from the beginning. I really want to cry—Boss, do you feel this way, wake up one day and see Looking at the empty ceiling, you will feel so sad, and suddenly want to start from scratch, go back to a certain point in the past, maybe life will be very different."

"I have."

Xia Tingwan thought, isn't that what it feels like now, starting from the beginning, what a yearning but sad four words, "If you can really start from the beginning, when do you want to go back?"

"Go back to the time when I was with my first love." Zhao Nanshu sat lazily on the recliner and raised his legs, and said nostalgicly: "My first love was the captain of the high school basketball team. He is so handsome that people can't sleep. Until now, I still dream of secretly hiding in the men's locker room to make out with him during lunch break. If I become a celebrity in the future, I will definitely write a memoir and show him How handsome is written in, sleeping with him is simply the most profitable thing in my life."

"Boss, where is Mr. Su—is he your first love?"

"Why is it considered first love?" Xia Tingwan narrowed his eyes and asked.

"Do I have to think of a definition for this? What do you think it is—"

"Before Su Yan, I might have liked Xing Le."

"Fuck, just the popular Xing Le?" Zhao Nanshu sat up all of a sudden.

"Who else is Xing Le besides him?"

Xia Tingwan remembered that many years ago, he accompanied that ambitious boy who wanted to become famous in the entertainment industry to participate in the "Whale Talk" audition, but he never expected that the fate of people was so strange, and finally he was the one who fell in love with Xu Zhe.

At that time, he did have a crush on Xing Le.

"But I don't know if it's first love or not. It feels vague. Once we were both drunk and kissed, and then we were a little awkward with each other-but I couldn't count him as liking him, but at that time I think he is very handsome."

Xia Tingwan lowered his head, paused for a while, and then said softly: "Then, there is only Su Yan."

Zhao Nanshu clicked his tongue loudly: "Boss, do you know, I have always felt that for a poor and poor person like you, getting married is like gambling. How do you know that you may have to sleep with someone for the rest of your life? Is it in harmony with each other, is it exciting?"

Xia Tingwan raised his foot and kicked Zhao Nanshu's reclining chair: "You are poor."

He leaned forward, leaned on the balcony railing, watched the drunken people walking crookedly downstairs, and suddenly said: "And you don't understand, Su Yan and I—"

Xia Tingwan suddenly stopped at this point, Su Yan and him...

Apart from the pain and anxiety for the first time, Su Yan almost taught him to enjoy the happiest thing in the world.

When they first got married, as long as they were together, they tossed and tossed frantically like that. Su Yan kissed his skin inch by inch until it was almost hot, rolled from the head of the bed to the end of the bed, and then simply lay on the ground. He couldn't even get up, but he still couldn't help pestering Su Yan, coquettishly asking Su Yan to hug him to take a bath, and then play in the bathroom all morning.

Thinking like this, although he couldn't see it in the night, Xia Tingwan still felt his face and ears were red, and he took a puff of cigarette as if to cover up: "It's nothing."

"Boss, you're so cute when you're shy, hahaha."

Of course Zhao Nanshu knew what Xia Tingwan was holding back, but he didn't ask.

He just stood beside Xia Tingwan and patted Xia Tingwan's shoulder. He paused: "It will all pass, really."

"Ah."

Xia Ting nodded late.

This was the first time in the past few days that he mentioned Su Yan without feeling sad.

People are really amazing, because the memories are too good, so when I think of them, I don’t even want to be sad.