Breathe

.

She is very hungry, but she doesn't want to eat anything.

Lost emotions enveloped her inexplicably, probably because it was Song Dan who left, which made her uncomfortable for a while.

She ordered takeaway for a few days, but when the food was in front of her eyes, she didn't want to take a bite, and was in a daze and anxious most of the time.But she didn't know what to worry about.

Jian Luyao used up a little bit of strength and braced herself to start drawing sketches of human body parts and various objects in the study.

After having something to do, the inexplicable anxiety was much better. Only when she was insomnia at night, would she sneak out to torment Jian Luyao's heart.

The end of the year is approaching, the streets are covered with various decorations, and red lights are lit up at night, the whole city looks prosperous, and the light is extraordinarily bright and warm.

Jian Luyao found a beautiful alley full of red lanterns. She wanted to draw this picture full of New Year's flavor, but she sat and daubed all day, and the things she drew were always gloomy, saying Not weird.

Inexplicably, she became irritable, wanted to drop the easel, wanted to scream, wanted to cry.

Jian Luyao squeezed the pen tightly, then went to buy cigarettes, smoked several in one breath, and finally calmed down slowly.

She changed the color and made this painting into a painting with only three colors of black, white and blue. Looking at it this way, the gloom in the painting became particularly obvious and harmonious.

Jian Luyao silently hid the painting deep in the cabinet.

Di Xiaoyi came to ask her out a few times, and wanted to have dinner together. Jian Luyao didn't want to talk to her these days, so she found various reasons to refuse. Di Xiaoyi sent invitations several times without giving up. Yao didn't even go back at all.

As the year is approaching, Song Dan is busy with various things, and only sent a few messages to Jian Luyao.

Jian Luyao's inexplicable gloomy mood hasn't subsided yet, and she no longer has the kind of enthusiasm for sending messages to Song Dan. Sometimes she wants to build a wall by herself to separate the world from her. , and then let herself die in that wall.

This thought came strangely and suddenly, Jian Luyao didn't know what was going on with her recently, her mood seemed to be blackened suddenly by the black duck, and she was always full of all kinds of depressing thoughts.

On the 29th day, she bought a case of wine, ready to drink alone until the New Year's Eve, and then fell asleep.

When the Spring Festival Gala was just performed, the doorbell rang.

Jian Luyao was taken aback for a moment, and two words popped into her mind - Song Dan.

She got up immediately, ran all the way to the door, and opened the door vigorously: "Song..."

A broccoli flower hit Jian Luyao's face, and at the same time, Di Xiaoyi's cheerful voice sounded: "Happy New Year!"

Jian Luyao stepped back a little, and saw Di Xiaoyi and Li Yunshan who was expressionless.

"Why are you here?" She asked wearily.

"Come to accompany you on New Year's Eve!" Di Xiaoyi squeezed in directly, holding a huge bag in her hand, "I bought the ingredients for hot pot, let's cook hot pot together!"

Li Yunshan followed silently, sat on the sofa without saying a word, staring at Jian Luyao's TV with hatred.

As soon as Di Xiaoyi came, the room was filled with various sounds, the sound of plastic bags being rubbed, the sound of vegetables and packing boxes being taken out, and her chattering.

Jian Luyao was a little confused: "Aren't you celebrating the New Year at your own home?"

"I'll leave at eleven o'clock." Di Xiaoyi grinned, "I'll accompany you, a widowed woman first!"

Jian Luyao went to see Li Yunshan again: "What about you? Didn't you say that your brother is back?"

Li Yunshan seemed to have lost her mind, she hated the host on the TV in a daze, and still didn't speak.

Jian Luyao used to deal with a lot of things with Di Xiaoyi.

"What happened to Li Yunshan?"

Di Xiaoyi made an indescribable expression, took the things into the kitchen, and whispered to Jian Luyao in the kitchen: "Her brother has a girlfriend."

Jian Luyao didn't understand, so: "Then she was so lost?"

It's like being robbed of your husband.

Di Xiaoyi shook her head, not quite understanding: "Maybe this is the world controlled by my brother."

Jian Luyao worriedly glanced at Li Yunshan again, and didn't quite understand, but she felt that Li Yunshan's condition was not right, and, since it was Chinese New Year, how could she be willing to separate from her family?

Unless... There was a fight?

"Why did you invite her over?" Jian Luyao asked.

Di Xiaoyi said: "I didn't make an appointment. I met her downstairs. She didn't have an access card and couldn't get in. She kept wandering around the intersection, as if she didn't bring her mobile phone..."

Jian Luyao's thinking was distracted for a moment: "Why do you have an access card?"

Di Xiaoyi shook her head mysteriously and mysteriously: "There is nothing that my aunt can't get!"

Jian Luyao: "..."

She and Di Xiaoyi prepared the ingredients for the hot pot, put on the induction cooker, and the three of them sat on the coffee table to eat.

Li Yunshan didn't eat much, but drank a lot.

Jian Luyao tried a few words of persuasion, but when she couldn't persuade her, she didn't speak any more, and let Li Yunshan get drunk, curled up on the sofa and fell asleep.

She ate and chatted with Di Xiaoyi, her appetite was surprisingly good, she hadn't eaten normally for several days.

It is often that I am so hungry that my stomach burns, but I have no appetite at all.

Maybe it's because I've been depressed during this period of time, and I've been too autistic. It seems that I will have more contact with people in the future.

After finishing the hot pot, she and Di Xiaoyi cleaned up the leftovers.

Di Xiaoyi didn't want to wash the dishes, so she packed up the leftovers and slipped out to watch TV.

Jian Luyao washed and washed in the kitchen by herself, listening to the sound of the gala in the living room, and the vague conversation between Di Xiaoyi and Li Yunshan, she suddenly felt that this year was actually not that bad.

After she finished washing and went out, Li Yunshan changed her position and leaned on the sofa, staring at the TV half asleep.

Di Xiaoyi drank orange juice with a red wine glass. Jian Luyao went over and sat on the other side of the sofa. Di Xiaoyi pointed to the half bottle of juice left on the coffee table: "Do you want to drink?"

Jian Luyao shook her head and said, "I don't drink orange juice."

"Why?" Di Xiaoyi couldn't understand, "I don't drink wine, I don't drink orange juice, I don't drink soft drinks, you just like to drink plain water all day long?"

Jian Luyao didn't bother to talk to her.

Di Xiaoyi talked on and on for a long time, but at 10:30, she was rushed away by a phone call.

She put down the glass casually: "I have to go, but I will call you during the New Year's Eve, you have to answer it!"

She picked up the bag and told her again: "Be sure to pick it up!"

Leave after talking.

After she left, Li Yunshan fell on the sofa again and fell asleep with her eyes closed.

Jian Luyao called her a few times, but there was no response, so she kept silent, stared at the TV twice, and then took out her mobile phone to watch.

She found out that Song Dan had sent her a message, asking what she was doing.

Jian Luyao casually took a photo and said, "I'm watching the Spring Festival Gala."

As soon as she finished posting, Li Yunshan suddenly sat up and said in a hoarse voice: "Jian Luyao, can you lend me your mobile phone to call my brother? I want him to pick me up."

Jian Luyao didn't want her to be mourned with her during the New Year's Eve, so she said, "Okay."

She handed over the phone, Li Yunshan took it, and made a few minutes of calls on the balcony, then hung up quickly, with a little anger on her face, she sat on the sofa and said, "My brother has been looking for me..."

Jian Luyao asked, "What's the matter with you tonight? Are you arguing?"

Li Yunshan was stunned for a while, and suddenly asked: "Jian Luyao, do you have any... obsession to complete even if you work hard? If you don't get that result, or lose it halfway, you will feel... everything is meaningless gone."

Jian Luyao struggled to understand: "You mean, for your brother to finish his studies?"

Li Yunshan shook her head, and stood up without further words: "My brother said he would be there in ten minutes, so I'll wait for him first."

Li Yunshan left, Jian Luyao thought about what she just said for a while.

Meaningful things in life... Jian Luyao found that she couldn't think of anything particularly meaningful, except for Song Dan.

Painting, does it count?

If she couldn't paint, what would her life be like? It must be even more muddled than it is now.

Then the most meaningful thing in her life should be Song Dan and Huahua.

Jian Luyao thought wildly for a while, her phone vibrated, and Song Dan replied her message.

"How does it feel to watch the Spring Festival Gala alone?"

Jian Luyao replied without thinking: "I don't feel any different, what about you, what are you doing?"

Song Dan didn't call her back for a while.

Jian Luyao watched TV for a while bored, and cleaned up the tea table messed up by Di Xiaoyi.

Wash the cup and put it away. As for the unfinished juice, she hesitated for a moment, but she was still reluctant to throw it away and put it in the refrigerator, even though it was likely that she would not drink it after it expired.

But she would rather throw it away after the expiration date.

**

Song Dan was also sitting on the sofa, bored watching the Spring Festival Gala on TV.Half of the relatives in the family are playing cards, and the other half are chatting on the sofa or in the kitchen.

Holding the phone in her hand, she tapped the screen with her fingertips. A few minutes later, she found the chat history with Jian Luyao and clicked on the picture.

There was a glass of orange juice on the coffee table, but Jian Luyao never drank orange juice.

She zoomed in on the picture, and then from the reflective TV wall, she saw a blurry figure lying on the other side of the sofa. Comparing the angle of the photo, Song Dan was sure that person was not Jian Luyao.

But when she asked Jian Luyao "how does it feel to watch the Spring Festival Gala alone", Jian Luyao did not refute that she was not alone.

Song Dan was a little restless, she couldn't help thinking, who was the owner of that glass of orange juice, who was that woman lying on the other side of the sofa... Jian Luyao, why did you lie to her that she was alone?

Chapter 20

The one-sided program of the Spring Festival Gala will not make people particularly excited. Jian Luyao felt sleepy after watching it alone for a while. She hasn't slept well for the past few days. Sleeping in a blanket.

Closing his eyes, he suddenly remembered that he hadn't said Happy New Year to Song Dan yet, so he sent Song Dan a few more messages, and finally said that he would go to bed early tonight.

After waiting for a while, Song Dan didn't return, so Jian Luyao turned off the mute and fell asleep on her stomach.

Just about to fall asleep, the door panel was suddenly slammed, Jian Luyao hurriedly opened her eyes, the first person that came to her mind was still Song Dan!

She didn't have any shoes on, and hurried to open the door.

But standing outside was Li Yunshan who had just left.

"Didn't your brother come to pick you up?"

Li Yunshan's body was tense, like a string that was about to collapse. She clenched her fists and cried a second later: "He brought that woman with him..."

Li Yunshan cried and shouted: "She actually brought that woman!"

In the dead of night, Jian Luyao didn't want Li Yunshan to disturb the neighbors, so she quickly pulled her in.

As soon as Li Yunshan entered the room, she slumped on the floor, crying hoarsely: "How could he let that bitch celebrate the New Year with us? He clearly promised to accompany me during the New Year, why would that bitch want to join us? Why?"

Jian Luyao couldn't pull Li Yunshan up, so she went to bring her a tissue, squatted down and whispered softly, "Isn't it good for your brother to have a girlfriend? He's going to have a family sooner or later..."

"No, I can't!" Li Yunshan's face was full of tears and her eyes were red. "He said he would take care of me for the rest of his life! With that woman, I will be squeezed out, and I won't allow those whores to intervene in my life with my brother!"

She was agitated, and Jian Luyao couldn't comfort her, so she just accompanied her silently.

Li Yunshan cried for a while, and said in a hoarse voice, "Is there any wine? I want to drink..."

"Have."

Jian Luyao just bought a box.

So the two turned to the coffee table again, and drank all the high-quality beer in the box. Jian Luyao only drank two bottles, and the remaining eight bottles went into Li Yunshan's stomach.

Both of them were drunk.

Li Yunshan hugged Jian Luyao and continued to cry in a hoarse voice.

"I have nothing..." she cried, "I only have him, only him."

Jian Luyao embraced Li Yunshan's shoulders, patted her on the back, thought for a long time in a daze, and finally said: "You still have a future..."

"No more." Li Yunshan burst into tears, "I'm pregnant again... I have to give birth to this child... I'm about to drop out of school, and I will become a complete mistress, bitch..."

Jian Luyao woke up drunk: "Your brother...do you know?"

Li Yunshan shook her head, buried her face in Jian Luyao's chest forcefully, tears soaked in.

"How dare I say... so vile, so dirty..."

Jian Luyao supported Li Yunshan's back: "Give up that house, it's not worth it..."

"There is no way out." Li Yunshan softened her body, as if she had lost all vitality, "If I don't give birth to this child, I will die..."

Jian Luyao opened her mouth, but couldn't speak.

"How did this happen?" Li Yunshan's frail body was filled with anger and unwillingness, she grabbed Jian Luyao's clothes tightly, "What did I do wrong?"

Jian Luyao hugged her: "Some things are not right or wrong, they just happened."

Li Yunshan lay in her arms, weeping uncontrollably.

She cried for a long time, and finally fell asleep under the influence of exhaustion and alcohol.

Jian Luyao helped her up with difficulty, and let her sleep on the sofa.

Just after getting settled here, Di Xiaoyi called. She warmly wished Jian Luyao a happy birthday, and then asked Jian Luyao for a Chinese New Year red envelope.

After Jian Luyao had said a few words to Di Xiaoyi, Li Yunshan on the sofa rolled down restlessly, and after she woke up, she sat on the floor and cried loudly.

Jian Luyao hurriedly hung up the phone and went to pull Li Yunshan.

But Li Yunshan couldn't sleep on the sofa at all, she was about to fall off after a while, and then cried sadly.

Jian Luyao really didn't want her to spend the whole night in the living room like this, so she made an exception and let Li Yunshan sleep on the bed, so she settled down a bit, hugging the pillow, sobbing and crying to sleep.

Seeing that she had fallen asleep, Jian Luyao got up to go out, but Li Yunshan grabbed her arm.

"Sleep with me, okay..." Li Yunshan cried all night, her voice hoarse and pitiful, "Today is Chinese New Year, I don't want to be alone..."

Seeing her pale and embarrassed appearance, Jian Luyao felt soft-hearted: "Okay."

She lay down with her clothes on, Li Yunshan moved around, and tucked into her arms like a child, Jian Luyao wanted to escape, but Li Yunshan suddenly said, "I'm actually... an orphan."

Jian Luyao froze for a moment, then stopped moving.

Li Yunshan said: "I don't have parents, only my brother, I really only have him."

Jian Luyao patted Li Yunshan on the back: "As long as you want, you can still have a new life."

Li Yunshan shook her head: "I can't let it go...My brother loved me so much when I was young, he could not eat by himself, and he wouldn't let me go hungry. He was so kind to me, and he swore that he would take care of me for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life, he and I life."

Jian Luyao hesitated for a long time before saying: "But your brother will have his own life after all."

Only you are the only one in your own life and life.The sun doesn't revolve around you, and neither does the world or anyone else.

"My life is him, why can't he be me?" Li Yunshan disagreed, and was also unwilling.

Jian Luyao said in her heart, because you are the extreme among the very few, because you haven't really grown up yet, because this is how this world is.

A person is born, and a person dies, this is the doomed ending from birth.

"I can't accept it, I can't..." Li Yunshan murmured, falling asleep exhausted from unwillingness.

Jian Luyao, who had been tossed all night, also fell asleep in a daze.

The Spring Festival Gala is over, and the lively New Year's Eve is also quiet. When the sun rises the next day, it will be a new year, a day.

It was almost three o'clock when Song Dan settled down with his family and relatives.

The aunt who was hired temporarily was cleaning up the messy living room. She stood at the door of her bedroom for a few seconds before choosing to go downstairs.

"I'll go out for a while. You can probably clean it up. It doesn't matter if you do the cleaning tomorrow morning." While she was speaking, she had already walked to the door.

The driver, Xiao Lin, went back for the New Year holiday, and the streets were even more empty, with no one in sight, so it was impossible to get a taxi.

Song Dan stood in the winter night wind for a while, and when he was shivering from the cold, he realized that he was only wearing a wool coat, which could not withstand the deep cold of the winter night.

She settled for a while, took a deep breath, walked towards the garage, and sat in the cab.

She hasn't driven a car for more than ten years.

Song Dan lit a cigarette, quietly smoked half of it, pressed it out hard, exhaled the white mist, and started the car.

After so many years, she should start again.

Song Dan drove the car out of the garage in a strange manner, and as soon as his head came out, he bumped into the street lamp in the garden, with a loud bang, the aunt in the house hurried out to check the situation.

Song Dan lowered the car window, waved to her, and drove the car slowly and steadily into the road.

Fortunately, there were hardly any cars on the road at this time. After driving for more than ten minutes, she gradually became familiar with it.

Drive all the way to the apartment without incident.

Song Dan went upstairs, and before entering the password to open the door, she stopped.

After entering the password, there will be a beeping sound. After a second pause, Song Dan chooses to use the key and gently opens the door.

She didn't turn on the light, and the light coming in from the floor-to-ceiling windows vaguely outlined the outline of the living room.

On the coffee table, there were still wine bottles that hadn't been cleared up in time. The bottles were clearly divided into two parts, and only two people drinking would leave such marks.

Song Dan walked to the wine bottle with bare feet, and after a while, she stared at the half-open door. Song Dan took two steps towards the bedroom, turned around again, and opened the refrigerator to take a look.

There really was half a bottle of orange juice inside, and a bunch of leftover hot pot ingredients.

Jian Luyao did not celebrate the New Year alone, nor did she tell her who she celebrated the New Year with.

Who is it that, during such an important time of the Chinese New Year, he doesn't care about his family, but comes to accompany Jian Luyao?

Song Dan maintained the posture of opening the refrigerator door until the cold air hit her face, her flesh and bones were cold, she closed the refrigerator door, and walked to the bedroom calmly.

Pushing open the ajar door, she saw two girls sleeping soundly hugging each other on the bed.

Song Dan stood firmly at the door, and she looked at it for a long time.

The lights were not turned on in the room, so she couldn't see the appearance of the girl in Jian Luyao's arms, only their entangled hands and feet and intimate gestures.

After a long time, Song Dan closed the bedroom door.

She calmly left the apartment and drove back to the villa alone.

Everything was peaceful and quiet, only the crooked street lamp in the garden left a broken mess.

When Jian Luyao woke up, it was already nine o'clock in the morning the next day.

Thanks to the alcohol, she fell asleep for a long time. Some time ago, she woke up almost every day at six or seven o'clock.

Li Yunshan was still sleeping, with her back to Jian Luyao.

Jian Luyao got out of bed with light movements, put away the wine bottles in the living room, picked up her mobile phone, and habitually wanted to send a message to Song Dan, but saw a bunch of missed calls and text messages.

They were all sent by Li Yunshan's brother. Jian Luyao probably glanced at them, and they were all worried about Li Yunshan's safety and asking her to go back to celebrate the New Year.

Jian Luyao held the phone, pushed Li Yunshan awake, and showed her the dozen or so missed calls and messages.

Li Yunshan immediately sat up, holding the phone tightly and staring at the screen.

Jian Luyao didn't care, and went out to boil hot water for drinking.

A few minutes later, Li Yunshan returned the phone and asked her for a few hundred dollars in cash so that he could take a taxi to find her brother.

After sending Li Yunshan away, Jian Luyao immediately clicked on WeChat, wanting to send a message to Song Dan.

But - on the page, she didn't get a reply to the happy new year and good night she said to Song Dan last night.

During this time, no matter how busy Song Dan is, he will say good night to himself.But yesterday, on New Year's Eve, there was not even a single word.

Jian Luyao stared at the phone, feeling that the depression that had just been diluted last night had revived in an instant.

She turned off her phone and didn't want to look at it any more.

Chapter 21

Jian Luyao didn't send messages to Song Dan, and Song Dan didn't send her any messages either. Their chat pages always stayed on Jian Luyao's good night.

Jian Luyao wondered if Song Dan was still busy.

In the whole day of the first day of junior high school, she lived like a year. She didn't want to watch TV, and she couldn't calm down to paint. She felt anxious like a cat scratching. She walked around the room a few times, really wanting to find something for herself. Things to do, so I cleaned the whole house.

Before that, Song Dan hired part-time workers to clean the house on a regular basis. Song Dan didn't live here often, but she arranged everything here meticulously and perfectly.

Mopping the floor, scrubbing the furniture, cleaning the refrigerator, range hood... Jian Luyao cleaned everything she could think of, and when everything was done, it was still only three o'clock in the afternoon.

She stood in the kitchen, holding her mobile phone, waiting for news from Song Dan.

Even a happy new year.

but.

Jian Luyao was wrapped in a deep fear, no matter whether Song Dan had true feelings for her or not, with Song Dan's exquisite behavior, it was impossible not to say Happy New Year to Jian Luyao.

Unless... She doesn't want herself anymore.

As soon as this thought came up, Jian Luyao felt chills all over.

She thought over and over about the past few days, but she didn't find that she had done anything wrong. Song Dan agreed to accompany her to see the sea, but then broke her promise, and she didn't have any dissatisfaction.

what is that……

Years ago, she didn't send Song Dan a lot of messages, did she retreat from her enthusiasm for him?

Jian Luyao squatted against the sink, her mind was blank and messy, she couldn't imagine her life after being separated from Song Dan, even though she knew that there would be such a day sooner or later, it shouldn't be so sudden now.

A few days ago, they were still fine...

Jian Luyao closed her eyes, and took the initiative to send a message to Song Dan: "Are you still busy?"

The endless wait.

It wasn't until night fell and the moonlight emerged that Song Dan didn't reply.

Jian Luyao lay on the sofa, looking at the ceiling absently.

The room was not turned on, and the darkness engulfed it. The blackness seemed to have some kind of heavy weight, pressing on Jian Luyao's limbs, making her unable to move or breathe.

Jian Luyao suddenly wanted to cry, and her tears got out of control, she shed tears and sent Song Dan a message: "Why didn't you reply to me?"

Continue to wait.

Still responded with silence.

This is a cold war, no, this is a cold treatment - Jian Luyao understands.

Jian Luyao turned over and leaned against the wall of the sofa. From the beginning, she was holding back her weeping, and then burst into tears as if she almost collapsed. She sat up, first retracted herself into the corner of the sofa, and then stepped off the sofa , curled up under the table and chair.

It seemed that such a narrow and cramped space was her last refuge.

After crying, Jian Luyao calmed down a little. She washed her face with cold water, went downstairs to buy cigarettes and alcohol, got drunk until she came back, and fell asleep until the sky was hazy.

The mobile phone was placed on the bedside table, and Jian Luyao wanted to use it to check the time, but when she touched the cold body, she stopped moving again.

She didn't want to look at her phone, she didn't want to see a page without notifications, and she didn't want to face the fact that Song Dan didn't reply to her message again.

But... what if, what if Song Dan replied?

Jian Luyao propped up her body, gritted her teeth, and turned on her phone.

45:[-]am, no news.

Jian Luyao put down the phone in silence, raised her hand to cover her face, she really didn't know what was wrong.

Song Dan didn't respond to a word of news for three days in a row, including the sentence sent by Jian Luyao - are you going to separate?

default.

Jian Luyao thought, this is the default.

On the morning of the fourth day, she opened her eyes, and after confirming that there was still no news from Song Dan on her phone, she opened the suitcase and started to pack her things.

Since they were going to separate, she was not eligible to live here anymore.

In the hazy morning light, she first cleaned up the house, household garbage, quick-frozen fruits and vegetables in the refrigerator, seasoned rice in the kitchen...everything, throw it all away.

Then there is luggage, all things about her, one by one, packed into a silver suitcase, she knelt by the side of the suitcase, and suddenly remembered that this suitcase was bought with Song Dan before she went to Japan.

She should also leave this box here.

The clothes are paid by Song Dan, and the skin care products are the suits Song Dan brought back from Europe, as well as shoes, pants... until her brushes, paints...

She is Song Dan's pet.

Jian Luyao collapsed among the messy luggage, bowed her body weakly, covered her face tightly, and cried bitterly.

Song Dan gave her money, but she couldn't pay it back, and she couldn't return the heart she gave Song Dan.

This account will never be settled.

By noon, Jian Luyao packed everything, two bags, her luggage, and the toiletries that Song Dan bought with her, which she planned to throw away.

Standing in the middle of the living room, she sent a message to Song Dan: "I'm moving out, I've already packed it."

After waiting for half an hour, nothing happened.

Jian Luyao picked up her things and left the room.

There is a trash can in the stairwell of the apartment, Jian Luyao is carrying the bag of toiletries, and stands firmly in front of the trash can.

A neighbor came out to throw out trash, and when he saw Jian Luyao in a daze, he paused.

Jian Luyao came back to her senses, loosened her fingers with difficulty, and the bag sank into the black garbage bag.Jian Luyao pulled the suitcase and walked out of the apartment with the easel on her back.

She found a hotel to live in, and sitting on the big white bed in the hotel, Jian Luyao silently thought that from now on, she would start another life.

The money Song Dan gave her was enough for her to finish college, and she still had a house, which she could sell if she didn't want to live in it, and then take the money to go anywhere.

Her future can be bright, can start again, can be bright and brilliant, as long as she wants.

As long as she wants.

Jian Luyao thought clearly about the future, but the anxiety in her heart was still like a demon, firmly grasping her heart.

She felt oppressed and painful, and her heart seemed to be living in a cage of fire. She couldn't sit, stand, or lie down, and nothing was right.

My mind is full of all kinds of messy thoughts.

Thinking about Song Dan's departure, mother's suicide, family's rejection, classmates' rejection...why did all these people leave and not welcome her?

Is she so unbearable, so useless?

She clenched her fists hard, her nails dug deep into her flesh, the pain inexplicably reassured her.She stood up, hurriedly and roughly pulled out the easel, spread out the drawing paper and began to draw.

There must be something to do.

She is talented in drawing, the teacher said so, Du Jiangjin said so, Song Dan also praised it like this...

The pencil brushed across the white paper, drawing chaotic lines, and Jian Luyao kept scribbling, scribbling, scribbling on the drawing paper...

tear-

slap-

The drawing paper was torn apart, the pencil was broken, and Jian Luyao stopped.

On the torn white paper, there were only messy and ugly lines. What she drew was a mess of shit.

Jian Luyao clenched her pen tightly and cried hoarsely.

No, she's nothing but shit.

**

After New Year's Eve, Song Dan developed a high fever, probably because he was wearing a thin woolen coat and was blown by the wind for half an hour.

After leaving the apartment building, she stood in front of the car, staring blankly for a long time, thinking whether she would just leave in silence like this, or go back and wake Jian Luyao up, and then ask everything clearly.

But she never went back.

She didn't want to turn her face around and quarrel in an ugly manner, and she didn't want to...face a possible, unbearable truth.

On the second day after returning home, she had a high fever and couldn't get up, so she went directly to the hospital for water.

During the few days she was lying in the hospital, she began to seriously think about the matter between her and Jian Luyao.

Jian Luyao was the most worry-free and least worry-free child she had ever found.

She never asked Song Dan what he wanted, and did not cause Song Dan any trouble, and everything happened according to Song Dan's rhythm.Cute, well-behaved, and sensible, this is what puts Song Dan at ease.

What didn't make Song Dan feel at ease was that she couldn't help arranging all kinds of trivial matters in life for Jian Luyao.

During her trip to Japan, the paints, brushes, canvases for Jian Luyao's final homework, the daily life in her apartment... Jian Luyao took care of everything by her side.

Of course, she has such a personality. Years of career in the workplace have given her the habit of taking care of every detail.

But is it really just that?

Song Dan closed his eyes, suffering from a severe headache.

It's only been half a year, did she really fall in love with her?Song Dan didn't want to believe this fact.

Soaked in the flashy world for so many years, seeing all the philistines and sophistication, she thought that her heart was as cold as iron, and no one could get close to her, and no one could break her heart.

Could Jian Luyao be an exception so easily?

will not.

Song Dan himself gave an affirmative answer, no.

Two days before she just fell ill, Song Yanlu obediently stayed with her in the hospital for two days. In the past few months, his temper has also restrained a lot. Song Dan's painstaking efforts were not in vain. The relationship between mother and son has eased to a new height.

Song Dan was planning to find a suitable time to chat with him about his studies. He was already in the third year of junior high school, and he couldn't continue counting down the whole school.

Song Yanlu had been obedient for a few days, and couldn't help but want to go out to play. Song Dan agreed and discharged himself from the hospital.

She just has a low-grade fever and cough now.

Lying on the bed at home, Song Dan saw the news that Jian Luyao said that she was leaving and had already packed her things.

Song Dan struggled several times between persuasion and letting go, and finally chose the latter.

She thinks it's okay to break up.

Chapter 22

Jian Luyao stayed in the hotel for four days, she lost a lot of weight, her complexion was bad, and her eyes were dark blue.

When Di Xiaoyi knocked on the door and came in, there was a smell of cigarettes in the room, and there was a noon takeaway on the table, barely moving.And now it was night, she stared at Jian Luyao, who was silently nestled in the chair, with a cautious tone in her nonchalant tone.

"What are you doing, losing weight?"

Jian Luyao shook her head, she didn't really want to talk, she reached out to touch the cigarette, and clicked to light it.

Di Xiaoyi grabbed the cigarette with one hand, bent down and looked at her seriously: "Jian Luyao, what's wrong with you?"

Jian Luyao glanced at her, didn't speak for a long time, and smoked a lot, her voice was hoarse and unpleasant: "How do you know I'm here?"

She didn't tell anyone about her and Song Dan's affairs, and Di Xiaoyi shouldn't know about her moving out, unless... Song Dan told her.

This guess made Jian Luyao feel uncomfortable again.

"I went to the apartment to look for you, knocked on the door for a long time and you didn't open it, and the phone was turned off. I found out that you were here after a lot of connections." Di Xiaoyi glanced at the cigarette butts on the coffee table and the wine bottles on the ground, His face changed, "Why did you make yourself look like this?"

Jian Luyao supported her forehead: "I'm not feeling well, I want to be alone..."

This is a eviction order.

Di Xiaoyi pretended not to hear, picked up Jian Luyao's messy sketch paper and looked at it twice: "Do you want me to take you out to relax? There is still a week before leaving school..."

Jian Luyao said: "I don't want to go..."

Di Xiaoyi looked at her again for a long time, and asked, "How long have you not gone out?"

From here, Jian Luyao never went out.

She seemed to lose interest in everything, nothing to do or eat, just depressed, anxious and restless.

She cried almost twice a day, sometimes because of insomnia, but more often for no reason at all.Even sitting there, watching a comedy on TV, she would suddenly start crying.

She guessed that she was probably depressed, but she didn't want to worry about it.

"Change clothes." Di Xiaoyi gave her a hand, "I'll take you out for something to eat, there was a comedy movie the day before yesterday, let's go see it."

Jian Luyao didn't move.

Di Xiaoyi found her a coat, saw her greasy face, and pushed her to take a bath again.

"Be cooperative, or I'll take off your clothes and wash them for you."

Jian Luyao resisted and froze at the bathroom door: "Di Xiaoyi, I really don't want to go out."

Di Xiaoyi pushed her and let her look at herself in the mirror: "Look at yourself, do you look like a person? It's just a broken relationship, and it's not about killing you. Why are you so stubborn?"

Jian Luyao raised her eyes, and only then did she see her own appearance.

His hair was greasy, his eyes were dark, his lips were covered with white skin, his forehead, nose and chin had acne, his eyes were dull, his skin was pale, as if he had taken poison.

Di Xiaoyi supported her by the shoulders: "Jian Luyao, cheer up, breaking up a relationship is not the end of the world, don't you think you're going to live?"

Jian Luyao lowered her eyes and said hoarsely, "Go out, I'll take a shower."

She closed the door and took a long flush under the shower.

Di Xiaoyi was right, life had to go on, she had to cheer up.

After taking a shower and drying her hair, she wrapped her down jacket and ate with Di Xiaoyi.

"What do you want to eat?" Di Xiaoyi asked her when she hailed a taxi, "Is Laoya soup okay?"

Jian Luyao said flirtatiously: "I want to eat hot pot..."

Di Xiaoyi glanced at her sideways: "Have you eaten well in the past few days? Your stomach is empty. What kind of hot pot are you eating? Let's have porridge."

She really took Jian Luyao to eat health porridge.

Jian Luyao really didn't eat anything in the past few days. She lost her appetite after taking a few mouthfuls of all the takeaway food. Now she was eating porridge, but Di Xiaoyi stared at her and swallowed most of the bowl.

"I've bought the movie tickets, let's go, let's go see." She pulled Jian Luyao up.

Jian Luyao had a bit of stomach pain and nausea, she endured it, thinking it was just a normal reaction of her not eating for a long time, but as soon as she arrived at the cinema, she rushed into the toilet and vomited out all the porridge she just ate !

"Are you okay?" Di Xiaoyi rushed in after her.

Jian Luyao washed away what she vomited, shook her head and covered her abdomen, the pain gradually became clearer and stronger, and the nausea in her stomach was overwhelming, it was extremely uncomfortable.

Di Xiaoyi went to help her, her tentacles were hot.

"You have a fever? Let's go to the hospital!"

Jian Luyao retched all the way to the hospital, acute gastroenteritis, the nurse put him on a drip, and the pain and nausea finally eased.

Di Xiaoyi went to buy porridge for her again, and there were two boxes of milk. Jian Luyao only took a few mouthfuls of porridge, and drank the milk slowly.

Back to the hotel from the hospital, the room has been cleaned up by the customer service.

Jian Luyao fell on the bed, ready to lay her body down, but Di Xiaoyi said to her, "Get up, go live at my house."

"I don't want to go..." Jian Luyao had no strength or mood.

Di Xiaoyi didn't care what she wanted, she dragged, dragged and threatened, and took Jian Luyao back.

Di Xiaoyi's home is in the villa area, and there is an aunt who is busy cleaning things and rooms for Jian Luyao, and finally said that there is porridge warming in the kitchen casserole, and asked Jian Luyao and Di Xiaoyi if they would like to eat.

Di Xiaoyi asked to bring it up, then turned her head and said to Jian Luyao seriously: "I want to make up for all the fat you lost!"

Jian Luyao said: "Why? I have nothing to do with you..."

Di Xiaoyi said: "Why doesn't it matter? Are we not friends?"

Jian Luyao closed her eyes, and after a long time, she said softly: "Thank you..."

She lived in Di Xiaoyi's house for three days, and gradually regained her energy. She could eat, laugh and talk, but she still suffered from insomnia in the dead of night.

A few days before school started, she found a new house with one bedroom and one living room, which was far away from school.