[Titanic] I can't help myself

After finishing all this, I breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the sofa behind me.I felt uncomfortable all over, I was so tired that I didn't want to move a finger, my eyes were so swollen that I couldn't open them, my throat was dry and tingling, and there was a feeling that I couldn't close it at the back.I can only be thankful that in that situation, he still had the sanity to prepare for the work instead of going on a rampage.If that was the case, I think I might be unconscious by now due to excessive blood loss.

I rested for a while, and finally gathered up enough courage to speak.

"Mr Hockley," I whispered, resisting another urge to cry, "I want to ask you two questions before you leave this room."

"Henry, my dear, please don't be like this?" he said softly.

His voice seemed to be coaxing an unreasonable child, and I felt an irritable anger in my heart.I took a deep breath, suppressed my urge to explode, and said in a hoarse voice tremblingly: "The first one. I want to know, when did you know me...know that I like you."

I really don't want to use the word "like" if I can.It was like acknowledging one's own patheticness and failure.It's a shame that I've ever had so many emotional swings because of this scum.

"Henry, mylove..." he whispered, "I know I was wrong, don't..."

"Shut up!" I yelled, grabbing something and throwing it at it. "Stop calling me that disgusting word! Answer my question!"

He hid for a while, slowly sat down by the bed, was silent for a while, and replied in a low voice: "At first."

"In the beginning?" I felt my eyes start to moisten again, "In the beginning... when does it refer? Please be more specific."

Carl looked at my expression anxiously: "From...from the first time we met...at Chatsworth..."

I choked up uncontrollably, and burst into tears, tears falling from my red and swollen eyes.I felt more pain in my eyes, but I couldn't stop the tears.I had no choice but to cover my eyes with cold palms, trying to make it feel better.

I didn't expect that from that time on, he knew everything.So, what I thought was hidden, those careful gazes, the joy of talking to me a little more for him, the pleasure of being with me for a few more minutes, the pleasure of inadvertent physical touch, the pleasure of knowing that he will eventually He knows all the tears that don't belong to me, and he sees them all.

Maybe he not only knows, but also feels extremely proud of it.See, there is a boy who likes him so much, isn't this the embodiment of his charm?

No, no, not only that.Perhaps he is still fueling the flames!Thinking about it now, those physical touches, those intimate touches that I once thought happened because he treated me as a friend, as a relative, as a younger brother, maybe he did it on purpose!He knows how hard it is to refuse a touch from someone he likes, and how it makes me mad.He knows everything, but he does everything!He teased me like a pet, watching me smugly crazy about him!

I wanted to question why he was so shameless, but after thinking about it, the answer was already so clear, and asking again would be nothing but self-inflicted humiliation.And the reason why he treats me like this, I don't dare to think deeply, the more I think about it, the more painful it is.The deep sense of humiliation made me couldn't help but put my legs away and hold them to my chest.I don't want to be cowardly in front of him, but curling up makes me feel a little better.I can't help it.

I cried for a long time, the tears could not be wiped clean, I wanted to calmly clarify the questions that puzzled me and must be answered, and then let him go, but now I curled up and cried like a woman Mess.It's just embarrassing to the extreme.Shameful.

I cried for a while, and felt that I had vented my emotions enough to be able to speak coherently, so I choked up and asked again: "There is another question, why did you propose to Rose?"

He was silent for a moment, then sighed deeply.

"sorry."

The tears I had just held back came out again.

"Please get out..." I said with a trembling voice, "Go out..."

"Henry..." he said softly, came over and touched my shoulder lightly.

"Don't touch me!" I burst out, opened his hand with a snap, jumped up and pushed him hard, "Get out!"

"Henry, I'm sorry..." His body was shaken by my push, "but I swear I really love you now!"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I yelled hoarsely, and punched him hard in the face.

He took half a step back, didn't fight back, and didn't stop him.

I punched him again, and then I started punching him like a madman.All my anger, shame, resentment, and shame flooded through my body like a flood that had burst through a floodgate.Even the exhaustion of my body couldn't stop me from rushing forward and venting my pain in a fight.

"How dare you treat me like this! How dare you treat me like this!" I shouted hoarsely, "Why are you!"

"Are you proud? Seeing that I like you, cry for you, laugh for you, and even send my own sister to you! Are you proud?"

"How dare you do this to me! How dare you!"

"How can I like you bastard! It's terrible! How can I like you!"

"you disgust me!"

He never fought back, just stood where he was, and let my fist hit him.But in the end it seemed that the beating was too painful, he grabbed my hand, hugged my body from behind, and imprisoned me in his arms.

"Shh, shhh!" he whispered in my ear, trying to calm my emotions, "Shhh...relax, relax...sorry...don't be angry...relax, come on, take a deep breath, relax, relax...shh... ..."

I closed my eyes, raised my head, and inhaled desperately to calm myself down.Once I stopped, fatigue took hold of my whole body.I barely had the strength to stand still by my own strength.

Gathering up the last of my strength, I came from where he was struggling, fell down on the sofa, and kept backing away until I reached the corner farthest from him, then stopped and breathed a sigh of relief.

Carl remained where he was, he didn't try to hold me up.He looked at me anxiously, with panic and tension on his face that I had never seen before.

"I hate you," I whispered. "Cal Hockley, I hate you! I hate you! I wish I never knew you!"

"If I could go back in time and go back to Chatsworth, I would rather go bankrupt, live on the streets, die, and never know you again!"

"Henry!" He said eagerly, taking a step towards me, but was stopped by my hateful gaze immediately, "Don't be so heartless! Things are not as you think...well, I admit that at the beginning I did have some mean thoughts, but later on I found out that I was really in love with you, I just didn't know how to tell you, how to not hurt your feelings, or hurt The decency of your family, I..."

"JUSTSTOP!" I interrupted him loudly, grabbed the ornaments on the small table next to the sofa and threw them over, "How dare you say such shameless words! Do you think that as long as you say a few words, you love me, I will I can forgive you, I can play with you happily! Then you are wrong! Now I just want to kill you! I will never forgive you! Never! So don't let me hear this again Disgusting words! You make me want to throw up!"

He stopped, a hurt look on his face.This used to make my heart ache, but now I just feel disgusted and cold when I watch it.

I buried my face in my arms, calmed down for a while, and then raised my head and said slowly in a low voice: "Mr. Hockley, regarding your marriage with Miss Rose, I think I have every reason based on what you have done. The engagement ceremony is terminated. I will ask someone to book a return boat ticket immediately, and I will not stay in the United States for an extra minute. Now, please leave."

"Henry..." He called my name softly and meaninglessly.

"Please..." I felt like I was about to cry again, "If you have even a little bit of compassion, please get out! Just leave me alone! You've given me a man The greatest humiliation that can be encountered, what more do you want!"

His breathing suddenly became heavy.After a long time, he said softly: "Don't cry, I will leave right away. But please believe me, I have always loved you deeply."

After speaking, he picked up his clothes and put them on, then quietly exited the room and closed the bedroom door.

I leaned my head weakly on the back of the sofa, raised my eyelids with difficulty, and looked at the sky outside through the balcony.At this time, there was just a gleam of light in the sky, and it was still very early, probably no one had woken up except the servants on the ship.

The room was in chaos, the clothes were still lying on the floor in a mess, half of the quilt fell under the bed, there was still dry tiye on the sheets, and there was a dirty smell in the air.

I was very tired and wanted to lie down and have a deep sleep, but the bed was so dirty that I really didn't have the courage to go back there.I had no choice but to hug my pajamas and lie down on my side on the sofa.The sofa is not long enough for me to stretch my legs.

My brain is dizzy, but every time I close my eyes, what happened last night will clearly reappear in front of my eyes. The words he said, his gasping voice, will be in my ears again and again sounded.It all just drives me crazy.

After a while, the door was suddenly opened gently.I immediately sat up alertly and stared at the door, and then saw Mr. Lai Fujie walking in.

"Sir." After closing the door, he bowed slightly to me and said, "I'll clean up the room for you."

He first put a tub of hot water in the bathroom for me.I refused his service, locked the bathroom door, undressed, and lay down in the water.The effect of the hot water was almost immediate, and I immediately felt that the tense muscles all over my body were relaxed, and only then did I have the energy to check my body thoroughly.

I just glanced at it and stopped bowing my head.There are shameful bruises all over my body, and some places are stained with dried up tiye that I didn't notice just now. The bloody tooth marks on my shoulders have been aching, and I feel a burst of pain when I touch the hot water. There were bursts of tingling pain, and began to throb and swell.I grabbed the towel that was put aside, and rubbed my whole body desperately with strength that could almost break the skin, as if this would make these marks disappear.

There was nothing in my body that shouldn't have been left, and I figured he might have cleaned it up for me.The feeling of being invaded was always there, and when I got there, I suddenly started crying again.I don't think I can cry anymore, I have cried too much today, but I still can't help it.I endured it for a long time, but still couldn't stop the tears, so I could only cry like a woman again.I can't tell anyone about this, so let's cry now, turn everything into tears and continue to decently maintain the last superficial dignity of an earl, don't let others see what happened, The most important thing is not to worry the family.

When I came out, Mr. Laforger had already made up the room.The clothes on the ground were picked up, unfolded and folded, ready to be taken out for washing, and the soiled sheets and quilts were replaced with new ones. He opened the window for some air, and there was no smell in the air that should have been there.He also found out the clothes I was going to wear today and put them aside.

"Your Excellency, please sleep a little longer." He stood aside and whispered, "You don't need to attend today's worship. I will take care of your personal matters. I will always stay outside the door. If necessary, you can shake bell."

After speaking, he bowed again and exited the room.

I numbly climbed onto the big clean bed and buried myself under the quilt.Mr. Lai Fujie also ordered sleep aid aromatherapy, smelling the same smell as the aromatherapy at home, I closed my eyes and gradually fell into a deep sleep.

The author has something to say: Thank you Kuroko-chan and 123-chan for the mines~~Whata~ After the revision, it’s so inconvenient to watch mines. . .

So in the last chapter, some more things were added at the back, replacing what was used to account for the number of words yesterday. . .

Yellow card or something, I really want to curse. .I'm tired and I don't like it, I won't post any words that shouldn't be written in the future, your uncle.

My mother has been doing Tai Chi in the living room today, and my room faces the living room. . .I'm so tired of writing this. . .