Leftover temperature

I am Si Jinqing.

I have a lover named Xia Shenyan.

When I was 24 years old, I met him who was ten years younger than me.

It is not clear how he fell into him step by step, maybe it was love at first sight, or maybe it was because of the long-term penetration into the bone marrow.

At the age of 26, he came to me.

At the age of 27, he kissed me for repaying his favor.

At 33, he left me.

At 39, I lost him.

From the first encounter between life and death, a total of 15 years.

I loved him for 15 years and missed him for 15 years.

That proactive kiss that year, I thought it was his affection for me.But slowly, I realized that it was just a kind of kindness at first.

So I gradually ignored his love for me in this questioning.

I dare not say "love" and "like" to him anymore, because he may hug me in the same way, but he won't really like me.

I started to be afraid, and carefully hid the love that crossed the border.I'm afraid that Yanyan will see it, I'm afraid that he will stay by my side in that reluctant way after he finds out.

I love him and I don't want to force him.

But I want him to be happy, but I am not willing to let others hold his hand.

After all, the first time I met him, I fell in love with him.

The first time we met, it was not at the banquet that he entered by mistake when he was 15 years old.

I will always remember that the wind was very cold that day, rustling the dead leaves on the street in Xinyou.In the afternoon, the sky was clear and the wind was bitter.

That day I had a conflict with my clansmen at the family council, and my father punished me with a stick.

After so many years of torture, in fact, I don't care about the pain like lacerations on my body.But when I saw the indifferent and indifferent face of my eldest sister and the old hand stretched out by my mother in vain to stop me, I suddenly became disgusted for no reason.

I hate this kind of puppet-like control, and I hate this mission like a walking dead.

So I rebelled against my father and escaped from the Sijia Manor under the astonished gaze of the clansmen.

However, even if I escaped from the Si family, I have nowhere to go.The ridiculous thing is that at the age of 24, I don't even have a foothold for peace of mind.

I don't know where to go, I can only drive aimlessly on Xinyou Street.

I saw the crowds passing by in the hustle and bustle, and heard the hustle and bustle of the world like laughter and laughter from time to time, and I suddenly felt unprecedentedly lonely.

It seems that since I was a child, I have never really stepped into the excitement of this world.

They held me high, as if I was really a god in this world.

But does God feel tired?Does God hate all living beings?

It was in this depression and depression that I met him.

That day was not as warm as the sunshine in the story, and the whole Xinyou was shrouded in a thin layer of haze.

It was just after school, and the students came out of the school chatting and laughing together, and left in twos and threes.

And he squatted quietly beside a ginkgo tree at the gate of Xinyou Middle School, carefully stroking a dirty stray cat.

The wide blue and white school uniform covered his thin and thin body, and he pulled up the collar very high, covering half of his delicate and gentle face.

In the late autumn when people come and go, the corner where he is is extraordinarily quiet and peaceful, and all my gloomy anxiety slowly dissipates.

The path was covered with golden ginkgo leaves, and he squatted in the autumn, feeling unbearably warm.

At that time, I didn't expect that that gentle and refreshing young man would make me fall into a lifelong trap, and I couldn't extricate myself.

I stood not far away, not daring to get too close, afraid that such a decadent and dark self would frighten him.

The fan leaves of the ginkgo tree slowly descended, bypassing the beauty of the world, and quietly landed at his feet.It seemed that he was also afraid that the branches and leaves stained with rain and dew would stain him.

This is God.

Clean, clear, pure, beautiful.

Shengxue penetrates jade, gentle like water.

Until his family's car came to pick him up, I still stood there in a daze.

By the time he recovered, he had already left.And I looked down at the docile and well-behaved kitten who was comforted by him, and suddenly felt that my chest was as soft as water.The warm current passed through the muscles and bones, rushing towards the limbs and bones unstoppably.

The family control since I was a child has made me used to oppression and patience. No one has ever shunned me from those darkness and pain. This is the first time I have seen such a clean late autumn.

I quietly took the kitten home, hid it in a little-known apartment, and arranged for someone to come and take care of it.

In fact, I don't like small animals very much, but because of him, I suddenly realized that a fresh little life might also be a wonderful gift.

And the kitten will be very happy when he has a home.

But unfortunately, the kitten probably fell ill due to wandering outside all the year round, and died not long after.

I can't always guard anything I want to guard.

After that, I didn't deliberately look for him. I thought that side was the greatest kindness God gave me, so I didn't have any hope that I could meet him again.

But I didn't expect that fate really treated me kindly this time.

We'll meet again at an ordinary dinner party.

In my capacity, I shouldn't have come to this kind of banquet, but in order to avoid the family council that night, I came here under the pretext of having an appointment.

I didn't get tired of those flattery, and I didn't bother to pay attention to it, so I simply found a box and hid in a private room to drink alone.

The glass of that box is single-sided.When I went in, I was still depressed, how could I still be able to see outside after hiding, but I didn't expect that this would be an unexpected gift from God.

Ever since he was brought in by his father, my eyes have been fixed on him and I can't take my eyes off him.

I watched him sitting helplessly and well-behaved in the corner, still wearing the school uniform, thin and small, he seemed a little at a loss in the face of such pomp.

His father was really irresponsible, he just sent someone to guard him and rushed to socialize.And the person guarding him was even more careless, leaving him alone in such a messy and dirty place.

I was not at ease, so I went out of the box after the man who guarded him left, thinking that it would be better to get closer to him.Fortunately, I arrived in time, and the middle-aged man who was trying to approach him did not touch him.

With such dirty hands, even touching the corner of his clothes is profane.

He stared at me blankly with those clean and transparent eyes, which were still crystal clear and helpless after panic.I have been strategizing in the mall all year round, but when I faced his clear and clean eyes, I couldn't help but lose my mind and almost forgot what I wanted to say.

"Why are you here alone?"

Facing the 15-year-old him, I suddenly panicked. I could only control my facial expression as much as possible, speak softly, and leaned slightly to look him at the same level, fearing that I would scare him.

He looked at me and blinked, as if he still hadn't reacted.

I was a little overwhelmed by him looking at me like this, coughed lightly as a cover-up, moved my eyes away, my cheeks were slightly hot, and said in a low and stiff voice: "Don't be afraid."

He blinked again, his eyelashes were very long, thick and dense, light and light like catkins, every time they tickled the strings in my heart.

"I... am not afraid of you." He said suddenly.

His voice was soft and clear, with the clarity of a teenager, and it touched me softly.

I could tell he was a little nervous, so I paused and asked him with a smile, "What's your name?"

I admit that at that moment I already had my own selfishness.

"Xia ginseng proliferates. Summer in summer, ginseng in ginseng, proliferate in procreation." He replied softly.Then quietly raised his eyes to look at me, and asked in a low voice, "What about you?"

My heart moved, and I answered him with a smile: "Si Jinqing. The Si who is commonplace, the brocade with blooming flowers, the Qing who is a beautiful woman."

I know I can't get too close to him, this is my first real meeting with him, I can't scare him.

It's just that someone came to harass him, so I took advantage of the situation and sat aside, quietly accompanying him, only daring to look at him quietly from the corner of my eye.

I am nervous and apprehensive.

Later Xia Changxing arrived.I was worried that Yanyan would have a bad impression of me, so I greeted Xia Changxing politely on the surface, but I was very uncomfortable with his irresponsible behavior.

However, due to my identity, I could only secretly warn his subordinates about their irresponsibility.He thanked me flattered, and took Yanyan away in fear and fear.

We obviously haven't met a few times, but the young man's thin back and clear eyes have made me remember for many, many years.

At that time, I was only 25 years old, and it was the first time in 25 years that I met such a bright, how could I be willing to let go.It's just that even though I wanted him very much, I never had the idea that I would really be with him one day.

I don't deserve him.

The rancid smell on my body was too strong, the blood splashed on me by the Si family was too red, and too many human lives were stained on my hands.

I can't, I dare not approach him.

But I thought, I can protect him, guard him.

Although I don't know what identity and posture to use.

And I never thought that one day, he would really come to me.

I went to Nie's house that day on purpose.

Because of Yanyan, I have heard a little bit about the Xia family's affairs in the middle, and I know what the Xia family's situation is now.

At that time, Xia Changxing Company went bankrupt and was burdened with debts.I hate it because I didn't have the real power of the Si family at that time, so I didn't dare to help them rashly. If the Si family found out, their family would be implicated.

At that time, Qi Xuechun had already remarried to the Nie family, and Xia Changxing must have had nowhere to turn Yanyan over to her.

Although the Nie family is not worth mentioning compared to the Si family, the Si family is now rooted in Xinyou, and has some business contacts with the Nie family.

I have long since learned that Xia Changxing is going to send Yanyan to Nie's house. I want to get closer to him, but I don't want to look like a pervert, so I only dare to listen to his voice through a wall. .

I turned down all the work on the pretext of discussing a cooperation plan with Nie He, and went to Nie's house in a state of uncertainty.

Seeing me coming in person, Nie He was probably also frightened, and arranged me in the reception room on the first floor in fear.I didn't come here for this, so I simply handed over the matter to Ren Zhan, and then sat on the sidelines and listened to the movement outside.

It's just that the voice that gradually became clear was not what I wanted to hear.

"Qi Xuechun, touch your conscience! He is also your son!?"

"My conscience!? Xia Changxing? After all these years, you still refuse to let me go?! If you don't want Yanyan anymore, just say yes, there is no need for me to be this villain!"

"..."

Those quarrels were so harsh that even as an outsider I felt chilling and noisy, so what about him who was thrown around by his parents?What was he thinking?

So I stood up abruptly, pushed the door open and walked out.

Sure enough, the child was scared by the parents' quarrel and shrank in the corner, at a loss.

Both of them were taken aback when they saw me, not to mention that Nie He had already introduced me to Qi Xuechun when I entered the door just now.

Those quarrels also stopped abruptly the moment I appeared.

I frowned, and glanced at the child who was staring at me blankly. I only felt that these two people were extremely disgusting and dazzling.

I don't want to see him so bewildered and flustered, and I don't want him to be alone and helpless all the time.If possible, I want to keep him by my side, protect him openly and favor him.

I want to give him a home, let him understand that he is not nobody wants.

"You don't want him?" I laughed, then went straight to the 15-year-old him, and said coldly, "I want him."

The entire Nie's mansion was quiet and needles could be heard. For a while, not to mention Qi Xuechun and Xia Changxing, even Nie He and Ren Zhan stood there dumbly, apparently unable to react.

But after I finished speaking, I felt that it was not good to say such words, and it would make Yanyan as cheap as an exchanged item.So I squatted down slightly, looked into his confused and flustered eyes, and asked him with a light smile, "Will you come with me?"

He blinked and froze for a moment, as if he was thinking about what I meant, I waited patiently for him to understand, and then nodded without hesitation when he saw that he was at a loss.

That's how he came to me.

I put him in a mountainside villa in Xinyou, where all my own people are private and safe.

The servants in the villa are all old people who have been with me for a long time. They are kind and kind. I have never put on airs, and I treat them well. They are all homeless people. They are grateful to me, so they do their best.

Yanyan is a bright and well-behaved child, and they all like him.Even after I separated from him, the old people still cared about him occasionally, but Yanyan, in order to avoid suspicion, asked me to send some gifts to say hello, and never came here again until he left.

Before he came here, the first question he asked me was: "What do I... call you?"

I chose a title, but I didn't know that this casual title would haunt him and me for the rest of our lives.

There are many rooms in the villa, and there are only two master bedrooms, one is mine, and the other should have been reserved for my future wife, but I placed him there with selfish intentions.

Because of work reasons, I don't actually live here often. For convenience, I usually live in villas in the city center.But right now Yanyan is here, no matter how busy I am, I won't let him leave here alone.

When he first came here, he was careful in everything he did. In order not to trouble others, he even washed the clothes quietly by himself.

I felt distressed and helpless, and I didn't know how to let him gradually let go of his defenses and adapt, so I had to take it slowly, let him integrate into this place and trust this place bit by bit, and then slowly change his habit of carrying everything by himself.

I want to help him share everything about him. If it is suffering, I want to bear 80.00% of it.

I hope he will always be happy and happy, and his eyes will always be as clear and pure as when we first met.Of course, even if one day he comes back from a difficult time in the world, his innocence is exhausted and his eyes are cloudy, I am still willing to welcome every hug and kiss from him.

Our first real closeness was on a thunderous summer night.

At that time, I had already fallen asleep, and was awakened in a daze by a faint knock on the door.I was startled, thinking that something happened at home, but when I opened the door, I saw him standing outside the door with bare feet in a daze, his face pale.

The temperature dropped a little that night, he was wearing thin pajamas, his whole body was helpless and frightened, and he seemed to be crumbling.

I was startled, and quickly brought him a pair of slippers for him to put on, and wrapped his thin body with a thin blanket, then leaned over slightly, stroked his head in a comforting manner, and asked softly: " What's wrong?"

He twisted the corner of his clothes uncomfortably, and after a long time he whispered, "I'm... afraid."

I asked, "What are you afraid of?"

He glanced at me secretly, then immediately lowered his head and said, "Ray..."

I suddenly realized, and couldn't help laughing: "Yanyan is so old, is he still afraid of thunder?"

He pursed his lips, lowered his eyes and said nothing.

I knew he was embarrassed, smiled, took him in, and let him sleep on the bed, thinking of coaxing him to sleep first and then spending the night on the sofa by myself.

No matter what, it is not appropriate to sleep together hastily.

Unexpectedly, when we were all drowsy, we were awakened by a loud thunder outside the window.

He was woken up by fright, probably not yet sober, he was stuffed in the quilt, curled up, and then he couldn't help crying slowly.

I was also frightened, and hurried over to hold him gently in my arms.He trembled, raised his head from under the quilt and looked at me with tears in his eyes.

I was so distressed by his insecure eyes, so I had no choice but to cover up and lifted the quilt to wrap him in my arms, and then stroked his back with my palm while calling his name and telling him "don't Afraid".

The faint fragrance of his body after bathing lingers on the tip of my nose. His figure is thin. I hold him in my arms, like holding a child of twelve or thirteen years old.He seems to be very used to sleeping curled up, a small ball, always good at wrapping himself up and protecting himself in this way.

I hugged him like this, as if adding an indestructible barrier on his own foundation.If possible, I would like to be his first line of defense, the one that can never be broken.

He suddenly called me.

I patted his back and asked softly, "What's wrong?"

"Can I hug you?" he said softly.

I froze for a while, and then replied in a panic: "...Of course."

Then, that thin arm gently wrapped around my waist.

We are close to each other, and our hearts are inseparable through two layers of skin.

He called me softly.

His hands around my waist gently gripped the fabric of my waist, and I could feel his body trembling slightly.

"Well, I'm here." I stroked his back one by one.

I don't know if it's because of fear, but this night he felt extremely insecure, and he was no longer as cautious as he was when he was with me on weekdays.

Before going to bed, he asked me: "...do you think I'm troublesome?"

I froze for a moment, hooked the corners of my lips, and joked in a warm voice: "Why, Yanyan should make me trouble."

He didn't say anything, just moved closer to me.

He slept peacefully that night, but I stayed up all night.

After that he gradually became less restrained.He will take the initiative to talk to me, share interesting things in school with me, and come to me when encountering difficulties in study.

I know that after he is afraid of thunderstorms, he slowly formed a conditioned reflex.As long as it rains, I will be awakened by the sound of rain hitting leaves, and I will run to his room when I hear thunder.Then she coaxed him to sleep and sat in his room all night.

I still can't get too close to him.I'm afraid he's afraid of me.

But gradually, he seemed to feel my cautiousness, and he smiled more. During thunderstorms, he would take the initiative to hug the pillow and get under my quilt, so at that time, I never dared to lock the door of my room.

At that time, he didn't know what a safe distance was, he only knew that he would crawl into my arms when he was happy or afraid.

But reason tells me that this is wrong.

I was outraged that his family did not educate him about personal safety, and I was also a little distressed.So I didn't dare to say too much, so I had to teach him little by little, telling him not only to keep a distance from strangers, but also from relatives and family members.

When talking about safe distance, he asked me: "Do I keep distance from you too?"

I paused, and said with a smile: "Of course, it's not just me. No one is qualified to break through this distance except Yanyan's lover."

He didn't seem to understand what a lover is. After thinking about it, he said to me: "Then can't you be my lover?"

I froze for a moment, patted his head, and said in a deep voice, "Yanyan, grow up quickly."

Only when you grow up can I know whether your love for me is a nostalgia between lovers or a so-called kindness.

Fortunately, he gradually understood.And our daily relationship is just like real relatives, with a degree of intimacy.

Then he asked me again: "Shouldn't I hug you?"

I froze for a moment, then suddenly became selfish, and I said, "It's ok. You can always rely on me."

You can always rely on me, even if you just regard me as your elder and relative.

The time when I was with him and got to know each other slowly, no matter when I think about it, it is like a beautiful dream woven by heaven.

We hide from the hustle and bustle of the world, and we are as close as real family.

It's just that by the time I realize that these are all illusions of my own deception, it's too late.

I thought he wasn't a picky eater.Because no matter what dish is on the table, he will take a little bit, and every meal is almost a bowl of rice, only when I cook, he can occasionally eat two bowls.

It was after his death that I saw the daily life recorded in that notebook and realized that he was a very picky person.

He marked in the column of meat in his notes: he doesn't like to eat chicken.

But obviously he eats anything, I once asked him what he likes to eat, and he said he is not picky eater.

He was not in good health at that time, and I wanted to make up for him, so I asked my aunt at home to cook chicken soup for him every now and then, and he ate it without changing his face, pretending to be very delicious and telling me "it's so sweet".

Is it sweet?

It's actually astringent.

I have loved him for so many years, but I haven't even figured out his preferences.

When he was in high school, he liked to eat the candied haws at the school gate. He said that the candied haws there were sour and sweet, not as sour as the ones in the market in his hometown.Moreover, the old man who sells candied haws is kind and kind, and greets him with a smile when he sees him. This is probably one of the few kindnesses he has seen in the world when he is 16 years old.

But I only found out later that he had never eaten the candied haws at the school gate.

Those so-called sweet and sour are just his thoughts on warmth.

My Yanyan is very smart.He knew why his parents abandoned him, and he also understood why the Nie family didn't like him, and he never felt resentful when faced with insults from his elder brother and younger sister.Because he never blamed anyone.He felt that the source of these sufferings was his own flaws, and he felt that they were all his own faults.

The whole family stood under the eaves, but gave him all the rain.

I used to think that I could at least block him with myself, half of it, a little bit, or all of it, as long as he wasn't so uncomfortable, as long as he was happy.

But in the end, I was the one who hurt him the most.

I clearly knew what he was most afraid of, but I still did it.

When he was 17 years old, he said that he wanted to enter the entertainment industry.

I turned him down the first time.

Although in the end I compromised.

I know what he is thinking, and I understand why he wants to enter the entertainment industry.He also has a younger sister and grandma, and he wants to use his abilities to give them the best possible life.

This is his way of loving.

It took me a long time to understand that when he gave himself to me back then, his love was more than kindness.And choosing to leave me is also the way he loves me.

After all, he left everyone he cherished in this way.

At that time, all my actions were under the supervision of the Si family, and my little action of secretly protecting him was naturally noticed by them.

However, they probably thought that I was just playing with him at first, so they pretended to understand and turned a blind eye to all this.

And I naively thought I could keep looking at him like this.Watch him grow up, see him sensible, see him young and heart-wrenching, watch him fall in love at the beginning.

I have no illusions that he likes me.

But I didn't expect that when he failed the college entrance examination that year, he would take the initiative to kiss me and give himself to me.

I was never on guard against him, so when he kissed me, I didn't even react. I only knew that my mind was empty and my ears were buzzing. Something was constantly burning my heart, liver, spleen and lungs.

He hugged me and kissed me, his eyes seemed to contain a clear spring, which was charming and touching.

I thought I could control it myself, but when I faced him, the rationality that had been honed for more than twenty years would disappear in an instant.

The most primitive desire in my heart drove me to him, and I knew that I always wanted him.Because I love him, I even want to tie him by my side for the rest of my life, and want to be with him forever.

I am mean after all.

We have maintained this relationship ever since.

However, at the same time as skin to skin, the heart is getting farther and farther away.

He moved out of the villa and lived in an apartment arranged by the company.He said that this place is close to Xia Zhenxi's school, and the security is high, so it is more convenient for him to come and go.

I didn't stop him.I know he's longing for his life.

And he never included me in his future.

As his fame piled up in the circle, I spent more and more time with him, and some things were quickly revealed.

The fuse lies in the Si family.

My father called me home and openly asked me what was my relationship with him in full view.

His tone was calm, and I thought he was planning for my future and his, so I replied frankly, "I like him, and I want to be with him."

I suffered without a word when the stick fell on me.

This time the punishment was heavier than ever before.The housewhip and the housestick intertwined with each other, leaving scars of different shades on my body.I knelt straight in the Si family's ancestral hall, but didn't say a word.

My father continued to ask me over and over again what was my relationship with him, and I kept saying my previous answer over and over again.Even when my mind was confused and my body was numb after being tortured, I still thought in a daze: I want to be with him.

I love him and I would put down the world to love him.If he loves me too, I will do whatever it takes to hold his hand.

I want to give him a home.

That was the first time I had the heart to rebel against the Si family.

Only by controlling the Si family can I have autonomy, and I can love him openly and no longer be restrained by them.

So I started to gather contacts secretly, infiltrated the Si family bit by bit, and slowly took the entire Si family enterprise and even the Si family into my pocket.

As long as I am powerful enough, as long as I am important enough to the Si family, they will not act rashly.

And they don't know that I do have power of my own.

That year, I met a man named Mo Yanshu at a banquet.Mo Yanshu is a casual person, but he gets along very well with me, and I can occasionally talk to him when I am bored.That's how we gradually became best friends.

So I told him my story.In fact, at that time, I was already oppressed by the Si family and wanted to commit suicide.I am good enough, the higher their demands on me, they gradually made me a unparalleled god, wishing they could worship me in the hall.

After hearing this, Mo Yanshu was silent for a while, suppressed his smile, and asked me in a low voice, "Do you want to be free?"

I said yes.

So that year, he took me into an organization.

I signed a contract to help them do things and kill people, and they gave me power. We have a dark net for communication.Those forces were only a little bit at first, but as I gave them more and more tasks, gradually, almost the entire control of Xinyou and Nanyang fell into my hands.

It's a proportional deal and a bargain.

And I made a lot of interesting friends in this organization, I collaborated with them, I killed with them.What's strange is that they are all people who don't care about interests, and they all have their own strengths and perform their duties.

To join the club, you need to sign a contract and enter your fingerprints to confirm your identity at any time.

My code name in action is "Umbra".

Umbra, where the light never shines.

I play the role of a night slayer.Only kill, not save.

In the early stage of membership, I would go to various places to hide my identity and do tasks arranged by the organization.Later, in order to concentrate on fighting the Si family, I had no choice but to ask my superiors to reduce the tasks. In the later stage, I followed a person named "Redeemer".

This person has a high status in the organization and a prominent reputation, but his nature is exactly the opposite of mine. He only saves people, not kills them.Often when there is a mess left by him that needs to be cleaned up, I will come forward and clean it up for him.

But I have worked with him for so long, and I have never met him.Not to mention me, I am afraid that few people in the entire organization have seen him.After all, he is the real controller.

I also gained more power and prestige because of him.

But these are not enough for now, not enough for me to completely get rid of the Si family, nor enough for me to protect Yanyan.If it wasn't for Yanyan's appearance, I probably wouldn't know what freedom is in this life.

I had no idea about my future before, and I didn't know where I could go or what I could do after I left the Si family. After all, everything about me belonged to the Si family.That's why I haven't had the heart to escape for a long time.

It wasn't until Yanyan appeared that I felt the desire.

I began to slowly plan my future, and also thought about where I could take him if I got rid of the Si family one day.

I want to escape.

But everyone in the Si family is an old fox, and my every move is under their surveillance, so I had to settle for the next best thing.Protecting Yanyan is the first priority, he is the most important, I must escape from the Si family on the premise of his safety.

However, I can't be by his side all the time, I'm afraid, I don't dare to bet, so I've been looking for a way to get the best of both worlds.

Until one day, Chi Beining found me.

She told me that I can say that I want to get engaged to her, take Yanyan out of the Si family's sight, and pretend to submit to them temporarily, and she can also secretly help me divert the Si family's attention.

I asked her why she helped me, and she said, "Someone asked me to help you."

She didn't say who it was, and there were only a few people who knew about my relationship with him. I went to ask Mo Yanshu, and Mo Yanshu said it was him.

But I always feel weird.

The Mo family and the Chi family have nothing to do with each other, so how could he know Chi Beining?Besides, Mo Yanshu would never have thought of such a solution. With his character, he must have sent someone over to help me deal with the Si family.

But I was sure he wouldn't harm me, so I didn't think much about it.

So that year, Yanyan and I gradually became estranged.

After he knew I was getting engaged, I knew he was leaving me.

I deliberately created a lot of gossip and gossip, in order to deceive people and make the Si family think that he is not that important, so they diverted their attention from him.

I always thought that this was just a temporary separation, as long as I get rid of the Si family quickly, I can get him back.But I didn't expect that this delay would last for five years.

He is more decisive than I imagined, maybe I am not that important in his heart, so leaving and alienating are so decisive.

Every holiday, when I asked him if he needed me to accompany him, he said he was busy with work.Even if it's New Year's Eve and Lantern Festival, he will find all kinds of excuses that I can't refute.

I went to take the initiative to find him, and he ran away.Later, he even deliberately went on a business trip on such a day and refused to come back.

And now, what position do I have to pester him?

I knew I couldn't wait any longer, every minute and every second I was apart from him was a death sentence.So I became anxious and started to plunder the Si family.

I rebelled against the Si family and disobeyed the clansmen, just to see him as soon as possible and smile at me sincerely again.It doesn't matter what the price is.

And it was precisely because of my eagerness for quick success that I didn't bother to take care of his body.I knew that he was weak and would get sick easily in winter, but I didn't expect that five years later, his body would be in such a state.

"My heart is towards the mountain, and the king's heart is towards the water."

This sentence is what I saw in the notes left by him.

He doesn't believe me.

When he left me from Xinyou when he was 28 years old, I wanted to go to find him. I knew where he was, but Chang Yi said to me: "You better not go to him. Brother Yan told me that he Said that he has not lived a free life, he wants to relax by himself, and asks you to give him a year."

"President Si, in fact, he's been very tired all these years, and it's rare that he's willing to go out for a walk by himself. You... let him go."

Let him go?

So in the eyes of others, does my appearance make Yanyan uncomfortable?

Did he think so too?

I was really afraid that he would be like Chang Yi, he hated me from the bottom of his heart, I was afraid and flinched.

So during the half a year when he left me, I eroded Si Shi like crazy.Everyone in the Si family was in a state of panic, but Yanyan's departure made them unable to find my weakness, and they were helpless against me.

This year, I finally got the entire core of the Si family in my pocket, and the scattered forces under my father and eldest sister are no longer a threat to me.

Missing is like shackles, locking me.It is also like fire, which makes me anxious and maddened.

I still went to him.

He was not at home when I went, so I stood at the door of his house and waited.It is hidden and dilapidated, overgrown with weeds and moss, but it is called "Baihua Lane".

But I know that he likes this kind of flat and stable life the most.

Neither I nor his family could give him this kind of life. We left him displaced, with nowhere to go, and had no choice but to hide in such dark corners.

What is wrong?It is the secular world, the human heart, the influence of interests, and the supremacy of power.

So I hate those people.

Hate to abandon people who hurt him, including myself.

When I saw him again, he lost a lot of weight, and his whole body seemed to be just a dry frame. When he saw me, his smile seemed to be squeezed out from the corner of his mouth. It was never the same as when I first saw him. bright.

I thought, I can never leave him in my life.He can't take care of himself