Died Before the Wedding

When I was in college, I would meet Xie Chenmin in some fixed places from time to time.

For example, milk tea shops, such as courier offices.

You can see Xie Chenmin working part-time and countless girls who strike up a conversation with him.

His looks are so outstanding that girls always ask him if he is an art student.

Sometimes people in my student union officer group also discuss him.

One named Xie Chenmin was the one we dealt with last time, right?

The part-time confession wall's daily publicity officer said so.

Every week, there are anonymous confessions to him. This kid appears too frequently in our place.

I said, every week?

The officer was hurt and said, yes, I can't bear it.

He happened to be opposite me, wearing the employee hat in his uniform backwards, sitting astride a chair, resting his head and arms on the back of the chair, drinking milk tea and playing with his mobile phone.

I looked up and said, you are full of peach blossoms.

He said, there is no way, the face is given by parents.

I said, that's great.

He also looked up at me and said, senior is jealous?

I said, eat your head.

This idle boy straightened his chair and smiled at me, senior, do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend.

I said yes.

He froze for a moment, then said while stirring the milk tea, huh?How come I haven't seen it.

I said, you see it every day, it is called a computer.

He said, senior, don't make trouble.

I said, what do you want to say.

Holding his face sideways, he said, I had several girlfriends in the past.

I pointed out the key points, a few, amazing Xie Chenmin.

He said, no, I didn't do anything, and my first kiss was there, do you think I look like that kind of person?

He didn't give me a chance to say "like", and continued. At that time, I was quite casual. I felt that someone was chasing me, and I had a particularly awesome and proud object.

He said, I haven't chased anyone before, it's all girls who came to me on their own initiative, that's amazing.

At the time, I didn't tell my mother that I felt very cool.

I complained that the rebellious period was superimposed on the second period.

He said that my mother found out later, and asked me to take leave of absence from school, and took me to talk at home all night.

I stopped drinking milk tea and looked up at him.

He says,

My mother said, Xie Chenmin, I have no objection to your falling in love, you can do it whenever you want.

But you are a boy, there are some things you have to consider more than the other side, and bear more.

Don't respond to any expectations of others until you've figured out that you can spend time with them.

They are also the children of their parents, why should they be hurt by your lack of consideration?Why should it become capital for you to show off?

Xie Chenmin, you let me down this time.

He said, my mother just looked at me and said these words to me very seriously.I thought about it by myself for a long time, and then I cut off all my girlfriends and were slapped by them one by one.

Later, I was rumored to be a scumbag. I didn't provoke others and others didn't provoke me.

I laughed out loud when I heard this.

He said, I figured it out, I don't actually like them in my heart, if they follow me, it will be too embarrassing in the future.

I joked, how do you know if you like it or not, in case you suffer from the second stroke again.

He said, senior, I think if I really like someone, I will probably be very, very crazy.

I said, huh?

He gestured earnestly, as if, the whole world is black and white, only this person is colorful.

He said that if this person disappeared from my eyes, the world would probably be dull.

He said.

Might as well let me disappear with him.

I looked at him and thought he was joking.

I was silent for a while and said, go and write a novel.

He giggled and said, at that time, only you, the senior, will be watching.

I said, I lack a book for a mouse pad.

Ruthless, he said.

The people at work called him, saying that a group of girls wanted to take a photo with him, and each of them bought two large cups of pearls.

Xie Chenmin immediately straightened his hat, got up and said, okay, here we come.

This fellow has gone from being a love expert to being a mascot.

……

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you will get next.

But it's actually more complicated than chocolate. You never know when an understatement that you say at a certain time will come true.

He joked that I must go before him and asked me to wait for him in front of Naihe Bridge.

He said that if that person disappeared, he would disappear with him.

One sentence is a big coincidence, and one sentence is never a joke.

I just know now.

……

Xie Chenmin's body shaking while hugging me, I could feel his temperature slowly passing away.

He is on the verge of dying, and his soul can temporarily separate from his body.

I said, you go back.

He said, I don't.

I said, don't ask me to say it a second time.

He said flusteredly and tremblingly, he agreed to let you wait for me, Chu, I don't want to be alone, and you don't want to, right, let's be together this time, we were together before, don't...

You don't want me.

At first, I miss you.

I gripped his back tightly with both hands, blocking the sobs I was about to let out on his shoulders.

I could hear his trembling end and feel his remaining warmth.

I can also hear the sound of mechanical friction, the doctor's cry for rescue, and the voice of the young female driver outside the door.

She said sorry to Xie's mother countless times, saying that she didn't expect him to suddenly appear in the middle of the road, and she also admitted that she was driving a little tired.

I can see that her brows are full of tiredness and guilt.

I saw Xie's mother's eye sockets and the whites of her eyes were already bright red, her tone was obviously trembling, but she still said calmly, it's okay, the responsibility lies with him.

The female driver seemed to have never seen a rational and sober family member in such a situation, and was stunned.

Xie's mother said that he has been very wrong recently. I... I didn't expect him to commit suicide. If I could realize it earlier, I...

His friends and relatives were comforting his mother, who was alone at the moment, when the female driver's cell phone rang, and a childish voice asked her when she would be home.

I said, Xie Chenmin, look over there.

He shook his head on my shoulder and said, I don't look at it.

I can't put into words my conflicted feelings.

I am very selfish, I want to go through the cold death together with Xie Chenmin, the man I love so much.I want to take him along, I don't want to leave him alone with a false sense of ritual and so-called meaning.

But I absolutely can't.

I tried my best to calm down and said, listen to me, okay?

A long time ago, his three roommates complained to me that Xie Chenmin listened to me the most.This person usually arrives late and cuts classes, talks back to teachers and classmates, but behaves like a kindergarten kid in front of me.

Sure enough, he still listened and looked over there.

I said, look at our mother.

Mother Xie's back was still upright, but she was silent amidst countless noises, with an indescribable sadness.

I said, she left you alone, if you leave, what do you want her to do.

He stopped talking.

I said, look at that driver, her child is still telling her to go home.She may be a single mother, working alone to make ends meet, because of your thought, their lives may be severely damaged.

But she still chose to stay and did not escape. Do you think you can't bear to let this crippled family bear another burden of self-blame?

I say,

You see, your friends, their expressions.

Look at these doctors, they are desperately trying to save you.

There is also Zhaocai, which is waiting for you to pick it up.

How can you say you are alone.

He said, but without you, Chu, how could I be without you,

I said, I'm by your side, isn't it, it's just that you can't see it.

He strangled me tightly, as if he wanted to break the breath of two souls and fuse them together.

He said, at first, I was reluctant.

I said, I know.

He is just as reluctant to part with me and this world where there are still warm people.

He sobbed softly in the pit of my neck, and it was the second time I saw him sobbing so unabashedly.

He said, Lin Chu, you are so fucking cruel.

I said sorry.

He said, don't say these three words.

Like the oath he made when he was young, he made up his mind to come to me and said that he would love me longer than his whole life.

However, I can only drive him away.

Romance can only be put in the story, and it can only be lost to a group of cruel reality.

But the man in front of me said,

First, we got married, now, okay.

I look at him.

The room was so quiet that only the sound of rescue was left.