Soul knot

Zhang Ziyun never thought that he would spend the rest of his life with one person.

She has long been used to the feeling of being alone, and this habit started from the year when she left Yuanchuan and Lu Yudong.

How much she relied on that girl in the past, but now she is so unwilling to let anyone walk into her own world, and see the selfish self that is so despicable hidden deep in her heart.

No one likes her like that.

Therefore, no one in this world can be trusted except yourself.

She thought so, and she has been working hard for it, trying to disguise herself layer by layer.

A woman who hangs around all kinds of nightclubs is dirty in the eyes of many people, right?

Indeed, in some chaotic nightclubs? Whether it is waiters, resident singers, or customers who come to get drunk, if they see each other or unilaterally, all they need is a sum of money, or a coin that I don’t know when to put it in. With the medicine in the cup, we can easily spend the night together.

Although it is only a part, it has become the inherent impression of many people.

What's more, she did not seldom go to similar places to feel the atmosphere.

When people are often in some kind of danger, they will develop many subconscious actions.

For example, never drink the wine offered by others, never eat the food given away by others for free, and whenever a stranger approaches to strike up a conversation, he will subconsciously cover his cup.But no matter how vigilant he is in his heart, he still has an easy-going smile on his surface.

She is a liar, beauty is her weapon, and those who covet beauty are her prey.

So what about the fall?What about being looked down upon?

There was a time when she felt that she had been struggling in the mud, longing to be clean, but she couldn't help herself.

Just like in high school, as long as you have money, you have the hope of saving your loved ones.

Speaking of which, it is indeed closely related to Zhang Hao's sum of money that she has been able to come to this day.

If she had never borrowed the money that did not save her father, her fate might have been different?

At least she won't be entangled with Zhang Hao because of this, she won't have to work to earn money at that age, she won't receive so much help from Lu Yudong, and in the end, she won't have to be forced by Zhang Hao's pressing every step of the way and Lu Yudong's subconscious alienation. Instead of leaving Yuanchuan, he chose to give up the university he wanted to study the most.

But there is no what-if in this world, even if there is, even if she can do it all over again, as long as she doesn't have the memory, she will still choose to accept the loan and pay for the operation that is destined to make her farewell to her father. ? Surgical fees.

Because that is her relative, the backbone of her family of three, and the person her mother and she least want to lose.

It's like her mother's illness, prompting her to walk step by step on the current path of degeneration, unwilling but never regretting it.

At first, in order to save my father, my mother offered to sell the family house, but my father left before the house was sold.

After that, they depended on each other, and the former home became a rent-collecting house, and they received some money to subsidize daily expenses every quarter.

After her mother was ill, Zhang Ziyun wanted to sell the house for her mother to take care of her illness, but her mother cried and begged, and insisted on stopping her.

She thought her mother was reluctant to part with the memories of the past, so she worked harder to make money, earning money while being scolded at the same time.It wasn't until the mother couldn't bear the pressure in her heart and chose to leave that she realized that the mother just felt that she was hopeless and had to leave something for her child who was going to be helpless.

After that, she suddenly felt that she couldn't leave? The quagmire.

She only hates that all of this is predestined, since the day her father got into a car accident, she has been working hard, but has been failing.

So she lived alone for a long time in a muddleheaded way, and her life can be described as drunken and dreamy. Occasionally, she was taken in by a bar, and she was a temporary resident singer for a few days, cheating fools, drinking, and not communicating with others.

There seems to be nothing wrong with such a day.

Anyway, now she has no school to go to, she has already deviated from her childhood dream, and most of the serious jobs she can find are tiring, hard and poor.Now that you have stepped in, why pretend to be aloof?Isn't it the thing she has been good at since she was a child to gain benefits through the favor of others?

The only difference is probably only in the past? It was for vanity, but now it is for life.

It's ridiculous and pathetic.

Last summer, Zhang Ziyun suddenly wanted to go back to Yuanchuan to have a look.

When the obsession in the heart fades along with the emotion, the place where all the memories begin becomes the most yearning place in the bottom of my heart.

After the one-quarter rental contract expired, the tenant Cha also proposed the idea of ​​moving, and she returned home like this.

All the furnishings in the house had changed, and the mother who had left with her had not been able to come back.

That day, Zhang Ziyun looked at the familiar yet unfamiliar "home", and the corners of Zhang Ziyun's eyes couldn't help but feel a little sore.

She came back after all. Fortunately, apart from her, the city hasn't changed much.

The old place is still there, and the old people are still there, it's nothing more than responding to the listing at the door of the bar - karma.

At that time, it wasn't that the bartender assistant named Qiyue among the old friends was not in a good mood, but maybe he was broken in love and didn't want to do anything.

She somehow returned to the position where she had worked for a long time.

Zhang Ziyun knew that this was only a temporary replacement, and her return would not make Mu Shenshan expel Qiyue, just like what was missed cannot be found, here? There is no place for her anymore.

But can I stand at that bar again and watch? Everyone is leisurely or busy without any changes in personnel, familiar or unfamiliar faces come and go, and the songs that were once very familiar are lingering in my ears. It was still the taciturn Yan Zhaomu.

This feeling is like going back to a few years ago.

It seems that everything has not had time to change.

Although Zhang Ziyun knew it well, everything had changed.

When Qiyue calmed down from her sad mood, she, the "outsider" who came suddenly, should turn around and leave, and return to her muddled life from this relaxed and carefree atmosphere.

All of this seems to be planned by fate.

The only accident was that she met Chen Yang who debuted in the draft.

Over the years, there have been many people who want to pick her up, both men and women. Chen Yang is no exception, but he is very special.

Zhang Ziyun has always thought that in the eyes of others, she is nothing more than a woman who can be bought with money, so she is used to being hypocritical and submissive with such people.

Chen Yang is different?

Obviously everyone can see that she is not like a serious girl, but Chen Yang is always silly, approaching her bit by bit in the most clumsy but also cutest way.

Chen Yang's family is rich, and his career is on the rise. If he really likes women, he can find pretty ones. It's just a matter of how much money he spends?

But that girl just lowered her figure very naturally, like an ordinary girl, and tried hard to become friends with her.

Zhang Ziyun has seen too many rich people who want her, but this is the first time? Seeing someone who is so thoughtful and considerate of her self-esteem in every way.

That kind of cautious, like the girl in the novel who has been well-behaved and sensible since she was a child, suddenly fell in love for the first time, young and clumsy.Impeccably clean.

From then on, Zhang Ziyun always dreamed.

There are many dreams, sometimes when she goes back to school, the girl who has been with her has become Chen Yang.Sometimes when she was in the bar, Chen Yang offered to send her a song in front of many people.

Sometimes, she would run wildly and cry in the narrow alley where she used to walk when she was a child in the middle of the night, as if she wanted to escape, but she didn't know where to escape.

The street lights along the way were broken, and the end of the road was pitch black.

The only light, on the way here, when I turned my head, I could see a slender figure standing in the distance, looking at her quietly.

Zhang Ziyun didn't want to admit it, but he had to admit it.

Once again, she yearned uncontrollably for a ray of light that was beyond her reach.

This time, she was farther away from that ray of "light".

No matter how hard she tries to disguise herself and try her best to make herself look like an ordinary senior student, the fact will not be changed by this layer of disguise.

She is just a muddleheaded guy, a liar, and a good-for-nothing rotten person.

The difference between cloud and mud is nothing more than that.

She thought, it all started when she gave Chen Yang a cup of Tequila Sunrise on the day she first met Chen Yang.

The sun rises and the sun sets, but when the heat caused by that glass of wine in Chen Yang's heart fades away, there will be no further texts between them.

As long as she pretends that she doesn't know anything, when that day comes, she can at least be Chen Yang's friend, can she look at him from a distance, and can send her a non-obtrusive sentence after every performance of Chen Yang. Praise and applause.

Just like back then, if she hadn't revealed everything, maybe she could still go to the same university with Lu Yudong.Then, when I feel bearish, I hide all my thoughts in my heart and never bring them up again.

In this way, there will never be a gap between her and Lu Yudong.

But the premise of all this is that Chen Yang has never broken through all her disguises.

Over the years, she has despised herself and almost lost everything. The only thing left is the self-esteem that everyone can trample on, but she still tries to keep.

But this kind of self-esteem has been cut out from the bottom of my heart, and it has been exposed to the sun with a past that has not been seen.

At that moment, no one insulted her, but she seemed to have returned to the days when she was judged and pointed at in the third year of high school, and she couldn't explain it.

In the end, she still became the kind of "woman who can be bought with money" in Chen Yang's eyes.

That night, in a deserted alley, she looked at Chen Yang with red eyes.

In my heart? There is a voice that keeps clamoring.

——Look, what's different about Chen Yang?Isn't he also someone who thinks that money can buy you from the bottom of his heart?

——Your sincerity has long been worthless.

In fact, she can, can sell herself.

At least my heart is not dirty. For the first time, I can get a good price, right?

If Chen Yang could come up with some kind of nurturing agreement, she would have nothing to sign, at least sell it to a woman, at least... sell it to a woman she likes.

From now on, she will no longer have to go around humiliating herself.

From then on, she will get nothing for nothing, until the day Chen Yang gets tired of playing with her.

But she didn't want to.

So, she took the last thing she had, turned and left without looking back.

She thought that after making such a decision, she would probably miss Chen Yang for the rest of her life.

From that day on, Chen Yang never took the initiative to contact Zhang Ziyun again.

Zhang Ziyun looked at that WeChat friend, and wanted to delete it many times, but so what? He couldn't bear it.

Several times, she wanted to send a message to see if she had been deleted by the other party.

But when the tentative words came to his lips, he was afraid that the other party would really receive them after they were sent out.

Even though she knew there was no result, she still couldn't help following the news related to Chen Yang on the Internet.

What programs did Chen Yang participate in, and why did he record new episodes for movies, TV series, games or animations.

There is also the album that Chen Yang mentioned several times in the interview, which is under production.

Chen Yang's home is in the imperial capital. After graduation, he probably won't come to Yuanchuan again except for business activities?

This is the case between people. Once the connection is gone, it is like a kite with a broken string, flying to a distant place, and never seeing each other again.

One night at the beginning of March, Zhang Ziyun drank a lot of wine, and for some reason, accidentally logged into a Weibo account that he hadn't touched in half a year.

It was a new account she created when she was a freshman, with very few fans, and there were a few incomplete lyrics and music in it, most of which were inspirational records of about 1 minute when she taught herself to compose and arrange music after college.

At that time, the unrealistic dream in her heart was still there, and she was full of thoughts that it would be difficult to get ahead only if she could sing, maybe she could become a singer-songwriter in the future? It was impressive.

Looking back now, I feel a little bit embarrassed.

On Weibo, there are a few private messages from strangers. When I click on them, they are mostly small advertisements for selling fans and selling pornographic V certification.

But there is a relatively new one that is so different?

The private message said that she admired the lyrics and music samples on her homepage very much, and asked her if she had any intention of composing lyrics and music for their singer?, and left her contact information at the end, expressing that she looked forward to discussing in detail.

This is a message from a week ago. The sender's real name verification is from a very famous record company.

As for the singer under this company, it is none other than Chen Yang.

Zhang Ziyun doesn't believe in coincidences.

There are so many songwriters in this world, and there are a lot of well-known and unknown ones. Why is she selected by such a big company with a fan base of less than four figures?

At that moment, she hesitated for a long time, and finally mustered up the courage to take a screenshot of the private message and send it to Chen Yang's WeChat.

Messages are not blocked.

Zhang Ziyun: [screenshot] What do you mean?

Chen Yang: I'm bored, I searched for your name on Weibo, but I didn't expect to find it.

Chen Yang: Unexpectedly, you can do these things.

Chen Yang: It's quite unexpected. I've known you for so long, so I know that you also study music, and your works are very spiritual.

Zhang Ziyun: ...

Chen Yang's words looked the same as usual, as if they had never quarreled or had a cold war.

Chen Yang: I want to ask you to try the title song of my album.

Zhang Ziyun: Why don't you chat privately?

Chen Yang: I didn't say it was up to you.

Chen Yang: Everything follows the company process, and the lyrics and music are reviewed by someone, but I am not the only one who has the final say.

Zhang Ziyun: ...

Chen Yang: I know, you don't need anyone's pity.

Chen Yang: So I only give opportunities, whether you can seize them depends on yourself.

Chen Yang: Yudong said that music is your dream since childhood.

Chen Yang: Since it is a dream, don't lose it easily.

In this world, how can there be people who step into the darkness and can no longer see the light?

作者有话要说：感谢在2021-01-2422:23:16~2021-01-2823:12:13期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the landmine: 5 cold cakes; , Warm you and encourage you, hereby love and carefree 2;

Thanks to the little angel of the irrigation nutrient solution: 21 bottles of self-tapping and self-receiving; 20 bottles of aman; 10 bottles of Liangliangbing, Shenshen, Moyanhan; 2 bottles of ir.

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!