deceased into ashes

A few days later, the beach.

The sun was shining brightly, and the air at the end of May was exceptionally fresh.

Zhou Qianyi was sitting on the beach wearing a light blue long dress, looking at the calm sea, gray sky and sandy beach in the distance, she picked up her mobile phone and took a photo.

What color is this?

Zhou Qianyi looked at the distant sky and recalled carefully, the colorful colors in his memory.

Is it a pale blue sky?Is it a golden beach, is the seagull black and white hair?What color is the kite in the distance?

Zhou Qianyi hugged her knees like this, looking at the excitement and complication that seemed to have nothing to do with her.

She came here alone today because she wanted to find a place to put her ashes.

Is it the deep sea in the distance, the best place where you can drift with the wind, or the wildflowers on the rocky cliffs near the sea, passing away with bright and bright colors?

She closed her eyes quietly, listening to the sound of the sea breeze and the noise of the crowd.

When I was a child, I heard people in a small inland town say that the sound in the conch is the sound of the seabed.

The voice reverberated in people's ears, like a mermaid singing under the sea. When she was a child, she wanted to get one very much. A relative once gave her such a small white conch shell. Unfortunately, before hearing the voice, it had already been smashed by her father. up.

She picked up a shell next to her, thinking that when the time comes, the ashes will be packed in the shell pieces like this, and it will be enough for them to scatter freely.

Her whole life was so flat and calm, all the pain she had suffered was swallowed in her stomach, chewed into pieces in her white teeth, without saying a word, and no one asked.

She shook the shell, there was a small crab under the shell, a very small one, she smiled slightly, and put the shell back.

Last month, Zhou Qianyi spent more than a week on the hospital bed thinking about what to do.

Revenge or disappear, forget or retain.

Every day, the apex of her heart hurts because of thinking about the old things.

I remembered that when I was a child, my mother jumped off the building because of me, because I was insulted by others at that time, but no one supported me.

Thinking of Yu Qingyue's kindness to her in the past, and remembering the quiet nights on campus when the two of them talked under the covers all night without feeling tired, and finally remembered the pictures Chen Xi showed her.

She used to watch "Jane Eyre" and felt that Jane Eyre was a brave person with a tolerant friend Helen Burns. When she was confused, she thought of a sentence from Helen Burns.

"I think life is too short to spend it holding grudges and holding grudges."

After thinking for a long time, she was also relieved.

She loves Yu Qingyue so much that even if she was cold and violent for more than ten days in a row, even if she was sick.

It may be that the unequal payment has led to the current result.

Zhou Qianyi thought about it, and finally thought of the last wish.

She wants Yu Qingyue to remember her all her life and never forget her. Even if she has a new love, even if she is an octogenarian, she still remembers that there was once a person who loved her so much that she cherished and felt guilty all her life .

She looked at the location on her phone. The abandoned building in the suburbs was under the name of Yu Qingyue's company. It was about to be demolished this year. It was 55 meters high.

That's it.

These days, she has wiped away all the fear of death, but she would feel unwilling every time she thinks about it before, but now she is relieved.

In fact, she died the year Yu Qingyue cheated on her.

It's just that the body is still alive now. At that time, my soul and everything about me are dead.

Zhou Qianyi wrote a few words on the beach, a few big ones, and then took pictures after finishing writing. He wrote many times like this, and did not leave until the crowd dispersed at noon.

She has only repeated three words:

I love you.

*

Zhou Qianyi ate lunch outside, ordered a bowl of porridge and ate slowly, didn't talk or do anything, just thinking about things.

She felt that she had been in a daze for almost a day.

She is thinking about the future.

Will Yu Qingyue get married?

Will there be children?

Will you be happy?

Will you be happy?

Will you forget her?

Will continue to love her?

Zhou Qianyi's stubbornness was engraved in his bones since he was a child. Just like his mother, he was so stubborn that he would not tear down the south wall.

She was stirring the porridge in the bowl, watching and watching, the grayish white porridge kept stirring, and it became much thicker, so she continued to taste it in small sips with satisfaction.

She couldn't help but call Yu Qingyue.

"Hello? Qianyi, are you okay? What's the matter?" The other party's voice was very gentle.

"No, I just want to make a call." Zhou Qianyi's voice was much softer, she lowered her eyes, looking at the thin and pale arm.

"Where are you? Do you want me to pick you up?" Yu Qingyue waited patiently for her answer.

"Qingyue, I love you." Zhou Qianyi smiled shallowly, tears fell down inadvertently.

"Well, I love you too."

"I really love you very much..." Zhou Qianyi repeated the seemingly meaningless sentence, her voice gradually trembling, she repeated in a low voice: "I really...love you very much."

Her tears slid down.

She's leaving soon, in a few days.

But she is still so stupid, she loves that person and doesn't want anything.

Then he huddled in the corner covered in bruises, looked at the gray world, and wrote over and over again on the sand:

"I love you."

Stupid and pathetic, pathetic.

Zhou Qianyi just suddenly felt that it would be better if he said it, much better.

For so many years, she seldom said such words, even when she was in love.

She felt that instead of talking and doing more things, the other party would know and appreciate her intentions.

I was born with a submissive temperament, and I used to blush when I said a few words.

Maybe, I just want to say goodbye to her for the last time.

Zhou Qianyi silently listened to the conversation on the other end of the phone: "Qianyi, where are you? Are you uncomfortable? I'll pick you up."

Yu Qingyue had heard Zhou Qianyi's shallow sobs a long time ago, and for some reason, she became inexplicably flustered.

"You wait for me, I'll pick you up." After saying this, Yu Qingyue still didn't hang up the phone, just waiting for Zhou Qianyi to speak.

Not long after, Yu Qingyue came, and the phone was still on, she saw Zhou Qianyi in the corner staring at a bowl of porridge that hadn't cooled down in a daze, her eyes were empty, just like the time she had a conflict with her at home before.

Eyes without charm are like stagnant water, thousand-layered ravines, and deep seas.

"Qianyi..." Yu Qingyue walked towards her, Zhou Qianyi laughed as soon as she saw her coming, she didn't seem to cry at all.

It's just that she is still getting thinner and thinner, which makes Yu Qingyue feel really worried.

In the past, Zhou Qianyi's face had some baby fat, it was soft and cute, her eyes were bright, and there was only her in the light brown eyes.

This is also one of the reasons why Yu Qingyue put all her eggs in one basket and wanted to be with Zhou Qianyi for the rest of her life.

She took Zhou Qianyi's hand to leave the store and walked towards the parking lot.

He held her hand carefully, as if afraid of breaking it.

Zhou Qianyi smiled.

That was rarely the case in those three years.

In those three years, it was simply tormenting and uncomfortable. When holding hands, the other party was indifferent, or on the bed. Sometimes the hands that were prone to scars were pressed a little bit bruised. Afterwards, she foolishly covered it up with her sleeves for fear that she would be unhappy if she saw it.

So stupid.

Zhou Qianyi thought about it.

After getting into the car, Yu Qingyue worriedly helped her fasten her seat belt and asked, "Are you feeling uncomfortable? I'll take you to the hospital."

"En." Zhou Qianyi just replied one word sullenly, and then didn't speak again.

Yu Qingyue had no choice but to drive to the direction of the hospital. Zhou Qianyi had been keeping an eye on the side of the road, and suddenly at a turning, she said:

"Stop."

"What's the matter?" Yu Qingyue looked at the direction Zhou Qianyi was looking at strangely. It was a medium-sized hotel, and it was not easy to be noticed when going downhill.

"Do you want to stay in a hotel?" Yu Qingyue was a little puzzled: "It's not good to live in Yan Min's place? If that's the case, let's go home and live in the hotel. The hotel is not clean."

"Stop the car, I'm going over there." Zhou Qianyi just said this stubbornly.

Yu Qingyue reluctantly parked the car in the underground parking lot next to the hotel, and accompanied Zhou Qianyi in.

"An hourly room." Zhou Qianyi took out his ID card and cash, and Yu Qingyue felt even more strange.

"What's the matter?" Yu Qingyue asked: "Are you uncomfortable, do you want to sleep here for a few more hours? Let me help you book a full day since you're not feeling well."

"You go up with me." Zhou Qianyi took the room card at the front desk and dragged Yu Qingyue to the elevator.

At the door of the room, Zhou Qianyi still hesitated before inserting the card and opening the door.

The inside was very clean, someone cleaned it up just now, Yu Qingyue closed the door for her, Zhou Qianyi got a single room, but the bed was big.

"You rest, I'll be by your side." Yu Qingyue was afraid that she would faint again due to discomfort.

"Qingyue," Zhou Qianyi pulled up the curtains, was silent for a while, pursed her lips and said, "I miss you."

"It's okay, I'm right here." Yu Qingyue looked at Zhou Qianyi, Zhou Qianyi was a little abnormal today.

What's abnormal, I can't tell.

"Don't you understand?" Zhou Qianyi looked at the small counter over there, ordinary hotels have those things.

Yu Qingyue suddenly understood.

"Qianyi...you're not feeling well, don't be like this, we'll talk about it later when you get better." Yu Qingyue's voice was a little hoarse, but she still looked at Zhou Qianyi gently with her eyes, as if comforting a child.

Zhou Qianyi took something from the counter, with calm eyes, then sat on the bed and began to undress.

Yu Qingyue grabbed her, a little surprised, and said, "Qianyi, what are you doing, you'll catch a cold like this."

Zhou Qianyi half-exposed her shoulders, turned around and hugged the person behind her and kissed him.

...... (Jinjiang's father won't let me)

It was three o'clock in the afternoon when I woke up.

Zhou Qianyi looked at Yu Qingyue who was sleeping next to him, picked up clothes from the side to wear, went to the bathroom to take a shower, and saw some red marks beside her collarbone in the mirror.

She touched it subconsciously.

This time it was very gentle, everyone is very gentle.

The tenderness I haven't had in a long time.

Zhou Qianyi picked up her hairpin clip, put on her clothes and went out.

When Qingyue woke up, it was already 03:30.

Zhou Qianyi had already gone back.

Yu Qingyue watched all this bluntly, not knowing what to say.

Qianyi, she still loves her, right?

Yu Qingyue looked at her phone, then made another call to Zhou Qianyi.

"Hello? Qianyi, why didn't you wait for me..." Yu Qingyue felt a little guilty.

"It's okay, I'm home." Zhou Qianyi took the foundation at home to cover the marks on her collarbone.

Glutinous rice meowed beside me.

After Zhou Qianyi hung up the phone, he looked at Nuomi, patted its head, and said:

"Nuomi, remember what you promised me earlier."

"Meow--"

"Sister Yan is a good girl. I can't be bad. If I trample on her, she will have a better life than me. So..."

"Meow meow--"

"I'm going to say goodbye to her."

Nuomi walked around her a few more times, squinting her eyes and staring at her when she saw that she was sleepy.

"Go to sleep for a while." Zhou Qianyi led Nuomi to lie on his side, and said, "Nuomi is good."

This is the last farewell.

It was her, the last face-to-face present.