Pavlov and the White Moonlight

In the second year of high school, from the day I met Tang Shuhe to the first half of the third year of high school, that year was the brightest period of my youth.When I was seventeen or eighteen years old, I had a group of friends, a pair of parents, and a lover. Like all children with wind on their shoulders and light in their eyes, I enjoyed and squandered my good and short youth.There is no wind and snow between the brows of a young man, and no frost in his heart. The only thing he needs to worry about is the grade ranking list.Tang Shuhe and I met in the early autumn when we were 17 years old. We walked and listened to songs in the sunset, ran and hugged each other at the sports meeting, kissed in the heavy snow, and watched winter go and spring come again.So far, I found that I can still recall a lot of things that I thought I had forgotten.

I think of the flower stand in the school corridor in spring full of lilacs, we kissed softly in the tangy aroma, covered by the smoke-like lavender flowers, we always laughed when we first practiced kissing, I kept saying silly things like I didn’t play well just now, and then I gradually became proficient. During the make-up time in the stairwell every day, I regard kissing as the highest reward; when the summer is the hottest, I avoid the crowd and eat popsicles under the shade of trees. , under the green shade of tall trees and luxuriant trees, the warm sunshine swayed, and I wandered around the playground during the evening self-study class. It was so dark that no one could see that the two boys were quietly holding hands; sometimes he would watch me play, As soon as I scored a goal, I turned my head to look for his eyes. Most of the time he looked at me, bent his eyes and smiled, clapped his hands a few times, and occasionally lost his mind, I shook my tail at him and called him loudly: "Tang Shuhe!"

He came back to his senses and quickly said oh oh oh, and then applauded. Now that I think about it, he almost indulged me like raising a child, but I was very happy at that time. Amidst the booing of the boys playing together, I laughed It is more publicized than anyone else.

I think of Tang Shuhe, Yu Sihai, Li Rui, and Liu Hongbo, five of us, who ran out to drink after the final exam in the second year of high school. We mixed white beer with beer and got drunk. Shaking, the shadows under the dim street lights are messy.Tang Shuhe hasn't drank much since the last party and knew that he couldn't drink. Now he is the most sober among us, mixed with this and helping that, Yu Sihai kicked his shoes and sang with a broken voice. Today, only The remnant of the body welcomes the glory days, Liu Hongbo pulls a gong that is more broken than him, hugs freedom in the wind and rain, Li Rui listens, and vomits in the tree pit.

Tang Shuhe was squeezed by Yu Sihai and stood on the curb. He frantically handed water to Li Rui and patted his back. Get up and hug that person, and say Tang Shuhe, you can't leave me even in university.

Tang Shuhe hugged me back with a smile, and said softly, of course.

I said fart, what should you do if you are admitted to Peking University.

He said very seriously, my score can go to any university in China, I will go wherever you go.

I said oh, then I will also take the Peking University test, so don't you not take the Peking University test.

I remembered that he and I couldn’t see each other at home during the New Year. We couldn’t think about it. We talked every day until the phone was hot and didn’t quench our thirst. We kept calling secretly from our parents. In a muffled voice, he whispered, "When does school start?"

I laughed and whispered back to him: "Me too, I've grown up so much, I've never looked forward to starting school so much."

He cleared his throat and said, "Lu Huai Do you want to listen to my singing?"

I was stunned for a moment, and said yes, of course, and then he sang it one by one in a low voice. It was the song I sang to him. He learned it by himself, practiced it by himself, and then sang it to me. His voice is so real. It sounds good, I have never heard such a clear and gentle voice, but because the voice is too low, many sounds are muted, like a signal to tease the dark night, slipping through with the sizzle of electricity and the warm smell of the bed , he sang love is a belief that brings you to my side, I smiled and turned around, hugged the quilt, and listened quietly. The sound broke, and I said Tang Shuhe, why are you so cute.

At that time, the atmosphere was so good, we were all lying on the bed, listening to each other's voice and breath, the primitive impulse of the little boy made me want to do something, but after thinking about it, let it go.I think, wait until we are all, anyway, the future is long.

I don't know who to blame for what happened later, so I have to blame myself when I think about it.It's because I'm too young, so young that my wings haven't grown hard yet, so young that I'm reckless and frivolous.

The third year of high school is probably the darkest moment in the lives of most Chinese teenagers.That year, every morning at 05:30, I ran for half an hour, and there were quizzes in various subjects every night for self-study. Evening classes lasted until [-]:[-] in the middle of the night, and the pressure was so high that people lost their dreams.Sometimes when I was too sad, he would secretly hold my hand under the table; sometimes when he was sleepy, I would reach out and gently pinch his earlobe.People who are not in love basically don't have this kind of decompression treatment, so during that time, many people were going crazy.Finally one day, during the exam, a ghost sneaked out while going to the toilet and pulled the main switch of the school.

At that time, we didn't know that someone pulled the main switch, so we thought it was a power failure. After two seconds of silence, everyone burst into enthusiastic cheers, and the class immediately became commotion, like a vegetable market.

"It's great that the third middle school finally had a power outage in my lifetime."

"Fuck, this classroom is as dark as my grades."

"Should we light candles? Anyone have a birthday today and celebrate by the way?"

"Erkang, Erkang, my eyes are blind."

"I just saw the dean duaiduai stepping on the generator there just now hahahahahahaha."

"Quiet!" Xu Ru shouted.

"Okay, okay, everyone, stay safe and don't be impatient." The political teacher nestled on the chair of the podium, knocked on the podium, "wait for the call, you can chat, keep your voice down."

Tang Shuhe sat quietly in the dark with his arms around his shoulders. I leaned on the table and sighed: "Damn it, is the exam in this class invalid? Too much fucking."

Tang Shuhe didn't speak, he groped to put his hand on the back of my neck, pinched it gently, I held his slender wrist with my backhand, and just held it like that.

The political teacher is still emphasizing: "This round of review has just begun, everyone must pay attention to it, I will not explain many details for the second time, you must remember that this round of review is your last chance to come back ..."

I whispered: "Why is this room so dark, you can't see your fingers... hey, guess what I'm doing?"

Tang Shuhe: "... I'm reaching out."

"That's right." I laughed happily, put my hand on his face, pinched the thin and soft flesh of his cheek, and he silently leaned his face on my hand, the two of us were alone in the dark Two vague shadows, a little silent and secretively close.The political teacher talked about the importance of a round of review for a while, but when he saw that no one was paying attention to him, he stopped talking, curled up in a black shadow on the seat, and drank tea in a naive manner.

"Fuck! Who pinched me! Who is it! Sei!" shouted the sports committee.

Everyone laughed.I also laughed, leaned closer to Tang Shuhe's ear while laughing, and said softly: "You said that if I kiss you now, no one will see it."

Tang Shuhe smiled, but said nothing.

I said softly, "Kiss you, okay?"

He brought his head closer and kissed her lightly.

Although we didn't avoid people before, we had never kissed in such a public way—except for the one he secretly kissed on the day of the party.Today, the room is probably too dark and the atmosphere is too good. I don't have any other thoughts, I just want to kiss him. If only I could kiss him like this in front of everyone under the sun.

The call came not long after we kissed, and shortly after the light was restored, we saw the dean walking past the door with a boy in his arms.The political teacher knocked on the table again: "Okay, let's call, today's paper will be used as a class exercise, hurry up and write."

After he finished speaking, he stood up, walked straight to the seats where Tang Shuhe and I were seated, and said, "You two come out with me."

That moment was the beginning of all nightmares.I was thinking countless times afterwards, it's all my fault, it's all my fault.If I hadn't had the brains to kiss him that day, would everything have been different, even if it came later and slower.

The political teacher didn't call the two of us to the office. There were other teachers there. He just stood outside the class door, looked at us, frowned and sighed, and said in a measured tone: "Do you think I can't see you?" …Actually, when I look at you from the podium, you can see everything clearly, even if there is no light. You will know when you go up and have a look.”

My heart skipped a beat.Neither of them spoke, by default.

The politics teacher paced back and forth, pinched the bridge of his nose and said, "Personally, I don't have any big prejudice against this kind of thing, but as a teacher, I can't ignore it... I will tell your head teacher about this matter tomorrow." , Alright, nothing else, let’s go back to self-study first.”

Tang Shuhe stared at me with a pale face all that night.I shook his hand, and his palm was sweaty and cold.I said: "...I'm sorry, I was impulsive."

Tang Shuhe shook his head.I sighed and said, "We've come this far, we will face the next thing together, no matter what happens, I will always be with you," I patted him on the back, "Don't be afraid."

He didn't answer, but looked at me very hard, and said, Lu Huai, you want to be by my side.

I said yes.

He said, "You can't go."

I said I'm not leaving.

He said: "If you leave, I..."

I interrupted him: "I said I won't leave, why do you think I will leave because of this?"

He didn't speak, he put his head on my lap tiredly and hugged my waist.

"I'm ready for anything," he said softly.

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