night without tears

"You really are here."

The courtyard was full of bright sunshine, and a handsome man was sitting on a bench under the shadow of the mottled trees. The man turned his head when he heard the words.Yin Yening smiled, sat down beside him, and followed his gaze to the man on the grass who was being watched by the nurse and was teasing the pigeons.

The man had dazzling blond hair, eyes like aquamarines, and he pointed his fingers at the cooing pigeons, looking engrossed.

"Such an ending should be the best for him."

Cheng Fei gave a somewhat absent-minded "hmm".

Joshua's head was still covered with a bandage, but his face was not pale. When a pigeon jumped onto his shoulder and rubbed against his face, he smiled, as innocently as a child.

It was a carefree look that was rare and rare to appear on his face.

He didn't die in that sea, but he lost nearly 20 years of memory, and mentally turned back into a ten-year-old child.The doctor said he would probably remain a child for the rest of his life, which, to be honest, wasn't much better than being insane.

"His family severed ties with him a few years ago," Cheng Fei said as the breeze blew through his hair, "Now his guarantor for hospitalization fills in my name, but I will return to the United States in a few days. I may have to trouble you to bear it a bit later."

"Cheng Fei...you really let him stay here alone?"

Yin Yening shouldn't have asked this question in the first place, and he himself felt that he shouldn't have asked this question. Cheng Fei obviously had no responsibility for Joshua. He was willing to pay the medical bills for him, which was already the utmost benevolence.But what happened on the cliff, when Cheng Fei grabbed Joshua, he had such an illusion, if he really only hated him, why did he save him, why didn't he just let him jump off? ?

Cheng Fei jumped up suddenly, looking at Yin Yening's expression as if he was watching a psychopath: "What else do you think I can do? Do you think he is pitiful? Do you think I can't get away with him becoming like this?!"

"No...Of course not..." Yin Yening didn't expect his reaction to be so intense.

"A Ning, figure it out! Joshua Ronan ruined my life, I hate him! Whether he's crazy or dead, I'm relieved to be able to get rid of him completely!"

Cheng Fei's voice was so loud that it echoed between the floors on both sides of the lawn.While Yin Yening was speechless, he clenched his fists, turned around and left.

"Goodbye."

Suddenly a voice sounded.Yin Ye stared over, and it turned out to be the blond man sitting on the grass, shouting at Cheng Fei's back.

Cheng Fei froze, turned her head very slowly, and looked at the innocent man sitting on the grass with a terrified expression.But the blond man just hugged his pigeon, waved to Cheng Fei, and waved goodbye with a cheerful expression.

"Goodbye."

It was as if it was not a parting, but an encounter, as if returning to the first day that he had always cherished in his heart, the first day that he remembered in his heart.

"Goodbye." Before Cheng Fei disappeared from sight, he kept waving his hands.

Yin Yening didn't know what Cheng Fei was feeling in his heart, he saw that his shoulders seemed to be shaking, but maybe it was just his misreading.In short, Cheng Fei didn't look back.

Goodbye, that's real goodbye.

Between Cheng Fei and Yue Xiu, between him and Cheng Fei, and... between a certain person he never wanted to think of again...

everything is over.

◇

Yin Yening returned to his house in the city, he felt that he had finally returned to reality.The island in his memory, together with all the absurdities related to it, he decided to keep in dust, just like Cheng Fei will keep Joshua in dust from now on, the person he wants to keep in dust will lie on that unknown island forever cliff edge.

When he woke up that day, F was sleeping next to him with a peaceful expression.Almost all of his central circuits were ground into powder.The broken hand, the index finger, gently hooked his little finger.

Just hooking it lightly, as if he was still afraid that he would get angry at that time, Yin Yening only twitched slowly, and pulled out his finger.

At this time, F finally no longer dissatisfied with his fickleness, no longer complained about his indifference, and quietly acquiesced in his escape.

A home in the city is not as noisy as the waves, not as salty as the sea breeze, not as dreamlike as a small island, but rather dark and solid.But in reality, there are still more or less phantoms that belonged to the past.

When he saw the "Velvet Rabbit" lying on the bookshelf, Yin Yening would feel that the temperature around him dropped suddenly. The book and other things were just thrown into the dusty attic.

On the first day he came home, he lay in bed and slept soundly all day.

Inside the dream were criss-cross memories, a lot of the past that he didn't want to think about. He woke up from his sleep, but he couldn't remember what he dreamed about.Holding the quilt and looking around, the bed curtains, tables, chairs and sofas...all of them are filled with the past that not only belongs to him alone.

It was as if there was a nightmare everywhere that he couldn't escape.

Anyway, there is plenty of money, everything can be refurbished, houses, cars, and lovers continue to flow.Although indulging in feasting and feasting is just a way to numb himself, Yin Yening firmly believes that in time, he will eventually forget everything.

During this year, he saw Cheng Fei again. Cheng Fei was still the same as in the past, often commuting between the two countries because of work.In the bar, Yin Yening finally told him everything about F through the alcohol.

"Robot, are you kidding me? He... robot? Have you had too much to drink?"

"Will it be funny?" Yin Ye huddled on the bar, smiling drunkenly: "Cheng Fei, you know, I used to like you very much."

Under the colorful night lights, Cheng Fei's expression was also somewhat illusory: "Ah Ning, I used to like you very much, the kind of love my buddies have."

"I know, forget about it after drinking this glass," Yin Yening raised the glass unsteadily: "After all, those are all in the past - a long, long time ago."

It's over, just forget about it.So many things, I hope I can forget them sooner.

"But why did you make him?"

"Because..." Because he is like you?The wine was cold, Yin Yening shook the glass but found that he couldn't say those words now.

"...Since we knew from the beginning that it was impossible to fall in love with him, why did we create him?"

Yin Yening was even more speechless.

◇

28 years old is no longer a thriving age for a model. Even if Yin Yening still has a very deceptive face, he feels that it is boring to continue.

At that time, a rather sensational event happened in the circle. A famous male star married his boyfriend abroad. Although the marriage was not very high-key, it was not very low-key either. At least it was photographed, so Entertainment magazines made headlines.

"Luo Yuchen is so brave." The stylist was making Yin Yening's hairstyle for the last time, while gossiping reluctantly.

"That's called daring to act? That's called recklessness. If you do it like this, do you still want to mess around in the future?"

"Hey Ah Ning, I don't think it's wrong to bravely admit my feelings." The stylist immediately retorted.

"If it doesn't conform to the rules of this world, then it's wrong. People who are too arrogant are destined not to survive."

"Ouch," the stylist twitched, "I didn't expect you to be so rigid and dogmatic, but you don't need to think this way at all. With your conditions, those rules and regulations can't restrict you. For example, if you like A man, no one cares about his money anyway, he can go wherever he likes..."

Yes, it is unrestricted.Yin Yening knew a long time ago that neither he nor Cheng Fei was bound by the eyes of others, what restricted them was actually their own hearts.

The humble heart that is weak and stagnant, never dares to be desperate, and never reaches the other shore.

After retiring, Yin Yening found a job in a design company and kept herself very busy.The content of the work is not difficult for him, but it is quite handy.

Soon, like countless ordinary people in this city, he was running around for his life.The ridiculous youth is like a dream.

Naturally, countless people tried to introduce him to his girlfriend. He got annoyed and put a ring on his ring finger. But with such a conspicuous appearance, there are always people who pay attention to him. Colleagues who don't give up will often ask: "Ah Ning, what kind of person is your wife?"

"My wife?" Yin Yening was immersed in drawing, so she didn't think about it: "It should be someone who loves me very much..."

"What!" The girls immediately exploded: "What do you mean by 'he probably loves me very much'? The fact that you are married is indeed a lie!"

"It's true!" Yin Yening put down his pen and said solemnly, "He loves me very much!"

When he said this, for some reason, what came to mind was F's unique, obscure and gentle smile.

Yin Yening's heart suddenly shrank, and the pen fell to the ground.He picked it up blankly and continued to draw.

◇

In this way, day by day, the day remains the same.Until one day, the hospital called him to come over.When he arrived, he didn't expect Cheng Fei to come too, and arrived before him.They were facing the empty bed in the ward, and Joshua was no longer there.

"The patient left by himself. It was still there during the rounds last night, but it disappeared in the morning. We reported to the police, and the police said that the search can only be started after 24 hours of disappearance...so..."

"That..." Before the doctor finished speaking, a nurse next to him suddenly interjected in a low voice: "Sorry, I seem to have seen that patient when I came from the seaside during the morning shift today, because he is a foreigner. So it's easy to recognize..."

"Did you see him? Where is he?!" Cheng Fei grabbed the nurse with an anxious expression.

Yin Yening felt that Cheng Fei was very contradictory, just now he was complaining nonchalantly, "Your hospital calls me all the way for a trivial matter", and now it is like this.

"Well... I, I knew that he hadn't been discharged from the hospital, so I hurried over. He was standing on a very high rock, and the wind was very strong. I was blinded by it. When I opened it again, he disappeared—— "

Both Yin Yening and Cheng Fei knew about that sea, and that sea was the same sea area as the one he jumped into before. It had a blue and calm surface, but underneath it was rough and bottomless, as if it could swallow everything.

"You mean, you mean..."

"I, I don't know," the nurse was terrified by Cheng Fei's terrifying appearance: "I don't mean anything, I can't be sure...Maybe that gentleman is just assigned to another place..."

Cheng Fei's body suddenly seemed to be limp and fell downwards. Yin Yening hurriedly supported him from behind, and he fell on Yin Yening's shoulder, not speaking for a long time.

He didn't speak, and Yin Yening didn't know what to say.

"He's dead, I know." After a long time, Cheng Fei suddenly said that. "At that time, he said goodbye to me."

Yin Yening narrowed his eyes, and the scene couldn't help but appear in front of him——

"Goodbye", the man sat on the grass in the yard, waving his hands to the back who refused to look back, with an innocent smile, and his golden hair was more dazzling than the sun.

With a feeling of melancholy, he gently supported Cheng Fei, Cheng Fei closed his eyes and took a long breath, then turned his head, his face was expressionless.

"A Ning, have I told you about my family?"

He suddenly changed to such a topic, and Yin Yening shook his head in confusion.

"I lived with my father. My mother died when I was seven years old. They said that robbers broke into the house and killed her..."

He lowered his head and smiled: "But it's actually not like this... I saw it with my own eyes. My father killed my mother. It's ridiculous. My father loved her crazily, and my mother crazily loved a woman—that's right. , although my mother married my father, she never loved him.

"A Ning, that's how things are. This tragedy told me that if you have already decided on a life, never look back. I kept thinking that since my mother has decided to marry my father, she shouldn't be with her again. If a lover has a relationship, he should not go that way again!... So, for my father and myself, I have long ago decided to live my life normally and quietly, Ah Ning, do you understand?"

Yin Yening only felt that what Cheng Fei said with a deadpan face was very scary, so he shook his head numbly.

"No, you understand. As I said, we are actually the same kind of people. We keep running away, even if it's painful. Although I have reasons for running away, sometimes I still ask myself, if this goes on... Will you be really happy?"

Yin Yening heard a pain in his temple, as if he suddenly understood something in the confusion, he remembered some phrases from the past.

"Luonan... Luonan once said..."

"what?"

"He said...you were with him..."

"I slept with him?"

Cheng Fei was more straightforward than he imagined, and Yin Ye stared at Cheng Fei's incident, which was still calmer and more insensitive than him, and felt that he didn't need to ask this question again.

"Cheng Fei, when you slept with him, it wasn't for me, or, it wasn't entirely for me. Right?"

"..." Cheng Fei didn't speak, but the complicated expression betrayed him.

"So... so you actually..."

Cheng Fei lowered his head and gave a wry smile, noncommittal.

Yin Yening suddenly felt that many logics in this world had become extremely ridiculous, so she raised her hand and slapped Cheng Fei: "You, you...you are simply..."

He never thought that one day, he would go to Cheng Fei for that foreigner he had always disliked.

Suddenly remembered that one day in high school, he and Cheng Fei had a physical education class and sat on the bench next to the basketball court to rest. He suddenly realized that Cheng Fei was staring at something intently. A blond boy playing basketball alone.

"Wow, I've never seen such a handsome man." Cheng Fei's eyes were full of summer colors: "I want to get to know him."

So he ran over to snatch the ball, Joshua naturally beat him up, and was taken to record a demerit.

Then Cheng Fei pretended to say a few good words, which led to the most popular and always defiant Joshua Ronan being released from the Academic Affairs Office, and he could no longer ignore this black-eyed boy.He follows Cheng Fei every day, with obvious infatuation in his dark blue eyes.

Joshua Ronan pursued him for nearly ten years, but it was actually Cheng Fei himself who started this relationship.

Cheng Fei raised his hand and wiped the corner of his mouth, still expressionless: "Aren't you the same yourself?"

"What's wrong with me?!"

"Your so-called robot, you obviously value him very much, don't you never dare to admit it? Isn't there any difference between us at all?"

"What are you talking about!"

"Ah Ning, don't be stubborn. We all know what happened on the cliff. Did you feel sorry for Luonan just now? But in a sense, he just took the blame. But that person, he was destroyed by you, He was ruined by you and still protected you in the end, you know in your heart why you made him like that! If you want to say that you are cruel, we are half a catty!"

"It's different!" Yin Yening immediately retorted: "He's different! He's just a machine, he's a fake, he has no life and no soul! So no matter what I do, I will..."

"You really believe he has no soul?"

Yin Yening froze for a moment, a look of astonishment finally appeared on his indifferent face, followed by a sharp pain.

"No!" He still gritted his teeth and insisted stubbornly.

That thing, how could that thing have a soul?They are all fake and man-made, so why did they deceive themselves and so many people?

"Yin Yening, try to deceive yourself as much as you can," Cheng Fei sighed, "but you understand, we are a little different. I am a man who has been chased by him for many years and can escape for many years. I will never regret and never look back." You are a person who thinks about someone, thinks about someone silently and never forgets. You are also lying to yourself. For the rest of the day, only you will live in pain.

"I'm leaving, and I'm going back to my wife and children." After he finished speaking, without giving Yin Yening any chance to refute, he smiled and said goodbye: "Then, goodbye this time, Ah Ning."

Yin Yening didn't know what kind of mood she had in sending Cheng Fei away.

What happened after the reunion, so many, so fast, so complicated and so unforgettable, made the meaning of "Cheng Fei" in his heart no longer the unforgettable person in the past, but it was contaminated with too many things that could not be erased. Unforgettable strange love.

At the airport, the two hugged. Cheng Fei still had the habit of leaving and never looking back.

He looked at his back, but he seemed to see another person, with pure black hair and pure black eyes. When he turned his head and smiled, there was a trace of a simple but extremely charming arc at the corner of his mouth.Only then did he realize that he had changed his home, changed everything related to him, experienced time, experienced forgetting, but it was always the same, and he could no longer erase a certain person from his mind.