night without tears

"Owner……"

The hem of the clothes sank, although F didn't use much strength, it made Yin Yening feel a burst of sore nostalgia.

F used to like to drag him like this. When he had some small wishes, he was like a child who wanted sweets but was afraid of being scolded.

"Take me home. In fact, I am reluctant to leave Master. Although Master doesn't seem to need me, I still want to stay with Master..."

F tugged at him, with a slight smile.

He seems to be really not afraid of anything anymore. No matter whether Yin Yening decides to abandon him or not, he will never be so flustered and hesitant again. Those clear eyes are fixed on Yin Yening, as if he already knows his answer. .

"I don't think there's anything terrible," he said as if he could see what was going on in Yin Yening's heart, "Because, I don't know why I feel that no matter what happens, I will eventually return to you, Master."

In the end, it will all come back to you.

Yin Ye stared at him, his handsome side face, deep black eyes, that familiar innocent yet persistent expression, made his hands tremble slightly uncontrollably.He suddenly felt infinitely wronged, although he knew that the wrongedness was too pretentious and unreasonable.

"You...you said..." Yin Yening said grimly: "You once said that even if you forget yourself, you will not forget me."

"..."

"But why did you forget?"

"Owner……"

"Don't act so innocent anymore! You used to keep saying that you love me, why did you forget me in the end, why?!"

Facing Yin Yening's red eyes and facing such an unfair questioning, F's head felt slightly dizzy, which was a strange feeling.Something pried open a door that had been dusty for a long time, which made him feel familiar and nostalgic, but intuitively felt untouchable and untouchable.

"Master... I'm sorry."

He grabbed Yin Yening's hand and slowly raised it to his chest, but his heart was filled with mixed emotions.So, were they ever in love?

In this way, the master's strange temper, master's gaze, master's panic, his tears, his kisses, all the things he couldn't figure out before, finally had a reasonable explanation.

...but why?Why at this moment, there is an inexplicable pain in my heart, sharply piercing something that I can't bear to look back on.

There shouldn't be any unbearable places to look back on, there shouldn't be.

His chip is brand new, even if there was a "past", even if there was a "memories", he has no reason to remember.

F vaguely felt a bone-piercing chill, which was actually another ridiculous thing. Do warmth and cold really make sense to him?But now that Yin Yening was so close to him and reached out to hug him, the tighter he was, the more he felt a coldness that he wanted to resist.

This feeling did not exist before today.Before Yu Yening asked him why he would forget him, it didn't exist.Before that, the master was just the master in his heart.

Although he feels that there is nothing unbearable about his capricious and moody temper, even a little cute, hugging him and kissing him is somehow sweet, or telling him that he loves him in the heavy rain is stubborn and persistent. I have experienced it all, but nothing special.

No special feeling is required.Because he's just a robot, he just needs to be obedient.But why, when he questioned why he had forgotten him, something that seemed so remote, so heavy, so holy—had been profaned in a certain sense.

That kind of thing seemed to be something he had guarded for a long time, but he couldn't think of it after thinking about it carefully.

So the heart suddenly became unbalanced, so I was at a loss all of a sudden, so the simple and monotonous world in front of me, the world of only him and the master, suddenly became complicated, suddenly became unreasonable, and suddenly I didn't know what to do. , as if something lurking in the darkness was about to devour him, but he couldn't resist, and could only wait for the moment of annihilation——

Sitting in Yin Yening's car, F secretly felt like blaming his master for the first time.

Why do I feel so uneasy, so sad, so tangled and irritable when I think about it?Wouldn't it be nice to just let me be a robot that simply obeys orders?

However, he didn't dare to tell Yin Yening his astringent mood.

◇

When he returned home, he and his master were still the same, but in another sense, it was completely turned upside down.

When he is with his master, F will feel restless and want to escape, especially when Yin Yening looks at him with eyes that are half sincere and half cherishing, he will feel a suffocating feeling. Astringent.

"Actually, I always knew that you just forgot, but why did I go too far, why did I still go too far, why did you still indulge me..."

Yin Yening gently pushed F's bangs away, and kissed his forehead tenderly: "I'm sorry... Even if you can't remember anything, I will still love you. I promise, I will never do such a thing again I won't be taking you back to the lab again, never again."

"...It doesn't matter, master." F replied mechanically, F wanted to avoid the kiss, but couldn't.

Ever since he came back from the laboratory, he couldn't get back the feeling he used to have, the kind of comfort when he was helping his master make coffee and tea, clean and cook without any distracting thoughts.

Although I still can't think of anything, but inexplicable bitterness often fills my heart.

Sometimes he would be in a daze for a long time, and then realized that the time had passed quietly, and he—a robot, would be in a daze.

Even if I forget myself, I will never forget you.Is this the promise he once made?Why...why does it always make people feel extremely bitter every time they chew it?

Even if I forget myself...

Now like this, does it mean that you have forgotten yourself?

F lowered his head and looked at his hands, but there were no traces.He couldn't remember what these hands had done, how they had touched their master.

I love you, even if I forget myself, I will never forget you.It sounds so sad.Even if he made such a promise, in the end, the current self still forgot all about it.Even if it is such a beautiful master, who loves him so much, have you forgotten all about it?

It should not be forgotten.There are many things that should not be forgotten.

If you are loved, loved by such a master, the imaginable sweetness will never be forgotten.But have I really been loved?He couldn't help wondering, if he had been loved before, even if he had forgotten it, who wouldn't fall in love with his handsome, a little sad, a little neurotic, terribly painful master again at the first sight?

"Master, what was it like in the past?" He couldn't help but want to spy on it all the time: "I want to hear about the time we were together, any happy time, as long as it is about Master and me."

When he said this, he looked deeply into Yin Yening's eyes, so he didn't miss a single bit of the stunned, sad and gloomy flashes in Yin Yening's eyes, as if it proved his guess that there is no happiness at all. In love, but he is still a little unwilling.

"Don't you have any happy memories?"

He remembered that rainy night before, the night when Yin Yening cried and said he loved him, he cried so sadly, but what was he thinking in his heart at that time?Have you ever been a little moved by such a master?

"Is it because... Is it because of my problems? Is it because I'm a robot and I don't feel love?"

Maybe... it's because of my unusually hard heart. F bows his head.

So far, he has always felt that the master is very good, and he feels that the master is worthy of pity, but no matter what, he can't feel the so-called "love". Is it because there is no procedure for that?

Yin Yening's expression suddenly turned fierce as if he had been hacked into pieces, but in the end, he just hugged him gently.

"It's not your fault, it's all me..."

Why, why does the master always say that. F doesn't understand.

◇

In the days that followed, F often had a feeling that something very precious was about to fall off the cliff. Now he is hovering on the edge of the cliff, admiring the last beautiful scenery, waiting leisurely, waiting for the moment when it will fall The sudden abyss.

However, before the abyss came, everything was extremely peaceful and beautiful.

The master held him in the palm of his hand recently, and didn't need him to do anything. He bought him a lot of things, including some books and clothes he liked very much. He knew that the master was deliberately trying to please him, and he never kissed or hugged him at ordinary times. It will be less, he is almost used to this way of getting along like a lover.

Taking the watering can to water the flowers in the courtyard, he was dazed again, remembering that the master fell asleep in the courtyard a few days ago, and a butterfly landed on his hair.At that time, I was beside me, and I couldn't help laughing.

"so cute……"

At that moment, something seemed to germinate in the bottom of my heart, and then, this beautiful and somewhat illusory day suddenly turned into fragments that flew past in my mind.

"As long as you like, I can accompany you wherever you want, as long as you want."

"Hey, hey, I just thought, anyway, it's all suitable for you, so I bought them all, so it's not a waste..."

""Flannel Rabbit", limited edition, I remember you like this book the most."

"F, I love you."

"I love you."

No.He does not love me.

A voice suddenly sounded in my mind, very clear.

He does not love me.

At that moment, F's heart, which had been calm all along, suddenly felt overwhelming desolation.He seemed to think of something, but didn't seem to, as if it was just a feeling, but that feeling was too real, too immersive, making him sure that when and where, he must be personally captured The feeling of desolation was torn apart.

He doesn't love me, why is this coldness still rooted in the body even though the memory disappears?He doesn't love me, why even if the memory disappears, it is still unforgettable?

It was just an ordinary day, he was watering the flowers in the garden, an ordinary day with nothing special.The brand-new him——at least in a certain sense, F is indeed brand-new, and there shouldn't be this kind of sadness that seems to burn everything.

Walking into the bedroom in a trance, Yin Yening hadn't gotten up yet, her long eyelashes trembling slightly with her even breathing, F leaned down beside him, looking deeply at him with puzzlement and doubts. his master.

I love you, the most frequently heard sentence these days.

Every time I heard it, I struggled with how to answer it, and felt guilty for not responding to my master's wishes; but now, when I recall that love word, I feel extremely false and repulsive for no reason.

You don't love me at all.

He looked down at that face, the more he looked at it, the more familiar it became, but the more he looked at it, the more strange it became. For some reason, a dazzling scarlet suddenly appeared in his sight. The deepest pain in my heart.

Subconsciously, he whispered a word that seemed taboo.

"night……"

At night, the black crystal-like eyes, the evil smile, the extremely familiar temperature and touch in the memory.

night.Just one word, but it seemed to have an irreversible destructive power. Suddenly, his feet were empty, and he finally stepped on the edge of the cliff.

There is something that cannot be remembered.Can't remember! F grabbed his hair fiercely, told himself to pause, told himself not to think about it any further, he didn't want to know, he didn't want to know anything, and he didn't want to know anything!

"Ah... ah ah..."

"F, what's wrong with you?" Yin Yening was awakened suddenly by the abnormal movement, sat up, and grabbed F's arm: "What's wrong with you, does it hurt anywhere? Tell me, tell me what's wrong?"

"My head... hurts."

"Be good, be good, it's okay, don't be afraid." Yin Yening immediately rolled over and got out of bed, hugged F tightly with one hand, and reached for the phone by the bed with the other.

You should feel at ease in a warm embrace, shouldn't you? F trembled all over, why did he only feel a kind of black ridicule?

Yes, sarcasm, born of deep fear, sorrow, and self-deception—

There was a man who was like that.

"pain……"

There is a person who will always be like that. The former self is simply the most pathetic person in the world.

"I don't want to...don't want to remember..."

Just never admit it.There is a brief moment of darkness, and a moment of total silence, and then all the covered darkness, and the carefully planted seeds in the setting sun above, in the name of forgetting, looking forward to a new reincarnation, are suddenly exposed to the sun down.

He broke free from that embrace suddenly, and fixedly looked at Yin Yening.

It's ridiculous, it's ridiculous.This face, everything about this person, everything that was given to him, everything that made him look forward to supreme happiness——

fake.

All are false.

"...Actually, you...don't love me at all, why are you hugging me?"

Whether in the past or now.Whether it was me in the past or me now.Perfect or imperfect, remembering or forgetting, it's all the same to you, isn't it?

They are all substitutes, and they can be discarded at any time, aren't they?

The voice turned out to be hoarse, and F felt a little funny.

Just a few days ago, he was just an ordinary robot servant, he would not yearn for the embrace of his master, let alone expect his master's love.

But now?Why all of a sudden, because of regaining some messy memories, because of regaining some inexplicable feelings, everything is messed up?

Yin Yening was stunned for a long time, he didn't understand, he didn't understand what the person in his arms was referring to.

His cheeks were stained with an abnormal blush, and he became excited, even jumped up and grabbed F's shoulder vigorously: "You remember?!"

But F only looked at Yin Yening with a pair of empty eyes, dazed.

His bewilderment made Yin Yening feel an invisible fear that penetrated his body and penetrated into his bones: "You remember it, don't you? F, speak up and answer me!"

F saw the master's expression in a trance, and became ferocious.

It was as hideous as... a day that he could never forget no matter what.

In that dark laboratory, he tied him to the electrodes, pressed the power, and the strong current passed through his body, smashing all the things worth protecting in his heart that had been accumulated for a long time...

F looked at his master's red eyes, and a terrible fear appeared in his dark pupils. He began to struggle hard, trying to break free from Yin Yening's embrace.

no no no!

Don't do that to me, I'm afraid.

I am afraid.

"F, calm down!"

Yin Yening's deep voice was next to her ear, as if she wanted to comfort an irritable cat, but the voice was vague and seemed to be far away.

Calm down... calm down... I've always wanted to be calm too.

I would also like to be less mad; I would also like to calmly destroy myself before you destroy me.

If I could do that, wouldn't it be so painful, so sad, and so humble to beg, but not get a trace of mercy!

...but why didn't I do that?Is it cowardice?Or do you still have a little fantasy about the so-called love, about you I love?

... No, I did.I've done it, I calmly, before you destroy me completely, kill myself.

F stared at his master steadfastly, as if lingering for a long time with his last lustful eyes on the small island where the soul was exiled.

Only this time, there was no such unforgettable sadness in my heart.Because at that moment, I have finally broken free—the shackles that all your gentle lies put on me.

I'm dead, dead on a cliff, strangling myself with my own hands.

With a gloomy smile on the corner of his mouth, F grabbed Yin Yening's hand and pulled it off his body effortlessly.

◇

"Open the door, open the door, open the door!"

It was pouring rain, and it was hard for Fang Jili to imagine that there would be visitors in such weather.And if there was a visitor, he could already guess who that visitor would be.

"What did you do to him again?"

He directly opened the big iron door and roared angrily, thinking that he would see a robot that had been half-disabled again, but he only saw Yin Yening who was drenched like a drenched chicken.

"He's gone," Yin Yening murmured in a daze, and stretched out his empty hands to him: "He's gone."

It's only been a few days, how did you get the robot to defect?You master and servant really opened my eyes!Fang Jili felt cold.

"Help me find him, help me find him, right now!"

Facing the hysterical man, Fang Jili didn't dare to neglect. While plugging his ears, he went to the computer to find the satellite positioning.