night without tears

The rain is still falling.

Looking up at them like this, as if they were thrown down by someone, with a silver tail, they slammed down heavily, hit their face, and flowed down coldly, with the only remaining relief and relief, make everything darker.

Clear sky, scorching sun, falling rain, snowing, windy, such a scene, I don’t know how many times I just lay on that lonely cliff and watched it.I'm so tired of watching it, I don't want to watch it anymore.

Can't move, can't speak, have no thoughts.

At that time, was he dead or alive?

If you are alive, why is your heart ashamed; but if you are dead, why do you still remember the clear scenes of spring, summer, autumn and winter, day by day.

What am I?

... As the master said, I am a pile of scrap copper and rotten iron.

Lying on the pile of scrap copper and rotten iron, with the back of his hand lightly resting on his forehead, listening to the sound of the rain hitting the old rust, F smiled half a smile.

Scrap copper and rotten iron should have been thrown together with scrap copper and rotten iron, slowly growing a patina together, mottled and fading away.

Why do you lament your own life?As a bunch of lifeless wire screws, he didn't even hear the canned steel pipes around him complaining.

It seems that I used to argue that I have things that scrap metal doesn't have.

That thing seems to be called the soul.

In fact, on that small island, a person has been eroded by despair for so long. Even if there is such a thing as the soul, it has been eroded long ago and disappeared.

He doesn't know what he is now.

I will never be yours.These were the last words his master said to him before he died.

Even the hurt that has been forgotten once is still unforgettable.

F tilted his head and closed his eyes tiredly.

I don't want to belong to you if possible.

Yin Yening ran to the waste yard panting.Everything under the torrential rain was ashes like dead bodies, discarded iron barrels and jars, deformed old machine tools, piled up layer by layer to form high mountains, and the person he was looking for lay in that abandoned ocean.

It was as if he already belonged here.

Yin Yening's chest twitched violently.

He set foot on the abandoned mountain piled up with iron and steel, and for the first time personally set foot on the thorny road that F has been walking on. This road made the robot who has never been in pain or crying to die of pain. A mortal like him is naturally indispensable. The rolling and climbing was miserable, and blood was seen soon.

Even so, in order to pursue what has been lost, we must never look back.

Some people don't know what it means to never turn back, at least, the former Yin Ye Ning didn't know.Because human nature is like that, you can't bear the ending of no hesitation but still empty-handed, so after a long time, you don't even dare to try.On the other hand, artificial feelings, but only know that there is no hesitation.How gratifying, how sad.

When he stood next to F, the tops of his trousers and shoes were stained with blood from being caught by the pieces of iron wire along the way, and the rain seeped into the wound, making it sticky and painful.

At this moment, it is far from being distressed.

F looked at the sky alone, stubbornly pursing his pale lips, without blinking his eyes, as if everything reappeared on the day he died on the cliff.

If he could go back to that day, Yin Yening thought, he would definitely not, definitely not leave like that.

He slowly sat down beside F.He wanted to hold his hand, stretched it out, but dared not let it go.

At that time, F was afraid that he would get angry, so he only gently hooked his little finger with his index finger.

It wasn't until this moment that Yin Yening realized that such an action required incomparable courage.He didn't even dare to hook F's little finger, he was afraid that he would break free, he didn't know what to do, he was close at hand but seemed to be far away from each other, this kind of torment that was clearly within reach but could never be touched, finally let him taste it .

He just sat beside him, letting the rain pour down.

"Master, have you ever thought about... some things, if I don't remember them, I will be happier instead."

For a long time, F raised his hand, casually blocking the rain falling in his sight.

"What do you remember?"

Yin Yening's anxious voice was so unreal in the heavy rain.

"A lot... I remember it," F smiled, and said in a dark and deliberately soft voice: "Almost all... I remember it, master."

……Owner?Yin Yening's already ugly face turned paler in the rain.

F hated him, even though it was already a known fact, but facing such hatred nakedly would still make him feel ashamed.

He was actually very happy, even ecstatic.Because finally F is still F, finally still his F, now he can finally be sure, and finally he can continue to love him, regardless of whether the person in front of him is a substitute for the person he loves.

But, does F still want him?Now F is lying here, a rusty ruin, speaking words that make him feel cold with an expression that is unfamiliar to him.

"Master, the first thing I think of is——I'm dead."

"F...I'm sorry." Yin Yening didn't know what else to say, although sorry seemed so useless at the moment.

F shook his head lightly: "Master, do you know? In fact, the sky is blue only very rarely."

He slowly said: "When it is cloudy, it is gray; when the sun is setting, it is orange; before a thunderstorm, it is purple; sometimes, for no reason, it will turn into a very high and far blue-gray— ——Every day, every day, I hear the terrible sound of the sea hitting the shore, and every day, every day, I hear the sound of my body rusting a little bit."

A bolt of lightning struck down silently, Yin Yening shuddered, and his face turned pale again.

"That voice is sad, and a bit ridiculous. Master, have you tried it? Listen to the voice of yourself dying bit by bit, no, no, it's listening to yourself after you die, bit by bit, and disappear bit by bit. The exhausting voice—Master, can you imagine how sad and desperate that voice is?

"It's like a tree, listening to its own heart being eaten by insects, decaying and dying a little bit, no one sees, no one cares, and no one will save you. Master, the kind of heart that was smashed and died Afterwards, you will be frustrated and desperate—do you know it?"

"F, stop talking..." Yin Yening was frozen stiff by the rain, begging him with distress.

F didn't seem to hear it.

"Later, everything rusted away. So, the sky I saw was crimson like blood, and everything I saw was the same color as blood."

"Stop talking...you can hate me..." Yin Yening murmured hoarsely: "You can hate me."

I no longer know how to restore the unbearable past, hatred is natural.Yin Yening always knew that one day he would face it.

"Master, I really hate you," F smiled wryly, "I can't help it, because the heart that loves you is gone, it has completely turned into ashes, and in the end... that's all that's left. Master, you said My love is just a program setting, you are right, now that program is gone, nothing is there..."

Yin Yening stood up suddenly, as if he had been stimulated by something, and as if he had made up his mind, he changed his hesitation in the past, threw his coat on him, bowed down from the mountain of rubbish and iron, and couldn't help but say something about his body. People hugged.

"go home with me."

"Owner……"

"Come home with me! Then settle accounts with me slowly! It doesn't matter if you don't love me anymore, it doesn't matter if you hate me, don't torture yourself! Go back with me, and from now on, whatever you want from me, as long as I Yes, I can give it to you with both hands!"

"But I don't want anything..."

Yin Yening's expression was determined with restraint, he just hugged F more tightly in his arms, and walked down those hard and cold accumulations step by step.He was going to take him home, finally be able to take him home.

Everything is unimportant, it has always been selfish, so let's continue to be selfish, even in the face of cold feelings, sorrow or even hatred, you can't let him go, you can't let him go again.

If I continue to be cowardly at this time, I will be the most pathetic person in the world.

"Master, give me that island." After a long time, the person in his arms suddenly said, "Can you give it to me?"

The sound of rain made everything blurry, F's eyes were deeply obscured, looking at Yin Yening with a cruel and sad smile.

"...what do you want that island for?"

"I...I want it, because...the only place that belongs to me, used to be my home," he smiled, but in fact it was just an extremely illusory shell: "It must also be my grave."

"You want to leave me and go to that island alone?! You want to die on that island. For you now, is dying happier than being with me!?"

Yin Yening couldn't imagine how dark F is now.His robot, which inherited all the cruelty he once had, looked at him with those deep black eyes, expressionless.

"...Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that."

"I don't agree, I swore to make you happy." Yin Yening raised his head stubbornly, pulling his eyes away from those black eyes full of accusations: "I can give you the island , but I will stay by your side and never leave you, never.”

"Whatever you want, master," F smiled slightly and sighed. "However, the word happiness is very false..."

◇

Giving up has always been the most familiar word to Yin Yening.He's spent half his life giving up and the other half running away, and he's pretty good at both.And once again boarded the island with F, as if standing on the cusp of the storm for the first time in my life, I was finally able to look directly at the dark waves and run away without turning around again.

There is no room for escape.He has never had such a clear understanding, and now no matter what is in front of him, he no longer cares.

For those who are going forward bravely, the tangled struggle like him is like moaning without illness; and for those who are facing the other end of the road to the unknown end of the road, wandering around the starting point, it is like they are sinking their boats. Since then, I have embarked on a road of no turning back, a road that I can no longer control by myself.

It was F who made him embark on this path, and it was the shackles of love language that made him escape over and over again. In order to get back the love he once had, Yin Yening was willing to do so.

The dusty house was covered with thick dust, Chacha went in and turned around, and was choked to run out again.

Yin Yening took his time, put on his apron, and started cleaning.

F walked up the stairs slowly.He is more familiar with this house than anyone else, and he used to take care of it more than anyone else.The paired things in the bathroom, the soft bed, the heavy curtains, and the bookshelves full of books, all of which are full of his hard work.

Once, there was a person here, foolishly fantasizing, when all the good things have not been shattered, and there are still phantoms of flowers in the moon and mirror in the water.

Many things suddenly become very dazzling, F hates to see those things with the word "memory".This cup, he made coffee for Yin Yening; this bed, Cheng Fei once lay on it; I am very unhappy!

There was a mess of noises, and Yin Yening had to run upstairs worriedly.On the floor of the room, strips of cloth and wadding were scattered, and F sat expressionlessly in the middle of the mess, tearing off pages and pages of waste paper from his once favorite book.

"What are you doing!" Yin Yening quickly grabbed it.

"This island is mine, you said..." It seems that only such behavior can make him feel a little bit of pleasure, F raised his eyes, with a smile on his mouth, but there was no smile in his eyes: "You Gave it to me. So, I can do what I like, can't I?"

"But these are all things you like...important things!"

"So now, I don't want it anymore. Can't you, master?" He stood up and kicked the rubbish at his feet: "Do you need me to clean them up? Or master, you can handle it when you clean up?"

"...F, this is useless!"

F stopped walking towards the door.

"If you hate me, just come to me!"

F couldn't help but forced a smile.

It would be great if I could come at you, Ye, but why come at you?hurt you?Can hurting you let me get back the long-lost heart that knows how to love and cherish?Can it make me no longer be so painful and no longer so hesitant?

People are fragile, I can't kill you; people are invincible in a sense, at least my machine can't forget the past and start over after being crushed.

"No... I don't hate you, master, I only hate myself."

I just look at all those dusty memories and find them annoying.Because they remind me countless times that I have tried to protect the most ridiculous things in the world.

After standing in the garden for a long time, F still put the lawn mower aside.

His eyes are full of fresh life, the flowers he planted by himself, the green dogtail grass, no matter how eye-catching, he still can't do it.

Still not cruel enough.

From the bottom of my heart, I can't learn the unique cruelty of human beings.

"where are you going?"

"Go for a walk." Seeing Yin Yening picking up the hanging coat, F frowned, "Don't follow me, am I not free?"

"..."

"You are the master. If you say I don't have freedom, I don't. You can take this island back anytime you want, and you can take it back at any time."

Yin Yening's face turned blue and red, he couldn't hear F talking to him in such an unfamiliar sarcastic tone.

"It's just... there will be heavy rain in the afternoon, so you have to come back early."

◇

F stood on a piece of bare bluestone, looking at the vast and boundless sea.

Once, this was an artificial beach with golden fine sand covered with shells of various shapes. He picked them up here with bare feet, collecting a whole glass bottle of greed like a child.

Now, the beach is gone, and there will no longer be sea water washing up over and over again, taking away some of his clumsy handwriting on the wet sand, and there will no longer be such a beautiful, huge heart that the owner stepped on the beach. .

……what happened?He stroked his forehead.

I thought that there were no good memories; I thought that the process was just my pursuit of an illusory relationship, during which there was only pain, endless waiting and torture.

"...Then now, are you a little happier than before?"

Yin Yening returned the bottle to him, Yin Yening jumped in front of him with a big smile, behind him was the love he gave him——

"Is there any happier than just now? Is there?"

F squatted down, the sea breeze ruffled his hair, and he buried his face in his fingers.

Regardless of whether there is still a bit of happiness, there is no going back...

◇

The sky began to become dense with dark clouds, and the air carried the unique smell before the storm. F walked back to their house with some dismay.It was getting darker and darker, with scattered raindrops falling, and rumbling thunder resounding in the distance.

"Chacha, Chacha?"

As soon as he entered, he heard Yin Yening's anxious voice.

"Did you see Chacha? It ran out to play in the morning and hasn't come back yet."

F shook his head indifferently, and saw Yin Yening took his clothes and walked quickly to the door.

"Master, what are you going to do?" F grabbed his arm the moment he was about to rush out the door.

"It's going to be a storm, I'm going to find Chacha..."

"Don't worry about the dog, it will come back when it really rains!"

Yin Ye stared at F's face, and a bolt of lightning fell outside the window.It was clearly three or four o'clock in the afternoon, but it was like an endless night, just like the black eyes he had always liked, there was a kind of frightening darkness at this moment.

Yin Yening suddenly smiled.

I know you don't care about Chacha anymore.You don't care about everything here.But it doesn't matter.Those things that you cared about in the past, now I still love for you.

He nodded at F, then turned around and rushed out the door resolutely.

"Owner--"

The shouts were drowned out by the whistling wind.

Everywhere is a messy depression, and everywhere is the solemnity of the dark day.Yin Yening couldn't see the road at all, the strong wind blinded his eyes, and the rain blocked his sight. The island, which should have been extremely familiar, became very large and strange.

"Chacha, where are you..."

"Chacha..."

"Stupid dog!"

The downpour finally fell, and Yin Yening became a drowned chicken in an instant, relentlessly searching the island with one foot deep and one foot shallow.

You are the stupidest and most heartless dog in the world!Yin Yening gritted his teeth ten thousand times in his heart, if I hadn't bought you, he wouldn't have loved you!If he hadn't been so precious to you before, I wouldn't be crazy and run out to find you!

At one end of the island, boulders are piled up like jagged hills. Chacha likes to catch crabs in the crevices of the rocks during the day.

In the storm, Yin Yening finally heard the sound of a dog whimpering.Chacha shrank into a small hole among several stones, shrunk into a ball in fright.

"Come out, come out for me! Stupid dog!" He stretched out his hand anxiously: "Chacha... good boy, come out!"

The heavy rain poured into the pile of boulders, softening the soil below, and there was another burst of thunder, mixed with loud noise, and several stones beside him loosened and collapsed.Yin Yening hid to the side, and didn't dare to waste time when he came again. He reached in and pulled the dog. There was another sound of boulders loosening, and he finally caught Chacha's front paws.

Those furry, thick claws seemed like precious treasures at this moment.He held it in his arms, as if it was his own child, with surprise and love on his face.

"Master beware!"

The black shadow fell heavily from behind, and he and the dog in his arms were pushed aside by something.

In an instant, everything was quiet, his knees were rubbing and hurting, stones were scattered in front of him, and a biting chill came from the soles of his feet to the top of his head, and Yin Yening rushed forward like crazy.

"Master...you, are you okay..."

Half of F's body was crushed under the rocks, but as if he didn't know it, he just looked up at Yin Yening.

Master, master, master... This address has always been stuck in Yin Yening's heart like a thorn, but now he doesn't care about it at all. He pounces on it and keeps digging among the ruins of the pile of rocks. His nails and hands are very painful. Fast scarred.

"Persevere, I will rescue you right away!"

"I'm fine..." F shook his head numbly, pushed himself up from the pile of stones, and stood up staggeringly.

"Are you really all right?"

The strong wind swallowed Yin Yening's voice, F did not answer.

On the muddy road, he hugged the dog, and F supported him who was frightened, and returned to the safe hut in the storm.

Chacha jumped onto the sofa, Yin Yening turned her head, and F was standing by the door, looking at him quietly.It was a clean, serious and more or less fantasy expression that used to appear on his face.

"You..." He looked at him like this, and was stunned.

F's lips moved slightly, and he murmured something softly. Yin Yening's temper was concentrated, and he heard him whispering in a very weak voice: "You're fine...it's fine, Ye..."

night?

Yin Yening felt that he must have heard it wrong. In the brief blank thinking, he only saw a lonely smile flashing across F's face. He raised a hand and stretched it towards him awkwardly, but stopped. Next to his cheek, he seemed to be hesitating for something, but in the end he didn't touch it.

"F?"

He sensed that something was wrong, but in the next second, F fell and fell to the ground so suddenly.

F seemed a little surprised and confused, but before he could react to these complex emotions one by one, his expression froze.He raised his head, his deep black eyes fixedly stared at the person who hugged him, the brilliance suddenly lost, as if he was dying, and he didn't respond any more.

Yin Yening was stunned, and shook him mechanically, and a strong sense of fear came over him. He crazily called F's name, his thin arms tightly wrapped around his body in his arms, until tears filled his eyes, big drops big Drops fell down, still no response.

On the windy and dark island, his hoarse cries were drowned in the howling wind.

◇

"The back was badly injured, and the central circuit was partially damaged. I'm sorry, but I can't do anything." Fang Jili walked out of the laboratory and shook his head: "It can't be repaired."

"You lied to me, you are the maker, you must have a way!"

"What did I lie to you for? The blueprint was burned in front of your eyes. I told you last time that I didn't have a backup. I'm sorry, Master Yin! This kind of thing is crazy, I don't want to do such a thing anymore I really don’t have the ability to do something like this anymore!”

"Fang Jili..." Yin Yening grabbed him: "What do you want, what do you want? I'll give it to you, as long as you tell me!"

"I don't want anything, I don't want anything, I told you last time, I don't care if it breaks again! I can't help it! Mr. Yin, please go back."

"Fang Jili!...I beg you."

Fang Jili pushed him away, only to hear the sound of a heavy object falling behind him. Turning his head, Yin Yening was already kneeling behind him.

"...Why are you bothering?" He finally couldn't bear it: "I tried my best, but the result...can't be guaranteed."