night without tears

"What are you feeling? You look so pitiful." A voice sounded from behind.

F turned around in horror, only he and the man behind him were on the empty floor, the man was blond, handsome and evil.

"Abandoned by the lover you love? Our fates are surprisingly similar."

F has no patience for this person: "You pervert, you are limited to one minute to leave this building, and you are not allowed to appear in front of us in the future. Otherwise, I didn't strangle you last time, so I can't guarantee it this time !"

"It's not good to be so irritable." Joshua shook his head pretentiously, stepped forward to look at F carefully, and smiled after watching for a while: "Even at such a close distance, I still can't see any flaws, if I didn't see it with my own eyes. See, never thought you'd be an inanimate artifact."

As he spoke, he held F's hand, felt the normal temperature, observed the skin and nails, and marveled: "It's so delicate, it's really hard to imagine how you can exist in this world, if everyone knows How will your real identity react?"

If it wasn't for the previous time, when I saw the circuit under his skin with my own eyes... I wouldn't have believed that such a thing really existed in this world.

"Use this to threaten me?" F sneered: "If you are not afraid of death, you can go out and say it. Anyway, strictly speaking, there is no law prohibiting my existence, and I am not afraid of other people looking at me differently."

Joshua scratched his hair, and didn't answer his words, but instead asked: "What are you Yin Yening's, servant? Sex toy? You like him very much? Well, of course you like him—look at yours You can roughly guess how you got here by looking like you, and you followed Cheng Fei's example, right?

"If I had known it would be so convenient, I would have made one exactly like Cheng Fei's and put it by my side. It's a pity—the light in Cheng Fei's eyes, Cheng Fei's temperament, and Cheng Fei's smile, can you learn a little bit of it? Yin Yening was just deceiving himself and others in the end."

"What exactly do you want to say?" F asked bluntly.

"Well, I just came to look for my Cheng Fei to go home. But when I saw you, I wanted to persuade you to take good care of your Yin Yening. He'd better stay away from my Cheng Fei in the future, otherwise—" Joshua As he said that, he made a beheading motion with his fingers, and then showed a wicked smile that was not quite normal.

"Joke," F said tit for tat: "You should take care of Cheng Fei first, time and time again, but he always came to look for Ye on his own initiative, I don't see Ye has any nostalgia for him!"

"Is there no nostalgia? Those two people loved each other very much back then."

"What did you say?"

As far as F knows, according to what he has always known, Cheng Fei doesn't seem to like men.This is also an important reason why he has always been jealous and unhappy, but still gave in repeatedly - because Yin Yening and Cheng Fei are impossible.

But why did Joshua say...why did he say...

in love?

"Yin Yening has a crush on Cheng Fei, you should know this best. If he didn't like him so much, there wouldn't be you in this world. As for Cheng Fei, do you know why he chose to go to the United States? Hehe , because I said that if he dared to be with Yin Yening again, I would kill that kid - he left England to protect Yin Yening."

Seeing F's surprised look, he smiled lightly: "How is it? Surprised. If Yin Yening found out, do you think he could take another look at you? You know, Cheng Fei, the deity he likes, has always been So you are thinking about him."

F buried the chaotic emotions in his heart, and shouted bluntly: "I, I and Cheng Fei are different! Ye knows, he knows very clearly!"

"Hmph, if you're really so confident, why are you yelling at me?" Joshua covered his ears and pointed in the direction of the office building: "I advise you to go back early. If you go back late, maybe your Yin Yening is about to be taken away by Cheng Fei."

F took two steps back, instinctively wanting to say something to the nasty blond man, but his emotions could no longer control his body, he turned his head and ran towards the direction he came out from.

night, night, night...

He just wants to see him now, and he can only feel at ease if he sees him immediately.After today, Cheng Fei will leave, and the bond between them will end. From now on, Ye will only be his.

There are connecting bridges between the building where he is located and the office building where Yin Yening is located. In addition, many parts of the entire building are made of transparent glass. F saw Cheng Fei from a distance. What he wanted to say should be Having said all that, now I am walking down the stairs alone.

So F turned around and ran from the nearest bridge to Cheng Fei.He wanted to stop him, talk to him alone, and tell him that no matter what kind of past he had with Yin Yening, it was already too late.

It's too late, because Yin Yening is mine now.

In any case, it won't let you take it back.

"Cheng Fei!"

He rushed up from behind, and at this moment Cheng Fei was startled by his sudden sound, and when he turned around, he saw F standing behind him, holding out his hand to him.

Maybe F just wanted to hold Cheng Fei, or he wanted to grab his collar, he couldn't remember what he thought at the time, he felt that he didn't touch Cheng Fei, indeed he didn't. Arrived—but that person's body suddenly leaned forward, and before he had time to react, he fell rapidly.

Cheng Fei stood at the top of the stairs. It was too late for F to hold him, and he could only watch him roll down the stairs.

Everything happened so quickly, in just a few seconds, Cheng Fei was already lying at the bottom of the stairs with his eyes closed, bright red blood oozing from the back of his head.

F stood at the top of the stairs, staring down blankly.

The first thought that crossed my mind was to leave as soon as possible.

It is to escape, not to go down to check his life and death.Because his life and death has nothing to do with him, and if Ye sees it, if Ye knows...

He couldn't imagine what would happen.

Nightmares usually come one after another. At this time, F doesn't know it, and the next second, he is doomed.

Familiar footsteps sounded behind him.

When he turned his head, Yin Yening saw him too, tilted his head, and showed a gentle smile.

F watched him walking over in a daze, step by step.

What a joyful thing it is when he walks towards himself on weekdays.

But now, he took a step closer, and he was a little closer to hell.

Yin Yening stood in front of him with a smile. She was still looking at him a moment ago, but her gaze turned to the bottom of the stairs.

F's mind went blank, he saw Yin Yening's face became shocked and pale.

"Cheng Fei!"

Cheng Fei, Cheng Fei, he hated that name.

Cheng Fei Cheng Fei, Cheng Fei is always the top priority.

Yin Yening ran down the stairs, wanting to hug Cheng Fei but didn't dare to move, F had never seen him so nervous.He was trembling all night, and after a few seconds of being at a loss, he finally remembered to take out his mobile phone to find an ambulance. He who was usually so eloquent now became incoherent.

F walked down the stairs slowly.

He felt he had the right to walk down, to come to him.Because no matter what the situation looks like on the surface, he didn't do anything, and he actually didn't do anything.He is innocent.

"……night……"

"Don't come here!" Yin Yening stood up abruptly and stood in front of Cheng Fei, with naked anger and threats: "How dare you do such a thing to him, how dare you?"

"...I didn't." He looked at Yin Yening, shook his head slowly, seriously.

Because he really didn't do anything.

For this arrogant attitude, this kind of innocent expression, Yin Yening's response was to slap him hard.

He was really pissed off, F just laughed, because it wouldn't hurt anyway, so he never bothered to hit himself in the past.

But this wry smile, in Yin Yening's view, had a different meaning.

"why are you laughing?"

Before he could react, Yin Yening had already grabbed him again, and this time, instead of hitting him hard, he directly hit him against the wall.After a while, the sound of blunt metal hitting the wall echoed throughout F's brain, making him dizzy.

"Why are you laughing! Are you finally proud? Do you know how important Cheng Fei is to me? You actually did such a thing!"

Yin Yening's rapid gasps and roars filled his mind, F forgot to resist, and after being thrown hard a dozen times, he slid along the corner of the wall and sat on the ground, his mind buzzing.

At the moment just now, he felt as sad as if he had been hacked into pieces. He slowly raised his hand and covered his chest, but he didn't know that he had done so.

That's it?

It turns out... this is Yin Yening's sincerity.

She also asked him, is it important to know Cheng Fei?

He knew it, he knew it all the time, he was reminded over and over again, it was hard to forget.It's just that he didn't expect that Cheng Fei was so important that Yin Yening... actually concluded that he was a bad person without even listening to an explanation.

He had to smile wryly, the precarious world that he had always believed in, that he had been working hard to maintain, suddenly collapsed.

F has little recollection of what happened afterwards.

The ambulance arrived, Cheng Fei was carried up, Yin Yening followed, and then the ambulance drove away. In his memory, there were only pictures, no sound, no movement.

Before getting in the car, Yin Yening seemed to yell something at him. He also has no specific memory, just a look of distrust is enough for him to die ten thousand times, and many other things have no meaning in remembering.

What is this... He kept grinning, but couldn't hear his own laughter.

It wasn't that long ago that Yin Yening was so kind to him, wasn't he?

So good...for a while, he thought that what he expected and prayed for was finally within reach.

However, Cheng Fei still appeared.It fell from the sky and took away everything he had so hard to get...

He has no ability to resist at all.

◇

"You... what did you say?" Yin Yening stood in the hospital corridor, the receipt in his hand was pinched into deep creases.

"I'm very sorry, but we have tried our best, and we can only see the patient himself..."

He sat down slowly on the bench outside the ward, covering his eyes with his hands.

The blood stasis in the brain is pressing on the nerves, but the location of the blood stasis is not suitable for surgery, so...he can only lie down like this now.

The doctor said that with luck, the bruising would go away on its own and he would wake up, but if not...

If you are unlucky, you may die.

Why...why Cheng Fei?Hasn't he suffered enough...

Night fell quickly, and he came out of the hospital, ready to go home to get some things.The light rain was pattering down, as if the whole world was shrouded in darkness, and he was in this darkness, not knowing what kind of end he was going to.

A lot of things are messy. F doesn't know where...

Yin Yening wondered if it was too much to vent his anger on him like that.

At that time, F's expression was so sad that it made people feel distressed.

He actually knew that F didn't...

Ahead, someone blocked his way.

Yin Yening raised his head slowly.He thought he would see those pure black pupils, he hadn't figured out how to tell F, he thought he should apologize - he was willing to believe that it wasn't F's fault.

Although she poured out all her grievances on that person, even if she said something excessive to him, Yin Yening knew very well that it would not be him. F was very jealous, but in the final analysis, F was very kind.

He didn't know how he could go too far, he thought about the dim, heartbroken eyes of that person when he left.

But that person was not F, that dazzling golden hair made Yin Yening stop in his tracks, and he didn't think it was unexpected that he stopped him.

He thinks that this time he will be killed by Joshua in all likelihood?According to the thinking of this stubborn foreigner, Luonan killed and dismantled the corpse in the street. He must have committed a heinous crime now, and it is unacceptable to make Cheng Fei like that.

"What about him?" The man stood in front of him, looking straight at him with blue glazed eyes.

"He?" Yin Yening intuitively felt that this "he" did not refer to Cheng Fei.

Seeing him pretending to be stupid, Joshua saw manic anger in his eyes, and grabbed Yin Yening by the collar, strangling him so much that he could barely breathe.

"That's it! Your robot that pushed Cheng Fei down the stairs!"

"Push...down?" Yin Yening was stunned, and then swung Joshua away: "Cheng Fei was careless! It wasn't F who pushed him down!"

The foreigner sneered: "What did he say? Do you even believe this?"

"Why don't you believe it?" Yin Yening stood with his hands behind his back, without any hesitation, "I didn't see what happened, but I believe that F would not do such a thing."

"You didn't see what happened, but I did! I saw it with my own eyes—your robot, he pushed Cheng Fei down the stairs."

Yin Yening shook his head: "Impossible."

The collar was pulled up at once, and Joshua was much taller than him. With this pull, his feet almost left the ground.

"Impossible? Impossible? What right do you have to say it's impossible?" Joshua's face was almost pressed against Yin Yening's, and the burning anger made him secretly startled: "He believed it without you? Yin Yening Ye Ning, you are so ridiculous! Let me tell you, I came here and stood on the other side of the connection bridge, and I could see what happened clearly! Listen to me, yes, he, push, he, down, Go, yes!"

Yin Yening's mind went blank, but she still shook her head firmly: "I won't believe you."

The hand pinched his neck with such force that it almost broke the bones.But that kind of force didn't last long, and was suddenly released. In the drizzle, Joshua's golden hair was stuck to his neck, and he stood with his hands hanging down, only his chest heaving rapidly.

He was panting, as if something was taking all the oxygen out of his body, making it impossible for him to breathe.

After a while, he raised his head slightly, and Yin Yening realized that this man who had always been strong and extreme, could have such a sad expression, use all his strength to restrain his anger and maintain the last sliver of reason.

"Cheng Fei has become like that, it doesn't make sense to me whether you believe it or not," Joshua said softly, "I will find that guy, no matter where you hide him, I will find that guy , and destroy him."

His expression and demeanor made Yin Yening dazed and dizzy in the icy rain.

Don't believe him, he told himself.

Joshua Ronan has always been a liar and a villain, Cheng Fei also said so, but, but...

"Is what you said true?"

He still asked the same question, and went to seek proof in this way.

"Did you see him push Cheng Fei down with your own eyes? You didn't lie to me? I dared to use my life——you dare to use Cheng Fei's life to swear that you didn't lie to me?!"

"What reason do I have to lie to you?! Yin Yening, Cheng Fei made such a big sacrifice to protect you in vain, and you actually cover up the murderer who hurt him. I really don't deserve him, I really..."

"What... what sacrifice?"

"You don't know... you really don't know anything..." the blond man murmured and burst into tears.

"Did you know? Cheng Fei slept with me. When I graduated from high school, because I said I was going to kill you, he begged me to show mercy! In order to protect you, he traveled across the ocean and lived alone in a foreign country... Do you know how much I hate you, Yin Yening, because he can love you so much..."

Of course Yin Yening didn't know all of this.

He chewed on Joshua's words, feeling like he was listening to the Arabian Nights.

"……Love?"

Cheng Fei's... love for him?

"Yeah! Isn't that love? If he doesn't love you, he will sleep for you and me who he hates so much that he wants to die? Cheng Fei never admits it, because he has already decided on that path - like a A normal man would marry and have children like that, and live his whole life pretending to be an ordinary person, he might never admit it, if it wasn't for you... If it wasn't for you, maybe I would have given up a long time ago."

Joshua leaned against the corner of the wall, took out the already soaked cigarette from his pocket, and couldn't light it no matter what, but still lit it mechanically: "But he can obviously like men... He can obviously love you! So I don't Willingness, I have never been able to be willing, I can't let go of him, I can't let go of myself...I, I..."

His breathing became rapid again, and after wiping his face, he slid down the corner of the wall.

"But...but if I had known it would turn out like this, I..." He hugged his knees and curled up. "I just... like him so much that I can't extricate myself..."

The rain was pouring down on him, making the blond man look like a tiny blob, and he murmured and lost his mind, as if the rain had melted the hard protective shell and there was nowhere else to go.

But what is really dissolved in the haze is actually the standing world.

◇

F returned to the bungalow on the island in the drizzle.

He didn't know where else he could go. He didn't dare to go back to his home in the city. He thought that if he stayed in this isolated place and waited slowly, he might be able to wait for the person he wanted to wait for.

The rain, like someone's tears, never stopped, and lasted until late at night.

He was waiting, looking forward to Yin Yening's return and telling him that he was willing to believe in him.

Or, just let it rain like that night he will always remember, and the sea rises and covers it all.He will also disappear in that chaos.

This kind of survival is too sad, he understands.He has no real life at all, the meaning of his existence is only Yin Yening.

Losing him is equivalent to losing everything, losing the meaning of existence, and everything becomes very painful.

He went downstairs, out into the rain, and waited for him.

Like every time I wait, I stubbornly believe that as long as I wait and wait, he will appear.

The rain was pouring, and he didn't care.If he kept going like this, he felt that he would stay here until the end of time.Wait until the world ceases to exist, or oneself ceases to exist.

Suddenly, a sharp pain hit him, causing him to kneel down with his head in his arms.

"Uh-"

This kind of sudden and inexplicable pain is not the first time.Just like last time, the pain in my mind became more and more intense.

It's okay, it's okay, he told himself, the last time... was over soon.

But this time the pain was not so kind.

He was tossing and struggling in the mud in the rain, and the pain almost drove him crazy, but there was no one around him, and he had nothing to rely on.

night……

I'm scared, he thought.

I'm very scared, will it be broken like this, will it just disappear like this.

I haven't been able to see you again, and I haven't been able to clarify your misunderstanding about me, so I just disappeared.

I hurt so much.I really don't want to... really don't want that.

F didn't know when he passed out.Maybe it's ridiculous to use words like "fainted out". It should be said that he didn't know when he was short-circuited.

Fortunately, he finally woke up by himself.

After dragging his heavy body back to the house, he realized that more than ten days had passed.Yin Yening did not come back for more than ten days, and the mud and dust he made on the day of heavy rain had already dried on his body.

He leaned against the sink, looked at himself in the mirror, and slowly washed away the stains on his face.The gradually clear face that was reflected was exactly the appearance of the person he least expected to see.

A replica... I am just a replica of that person... He looked at his own reflection, a frenzy of disgust flashed in his dark eyes, he suddenly stretched out his hand, smashed the mirror violently, and then slammed the mirror with both hands The fragments of the mirror were smashed into particles little by little, and ground into powder.

I can't bear it... I am like this, all of this makes my heart hurt.

It hurts so much that I want to kill myself.

If everything could just be annihilated like this, if I could just disappear like this...

But he suddenly asked himself, why?Why?

I love that person so much, why should I disappear?

I love so painfully, live so hard, and guard everything so sadly.The person who should disappear should not be me, right?

The one who should disappear...isn't that person, right?

◇

Who should disappear...

This thought flashed inexplicably, and F didn't remember many things afterwards. He seemed to be walking on the road, as if passing some scenery, but everything was so hazy.When he finally regained his senses, his thinking was still stuck in the continuation of the previous "who should disappear".

...how could I have such a terrible thought?He shivered and shook his head.

You can't think like that.

impossible.

No matter how jealous, in principle Cheng Fei didn't do anything wrong.Even if Yin Yening was really taken away from him, what could he say?

He actually understood all of this.just...just...

Then, he began to pay attention to his surroundings.With the snow-white walls in front of him and the smell of disinfectant, he was a little puzzled.

Is this... a hospital?Why are you here?

When did you come here, I have no memory at all...

I feel like I'm holding something in my hand, what is it?

He looked down and saw that it was an oxygen mask.

This is... what is it?

Looking along the line of sight, the oxygen tube is connected to the bed... Yes, there is a hospital bed there, and a pale man's hand hangs from the edge of the bed...

There was something ticking in my ears, getting slower and slower... Suddenly, there was a buzzing sound all around, and F trembled, as if awakened from a sleepwalking, and finally saw clearly what was lying on the hospital bed. look of a man.

He closed his eyes, and his long eyelashes cast a shadow on his face. His sharp-edged face was six to seven points similar to his own...

...Cheng Fei.

F's hand trembled suddenly, and the oxygen mask in his hand fell to the ground.

what am i doing?

Where am I and what am I doing? !he asked himself.

Is this a dream?If it is a dream, why is there such a sense of reality?But if it wasn't a dream, why would I be here, how could I do such a thing?Who will tell me?

The door behind him was knocked open, and a group of people rushed in. He was pushed aside and stood there stupidly.

Then, as if attracted by something, his gaze turned to the door.

Yin Yening was standing at the door, staring at F.

The way he looked at him, the way he looked at him...

F's pupils were dark, and the corners of his mouth curled up, and he smiled.

He felt that even if he was hacked into pieces, it wouldn't hurt so much, but for some reason, the only expression he could make at the moment was smiling.

Am I really out of my mind, he thought.

Yin Yening pulled him out of the ward and dragged him to the underground parking lot of the hospital.

The parking lot was shady, deserted, and empty.He was pulled to the wall by Yin Yening, punched and kicked ferociously, he didn't dare to struggle for fear of accidentally hurting Ye.

When he was beaten, he was thinking about other things, his heart was blocked, and he wanted to cry out loud.

He thought that he would not do anything to Cheng Fei that he shouldn't have done.He thought that all his evil thoughts were just hidden in his heart, and it was absolutely impossible to put them into action.

However, when he himself was not conscious, his body would actually do those things without any thought!

He couldn't explain it, and he knew no one would believe him.

"I... I'm broken, Ye..."

He murmured softly, but he didn't dare to look into his favorite pair of black crystal-like charming eyes.

"I'm broken... I don't know what I did, I really don't know... You, can you take me to Fang Jili? I'm broken, he... He will tell you, it's not mine wrong……"

Maybe... maybe Fang Jili can prove all this, he can prove that what he did was not from his original intention.

"Really... I really didn't mean to."

Even if I'm jealous of Cheng Fei, jealous to death, I won't hurt him on purpose, because I don't want to hurt you.

"You didn't do it on purpose?" Yin Yening felt that such an excuse was absurd: "Push someone downstairs and pull out his oxygen mask, and you still have the face to say you didn't do it on purpose?"

His contempt, his sneer, made F feel like his heart was frozen.

"Get in the car," Yin Yening pulled him up, "This is an order."

The order... the order has already expired, F smiled wryly.

I'm really... really broken, but no one believes me...

The direction of the car was Fang Jili's laboratory, which made F hold a glimmer of hope. As long as Fang Jili testified that he was indeed broken somewhere, then Ye...maybe he could be forgiven.

I am really broken...

Ever since he was hit on the head by Joshua that day, he has gradually experienced some abnormalities-severe headaches, a malfunctioning command and obedience system, short-term amnesia and inability to control his behavior, all of which gradually became more and more serious.

...It doesn't matter, Fang Jili can testify for him and fix him...