to his love

I decided to ask him, straight to the point.

But he seemed very tired those days, and I often saw him dozing off in class.I intuited that this was not the reason why he stayed up all night doing the questions, but I couldn't figure out why he suddenly became tired.

I couldn't bear to speak.

Before I talked to him about it, her mother found me first.We made an appointment that Sunday morning.I said before that his mother is a gentle and aura woman, and this aura is more and more vivid when it comes to safeguarding his son's reputation and future.

"Please sit down."

She said please sit down like she was saying fuck off.

It's like the most bloody idol drama, but Cinderella has become me.Mrs. Ren didn't make it difficult for me at first, she slowly stirred the coffee in front of her, and told me lightly how Ren Chaozhi was born in a traditional and huge family.She told me what she and Mr. Ren wanted for their son, and they wanted to arrange for him to study abroad.

"You are a good boy, and Auntie really likes you." She said, "But good boys make mistakes sometimes. I respect the relationship between you and Chaozhi, but you are still too young, and your liking is not guaranteed. You can't hurt each other for the rest of your life because of your teenage impulses."

"Auntie," I said, with a bitter voice, "you think my liking for Chaozhi will hurt him, don't you?"

"I'm not homophobic."

She quickly understood what I meant, and frowned slightly, "How should I say it? Jing Zhi..."

"Chaozhi's father and I have always opposed Chaozhi's puppy love. We are his parents, and we know better than anyone else how childish this kid is. He said he likes you today, but what about tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? What about in the future? He really Very impulsive, easy to get angry, maybe he once made some promises to you, but I hope you can wake up and see clearly—"

"Jingzhi, my good boy, have you ever thought about what if one day you gave him everything and he abandoned you? There is no legal guarantee for your relationship, and your youth can't be consumed more than anyone else. If One day, you are tired of each other... so no matter what the ending is, what can you leave for yourself? What can you leave for him?"

"Bad experience?"

"You see, your future is full of danger and uncertainty. And if you give up now, at least no matter what, for each other, you will always be the only one in each other's heart, always..."

"enough!"

I rarely lose my temper like this.

After her father left, Ms. Tian did slump for a while, but soon she straightened up again.I have been with her for more than ten years, and I have won her true biography.For the people of our Su family, at least for the few of us, decency is always something that is closely connected with dignity.

But today I lost my temper.

After I buried my face in my palms, I forced a wry smile.Mrs. Ren's morality is really unfathomable. In just a few minutes, she said what I was most afraid of.

Yes, I am afraid of our future.

I have said more than once that I am such a person.Family reasons?I have no idea.I'm insecure, I'm afraid of the unknown, I'm afraid of what's out of my control.So I don't go to that girl to confess as soon as I feel like other boys-I even have to test myself.

Saying you like Ren Chaozhi is probably the most out of control thing in your life?

I took a deep breath and calmed down.

"Auntie, I think I can understand your feelings."

Madam Ren smiled.

"However," I looked into her eyes and said word by word, "Emotions are something that cannot be started by one person. So if you want it to end, then you should talk to your son. Not me. "

I finally said goodbye to her.

I didn't realize until I got home that my hands were shaking.The key trembled slightly in my hand. I couldn't help the keyhole, so I collapsed on the door of the house and took a light breath.

...I think Mrs. Ren is also very angry with me.

Thinking about it this way makes me feel better.I stood up again, intending to reinsert the key.Then there was a click, and the door opened.Ms. Tian put down her phone and looked at me strangely.

I don't know why.

"You...were crying," she said, in a low voice, "your eyes are very red. What's wrong?"

I subconsciously deny, "No!"

"No……"

"It's just that the wind is a little strong, and the sand got into my eyes." I said, "Hmm...it hurts a bit."

Ms. Tian's eyes did not leave.

In the end, she gestured for me to go in sideways, and picked up her mobile phone to give a few casual instructions.I heard the sound of the door closing, and Ms. Tian followed behind me, expressionless.

"Do you want me...to blow it up for you?" she said, eyes half downcast, "I think you'll feel better with someone around you?"

I shook my head, "It's not that far yet."

"Thank you."

Back in the room, I received a text message from Ren Chaozhi.I braced my chin and thought for a while, then told him that I slept all morning and only woke up now.

I always don't want him to have such unhappiness with his mother.

The new week is still very dull, I found that Lin Yilan was hiding from Qi Yueyang.Occasionally, some small and strange things happen in the class, but I can't even manage my own affairs, so I can't manage other people's affairs.

Ren Chaozhi often gave me a hesitant expression.Many times he called my name, but when I turned my head to look at him, he didn't say anything.

Just kiss my eyes.

This made me somewhat relieved.I know he may be bearing the pressure of his family, but at least he is not willing to give up.He even wanted to carry it himself.

Our behavior became more and more blatant. One day he suddenly stood up to block my eyes and gnawed on my mouth. Without any warning or preparation, the atmosphere suddenly froze.

When Ren Chaozhi was crazy enough, he sat back, turned his pen, and began to deal with the exercises with a blank face.

I couldn't figure out what he was thinking, and thought he was uncomfortable.But my boyfriend didn't give me any response when I pressed his forehead.I felt bored and turned around, and he grabbed me again.

"Hold me, boyfriend." He said, his voice was not too low, "I'm stuck, I need you to comfort me."

His right hand gripped my left hand tightly, and he began to write awkwardly with his left hand.

"I'm so envious..."

I heard someone whispering behind me.

"Brother Hui, I want to fall in love too..."

"I want to hold my little hand too, woo woo, Brother Yang, come over and give me a hug!"

"roll!"

After a commotion for a while, the class returned to silence, only the rustling of the pen tip across the paper could be heard.

I leaned closer to Ren Chaozhi, "Boyfriend, have you had enough? If you don't let go, Lao Ban is coming? Don't forget that you are sitting by the window."

Ren Chaozhi snorted, "Let her see it, and make her mad."

He said seriously, "Jing Zhi, they must have come to talk to you. Don't believe them. Anyway, as long as we don't let go, who can use a saw to cut us open?"

"You're playing tricks." I laughed, "Like a thorn."

"It's good to stab your head." He simply put down his pen, and whispered to me on the table, "I'll teach you, don't cry, don't make trouble, don't hang yourself, scold you, nod your head and praise you for laughing. You should do what she says, and it's over." Shaking your head, you have to shout loudly when you leave the office, goodbye, teacher!"

I can almost imagine the picture of him acting like a homeroom teacher.

"I will depend on you for the rest of my life." Ren Chaozhi stroked my hair, "In another half a year, we will run away from home after the college entrance examination, and go to A University to report early. The capital is still a little far away, I don't believe their hands can reach that long. "

I nodded, "The plan is very thoughtful."

"This is planning for a rainy day." He smiled smugly and blinked. "To tell you the truth, I've been waiting for that day for a long time. After the college entrance examination, I'm going to tie you to the bed, like this..."

"I won't stop even if you cry and beg me!"

I'm used to him talking occasionally, and when I'm in a good mood, I can say a few words, "Okay. Ren Chaozhi said that he wants to be treated like this by Su Jingzhi. I will remember it for them."

Ren Chaozhi had nothing to do with me, so he came up to take advantage of me, and then sat down and continued to solve his small problem.

I huddled in my arms to calm down, and when I looked up again, I saw the head teacher.She was standing in front of us on the left, separated by a piece of transparent glass, her face looked a little pale, and her eyes were cold.

Ren Chaozhi also saw it.

He let out a "tss" and put on a very flamboyant smile.Our hands were still tightly held, and he even nodded to the head teacher in greeting.

Ren Chaozhi's mother came to school more and more frequently.Sometimes in the morning I come out of the office and run into her,

When I come to study in the evening, I will see her back hurriedly entering the school gate.

This decent woman, who is still well-maintained even in middle age, became thinner and older visible to the naked eye during that time.

I often can't understand the world of grown-ups.I always feel that my falling in love with Ren Chaozhi is not such an earth-shattering event, at most it is special that we are both men.But his mother seemed to be really troubled by this. The woman gradually stopped calling me "Jing Zhi" softly. We would greet each other when we met, but she always just nodded lightly.

In the third year of high school, the studies were heavy, and the time for falling in love was compressed and compressed again.After the final exam, we received a notice from the school to make up lessons. This small building is still full of vitality after the departure of senior one and senior two.

Ren Chaozhi asked for a leave of absence, and I took a look at the leave slips in my grade.The high school I attended has started to put up banners, and there is a sentence on every floor, "As long as you don't die, you will learn from the dead." Even Lin Yilan asked for leave and was questioned over and over again. How did the teacher miss Ren Chaozhi's make-up lessons for the entire holiday.

I began to study alone, eat alone, and walk alone in the shadow of a lonely tree after evening self-study.But I am not alone.Ren Chaozhi told me that he was tricked by his family to come to his grandfather's house, where he lived indifferently with a simple meal and a tutor every day.He exaggeratedly gave me "mua" over and over again on the other end of the phone, and asked me if I had any beautiful elementary school girls who wrote him love letters recently.

"No," I said, "but I got three. Even though it's the holidays, they still come to see me every day."

Ren Chaozhi cursed in a low voice.

"Jing Zhi, don't pay attention to them. They are all superficial girls who only love your face. But I, I am a man who understands your soul."

"Thank you, but I don't want you to understand the soul."

His laugh sounded a little lewd.

I don't know how I got through that winter vacation, and when we met again, he seemed to grow taller again.I have to lift my head to kiss him.This makes me a little uncomfortable, and I'm going to quietly buy a few pairs of shoes with insets.

The cold spring is not over, but he changed into light jeans and a T-shirt early like a girl.I was walking down the street with him in a turtleneck, and it was odd that this guy didn't have goosebumps on his arms.

"Boyfriend," I poked his hand, "have you noticed that we're not in the same season?"

He thought about it and told me, "Because you approached from winter and I waited for you in summer?"

"Sounds like I'm chasing you?"

"Well," he said, "that's us walking toward the spring together. But I'm walking a little more."

I still remember the way he smiled in front of my eyes.

Unfortunately, none of us made it to that spring.