to his love

I'm not one to mourn, but I did feel sorry for the death of the doctor in Maugham's The Veil.I didn't like reading when I was a student, and I just swallowed a huge story a lot of times.So many years later, when I re-opened that book and accidentally saw a few words in the preface, you can imagine the pity and emotion in my heart.

The title of The Veil comes from Shelley's sonnet, "Raise Not the Multicolored Veil", a few lines of which he quotes on the title page.The preface introduces in detail the countless metaphors extended from the title, and I still have a clear impression of a few poems in it.

"Don't lift the colorful veil, the mortals call it / life."

"Although it doesn't really look like it is painted."

As the years go by, I have blurred memories of many stories from my teenage years.Every time I want to force myself to retell a complete story from those fragmented emotions, I always feel as if there is a mist blocking my sight.

Ren Chaozhi and I were separated.The head teacher arranged us in the two farthest corners of the classroom.But this does not hinder our daily communication.During those days, I just remember that I had a good time, although those pleasures seemed to be stolen.

Shhh, some things are just not right to be frank.Without lifting the veil of illusion, we can all pretend that nothing is wrong.

Ms. Tian still showed up at school.

It was an afternoon of singing birds.I was notified by security in the classroom.Ms. Tian was waiting for me at the door holding a small delicate parasol, bowing her head to thank the security guard with all manners.

I led her to our office.On the road, I met a few people who went out to play.They waved their hands and called me "Squad Leader" loudly. After walking a long distance, they could still hear them excitedly saying that the monitor's mother is so beautiful.

It was the first time in three years of middle school that parents were invited, and it was still such a cool way to appear.Ms. Tian stopped in front of our teaching building, took off her sunglasses, smiled and nodded to the group of teenagers lying on the corridor.I heard the gasp of half the building.

I suppressed a smile on the corner of my mouth.

The floor where the office is located has always been relatively quiet, and today there were only a few students in a few classes basking in the sun at the door bored.Ms. Tian and I turned a corner and went to the door of the office. Because of the angle, they could only see us standing here, but they didn't know why we didn't go in.

Of course you can't go in.The door was ajar and the curtains were drawn tightly.The homeroom teacher was waiting for me at the door, and she whispered my name when we emerged.

She pointed to the door.

So Ms. Tian and I stood at the door and eavesdropped.It seems inappropriate to say eavesdropping?Because Ms. Tian looks calm and composed, I am also generous.The most nervous among us was actually the head teacher. She stood there looking at our mother and child for a while, then shook her head and walked to another place.

I heard the voices of Ren Chaozhi and Mrs. Ren.

They seem to have had a quarrel, and they are full of exhaustion for each other.Ren Chaozhi's aunt was also persuading him softly. I remember this English teacher said that among so many students, she liked my writing the most.

"...Mom didn't ask you to cut your flesh and blood, but just wanted you to separate from that guy," Mrs. Ren's voice was calm and faintly crying, "In a family like ours, Mom only wants you to find an ordinary woman." The child will be fine..."

"Your father has worked so hard for that place for so long, do you want him to be ridiculed and attacked by his opponent because of you and because his son is gay?"

"Ren Chaozhi, you can be crazy," she said, "but you have to think about your family members, your happiness cannot be based on their pain. You can't make the whole family feel bad because of you alone."

I think there must have been confusion on my face at that time.

Why...why did Ren Chaozhi get into so much trouble when he chose to like me?

I gently asked Ms. Tian, ​​"Is it really as exaggerated as she said?"

Mrs. Ren's understanding of emotion and reason is still going on.I listened to it for a long time and thought to myself that if it's true, it's a miracle my boyfriend lasted that long.

"Don't blame him," Ms. Tian's voice sounded calm, "he is in a completely different family from yours. He is a good boy, and I can see that he gave all his heart for you. So if he said You must not take what you say to heart. Jing Zhi, other people have other people's last resort."

I think adults are really amazing. Not only do they often see the truth of things at a glance, but they can also vividly predict the next plot.

The time between classes was very long, and the sound of the basketball hitting the backboard never stopped. Ten minutes later, the office door finally opened, and Mrs. Ren was obviously taken aback when she saw me.I saw real surprise and regret in her eyes.

But she reacted quickly.

Ren Chaozhi followed behind her.I have never seen such a depressed expression on my boyfriend.His eyes seemed to have lost all their luster, and when he looked up, there was still sadness that hadn't dissipated.

At that moment I wanted to escape.

Mrs. Ren pulled her son forward.Ren Chaozhi faced me with lowered eyes.It took a long, long time before I heard his bitter voice.

"Su Jingzhi, I'm sorry." He said, "I think it's better for us to separate for a while and calm down... for a while, okay?"

I saw his fingertips shaking.

I think my eyes must be red because the scene in front of me is starting to blur.I opened my mouth and felt that I had lost the ability to speak.

How disrespectful, too sad to speak.

If our story ends in this way, then my bewilderment will be firmly imprinted in Mrs. Ren's heart, and I will be lower in her eyes from now on.

But I'm really speechless.

Ms. Tian stepped forward.

She smiled impeccably, "Chaozhi, isn't he? He's a good boy. Coincidentally, Jing Zhi also wanted to break up with you today. I've persuaded him for a long time too. Children are thin-skinned, and that's all for this matter." It's over..."

"Madam Ren, do you think so?"

The two women shook hands and laughed.

"What are you looking at? Get the hell out of here!"

I suddenly heard the voice of a fat man in the class.We turned our heads and saw him leading several tall and thin boys shouting angrily in the corridor.Fatty is actually a nice guy with a big heart and a fat body, but if he really wants to lose his face, his fierce look is indeed a bit bluffing.

I just noticed that the corridor was quietly surrounded by students.I hastily wiped away my tears, trying to hide the sadness in my eyes.

"What about you! Why are you standing there?" The fat man boldly poked a teacher on the shoulder, "Go back! Go talk about your class! Have you finished the paper? No. Then go!"

I want to laugh.

Soon the corridor was clean again.Fatty took those guys back to work.But soon he stood up and stood guard in the corridor.He purposely turned his back on us, and I could hear his cursing.

Ms. Tian said again, "Then, is it time to say goodbye?"

Mrs. Ren naturally nodded.

Before leaving, Ms. Maeda deliberately shook the head teacher's hand, "Thank you very much for your concern for these two children. We will remember your help in our hearts."

I sent Ms. Tian out of the school gate.

I'm taller than her, so I'll hold the little parasol.The sunshine in Nancheng is always dazzling.I rubbed my eyes, feeling that the sadness in my heart had not completely dissipated from my face.

"Do you need me to accompany you at this time?" Ms. Tian asked, "Do you want to ask for leave to go outside with me, and feel the joy of luxury?"

In fact, it is not a luxury.

Ms. Tian and I spent four hours at a local hotel that was said to be quite stylish.The sound of the piano is as slow as flowing water, and the hall lights are dim.She introduced me to several different wines and we talked about where they came from and the stories behind their names.

But she didn't let me dip a drop.

I have always been immersed in studying, I have no extra hobbies, and I rarely chat with Ms. Tian.She mentioned one thing that night. She said that we were too low-key to let the teachers and classmates misunderstand me. I shook my head.

"Which university does Jing Zhi want to go to?" Finally she asked, "Do you want to go a little farther and see the sea in other places?"

I don't remember how I answered it.

Ren Chaozhi transferred to the second shift, which is downstairs from us.During recess, he often stands in the corridor basking in the sun, and he can be seen lying on the fence as soon as he possesses himself.

The classmates who started to have good things inquired about the big show that invited parents that day.I don't know who led them to agree to the caliber or not. In general, it gradually spread that Ren Chaozhi and I had a fight, and the two were at odds with each other.In the end, the head teacher separated us, and he chose to go to the second class.

I'm glad they left this dignity for me.Crying because of a fight seems to be much less embarrassing than crying because of a breakup.

The atmosphere in the third year of high school became more and more tense and heavy.The results of the second model came down, Ren Chaozhi performed very well, he took the No.1 in the whole school.

I often hear people talk about the deeds of the new squad leader of the second class.He has the same popular face and hard-working appearance as me, but he is more cheerful and approachable. I have heard them argue about who is more popular in this building, Ren Chaozhi or me.

I don't know why, but sometimes I think of a distant autumn, when the boy collapsed on the table, racking his brains for the simplest formula problem.

It's as far away as a thing in my previous life.

Qi Yueyang and the others sometimes pull me out to play, but the small court has already been taken first.Although they are in two key classes with competitive relationship, the students' personal friendship is still very good.The boys in class two invited us to join us, and we drew lots to form two teams.

Me and Ren Chaozhi's team.

The sense of tacit understanding and familiarity swept over when dribbling.When I threw the basketball at the hoop, I suddenly felt that this was very boring.

In the second half I changed my game.Ren Chaozhi couldn't figure out my routine, and he and I stumbled and cooperated just like me and other people who formed a team for the first time.

In the end we won.

We said goodbye to each other as we left.Ren Chaozhi held the basketball and looked at me with quiet eyes.Fragments of sunlight passed through the broken hair on his forehead, as if meeting him for the first time.

The day of parting is approaching, and things, big and small, are coming to me like a tidal wave.Because I am the class monitor, I have to do many things by myself. There were two nights when I was too busy to go to the evening self-study, so I simply carried my bag and went home early to catch up on sleep.

Because of the influenza spreading in the senior high school and all kinds of weird accidents, the [-]-day oath was postponed to April.Ms. Tian took time out of her busy schedule to come here. I saw her in the crowd, and she smiled at me.

One of the items in the process is the speech of the student representatives.As the most inspirational and motivating student in this grade, Ren Chaozhi was arranged to prepare a passionate speech.

He held the manuscript in one hand and read with half-closed eyes.In the venue, there were some classes of senior one and senior two who were specially allowed in.The boy's school uniform was neatly organized, and he played the role of a perfect senior to the fullest.

I still remember his closing remarks.

Finally, he put down the manuscript, raised his head, and smiled cheerfully at the entire audience.The power of language burning in the eyes of the teenagers has not yet dissipated, but he lowered his voice, looked softly, and said softly,

"Come on, let's move forward together."

"—I'm waiting for you at University A."