imperfect lover

As soon as Yan Junxi pushed open the door of the separate ward he specially arranged for Wei Shengkai, he froze.

Wei Shengkai was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to the door, and the IV stand beside him was shaking violently, Yan Junxi rushed over immediately.

"Kay!" He shouted anxiously, but it was still too late to stop him from pulling off the needle on his wrist suddenly, and bright red blood gushed out instantly, staining his fair skin and bed sheets red.

Yan Junxi rushed to him and held his hand quickly, but saw Wei Shengkai's pale and indifferent expression, as if he didn't feel any pain.

"Kai, don't be like this..." Yan Junxi directly tore off the bed sheet and pressed it on his hand to help stop the bleeding. Wei Shengkai just looked at him coldly, even his voice was unfamiliar and cold, which came to Yan Junxi's ears, freezing to make his heart ache.

"You lied to me."

Yan Junxi frowned and looked at him helplessly.He didn't lie to him, and he didn't promise him not to bring him to the hospital. He could predict how angry Wei Shengkai would be, but he didn't expect that he would use such a self-harm method to get angry.

"You are sick, you must be treated." Yan Junxi reached out to ring the call bell, but Wei Shengkai knocked him down.

"My body is clear to me."

"If you are clear, you will not indulge yourself." Yan Junxi clasped his hands tightly, the blood stained each other red, and dripped continuously from his fingers.Yan Junxi frowned and looked at him, "Unless you deliberately ruined your body and made me suffer on purpose."

"None of your business!" Wei Shengkai yelled angrily, pulled back his hand and pushed him hard. "Why did you bring me to the hospital? Why did you let me lie here?"

"Just because I give you my heart!"

Yan Junxi came to him with a stride, held his chin and lifted it up.This was the first quarrel between them, and it was the first time Wei Shengkai got angry in front of him, and he didn't compromise at all.

"I was too lenient to you, but it ended up hurting you. It's my fault." Yan Junxi's eyes were affectionate and sad, Wei Shengkai's eyes were instantly reddened, but he still spoke stubbornly and meanly.

"So you decided not to spoil me? Did you regret it? That's why you tricked me into the hospital?"

"Yes, I regret, I regret that I didn't stay with you more, and I regret that I didn't pay attention to your body. I decided to spoil you more, tie you by my side, and not allow you to go anywhere."

"The one who is not by my side is you, not me." Wei Shengkai waved his hand away, and was immediately embraced by him again.

"Kai..." Yan Junxi softened his voice, lowered his figure, as usual doting, gently comforting his anxiety and anger.

These hands are always strong and powerful, gentle and domineering, always following him, never willing to make himself angry.Wei Shengkai's tears were forced down by him, and his whole body was tightly wrapped in his arms, almost suffocating, but he was instantly soothed by this familiar embrace.

Yan Junxi hugged him tightly, and he didn't let out a sigh until he felt that he was gradually stabilizing in his arms.

"Kay, it's my fault. I didn't take good care of you. If you are willing to forgive me, just obey me and receive treatment, okay?"

"Woo..." Wei Shengkai cried, "It hurts..."

"Hey, I'll ask someone to bandage you." Yan Junxi helped him to sit on the bed, and kissed his tears away with distress.

"You take me out of here, and I'll forgive you." Wei Shengkai said sobbing.

"Okay, I'll take you away right away."

"You don't know! You don't know anything!" Turning his head angrily and trembling, Yan Junxi hugged him into his arms again, whispering in his ear in a hoarse voice.

"I do know too little about you, so I won't allow myself to be ignorant anymore, Kay, I don't want to go on like this."

"I don't understand what you're talking about." Wei Shengkai struggled in his arms, but Yan Junxi hugged him even tighter.

"It's good that I understand, from now on, it's good that I understand you."

"Take me out of here, I beg you." Wei Shengkai started a tender offensive, but found that this trick had failed.

"I can't promise you right now."

"Then there's nothing to say." Wei Shengkai sulked and stopped talking.

Yan Junxi reluctantly took out the tissue to help him wipe off the blood stains. The medical staff came into the room at this moment, quickly cleaned up the blood-stained sheets, and bandaged the wound on his wrist.

"Let me come." Yan Junxi took the clean hospital gown from the nurse, and said again: "Don't give him an IV for now, I will tell Dr. Feng."

"OK."

The two nurses left after cleaning up. Wei Shengkai sat on the bed and asked Yan Junxi to help him change his clothes with a blank expression.Yan Junxi couldn't help sighing softly: "Kai, don't ignore me."

Wei Shengkai glanced at him, and turned his eyes to the French windows.

"You can be angry, but don't ignore me."

"I don't want to wear this ugly dress." Wei Shengkai said while staring out the window.Yan Junxi gently turned his face back and smiled softly.

"I'll have someone bring the clothes."

"It's not my clothes that I'm not used to."

"Then I'll ask Shang Qing to go to your house to help you get your clothes."

"I want money to sleep with me."

"I'll ask him to bring the money."

"Are you going to let me live here?"

"I only intend to heal you."

"What's wrong with me?"

"You have a tumor in your stomach."

"That's why you decided to stay with me?"

Yan Junxi looked at him, looked at Wei Shengkai's cold eyes, and couldn't help but sigh: "Just because I put you in the hospital, are you going to erase the love between us?"

The love between us has never been promised; the love between us has always been wandering in the falsehood; the love between us has never been tested by quarrels.

Wei Shengkai's tears rolled down silently.

I know you love me, but I never know what you love me...

I know I love you, but I never know if I can be with you...

The love between us, even I myself can't tell you if it's true love.

Yan Junxi picked him up and sighed softly, "I'll take you outside."

The scenery outside the floor-to-ceiling windows is pleasant, and you can see a spacious parking lot underneath. There are comfortable reclining chairs and elegant wooden tables on the balcony. This hospital far away from the hustle and bustle does not have the sense of oppression that he fears, but this is still a hospital. He hates it the most in his life. And tangled place.

"Kai, I won't give up." Yan Junxi hugged him who was sulking, and gently patted his slender back.

Wei Shengkai said coldly, "You don't have to promise me."

"This is my freedom. It's your freedom to accept it or not. I can't force you to love me, and you can't force me not to love you."

Yan Junxi held up his face, seeing his moist eyes, his heart ached, and he understood.Wei Shengkai, who loves to be strong and ironic, never let people see him helpless, but he couldn't restrain his tears in front of Yan Junxi.

"Kay, I will never leave you."

This sentence, familiar and cruel, was like a curse, making him bear the merciless crime.

"I don't believe it..." It's all a lie, the one who left first was the one who promised forever, how can he believe such a false promise.

When that person said that to him, he could only sneer, but when Yan Junxi said that to him, he felt that he was about to die.

"Kai." Yan Junxi held his staggering body nervously, and frowned when he saw him crying.

"I hate, hate..." Wei Shengkai grabbed his arm, weeping uncontrollably, "You are all like this, I don't believe, I don't believe that forever... are all lies! Since you can't do it , don't say such heavy words... I don't believe it, I don't believe it..."

"Kay..."

"I don't dare to make an eternal promise with you, because I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it. If I die, my words won't count..."

"I won't let you die."

"But he's dead! He lied to me and said he would never leave me, but he still left, forever, and the whole world blames me..." Crying out in grief, it was he The grief that has been suppressed for too long, the torment that I can no longer bear.Wei Shengkai looked at him with tears in his eyes, and saw the affection in his eyes, which was stronger than that person's, and Yan Junxi was never stingy with giving it to him.

"Kai, I'm not him..." Although he doesn't know who that person is, he will find out immediately. He will not let Wei Shengkai carry heavy memories alone, let alone let the past people occupy a place in his heart.

"I can even avoid a plane crash, because you don't allow me to die, but I don't allow you to die. Are you willing to live for me?"

Wei Shengkai began to cry.

"Don't cry, Kay, I don't want you to cry, I want you to get well."

"But in the hospital, I would die."

"You're not going to die, you're just scaring yourself."

"Junxi, I beg you..."

That was definitely Wei Shengkai's most sincere plea since they met, lost his arrogance, lost his arrogance, and left only complete helplessness and panic, this kind of Yan Junxi Wei Shengkai hardly knew him, and it almost broke his heart pitifully.

What else could he do?He simply couldn't bear to reject Wei Shengkai's sad eyes, let alone his broken tears. `

"Okay, we'll be discharged from the hospital, but you have to promise me to do a good job in treatment." In the end, he still couldn't stand up to his entreaties, and the loser would always be Yan Junxi.

Sure enough, Wei Shengkai burst into laughter immediately.

"I'll let Dr. Feng do a biopsy for you first."

Wei Shengkai immediately lowered his eyebrows again, with crystal clear tears still hanging on his cheeks, so pitiful.

"It won't hurt. Endoscopic biopsy is a minor operation. The purpose is to determine the nature and stage of the tumor. If you don't agree with me, I won't let you go out of the hospital." Seeing his tears start rolling again, Yan Junxi felt distressed Touching his face softly, he said with a soft smile, "Don't be afraid, I will be with you."

"Can I go right away when I'm done?"

"If not, I will take you away. When Dr. Feng's test report comes out, I will ask him to come to your home to help you see a doctor."

Wei Shengkai pouted, but he knew that this was Yan Junxi's biggest concession. Yan Junxi was more nervous than him about his own illness.

***

"That person...Xu Qing." Sun Shangqing sipped his cold beer, as if recalling distant memories. "Ah Ching was the most famous bartender in a nightclub a few years ago. He is handsome and funny, and he is fascinated by a bunch of little girls."

Yan Junxi was expressionless, drinking in silence.

"At that time, Sheng Kai and I were still in college, and we often went to Ah Qing's shop at night. Sheng Kai's bartending was taught by Ah Qing. Ah Qing fell in love with Sheng Kai, but no one knew what happened to Sheng Kai. Love him or not."

"You don't know either?" Yan Junxi finally spoke.

"Who knows? He's a hello. He loves everyone and nobody. That guy always says he doesn't have that much love to give. He doesn't understand why people always talk about love so easily. I've never been with him. I have been a best friend in high school until now, and I have never seen him love anyone."

"Ah Qing is dead?"

"Well, I drank too much, and my liver cirrhosis occurred at a young age. Ah Qing's death brought Sheng Kai a big blow. Ah Qing was so popular, everyone felt that Sheng Kai didn't want to repay his love until he died. It was quite cruel, and because of this, Sheng Kai dropped out of school."

Yan Junxi was silent again.

"This kind of thing can't be forced. Sheng Kai regards Ah Qing as a brother, but Ah Qing regards him as a lover. Why should others join in the fun? During Ah Qing's hospitalization, Sheng Kai hardly visited him. He was very afraid of the hospital. He went to the hospital to tell him to die! As a result, Ah Qing died, and everyone blamed him. He was not easy to talk about love, and now it is even more difficult to love." Sun Shangqing turned to look at him, and smiled slightly , continued: "But what I'm sure of is that Sheng Kai loves you."

"I feel it, even though he won't say it."

"He has a love panic attack."

"I paid too little."

"You really spoiled him."

"not enough......"

It's not enough at all, so he has to make up for this regret, he can't let Wei Shengkai despair of love, because he will let him see that love really exists.

"Why is he so afraid of the hospital?"

"He finally plucked up the courage to go to the hospital to see Ah Qing. Ah Qing died in his arms."

"Before Ah Qing died, he was afraid of the hospital, so it wasn't Ah Qing who caused him to reject the hospital, it just deepened his fear."

"Yeah." Sun Shangqing frowned, "He is in such poor health, but he never goes to the hospital to see a doctor."

"You don't know the reason either?"

"It's good that he's so good at talking."

"I'll find out."

"Finally, you're going to use your expertise on him."

"I used to really hope not to do this. I have been investigating others and exposing people's privacy. I have become indifferent to the so-called secrets, so I don't want to investigate everything about him in private. I hope he can take the initiative to tell I."

"At least he has released the pressure Ah Qing brought on him to you."

"So I can't let him bear it anymore. In fact, I also worried that when I learned about his past, would I be insensitive as well, but when I saw him crying in front of me, I really blamed myself very much. ....."

"I've known him for ten years, and I've never seen him cry."

"He cried when he thought my plane crashed; he also cried when he told me about Ah Qing..."

"He loves you badly."

"How do I get him to say it?"

"He'll say it when he wants to."

"I think so too, but I can't wait now."

"Is he seriously ill?"

"As long as he cooperates obediently, it's not serious."

"Junxi, how much will you do for him?"

Yan Junxi looked at him and asked back: "Back then you gave up everything you had insisted on for Yu Jie, have you thought about this?"

"no."

Yan Junxi smiled faintly, "This is what I regret."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm too calm to be as desperate as you are."

"now what?"

"If people are too rational, they will lose a lot of fun."

Sun Shangqing smiled, "People like you who have seen too much in the world don't understand romance and disdain romance at all, but Sheng Kai is an overly romantic person. He always thought that he could do without any feelings and could be a wild crane. A free fairy, in fact, he is a lonely daffodil at all, narcissistic and self-pitying."

"I thought we were all too practical."

"Wrong, Sheng Kai always said that he is a very practical person, but in fact he is more unrealistic than anyone else."

"yes?"

"Yeah, otherwise why didn't he dare to date you? Because he was afraid of returning to reality, he had to face the ugliness of reality. He would rather have an affair with you, how romantic? To put it bluntly, he is irresponsible and willful ghost!"

"You really are the one who knows him best."

"So I used to be his shield." Sun Shangqing said with a smile: "Let everyone misunderstand that we are a couple, blocking each other's rotten love, even Yu Jie can't help but wonder if we have an affair, it's really a big sacrifice for me. "

"Fortunately, he has you by his side."

"I will return this sentence to you. I believe that only you can make him experience the feeling of love."

"That's why you introduced him to me?"

"Make more friends! How do you know if you're compatible if you don't know each other?"

"You are definitely the most grateful person in my life."

"Don't say that if you're a brother."

"I won't let him go to the starry night during this time."

"If he comes, I will drive him away."

"I don't know if the starry night is what he wants to do most, but I know that you are very happy in the starry night."

"Starry Night, I will manage it well with Yu Jie, don't worry!"

"I should go back."

Yan Junxi got up to say goodbye to him and left Xingye. Yu Jie, who deliberately left the bar to them, came over at this moment with a worried expression on his face.

"Is Kai really alright?"

"With you, Brother Yan, nothing will happen."

"Actually, I don't want Brother Kai to mix drinks anymore." Yu Jie said softly, and Sun Shangqing smiled: "Junxi must hope so too."

"Shang Qing..."

"Everyone has an unbearable past. We are all imperfect individuals. Only when we piece together can we complement each other's shortcomings."

"What Brother Kai lacks is love, what does Brother Yan lack?"

What does Yan Junxi lack?He seems to lack everything. Sun Shangqing said that he lacked romance, but he himself knew that what he lacked was more than just romance. Out of all the rampant!

So no matter how much he dotes on Wei Shengkai, it can't give him a deep sense of security. No matter how much he pays, Wei Shengkai feels that he is just making up for the debt of not being by his side properly.

It's like a father who is too busy to accompany his child to grow up, always try his best to meet the child's requirements with material, but ignores that the child actually only needs his father to accompany him to dinner.

Too much time wasted.Yan Junxi deeply felt such regret, and when he looked back, he realized that time had passed so quickly, but the two of them spent so little time together, isn't this ridiculous?How could Wei Shengkai believe him?

Since he was discharged from the hospital, Yan Junxi took him back to his home with people and cats. No matter how angry Wei Shengkai was, he insisted on taking care of him personally.

When Yan Junxi returned home, he put a bouquet of perfumed lilies on the table in the room, approached the edge of the bed and saw Wei Shengkai lying on his bed and sleeping soundly, Qian Qian nestled next to his pillow and snored, he smiled slightly.Every time he sees his sleeping face, he can't help but smile, the sleeping Wei Shengkai looks like a sweet angel, without willfulness or pretense, he is the most innocent appearance.

Slowly raising his eyelids, Wei Shengkai looked at him with half-closed eyes, pursed his lips and muttered: "You slipped out while I was taking a nap..."

"I'll get you some medicine."

"I don't want to sleep anymore, I sleep until my back hurts."

"Then get up and I'll take you for a walk in the park."

"It looks like an old man." Wei Shengkai laughed, "It smells so good."

"Like it?"

"It smells so good."

"Shang Qing said you are a daffodil, but I think you are more like a perfume lily."

"I'm not that narcissistic."

"I hope you are narcissistic, I hope you love yourself more."

"Do you know what flower I like best?"

"What flower?"

"Actually, I don't like any flowers..."