out of control relationship

The happiest vacation in his life has begun, but for Qin Yuan, he has no reason to stop and rest.

On the second day after the college entrance examination, he did not organize a party like the rest of the class, nor did he buy a train ticket to pack his luggage and go on a trip. Instead, he continued his previous life trajectory, changing his job to a full-time job and not entering university. The school gate is like stepping directly into the society.

He didn't need to adapt, complain, or make unnecessary resistance, and just accepted this kind of life.During the short period from the holiday to Qin Shuobei's high school entrance examination, he left early and returned late, and besides work, he started another thing, which was to go through the formalities of suspension of school.

It's just a matter of decision.

He found a sunny afternoon and ran alone to the university he had recommended.The school is in a new development area far from the city center, and it takes two hours by car from his home.It was a sultry afternoon in June, and the sun drenched him from head to toe. Standing at the gate of the university, he seemed to be only a few steps away from that brand-new world, pretending not to care about it.

He had a cigarette in his mouth and didn't light it, thinking in his mind, just one year.

He had a perfect idea: as long as he took a break from studying for a year, or even less than half a year, he would be able to earn the tuition and living expenses of himself and Qin Shuobei; he could go through the formalities to retain his student status, and he was not too old, so it seemed like a delay of one year. But all problems can be easily solved.

There is no better choice than this right now.

As for whether you want to or not, something like "will" has no value to be considered in front of the "correct" decision.After all, for a long time, there were really too many moments that made him involuntary.

After thinking it over, he went home almost without hesitation and found a guarantee agreement. He made a phone call to the school, and went through the formalities of suspension the next day. When asking for help, he always behaved like a real adult. He has a humble posture and a polite tone, and when the teacher in charge who signed the agreement with him asked the reason cryptically, he only said that something happened at home and he would definitely return to school next year, without mentioning the real situation.

Over the past ten years, he has endured too many sympathetic looks, even if he can distinguish kind emotions from the bottom of his heart, but for a young man, especially with Qin Yuan's temper, it still becomes a heavy burden on his self-esteem .

He didn't tell Qin Shuobei about this, not because he deliberately concealed it, but because it was useless to tell him, he couldn't get help and feedback.Qin Shuobei's current task is to do well in the senior high school entrance examination if it is near, and to study at ease if it is far away.Qin Yuan is like a wise and courageous parent, he eliminated all external interference for him, and did everything he could, which is called "extreme benevolence and righteousness".

In this way, he has a clear conscience towards this younger brother.

Stuffing the messy procedures into the file bag and throwing them on his desk, he got on his bicycle and went to the night shift.Recently, the manager of the convenience store seems to intend to promote him as a reserve manager. He has added two night shifts a week, so that he will not be tired, and the salary will be high.

He went out earlier than usual, and met Qin Shuobei who had just finished school at the gate of the community.

He was carrying a black shoulder bag, with one hand in his pocket, and was greeting the doorman, with warm eyebrows and eyes, as cute as he could be.

Then when he saw Qin Yuan, the smiles in his eyes overflowed like spring rain, and at the same time he called out to him, and handed over the bag he was carrying in the other hand.

Qin Yuan was still immersed in that smile that made his heart skip a beat, and before he could react for a while, Qin Shuobei directly stuffed the bag into his hand.

"Don't forget to eat something on the night shift." He said, "You have a bad stomach."

"..."

Qin Yuan looked back at him and scolded, "It's too long-winded."

Qin Shuobei still smiled, and gently pushed the back seat of the car.

Until he entered the house, he was still in a relaxed mood, that kind of happiness that was filled with hydrogen and light.

This mood has been maintained for a long time for several days. For him, it has never happened in many years.

He passed by the door of Qin Yuan's room, and glanced at it inadvertently - this was his habitual little action when he passed by any place with Qin Yuan, and found that the window was open, and the flaxen curtains were rolled up by the wind.

He went over and closed the window.

And the happiness hidden in the corners of his brows and mouth disappeared when he saw the file bag on the table.

Qin Shuobei thought that he was about to forget the white tree in his dream.

He doesn't like the color, and the feathers that seem to be blown away by the wind at any time. They are beautiful, peaceful, but fragile and vulnerable. Qin Shuobei can only watch it from a distance, and dare not approach it rashly. His affection for it, mixed with vague love and restraint from profanity, often put him in a dilemma.

On this night when Qin Yuan worked overtime, he was sleepless all night, repeatedly recalling the things he had desperately forgotten, a process similar to self-torture, he could not get the answer, for example, Qin Yuan did this step, he wanted to What he wants, what he can give him, that secret is about to become a time bomb, every minute counted down in his heart is suffering.

What should he do.

What should they do.

At around six o'clock in the morning, the sound of a key opening the door came from outside the living room. Qin Yuan seemed to cough lightly. He also hadn't slept all night, and there was a kind of tiredness in his voice.

In the hallway, he was bending over to slip on his slippers, and when he looked up, he saw Qin Shuobei standing in front of him, without saying a word, and there were two particularly obvious bloodshot eyes.

Qin Yuan was frightened by him all of a sudden, and always felt that there was a bit of hysteria in the silence.He thought so in his heart, but didn't show it on his face, and said without pain, "It's so early."

Stepping barefoot on the cool wooden floor in the early morning, he saw the folder containing the suspension procedures lying on the coffee table, with a ray of dusty sunlight falling on it.

Now he couldn't stand anymore, and it was rare for him to feel guilty, but unfortunately he was so sleepy now, but his mind was still clear, his body just wanted to lie down on the bed, and he accepted the advice of "calm things up" mentally, so he lowered his voice, " Ah, I will take a year off to study, why are you nervous..."

"No." Qin Shuobei finally spoke, his voice hoarse because of suppressing intense emotions, "I don't agree."

--who do you think You Are?

Qin Yuan almost blurted out like this, but he himself felt strange, ever since he decided that the relationship between each other is not what it used to be, he has learned to leave room for words and actions, because now it is really good, so that he doesn't want to destroy it anymore This kind of balance, so he took out his rare patience and explained again, "Because this is the best choice I can think of."

"Tuition and living expenses are only for one person. If I leave, what will you do?" He said and then changed his familiar tone, with a little bit of questioning, "Don't be so naive, and don't doubt my decision , useless."

Qin Shuobei closed his eyes.

"You don't care about what others think at all." He said, "If you insist on being so stubborn, you won't listen to anyone's advice, and you won't find other ways."

"Can I find it?" Qin Yuan was instantly ignited by this sentence, and frowned, "Qin Shuobei, don't you think I'm stupid? It's because you don't listen to things outside the window, you know how hard I have spent these years Is it? The northwest wind is not good to drink, because I didn't let you taste it!"

"Then why?" Qin Shuobei looked down at the ground, "Why did you do this..."

Qin Yuan choked up.

why?

He didn't even go into the reason when he made up his mind. He attributed all such subconscious things to the inertia of life for more than ten years, but is it "I have to do this" or "I am determined to do this"?

Did he take this kind of maintenance rooted in blood and habits as instinct?

Or because...

"because."

He said, "I don't know. But I can't leave you alone."

At the last moment, Qin Yuan almost got into an argument. Qin Yuan was a little helpless, his head hurt, and he really didn't want to continue entanglement. If he wanted to fight, he had to wait until he woke up, but when he saw Qin Shuobei suddenly walking towards him, he His eyes flickered for a while.

He was hugged.

He was hugged tightly by this person who hadn't touched him for many years.The boy's hands were so strong that he forgot to breathe for a moment.

"Qin Yuan." Qin Shuobei whispered in his ear, "It would be nice if you weren't my brother."