contradiction

?13-mikasa [Mikasa]

【Deserve it】

[I deserve to lose the most important person, I deserve to suffer forever after thinking about it]

【You deserve it】

The girl was running in the rain, she was crying and laughing, she didn't know whether it was pain or happiness, she just realized that one day that man would experience the same despair as her, or even worse than hers, this idea let her get For the pleasure of revenge, she would not curse the one Allen loved, but all of this was just his own doing.

It was his own fault.

The girl's name is Mikasa Ackerman.

Her most important person is called Ellen, Ellen Yeager, who left her forever just a few days ago.

In the five years since Allen was arrested, they hadn't met once. The boy was completely isolated. She didn't even know where he was locked up. She was angry and painful, but she chose to remain silent in the end, because this was what she valued. She had to accept the person's decision.

Allen found her on the last day of the banquet, telling her to live no matter what happened, telling her not to try to save him, and telling her to pretend that he didn't exist.She refused in her heart, she refused every word the boy said, but he looked at her with this kind of eyes, let her understand that it was too late, the only thing left in the boy's eyes was giving up, he just said so silently Telling about his fatigue.

She just nodded.

In the end, the boy handed her a coin, which was not well-preserved, and part of the pattern was a little blurred because he often held it in his hand.

He asked her to secretly put the coin back in Levi's room, and then told her with a smile that he stole it, because he liked that person, so he stole it.

The tone is serious, almost as if stating a fact.

Then that night, when Allen was taken away by the gendarmerie on trumped-up charges, Mikasa lay silently in the room alone, holding the coin in her hand, and she looked at the words engraved on the side of the coin without saying a word hair.

[Eren, 851, 3, 30]

She remembered that when he was young, Alan's favorite topic at that time was freedom. He happily narrated all kinds of things that were said to only exist in the world outside the wall, with high spirits and shining eyes.He will unconsciously strengthen his tone, as if he wants to pull everyone into the world he describes. He is smiling and full of hope.

He would turn his head and tell her, let's go to the world outside the wall together then.

This is the happiest moment for Mikasa.

Life at that time was ordinary and monotonous, but she still had her family, adoptive parents who could smile gently, delicious meals every day, a warm fireplace and bed, and more importantly, Ellen was there.This made her so strong when everything was reduced to ashes, she told herself that she must protect Alan no matter what, and they must live together.

She remembered that later, Allen was incorporated into the Survey Corps in advance because of the giant's ability. At this moment, he happily talked about a man named Levi.

He adored that person's strength, and then vowed with confidence that one day he would become such a person. This kind of Allen makes people unable to take their eyes off him. He is like a coveted man in a desperate world. The light of the dying is regarded as hope by the dying.

At that time, she regarded this conversation as an ordinary conversation and didn't pay attention to it. She just looked at Alan blindly, seeing the brilliance radiating from his body so dazzlingly, and then prayed in her heart for their eternal existence.

For a period of time, he never mentioned that man again, and she almost forgot the existence of this man.

But suddenly one day, Allen pretended to be casual and told her that that person was not as scary as he looked, and he didn't reveal a word other than that, like a child who knew a secret that no one else knew, and couldn't wait to think about it. Wanting to share this secret with others but wanting to keep it to myself is sweet and contradictory.

She suddenly had a strange premonition that, in the near future, her hope would belong to someone else.But what's the point? She looked at Alan's shy face with a smile, and thought that as long as he could be happy, it would be fine.

Later, Allen began to change a little bit. He was more and more fond of laughing, happy, and happy. Anyone could see that when he talked about that person to her again, it was an insignificant matter, but Allen seemed to share Like a treasure, he carefully selected all the treasures, and finally chose some for her to see, hoping that she could feel his happiness.

She really felt it, and then felt that maybe that person could do things that she couldn't and could bring Ellen happiness.In the end, she made a choice that she would regret for the rest of her life.

She was wrong, from the very beginning, she should have stopped him, even if he was hated, she shouldn't have let him join the army.

Mikasa sat up suddenly from the bed, clutching the coin tightly as if she wanted to crush it, she told herself that this was the cause of the tragedy, it was this man who made Allen choose to give up, if not, they would It is completely possible to leave, Alan does not have to face captivity alone, they can see the world outside the wall, and they have an infinite future.

She got out of bed and walked to the window, opened the window forcefully, and wanted to throw the piece of metal out, out of her sight, out of Ellen's world.

But Alan's happy smiling face at that time suddenly appeared in front of her eyes. Even at this point, he still thought about that person, and he still refused to give up. Remember who he is beside the man.

How sad.

She slumped on the ground, tears pouring out like crazy, she let go of the coin and let the coin fall to the ground, and heard the sound of it falling after a few seconds of rolling.

This sound overlapped with the sound at the moment it fell in front of Levi, like the collapse of the world of two people.The girl is still running in the rain, she has restrained her emotions, as if the impulsiveness and madness just now have nothing to do with her, she keeps running forward quietly, as if she can go back to the past in this way, and then the boy will still be immersed in the beauty of freedom , will reach out to her.Will talk to her.

【Mikasa, one day we will go to the outside world. 】