Looking at the stars

When I got home and took the medicine, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep.My head hurts, my throat hurts, and I feel bad all over.So, I started to think, thinking about Luo Sha, Xiaopang, Li Qing, her husband, King Satyr, Mo Ran and Xiao Bei.

I found that what I like and yearn for are nothing more than the characters and plots in anime. However, art is art after all, which originates from life but is higher than life.There are not so many beautiful men in real life, such as Xiaopang, who is not very good-looking, but has a heart of Buddha; The heart of a beast.

Moreover, homosexuality, heterosexuality, the depth of relationship really has nothing to do with gender.For example, Li Qing and his husband, who loved each other desperately at the beginning, have lost to money now; for example, Luo Sha and Xiaopang, a seemingly unpopular couple, who can guarantee that they will not be happy?At least, from Xiaopang's shining eyes, I can feel that his heart is open!What about me and Xiao Bei, Xiao Bei and Mo Ran? !

Maybe Xiaopang is right, and they definitely don't want to, after all, there is a lot of suffering that they can only swallow by themselves, there is no way to say it!

As many memories as I have, Mo Ran and Xiaobei have as many memories.If there is a mountain between us, then we must be at the upper and lower ends of the mountain.I can wear the hat of an innocent victim, sit on the top of the mountain and cry, and sit on the top of the mountain with righteousness and vent, but Mo Ran is different from Xiaobei. There is also society and public opinion, they don't even have the right to tell the pain in their hearts!

I asked myself, have I ever been happy after being entangled with Mo Ran and Xiao Bei for so long? !I cling to Xiaobei tightly, why?And what am I living for?Even if this kind of life is barely maintained, what can I get in the end?Xiao Bei changed his mind, and Mo Ran suddenly came to his senses, is it possible?Perhaps, what I got in the end was nothing but a broken friendship and a heart of resentment.

I suddenly felt very tired, really tired, I wanted to let them go, and I also let myself go.

The next day, Xiaobei came to see me. He said he couldn't get through to me on the phone, so he didn't worry, so he came to have a look.I said, let's break up, tell me your stories, if you can move me, maybe I can forgive you!

Xiaobei said that he actually found out that he was gay when he was in high school, and had a boyfriend at that time. However, his parents found out later, and his father beat him up. After going through his parents' ideological education with reason and emotion, Xiao Bei compromised when his boyfriend flinched.

I remember the first time I went to Xiaobei's house, I got up to drink water in the middle of the night, and when I passed by his parents' room, I heard his mother sighing inside, saying, that's it, at least I didn't go astray.I didn’t understand what this meant before, but now I understand, it turns out that every time I go to his house, his parents are so warm and considerate to me, not because of how beautiful or outstanding I am, but more because of I am a woman.

Xiaobei said that during the days when he was in contact with me, he felt that I was a very special person.Later, I got to know Mo Ran, and the three of us had a fulfilling and happy life together. That time was the most precious and happiest treasure in his life.

Every time he called home, his parents would urge him to find a girlfriend quickly, and even introduced him to several.You know, at that time he was just in college, not even in his twenties.He knew that the reason why his parents were in such a hurry was because they knew he was a G.He thought that if he had to find a woman to marry, he would find me instead of someone else. At least it would be easier, so there was a scene where Xiao Bei confessed to me.

Only then did I understand that when Xiao Bei confessed his love, the reason why he lowered his head very deeply was that it was not shyness, but shame.

He said that when the three of us were together, he always couldn't help but want to turn his eyes to Mo Ran, probably a little guilty, and he could only restrain himself hard.Later, because of work, he lived with Mo Ran. Only then did he realize that his feelings for Mo Ran had fallen so deeply.Every time he faces me, he has a deep sense of guilt.

Later, when I was on a business trip, he drank a lot with Mo Ran. Then there was a relationship for the first time.

From then on, Mo Ran began to avoid him, even unwilling to talk to him, and only in front of me would he pretend to be the same as usual.He was afraid, afraid that Mo Ran would no longer pay attention to him, so during that time, the most he did every day was dangle in front of Mo Ran.Later, I don't know whether he compromised under his entanglement, or was really moved, Mo Ran acquiesced in their relationship.However, Mo Ran is still very repulsed by too deep physical contact, so the number of times they actually have sex is very limited.However, even so, he felt very satisfied.

Actually, I know Mo Ran, his character is more stubborn than a donkey, if he doesn't accept it from the bottom of his heart, or no matter how hard you pester him, he won't compromise.

Xiaobei said that as the relationship between the two became closer, the conscience condemnation they received every day became deeper. He said that he often saw Mo Ran weep quietly looking at the group photo of the three of them.So that when I found out about the two of them later, he was much more relaxed.In fact, he has always wanted to show his cards to me, but Mo Ran refused to let me go. Even the reunion of the two of us later was forced by Mo Ran.

He said that he loves Mo Ran, and that kind of love is engraved in his bones.

In the end, Xiao Bei said that Mo Ran and I are really similar in character and temper.In fact, it's not that he doesn't want to love you, but that his heart really can't beat when facing a woman.

I don't know if I was moved or not, but I agree with the matter between the two of them!

Now that I've talked about this, I'll just be a good person to the end and send the Buddha to the west, which can be regarded as an explanation for my feelings.So I said to Xiao Bei, don't tell Mo Ran about our breakup, I'll talk to him first.

That night, I asked Raksha for leave. After Raksha approved, he angrily said that if you can't drink alcohol in the future, don't drink it. You will only cause trouble for others!I don't know whether Luo Sha's displeasure is because I ruined his dinner or occupied his chubby all night, but my intuition tells me that it should be the latter.I smiled embarrassingly, faltered a few words, and hung up quickly.

I couldn't hide the matter in my heart, so I ran to find Mo Ran early the next morning.As a result, after knocking on the door for a long time, Mo Ran didn't see him, but the landlord was recruited.The landlord said that Mo Ran had already checked out, and the morning train left for a while!

Yes, he absconded in fear of crime.

I hurriedly called and bought a platform ticket. After searching for a long time in the waiting hall, I finally found Mo Ran with a dejected face in the crowd.Demo, want to run, but there is no door!I haven't been reimbursed for my taxi fare and platform ticket yet!

Seeing me, Mo Ran's eyes widened like cowbells.I slapped my legs and pinched my waist, and scolded Mo Ran, what's the point!Get rid of my boyfriend, let's just let go!Tell you, there are no doors...

I grabbed Mo Ran's arm and dragged him to Xiao Bei's residence.Originally, I thought of a lot of lines, vicious, wronged, extortionate, sensational... But after being tossed by Mo Ran, I can't say a word, maybe, don't bother with Mo Ran, looking at him, I Just can't speak.

Helpless, I had no choice but to push him towards Xiaobei, and said lightly, I broke up with Xiaobei, if you have anything to say, let Xiaobei tell you!

Hold!Look how awesome I am, I helped my boyfriend find his boyfriend back!This great achievement is estimated to be unprecedented, and there will be no one to come after, so amazing!But only I know that what was torn apart by that thrust was also my heart.