father - home

Construction of the new lab is in its final stages and I'm getting busy.

One day, I worked until midnight and didn’t go home. I was worried that Zhao would wait for me. I wanted to make a phone call, but I was afraid of waking up others. If he had already fallen asleep, I would wake him up too. Thinking about if I don't go home, will Zhao miss it?Will you call?So I didn't dare to go back to the dormitory, so I just stayed in the office.

I walked from room to room in the midnight darkness.

The new laboratory has been completed, a lot of equipment has been moved there, and the room looks messy and bleak.

This used to be Zhao's ward.The hospital beds are not moved, but the tables and chairs are still there, and the new laboratory is completely new.I sat on the bed without the mattress, lit a cigarette, and moved my hands from my thighs to the bed.The air is hot, the wind blowing in from the window is hot, and the wooden slats of the bed are also hot to the touch.The current heat is scorching hot, not warm, but so hot that people dare not touch it. The wooden slats of the bed are hard, not smooth, and have thorns.I closed my eyes and smoked heavily, hoping that the smoke would dispel the chill in my heart, hope that the smoke would numb the nerves in my fingers, and hope that I could dimly recall the feeling of sitting here side by side with Zhao shoulder to shoulder.The starry sky, the night, the shadow of the cremator chimney, none of these things have changed, and I have not changed here.I will always be here, don't know when is the end, don't know when to be free, don't know when the retribution will come.The bouquet of handmade flowers that Martin and the others sent was still there, probably because of its small size, it was on the windowsill and no one noticed it. The Christmas tree was gone and was swept out as garbage.

I leaned against the head of the bed and sat in the dark for a long time.

The filing cabinets and case files in the office have already been moved, and the remaining package is Zhao's prison uniform.I have already brought home the Bibles and books that Ellen and the others sent.Prison uniforms, someone will come to deal with them in two days, and they will be washed and distributed to new prisoners, together with the big pink triangle sewn on the clothes.I think that triangle is too eye-catching, and I wanted to dismantle it a long time ago, but I refused to let it go.When Walter came, the triangles remained.

I grabbed the prison uniform and tore at the pink triangle.The pink fabric was of good quality, and it was still new. The gussets were sewn tightly, and my hands were so painful that I couldn't pull the triangles off, but the prison uniform was torn.Angrily, I threw the prison uniform on the ground, and fell into the sofa.

I have slept on this sofa for several months, and I am very emotional.Tomorrow I will ask Walter to move it to the new office. There is no problem with this. Others, how many things with memories and shadows can I leave behind?

Zhao has already left the concentration camp, and he will leave my life, what should I do?Can I fit in?I've never thought about it, I dare not think about it, it's time to think about it, I want to think about it, but I can't think about it...

I'm nestled in the sofa, deeper and deeper, legs up on the chair, taking a nap like before, my hands crossed on my chest, hugging my shoulders tightly, as if to protect my heart from jumping out , don’t let it be frightened, don’t let it suffer, don’t let it be lonely, don’t let it be afraid, but only you can do this, Zhao, I can’t do it, I can’t, don’t leave me, Zhao...

The phone ring woke me up. It was still dark, and I was sweating all over. The ring rang rapidly, and the echoes became the symphony of the phone.I jumped over and grabbed the receiver, it must be Zhao!I didn't go back, he was worried, he missed me!

"Marty, it's me, Mom... are you there? How are you?"

"Mother……"

"You're here, Marty...that's good...it's okay, I'm fine, I don't worry if you didn't come back yesterday."

"I'm fine, mother. I'm just busy with work. I probably won't be able to go home these days."

"Don't come back when you're busy with work. It's dark, the mountain roads are unsafe, and you're too tired."

……

"Don't worry, Zhao is fine, they're fine, they're fine."

……

I never went back.I still stay in the old laboratory every night, until the old things there are emptied, the cement sink and the workbench are smashed, there is rubble and dust, and I leave with the bouquet of fake flowers that Martin and the others sent.

On the weekend, Professor Straghold asked me to go to Berlin for a meeting to discuss the plan and progress of the experiment with the Air Force.Coming back on Tuesday, instead of going home, I continued to work.I want to let myself get used to loneliness, the feeling of heartache, the torment and waiting, otherwise what else can I do?

My mother called again, asking me to go back on the weekend, and Joseph came back.