is crazy

It's a dream.

Lin Lian also knew that this was a dream.

In the dream, he saw himself as a child from the perspective of 17-year-old Lin Lian, and only recalled those painful and unforgettable memories.

Cut out the things that were almost forgotten, and zoom in infinitely.

When he was young, he was very obedient, and his parents did what they said. Even if they made him kneel down with a wooden stick folded from his hometown, he didn't say a word, but was beaten silently.

Many times he didn't know what he did wrong, but when he recalled that time, he only clearly remembered that he knelt facing the wall, the tiles were cold, and he stared at the alphabet and nine-nine multiplication pasted on the wall The formula is in a daze.

At that time, he really thought that he was not his own, because his mother always said, "You were only so old when I brought you back, and it was just under the third yellow jue tree under the supermarket", and the panic continued until I graduated from elementary school. .

My mother also said with emotion, Lin Lian, just a little bit, no matter how we beat him, he never ran out.

He really didn't dare to run, because he knew he had nowhere to go, and once he was caught, could he use "unthinkable" to describe the consequences?

Fortunately, children don't hold grudges, otherwise he might face his parents with hatred in his heart.

He remembers his mother saying, "Your Lin family should really die." He remembers his father yelling at him because he only got 120 points in the math paper. cook for yourself.

Because I was beaten, I was obedient, and because I was obedient, I was bullied.

Playing with the children downstairs, he must be the one who was pointed at the nose and called "crazy". If there is a need for a clear distinction between "gangs", then he must be the first one to be "we are not with you"; and If you need a villain when you are playing a game, and you need to drink water when you are thirsty, then Lin Lian must be the one who is played like a dog's leg.

Wen Mingche was there to protect her when she was playing with her peers, but when facing the densely packed relatives in the huge family, there was nothing anyone could do.

There are many older brothers and sisters in the family. He is the youngest and has been given countless nicknames. He is not the turn when playing games, and he is not the turn when eating at the table. The one who goes downstairs together is always maliciously left behind. he.

He deeply remembered the disdain in the eyes of his brothers and sisters.

Lin Lian had told her mother about her grievances, but the woman turned her head and took it as nonsense news on the vegetable market, and happily told her relatives. Every time they saw Lin Lian, the first thing they said was that is--

"Lin Lian, are you still someone's slave?"

That day he was crying while talking about his grievances, shouting "I will never be ordered by others, and I will never be someone else's slave again", but no one listened.

No one respects him.

Even though he is already a primary school student, already in his teens, they still call him by his nickname.

"Dog."

So he hated dogs and this nickname so much, every time he heard these two words, all the humiliating events in his memory beat his battered heart like a tidal wave.

They feel that dogs have no dignity, and they also feel that they have no dignity.

Those little things that are too small in the eyes of others may pile up into a huge snowball, and then trigger an avalanche.

Fortunately, Lin Lian never gave in. He was tired of his mother repeating "tell you clearly, you must study hard, otherwise no one will think highly of you in the future", and those who laughed at him before have disappeared in his life Hey, he's a playboy, he's not doing his job properly, but he can easily recommend him and get a scholarship.

It doesn't matter anymore, he doesn't want to live for others anymore, be more selfish and be happier.

Fuck your family disputes, f*ck your bullshit bullying, I want to do what I like.

No one cares, no one cares, I don't mind, I am happy.

Arrogance and arrogance are Lin Lian's nature, or because he was suppressed too badly before graduating from junior high school, now he is starting to rebound crazily.

In fact, he is still naive, but whether it is dyeing his hair, skipping class to fight or getting a girlfriend, his parents who work in other places are very indifferent, as if he is not his own.

Memories pass by like flowing water, mostly negative energy, but the shadow of happiness is blurred.

However, the turning point was after meeting Jiang Cun.

The night before the official class started, there was a self-study class. Lin Lian passed by the classroom and saw a boy sitting in an empty room, slashing his right wrist with a knife.

The incision was very shallow, with a little blood oozing out, but because there were too many scratches, it looked a little shocking.

I was accidentally scratched before, and the small cut hurt for a long time. Isn't he afraid of doing this?

He asked Wen Mingche about the new transfer student named Jiang Cun. He wanted to get to know him for no reason, so he made trouble on the first day of school.

It's just that I didn't expect that after doing this, I really couldn't turn back.

"Brother Lian, are you awake?"

The back of his hand was still being infused with a needle. He didn't know how long he had been leaning on Jiang Cun's shoulder. When he opened his eyes, he saw his worried expression. Lin Lian wanted to open his mouth to speak, but his voice was so hoarse that he couldn't utter a word. .

I saw Jiang Cun lightly rubbed his shoulders and handed over the water glass: "Brother Lian, you need to rest well, you can't go on like this."

Lin Lian watched the water in the glass rippling away, raised his head and swallowed, and laughed: "What's wrong?"

"Everyone will be worried," Jiang Cun paused, "I'm worried about you too."

Lin Lian said nothing, Jiang Cun closed his eyes, his eyelashes fluttered slightly, as if a butterfly was about to spread its wings, and exhausted all his strength: "I'm trying very hard to get along with people, really It's the first time I'm in love with you, too. I have a lot of things that I didn't do well, so I'm sorry."

Lin Lian was indeed angry.

He didn't know what was wrong, and even felt that he was like a girl who was on her period, with mood swings.

He was both angry at himself for not working hard enough and suddenly fell ill at a critical moment, and at the same time angry at Jiang Cun who didn't seem to care about himself at all.No matter what he did, it was almost always Lin Lian who took the initiative. If he didn't say a word, Jiang Cun might not even send him a message.

Kind of selfish, eh?

He felt that he was quite selfish, and selfishly hoped that Jiang Cun would not go to tutoring, hoped that Jiang Cun could only accommodate himself in his heart, and hoped that he could forcibly embed himself in all of Jiang Cun's futures.

But he still has to pretend to be generous on the surface.

When Jiang Cun said that he needed to take a crash course that day, he pretended to be free and easy, "Go, it's okay, I have to study hard too."

Lin Lian's brain circuit is more tortuous. For example, he wants Jiang Cun to stay with him in school, but he can't say a word, but he hopes that Jiang Cun can read his thoughts from his little emotions; but Jiang Cun can't pay attention to that. With so many details, he can clearly distinguish the priorities, knowing that the moment when the two really enjoy their love is after graduation, not now, so he chooses to go to the study class.

The personalities of the two are contradictory, but Jiang Cun always has a way to subdue Lin Lian, or Lin Lian can understand Jiang Cun better.

He understands the truth, he knows that studying like this is inefficient, and he knows that procrastination like this will only make his condition worse day by day. Even though he has an unknown anger in his heart now, he can remember every word Jiang Cun said clearly. As soon as he said—"I'm worried about you too", he couldn't help but face up to his illness, and kept struggling at school.

"Jiang Cun, I miss you. You left just after New Year's Day. I'm sick alone, and I feel very uncomfortable. I miss you so much. You have to take the Qingmei exam. What if I hold you back?"

"You won't, you have always been excellent, and the one who will hold you back is me."

"I'll just pull you into the water, tie you to my side and don't allow you to run."

Maybe it was because his condition was slowly improving, or maybe it was because Lin Lian's temper suddenly became less violent after seeing her boyfriend whom she thought about day and night, and she returned to the old state of talking nonsense.

"Then you should have a good rest. In case you get sicker, then..." His voice was much lower, and Jiang Cun himself felt very embarrassed, and his cheeks turned slightly red. After all, he only remembered the lines of the second grade in his heart. It's too embarrassing to say, "There are no heroes in my world."

Conditional reflex, listening to too many songs in those years, Lin Lian directly said "I am your hero tonight", the two looked at each other and couldn't help laughing.

"Wrong song, you are my hero tonight."

"That's right, I'm your hero."

Jiang Cun didn't get entangled in word games with him, and brought the topic to the right track: "There is still one year, not too late, I believe in you, just like you believe in me."

He always likes to speak short sentences, and his words are gentle and firm, which makes Lin Lian's heart feel sore.

"I want to tell you something, you probably didn't see the last letter..."

"Huh? What letter?" Lin Lian was puzzled. He did not doubt that in his memory, he had never received any letter from Jiang Cun.Did I miss something?Or was Jiang existence joking?

But Jiang Cun's expression also became puzzled: "I stuffed it in the painting tube...the painting I drew for you last time..."

At this moment, Lin Lian probably realized something, and regretted it to death—the letter must be lying in the painting tube or eating ashes in his own room, and with Jiang Cun's character, he would definitely not write boring things in the future. Inside, to make him write a letter solemnly, there must be something very important!

He also thought that if he had read the letter earlier, maybe there would not be so many entanglements between the two of them, and he felt even more regretful.

Although he still doesn't know what Jiang Cun wrote, his intuition tells him that that thin piece of paper is very important.

All he wanted to do now was pull out the needle and run home to find treasure.

Jiang Cun tightened his eyes on his boyfriend's expression, and couldn't help smiling.

For some people in life, just mentioning his name can't help revealing the joy in his heart, and seeing his face can't help but raise the corners of his mouth.

For Jiang Cun, this person was Lin Lian.

Lin Lian finally listened to the persuasion, and obediently stayed in the hospital for infusions, worked and rested normally, and stopped staying up late and working overtime to study.Jiang Cun also dropped out of the study class, took his books and read slowly, applied for a residency, and moved to Lin Lian's dormitory.

Strange to say, the dormitory conditions in the school are actually not very good, usually there are eight or ten people in a room.Lin Lian and Wen Mingche were lucky to live in a few four-person rooms, and the other two beds, one was empty, and the other was said to be reserved by a wealthy second generation, and they might come to live in it occasionally, but during the three years of high school It was halfway through, and no one saw the true face of the mysterious roommate.

It's good, the dormitory no longer looks so empty, and there are still people with me.

The winter in the south is wet and cold, and the school does not provide heating, so the two boys nest in the same bed, cuddling each other to keep warm.

Like two small beasts lost in the deep mountains, curled up and hugged each other.

Until the end of the final exam, Lin Lian's cold didn't get better; Jiang Cun ate and slept with him and drank from the same cup without getting infected. It was a miracle.

Everyone knew that Lin Lian was very stubborn, and he would never turn back when he was determined to do something. If he hit the south wall and broke his head, he would show his momentum, no matter what he encountered, he would not admit defeat.

He failed to enter the top ten, even worse than his normal level.

Grade No.40 Three.

But he still has no regrets.

When he was only a little short of being able to enter the top ten, he didn't worry about it, so why should he be angry with himself now?

Besides, this boyfriend with a grade of more than 300 put himself at the bottom of the exam, what are you afraid of?

"Jiang Cun."

Lin Lian spoke abruptly.

"I like you so much."

The ending sound is very beating.