Jellyfish under cherry blossoms

Lin Liunian opened the combination lock of the house based on his memory, and a light dust came over the surface. This is his home, the place where he used to live.

"Who?"

A woman's voice came from the room. Lin Liunian was very surprised. He didn't expect his mother to come back on this day.

"mom."

Han Shuang looked at the man who pushed the door and entered, a look of surprise flashed in his eyes, then he moved his eyes away and nodded: "Yes."

"Why are you back?" Lin Liunian asked.

"Come back and get something."

For the next 10 minutes, the two of them didn't speak a word. When Han Shuang packed up her things and was about to leave, Lin Liunian stopped her.

"mom."

Han Shuang stopped and waited quietly for him to speak.

The fate of their mother and son is very shallow, and the disappointment and indifference accumulated in their hearts over the years have piled up into mountains, becoming an existence that the two of them cannot overcome in this life, until finally, Lin Liunian didn't say a word about the confusion in his heart Come out, just say: "Happy New Year."

Forget it, let her go, don't give her any restraint.He smiled wryly.

"Ah."

There was only a simple syllable, and the door closed with a bang. When the room was completely silent, he felt that his sense of suffocation had reached the extreme. He took out the medicine box that he hadn’t used for a long time from his pocket, took out He took a green capsule and swallowed it raw, and sat in a daze for a while before he felt better.

He looked at the closed door and wanted to laugh.His parents were divorced when he was just in college, and he knew at that time that they lost their relationship as early as he could not remember, and it has been delayed for various reasons until now. According to them, no divorce is the biggest The reason is him.

But he felt that they were a lie. Since his family moved to this city, the time when the three of them got together was few and far between.Dad is not at home all year round, and his mother, in Lin Liunian's impression, is a canary locked in a cage, beautiful, cold, and always longing for freedom. obstacles.

Lin Liunian fell asleep on the sofa with his legs bent, and he didn't wake up until late at night, with darkness in front of his eyes.

Again.

He thought in his heart, once some demons entangle you, you can never get rid of them. He felt that he fell into the abyss all of a sudden, and he didn't know when this night would end.

He went downstairs to find a place with more people, and his pace gradually slowed down.Suddenly he was hit on the shoulder by a person, he raised his head suddenly in a daze, and saw a girl with a naturally smiling face, he staggered, the girl didn't lose her temper with him, but smiled and said: "It depends on the road, handsome guy."

Lin Liunian said, "Sorry."

He found a bench and sat down, recalling that in the narrow alley of the old street, Gu Kong blackmailed him for a month, but one day he suddenly didn't come, Lin Liunian lingered in the dark narrow alley for a long time, planning to leave , turned around and bumped into a person, he subconsciously fell back and almost lost his footing, when Gu Kong hugged him into his arms, Lin Liunian was startled and speechless for a moment.

I only heard a deep voice coming from behind, as if the man was restraining himself wholeheartedly, saying: "Handsome guy, it's too obvious to touch porcelain."

"Who touched porcelain?" Lin Liunian wanted to push him away, otherwise his abnormal heart rate would be discovered by Gu Kong. Once he was discovered, this person didn't know how to continue blackmailing him, half of the summer vacation was over.

"Don't move, I won't kiss you again." Gu Kong gritted his teeth and whispered.

As expected, Lin Liunian didn't move, Gu Kong hugged him tightly, he didn't know how long it took him to let go of Lin Liunian, and trapped him between the wall and his arms,

"I haven't seen you for a day, I miss you so much, how about you?"

Lin Liunian blushed and lowered his head, and whispered, "How do you ask me to answer, obviously not even a day."

"Is that what you want?" Gu Kong forced him to raise his head and look at him. Lin Liunian was trapped in this small space, surrounded by Gu Kong's aura, his heart was beating so fast that it was about to smoke, and his eyes kept dodging. In order to make myself less burnt by that scorching gaze.

"Huh? Talk?"

Lin Liunian's knuckles turned white as he grabbed the corner of his clothes, and he nodded heavily after a long time. Gu Kong seemed to have obtained some kind of access card, and kissed him directly. His throbbing temperature.

He thought that just like Lu Chuyuan told him, it would be difficult for him to have too strong feelings for anything, but at this moment, he was full of the world and only Gu Kong was alone, even if it was the illusion brought to him by dopamine, even if This intensity will eventually disappear little by little. At this moment, he tries to mobilize all the cells in his body to feel it.

They spent the brightest and happiest period in Lin Liunian's life together. Many times he would stop and doubt, thinking that all this was so unreal.

Lin Liunian brought his holiday homework to the room and pretended to do the questions for a while. Gu Kong also pretended to supervise him. In fact, his eyes kept wandering up and down Lin Liunian. Lin Liunian was so uncomfortable that he threw away his pen Said: "I won't write anymore, Mr. Gu doesn't know that the most taboo teacher in the examination room is to stare at the students' papers?"

Gu Kong raised his eyebrows and said, "Did I read your paper?"

Lin Liunian pushed away the homework again, leaned towards Gu Kong, and said, "Anyway, I won't write anymore, senior, let me ask you a question."

Gu Kong was sitting sideways, with his arms lazily draped on the chair, half-surrounding Lin Liunian, watching Lin Liunian approaching him motionlessly, and said: "Senior majors in Liunian, try not to overstep. "

Lin Liunian smiled and asked, "Did you know me before?"

Gu Kong's eyes flashed, "Huh?"

Lin Liunian continued: "Otherwise, why did you come to touch my porcelain that day in Old Street?"

Gu Kong hooked his chin and said, "You know I'm cheating, but you still ignore me?"

Lin Liunian slapped his hand away and said, "Don't change the subject, just say yes?"

Gu Kong sat up straight and asked suspiciously, "You really don't remember?"

Lin Liunian: "Remember what?"

Gu Kong looked at him again and said, "Think about it again."

Lin Liunian: "I can't remember."

Gu Kong picked up a slender revolving pen and tapped on the table, feeling a sense of majesty like a professor, "Sit down and think about it seriously, you have to think about it yourself."

Lin Liunian watched the turning pen dangling in front of him, sat up straight unconsciously, racked his brains to think and think, and gave up after a long time: "I don't want to, I can't remember, Mr. Gu, I I really can't remember, please don't make me think about it, Mr. Gu, I think..."

"Do something else with you." Lin Liunian leaned over and said in a low voice, like a naughty little boy plotting something bad, and adults should not know.

Gu Kong's ears seemed to have been scalded, his back stiffened and he leaned back, Qiqi Aiai said: "What are you thinking, you are young, and your thinking is not correct. Do two math problems by yourself and calm down."

Lin Liunian opened his eyes wide and looked at him innocently, and said, "I want to play games with you, Mr. Gu, what are you thinking? Your face is so hot."

Then the two wrestled into a pile, leaving only the math homework lying alone on the table and turning a page desolately by the wind outside the window.

The cold wind at night blew on Lin Liunian's face, he tightened his coat, and suddenly realized that until now, he didn't know if Gu Kong had appeared long ago in his forgotten memory.

He also asked a few times later, how did Gu Kong answer him, Gu Kong was so annoyed by his question, grabbed his hand, pressed him on the bed and kept kissing him, the exposed skin was covered by him After kissing over and over again, Lin Liunian counted in his heart how hard he was bullied by Gu Kong, and at the end of the count, he was also confused.

Seeing that the person was being kissed honestly, Gu Kong said: "Didn't you say that you have weak emotional perception, and you may misunderstand my feelings? Just now, I kissed you dozens of times, and you quickly recall them. Which one is the most important?" Do you feel it? Where are you dear?"

Lin Liunian shrank into the soft quilt with a red neck, breathing heavily: "It doesn't mean that, I mean, I don't have a deep understanding of many things or feelings."

"That's heartless."

Lin Liunian was blocked by his words, and after thinking for a long time, he couldn't think of an explanation. Seeing his aggrieved appearance, Gu Kong felt itchy, and planned to let him go, saying, "Answer the question."

Lin Liunian tried to get away with it: "Ah? What's the problem."

Gu Kong reminded him: "Where do you feel the most in kissing?"

Lin Liunian dawdled, seeing Gu Kong's tight pressing, his teeth itched with hatred,

"Well,, here," Lin Liunian pressed his fingertips on the corners of his lips, and then slowly moved to his chin, "here," moving his fingers down, across the earlobe, side neck, Adam's apple, collarbone...

He watched Gu Kong's gradually reddening eyes follow his fingertips, smiled as the trick in his heart succeeded, pulled his head over and said, "Every time, every place, I, have, feel, feel!"

He teased Gu Kong stubbornly, but he didn't get any benefit himself. Gu Kong didn't let him go until it was getting dark in the afternoon. His whole body was soft, and when he was about to go out, Lin Liunian began to recall the absurdity of the two in the room. It was probably because of a guilty conscience that he refused to let Gu Kong send him back.

In Lin Liunian's [-]-year muddle-headed career, he occasionally thought of this day in the dark. He thought that if Gu Kong didn't let him go that day, maybe they wouldn't be like this in the future. He deeply despised this late night My own soul is so weak, so shallow, so numb.

So impure.

When he got home that day, he thought it was the same as usual, and his mother was either not at home or in his room, so he could go back to his room quietly, pretending that he didn't come home late, but that day was different, just like when all the variables came, Always be broken by impermanence.

"Come and eat." Han Shuang held his chopsticks and looked down at him while eating. Their family didn't have the habit of waiting for anyone to eat, because it was rare to get together to eat once.

"Yeah." Lin Liunian went to serve the meal, and just sat down, Han Shuang noticed the mark on his neck, took a bite of the food and said nothing, Lin Liunian noticed the eyes very sensitively, and the movements of his hands froze.

No one spoke first. At the end of the meal, Han Shuang put down his chopsticks and looked straight at Lin Liunian. Lin Liunian also put down his chopsticks and lowered his eyes, wondering what she would say.

"Didn't that boy take you home today?" Han Shuang said.

Lin Liunian was taken aback. He didn't expect Han Shuang to notice this, and said vaguely, "I came back by myself."

The atmosphere was silent for a while, before Han Shuang spoke again, saying: "Don't believe too much in feelings. The more turbulent and intense you feel at that time, the faster it will cool down and dissipate. People's hearts are so complicated, who can tell their own emotions, especially people like you. , talking about an illusion, where did eternity come from.”

Lin Liunian looked at the beautiful canary in front of him, without saying a word from the beginning to the end.

Han Shuang talked to him a lot that day, never before. His mother doesn't like to express, just like him.

Facing his mother, he never gets up naturally. When he was in the first grade, the teacher told every child to give his mother a gift on Mother’s Day, and told them Happy Mother’s Day. That day, Lin Liunian used his own He praised the pocket money of the two and bought a hairpin. He saw that the girls in the class liked these things, so he should be able to give them to his mother. He wanted to make her happy.

He ran back happily and saw his mother standing by the window, wondering what he was thinking. He leaned over and handed the card to Han Shuang, saying, "Mom, here it is for you."

Han Shuang asked him, "Who bought it for you?"

He said, "Me."

Han Shuang nodded, "Well, let's put it somewhere."

Han Shuang didn't accept the card issuance, Lin Liunian didn't know what to do for a while, and wondered in his heart whether he didn't talk to each other.

At noon, a guest came to the house. It was his aunt. His aunt talked a lot, and her voice was all over the dining table. Suddenly, the aunt mentioned him and said, "Fleeing Years, today is Mother's Day, hurry up and say Happy Mother's Day to your mother." .”

Lin Liunian was stunned for a moment, and looked up at Han Shuang. Han Shuang was hanging down gently, eating quietly. Lin Liunian tightened his hands, and said with inexplicable expectation in his eyes: "Mom, Happy Mother's Day."

He looked at Han Shuang, never looked up, and picked up the food on his own, as if he had never heard of it.My aunt just mentioned it casually, and didn't care whether he said it or not, and continued to talk about her topic.

Later, Mother's Day and Women's Day became his most dreaded days, as well as birthdays.

As he grows up, he feels that it's not that his mother doesn't like to express, but just doesn't love him. No one stipulates that parents must love their children, and his mother discovered this early on.