Jellyfish under cherry blossoms

What Han Shuang said to him that night made him fall into doubt. He felt that Han Shuang seemed to be right. He thought carefully about what kind of emotion he had for Gu Kong. Does Kong really like him, Gu Kong is such a good and outstanding person, why should he like him, even his parents don't love him, will anyone else love him?

Why all this is so false, he can't grasp the evidence no matter what.

Like a drowning man, he instinctively asked for help, and he found Lu Chuyuan.

Lu Chuyuan couldn't tell what emotion was on his face, he asked, "Are you really with him?"

Lin Liunian was silent, Lu Chuyuan said: "When did you start liking boys, why didn't you tell me? You, do you really like him?"

Lin Liunian still didn't speak, Lu Chuyuan walked a few steps anxiously on the spot, sat down again, looked at Lin Liunian with a lowered voice and said: "I understand Fleeting, sometimes you just can't distinguish your own feelings , you calm down and ask your heart, can you find a reasonable explanation for everything?"

Lin Liunian was at a loss: "I, I don't know."

Lu Chuyuan said: "Then do you really understand Gu Kong?"

Lin Liunian looked up at him.

Lu Chuyuan said: "Did Gu Kong tell you that he has a congenital heart disease, terminally ill! Since he is with you, this kind of thing can't be kept secret."

Lin Liunian knew about this. Before they were together, in the depths of the alley, he accidentally saw a medicine box in Gu Kong's bag. He remembered the name and went back to check it. Said the matter.

Gu Kong was a little surprised at the time, and also inexplicably flustered. This kind of rare cautiousness and worry did not belong to the Gu Kong that Lin Liunian usually saw, so he said: "I checked, although this disease can't be cured, as long as you take care of it Nursing, it is no problem to live to 80 years old, you must not give up."

Then he saw Gu Kong smiling, he was still blushing at that time, he didn't know why Gu Kong made fun of him.

Lu Chuyuan said: "Because of congenital heart disease, he was abandoned by his own parents since he was a child, and later adopted by his adoptive father, who brought him to this city, treated him all the time, raised him up, and his adoptive father looked quite human. , Who knew that he was poisoned behind his back and even went to jail. This kind of person is in trouble. With such an adoptive father, I don’t know what he has experienced. Does he have any psychological problems? Why did you provoke him?"

Lin Liunian was startled, Gu Kong did not tell him about these things, he couldn't tell what it was like, he just felt bored and uncomfortable.

"Chuyuan, you can't say that."

Lu Chuyuan said: "Liu Nian, you are my most important friend, I don't want to see you being cheated and hurt, the summer vacation is coming to an end, he should go to school, you two are far apart, he told you What about the future? He might just come back and find someone to play with, and when the time comes, he can slap his ass and leave with ease, what about you? You still have to take the college entrance examination, so the future is uncertain."

"I haven't thought about it so much." Lin Liunian felt a headache.

"You said that you hate others to restrain yourself with unexpected emotions. If sympathy is the emotional burden he puts on you, do you still want to continue to deceive yourself?"

Lin Liunian murmured, "My sympathy..."

He has been puzzled by this question for a long time. He racked his brains, but he just couldn't figure out the threads that were wrapped around him by others. There were too many and complicated threads, and he couldn't break free. There were too many questions that could not be answered.

Until that day when Gu Kong took him to the lake to bask in the sun, he sat on the grass and looked sullenly at the white and flawless clouds in the distance. , did you encounter any unhappy things? Or did you have a difficult math problem?"

Lin Liunian was pulled back to his senses, his lips moved, and just as he was about to speak, the phone rang, but Gu Kong looked at it and hung up, continuing to look at him: "It's okay, what do you mean?"

Lin Liunian: "Your summer vacation..."

"Dong dong dong..." The bell rang again, just as Gu Kong was about to hang up, Lin Liunian stopped him and said, "You answer it first."

Gu Kong picked it up right in front of him, and as soon as he said "Hello", he didn't know what was said there, Gu Kong got up and motioned him to wait a moment, and walked to the side.

People are very strange, sometimes just because of some inexplicable little things can break through the psychological defense line, Lin Liunian suddenly feels very sad, those confusions are solved at once, but he may not be happy anymore.

Later, he cut off all contact with Gu Kong, and school started within a few days. For a while, he kept himself bored in the classroom, living a life of three points and one line. his delusion.

Lu Chuyuan couldn’t stand it anymore. During a big break, everyone went to do break exercises, only they stayed in the classroom. He was fascinated by the pink and white cherry blossoms outside the window. There are many kinds of cherry blossoms. The world pursues those colorful and gorgeous cherry blossoms. Yes, it shines with the snow and dances with the wind, but he prefers this kind, which is shallow and tall, and doesn't stain anything.

Lu Chuyuan said to him: "You like him, don't you?"

Lin Liunian smiled, as light as the cherry blossoms outside: "But what you said, it was my illusion."

A person like him is used to deceiving himself, being moved to three points, can make himself exaggerate to twelve points, make a momentary emotion into a vigorous, and in the end it is inevitable to end in such a calm way.

In fact, he doesn't like it that much, he probably just needs Gu Kong's liking to prove something for him, or use Gu Kong's feelings to help him feel something, he told himself so.

"No, you are lying to me, and you are also lying to yourself. You have been like this since you were a child, and you can't hide it from me."

For the first time, Lin Liunian couldn't understand this friend she had grown up with since she was a child. At one time, he said that he just sympathized with Gu Kong, and at another time, he said that he fell in love with Gu Kong.

Lu Chuyuan said: "Lin Liunian, do you know that I like you?"

Lin Liunian turned his head to look at him, with some astonishment in his eyes.

Lu Chuyuan smiled bitterly: "You told me before that you would never really like anyone, so I hid this secret and told myself that I would stay by your side to protect you and wait for you, but now, you treat that person differently. "

"It's still the same," he said.

He couldn't remember how he lived in high school for the next year and a half. Forcibly remembering, he could only see the darkness, and he was the only one in the depths of the darkness. It was Lu Chuyuan who told him that during that time, his whole body was in turmoil. I am not in the state, I am in a daze and can't remember things clearly. I am drowsy every day except for studying, and I have no interest and energy to do other things.

When he opened his eyes again, it was already daytime, and everything he could see was unfamiliar. Lin Liunian found a hotel to stay for one night, and turned on the air conditioner all night, which made his mouth dry. He got up, took a glass of water and drank it up. It was already ten o'clock in the morning.

He called Zhou Sheng and asked him where Gu Kong's cemetery was, then he packed his things and set off.

He gave himself ten years to look for evidence that he likes Gu Kong, and now he has found it.

At the swearing-in meeting, the dazzling incandescent light pierced his eyes, and also deeply imprinted a face like a warm sun in his heart. From now on, everything in the world cannot escape from that person.

The reunion between him and Gu Kong is the proof.

When he first entered the university, neither he nor Lu Chuyuan mentioned that Gu Kong was also in this school. Far away from Gu Kong, choosing this school has exhausted all his courage.

When I saw that person again, he was already a sophomore, and he was defending his thesis in the graduation season.

When he went to college, he hardly participated in any group activities, and he would not sign up for clubs and associations. He spent every day in the library. Without Lu Chuyuan, he would always be alone.That day, he heard that it was his senior thesis defense, so he went to the defense meeting by some mysterious errand.Even if he didn't know whether the person was defending on this day, whether he had gone back to school or not.But he happened to meet him.

Both of them were stunned, Lin Liunian subconsciously wanted to escape, but his feet were already frozen in place, the parting was so unclear back then, how could he be so calm when they saw each other again.

Gu Kong was wearing a slim suit, and his whole body was more mature and dazzling. When he saw Lin Liunian, he froze in place for a while, and said after a while, "This junior, who are you looking for?"

Lin Liunian clenched his fingers and bit his tongue in a moment of nervousness. He frowned reluctantly and said, "I'm looking for it, Gu Kong."

Gu Kong sneered: "Aren't you heartless? If you say you won't contact me, you won't contact me. Why are you looking for me now?"

After the words fell, Lin Liunian felt that the blood in his whole body turned cold, and he realized that his heart had been dead for so many years, and he thought that there would be nothing to make his mood fluctuate, but this person is so capable, he only used simple A single sentence can make him beyond redemption.

"I, I'm sorry." Lin Liunian turned to leave, and just took a step when he was caught up by the man behind and hugged him from behind.

"I lied, I was competing with myself, I'm sorry for the fleeting time, don't go, I can't let you go again."

Lin Liunian will always remember the temperature of Gu Kong's lips and the beating of his heart that day, and the words Gu Kong said that night: "We are all jellyfish floating in the dark and deep sea. You have no heart and I have no heart. We must rely on each other." cuddle."

That night, Gu Kong blindfolded him, and said to him with a hot breath, "I heard that when a person's visual organs are closed, other senses will become clearer, let it blindfold you, tonight, use your Feel it with your whole body, remember it, and never forget it in this life.”

It was Lin Liunian's first time. His eyes were blindfolded, and the pain was so clear that he didn't let Gu Kong touch him for several days. It hurts, coaxing him to eat his marrow and taste, coaxing him to get carried away.

Lin Liunian came to the cemetery alone. Today's weather is fine, which is rare in winter. It gave him the illusion of going back to the time when he first met Gu Kong in the old street.

He found Gu Kong, the smile he hadn't seen in ten years, appeared in black and white that was no longer vivid in his sight, he slowly sat down and leaned against the tombstone, and said, "I'm sorry, there is no smile today. Bring you flowers, you said you like cherry blossoms, but the cherry blossoms haven't bloomed, I can't find them, so I came to see you."

……

"I'm late, sorry."

……

"How many times do I have to say sorry to get you back?"

……