growing up porcelain doll

◎September, Cheng Yu and Gong Qing stepped into the gate of A University in Beijing as he wished. Gong Qing helped the eldest brother clean up the dormitory, and met a few classmates of the eldest brother by the way, humorous...◎

In September, Cheng Yu entered the gate of Beijing University A with Gong Qing as he wished. Gong Qing helped the eldest brother clean up the dormitory, and also met a few classmates of the eldest brother by the way. They are humorous and good-natured. This is his love for this dormitory. Brothers' collective evaluation.

As Gong Qing thought before, when the eldest brother came here, apart from their normal class time, they did meet often, and it was basically the eldest brother who took the initiative to contact him.

——Class is over, I'll wait for you in the second canteen, and I'll make you your favorite sweet and sour pork ribs.

——I checked the information for a day today, you come out of the laboratory to tell me at night, let's go around the school.

——Don’t take that part-time job of yours. I think you have a lot of sophomore courses, so you have time to rest.I went out to buy some yogurt with my roommate today. After you finish your work, I will be downstairs in your dormitory.

——Tomorrow weekend, do you have anything to do?If not, let’s go to Beilong Bay together. I heard that the pea yellow there is a must. You must like it.

——I know you have no class this afternoon, come to the library to study together!

……

Ever since staying in the same school with her elder brother, Gong Qing felt that she was about to be trapped by her elder brother. The elder brother was everywhere, and even the air smelled of her elder brother. This feeling made him suffocate.

He can't hide if he wants to, and he can't escape if he wants to. If he has an ordinary brotherly relationship with his elder brother, then he is absolutely happy, but the problem is not him.

He enjoys and pains at the same time, closes and pulls at the same time.Originally, he comforted himself that all this was only temporary, if he couldn't escape, then he would try to get used to it, as long as he was determined.However, in this tug-of-war, luck is greater than rational thinking. As he keeps approaching, desire//desire gradually gains the upper hand, and he is like a greedy wolf. The desire in his heart begins to surge, and what he wants becomes. more and more.

He thought this protracted battle could last for a long time, but he really overestimated himself. From September to November, it was only three months, and he couldn't last, but he really tried his best up.

One night at the end of November, he tossed and turned in the silent night, because he found that his thoughts were getting more and more tightly bound by his elder brother. As long as he was by his side, his attention would be drawn by his elder brother, and he couldn't help it. Wanting to get closer, getting cared for is not enough, those grotesque dreams appear more frequently.The eldest brother has filled every corner of life, but he still feels that the distance is still far away.

He almost forgot why he chose to come to Beijing thousands of miles away. He was almost dazzled by this passive sweetness. His longing and desire to be nourished by his elder brother kept taking root in the deepest part of his heart. The uncontrollable speed sprouting branches and sprouting is about to squeeze out the poor reason and pulling. This taste is really wonderful and terrible.

Fortunately, those senses were only squeezed to the corners instead of being squeezed out. When he really calmed down and thought, those scattered senses finally prevailed and told him, "If you continue like this, you will lose everything." Fell off a cliff!"

In the following month, he refused some invitations from his elder brother, either to study together or to study together, on the grounds that the teacher would be busy rushing to class at the end of the fast term, he would be busy reviewing at the end of the fast term, and time was tight at the end of the fast term. Have a meal, or simply meet up.

He is hiding.

It's hard to live such a life, but he has to live like this.

Finally, on the eve of New Year's Day, Cheng Yu called Gong Qing and asked him to celebrate the New Year with him.Cheng Yu didn't want Gong Qing to speak, so he said directly, "Stop telling me you don't have time, the school is on holiday for three days!"

He heard Gong Qing sigh or chuckle on the other end of the phone, and replied: "Okay, got it."

On the night of December 12, Gong Qing took her roommates out for dinner with her older brother and the brothers in their dormitory. After the meal, they discussed it, and finally chose the most uncreative New Year's Eve method-KTV night show.

The elder brothers are humorous and talkative, but the younger brothers are extra relaxed. They are all boys in their twenties, so they chat naturally if they are not the same.None of them are the kind of people who are obsessed with academics or research and can't extricate themselves. They also have their own hobbies and social interactions, so it was a very pleasant evening.

Everyone sang, drank, played games, and chatted together, and everyone was very happy.Only Gong Qing was a little depressed in this pleasant atmosphere. Others might not be able to see it, but Cheng Yu must have noticed.

He didn't sing a few songs, but drank a lot of wine, and finally stopped when he felt dizzy.He greeted his elder brother and said he was going to the bathroom. Cheng Yu nodded and watched him walk out of the private room, and followed him out quietly after a while.

After Gong Qing came out of the bathroom, she didn't go back immediately, but went up to the rooftop.

The winter wind was still a bit cold, Gong Qing was shivered by the cold wind, and even woke up from the wine by two points.He looked at the bright lights of the street, and there was no tranquility at night.Maybe it's because today is a special day, even the city is extra excited.

He didn't know if it was because he was prone to sentimentality after drinking too much wine. At this moment, he was a little sad. The city was so lively, why did he still feel so lonely?He still seemed to feel that he was a little hypocritical, so he laughed at himself in the night sky.

Cheng Yu looked at Gong Qing from behind for a long time, seeing that he stood still for a long time, then walked over, patted his shoulder, and asked, "Why are you standing here when it's so cold?"

Gong Qing was taken aback by the sudden appearance of her elder brother, but her mind seemed to be unresponsive, and she stared at her elder brother for a long time speechless.

Cheng Yu was amused by his expression, smiled and patted his head, and said, "What kind of expression is this? What is hiding in your heart that you are so afraid of me?"

Gong Qing stared blankly at her elder brother, and when she felt her hand leave her head, she suddenly grabbed her wrist, and asked in a strange tone, "Why don't you fall in love?"

Cheng Yu was stopped by this abrupt question, he didn't understand why Gong Qing asked this suddenly.He paused for a moment, then smiled and said, "You've been thinking about this for a long time here? Do you have a girl you like and want to date? Are you still holding you back because you're afraid that I don't have a date?

Gong Qing didn't answer his question, but continued to ask, "Brother, have you ever loved someone?"

Speaking of love seems a bit heavy, Cheng Yu thought for a while, he didn't seem to have such strong feelings for anyone, so he replied: "I don't think so."

Gong Qing seemed to hear the sound of a crack in his heart. The crack was not too big, but it was enough for the blood inside to flow out along the gap, and he felt a little pain.

What a great atmosphere tonight, there are songs and wine, people all over the country are welcoming a new day and a new year, everything has new goals and new hopes, but only Gong Qing guards the heavy feelings In the dark night, I can't see the way to the future.

His gaze gradually focused on his elder brother's eyes, as if there were hundreds of millions of stars there, bright, dazzling, dazzling, seducing him and leading him, making him sink in it constantly.He said: "But I have loved. I don't know when I fell in love with him, but I knew from the moment I realized that I loved him. I can't get away anymore."

Cheng Yu had never heard Gong Qing mention his feelings, but when he heard this all of a sudden, he knew that his younger brother didn't just like someone ignorantly, but a deeper love. able to form.Thinking of this, he actually felt uncomfortable in his heart, and his sinking heart seemed to be somewhat lost and angry.He attributed this anger to the fact that he was treating his younger brother well enough that his younger brother was hiding something from him.

He controlled his emotions and asked, "Who is it?" He suddenly remembered that it seemed that Gong Qing hadn't actively contacted him since she entered the third year of high school. It's normal to devote all your energy to your studies.But later, Gong Qing didn't choose to go to the same university as him, but he had clearly promised that he would take the A University in Wu City.Later, the contact between them seemed to be initiated by herself, and Gong Qing rarely took the initiative to communicate with him.

It's so ridiculous that things that had never been taken seriously before became clear at this moment. Cheng Yu felt very blocked, and he couldn't tell whether he was angry or wronged. Anyway, the feeling was not good.He didn't wait for Gong Qing's answer, and asked again: "Is that your high school classmate?"

Gong Qing still didn't answer his elder brother, but his eyes never moved back from his elder brother's eyes.He really wanted to see the reaction in his elder brother's eyes clearly, but the alcohol made his thinking and reaction dull. He looked at it for a long time, but couldn't see anything.

He sighed a little discouraged, and suddenly moved closer to his eldest brother, placing a kiss on his lips.

This kiss was very light, but the four thin lips touched each other lightly, but it gave Gong Qing great satisfaction. "

There was a cold wind in his ears, but the touch between his lips made Cheng Yu feel hot, and he could smell a little alcohol from Gong Qing's breath.This sudden kiss caught him off guard, his heartbeat quickened, his blood flowed faster, and for a moment he felt that he was very dry, and all his anger went up to his forehead.He pushed away Gong Qing who was still immersed in the kiss, raised his hand and gave him a slap, and shouted: "Gong Qing! What are you doing!"

Gong Qing seemed to be woken up by the yelling, and her face was burning with pain. He stared at his elder brother in a daze with his eyes full of mist, as if he had only realized it now something happened.

Gong Qing, who was slightly awake, endured the pain on her face, no, the pain in her heart was far greater than the pain on her face at this moment, and the pain on her face was not worth mentioning.

He looked a little helpless with his head down, and kept saying "I'm sorry" to his eldest brother.

Cheng Yu felt that Gong Qing was drunk, and he was drunk too. Ever since he met Gong Qing, he has always cared for this younger brother, doted on him and loved him since he was a child, and secretly gave him anything delicious, delicious, and fun. Keep it, as long as he has, he will definitely give half to his brother, fight for him, take him on a trip, accompany him to grow up, and even come to his school to study, just to take care of him and love him, but why did he reach out and hit him today? ?

He looked at his numb hand, and his heart was half cold. He couldn't believe that this would be done by him!

The hoarse "I'm sorry" was carried by the cold wind and blown into his heart along his ears, and they pierced his heart like ice ridges.It turned out that a slap in the face was so painful. He looked at Gong Qing opposite, and couldn't help feeling distressed.

Gong Qing didn't know how many times he said "I'm sorry", a pair of hands that were as cold as his face gradually came up, and he heard the man say, "It hurts, doesn't it?"

Gong Qing's cheeks were already wet with tears, he raised his head to see the wet red eyes of his eldest brother, and for a moment he didn't know how to answer this question.

Yes, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts!This slap hit the face, but it was imprinted in the heart, not only in his heart, but also in the heart of the eldest brother, so how could it not hurt?

This slap in the face not only broke up Gong Qing's hazy drunkenness, but also broke up the absurd castle and the unbelievably beautiful dream in the castle that he had built in his heart.

You are my distant dream.Dreams are always just dreams.

His heart was full of depression, he was like a child awakened by a nightmare, crying sad and wronged in the arms of his elder brother.

The string that had been stretched for so long was finally broken, and the utopia in his dream was finally shattered.

Cheng Yu hugged Gong Qing and said with tears, "When did you know?"

What he said was very vague, but Gong Qing understood, and holding back his sobs, he whispered: "Second year in high school."

Sophomore year in high school, it turns out that this is the fourth year you have kept your secret.

At this time, Cheng Yu could understand some words without saying anything. Maybe he just understood, but he couldn't understand the deeper emotions. His mood was extremely complicated.Even if he regarded his younger brother as a treasure, he never thought of developing any other relationship with his own younger brother.

How can life be so dramatic?

"But I'm your brother."

Although this sentence was true, Gong Qing felt that it was more like a knife, a knife that could not avoid the sharp edge no matter what, and it pierced him with blood all over.He buried his head in his elder brother's neck and said in pain, "I know, I'm sorry!"