please love me

lifetime.I don't care too much about the feelings of those who love me. There are many people around me who care about me, but I never take their feelings into consideration.

Because I am a selfish person.

I was afraid that Luo Jidong would know, and I was even more afraid that they would call the police after they knew about my experience, but because there was no evidence, the matter could not be resolved at all, and then Luo Jidong would torture me even more.

I am afraid……

That kind of pain stimulates me all the time, I really hurt.

My world is dark, and I am the only one. Every day I bump into my head in the darkness, and in the end, I can only curl up in a corner and give up all struggles.

Just when I thought everything was going to be like this, a thunderbolt of bad news came to my head.

Chapter 31

◎My mother...

my mother passed away...

she left……

◎

my mother……

my mother passed away...

she left……

I heard from my neighbors that my 'good' father was heavily in debt and told the creditors about my mother and my family and asked them to come to my house to collect the money.

My mother, who had never seen the world, was a very timid person. She was so intimidated by them that she dared not call the police or ask for help. Under the pressure of those people, she committed suicide...

I don't know how to live anymore.

My only hope, my only sustenance...

The saddest thing is that the mother's body was not found until it rotted in the house and gave off a stench.I hate myself, I hate myself.

What kind of son am I?What kind of man?Who are you!

That's my mother who gave birth to me and raised me. I didn't respect her, didn't stay by her side, didn't have any news about her, and didn't dare to contact her. I didn't know until a year after she died...

That day, I bought a handful of daisies and filled the bathtub with water.With empty eyes, I tossed the daisies into the bathtub one by one.

fall……

pick...

rise……

throw……

Repeating this action constantly, the water in the bathtub overflowed and my feet were wet, so I turned off the water.

Picking the last daisy, I bite the stalk and lie down in the bathroom, the water flooding me.

The water got into my lungs and I felt a tearing pain and burning sensation in my chest. It was very painful. It was a funny struggle. Some daisies followed the water and overflowed the bathtub during my struggle.

I never thought about how painful it would be. I checked on the Internet that drowning means that water fills the respiratory tract and causes hypoxia and suffocation with the alveoli. If you stop breathing, your heart will also stop beating, and you will die like this.

pain……

really painful...

I thought of my mother, and in a daze, I seemed to see my mother looking at me, holding out her hand to me, and telling me to go quickly.

It seems that I have returned to my childhood, and my mother is still so gentle.

She is beautiful, she is kind, but the mother did not get a good death.

Perhaps, the most ridiculous sentence I have ever heard is that good people are rewarded.My mother has been a believer all her life and has been doing good deeds all her life. She opened a small restaurant and helped several poor students. As long as she can, she will help.

Or is she still not a good person?

yes……

With a son like me, what good rewards can she have?

It's just a balance of good and bad.

After a while, I became peaceful, calm, and no longer felt pain.

I know that death is coming.

At this time, the bathroom door was pushed open, and Luo Jidong rushed in and grabbed me from the bathtub.

Luo Jidong called my name loudly, slapped my face to see if I responded, but did not hear my response, then knelt down in front of me to observe whether my chest rose and fell, and then touched my carotid artery , There was a pulsating touch, he stood up happily, cleared the foreign objects in my mouth and nasal cavity, kept my airway open, and let me lie on my side.

When he found that I was unconscious, I didn't get any response to my shouts, but my pulse was beating, so he gave me artificial respiration and chest compressions.

He placed his hands on the two-thirds of my breastbone, pressed rhythmically, and still called my name.

One after another...

I gradually became conscious and spit out a lot of water. Luo Jidong continued to press, then picked me up and went to the garage, and drove me to the hospital.

The hospital is not far away. Luo Jidong drove very fast and arrived in less than 5 minutes.

In the end I was rescued and came back.

Seeing that I was in a coma, Luo Jidong was very patient this time and kept guarding me in the hospital.In fact, I was awake all the time, and I didn't want to open my eyes and see all this.

It's all so disgusting...

too disgusting……

Makes me sick.

I don't know how long it took, Luo Jidong's company had important matters and he had to go back. He left, but found a group of people to watch me.

I finally couldn't bear it anymore and ran away.

I rushed to the roof of the hospital and found that I was not the only one on the roof, there were two men in hospital clothes, one of them was very old, and the other was only five or six years older than me.

The young man glanced at me, took a puff on his cigarette, and said lightly, "The one who jumped off the building?"

I didn't answer, but he continued, "What did you meet at such a young age to jump off a building?"

Still no answer, the man came towards me, I watched him numbly, only to see him pat me on the shoulder, and said earnestly: "At this age, there are infinite possibilities in the future, don't give up on yourself, it's not worth it."

Not worth it?What's the deal with my life?

My life is like a business that has never paid back, or I am just a commodity, no matter who hands it, my fate will never be changed.

My life is always burdened with the word "goods", which is an adjective that describes my life.

The man pulled me up to the rooftop, pointed to the old man and said, "Look at that old man." The man pointed to his head, "There is a tumor growing on my brain, my son and daughter are wasting money and not paying for the operation. The old man didn't want to force his children, so he went for a walk on the rooftop every day. If there were people who jumped off the building, he would try to persuade them patiently. Although he didn't persuade a few people, he still persisted. You are still young, why bother. "

I was silent, they chatted with me a lot, and gradually I calmed down, as if there was a hot current in my body, which was the hope for life.

I went back to the ward, and I accidentally knocked down a man on the way back, so I quickly picked him up and sent him back to his ward.Because of this, he became my friend in the hospital.

As time passed, I began to confide my difficulties to him, and told him the reason why I was hospitalized. He frowned, "You are fine, why are you so unhappy..."

I didn't speak, maybe I was born with bad luck.It seems that there is no escape in this life...

"You can call the police, you are still so young, you have to live."

I have thought about calling the police these years, but there is no evidence. Luo Jidong is a rich and powerful man, and I can't beat him.So I stupidly wanted to wait for Luo Jidong to die of old age, and then I would be relieved.

Or say I'm stupid.

I shook my head with a wry smile. No one can understand my pain and helplessness, and I am glad that I have lived for so long.

Xiao Qi taught me a lot of things, which gradually made me cheerful, and I often walked around the hospital with Xiao Qi.

Xiao Qi and I were strolling around in the morning, a patient greeted us, and we happily responded to him.

It seems that everything is going well, and it also makes me understand that patients are also working hard to make themselves happy.

But the next day another patient in the hospital committed suicide by jumping off the building. Xiao Qi watched that person fall from his window. I don’t know what kind of mood he was in at that moment, but I know I was in a very bad mood. .

That is a fresh life, I can't choose to ignore it.

Xiao Qi and I stood upstairs and watched the bodies being cleaned up downstairs and the people watching. We didn't speak, but it seemed that not speaking at this time was the greatest respect for the deceased.

The person who jumped to his death was the person who greeted us yesterday.

The accident is that the person who was still joking yesterday, committed suicide by jumping off the building today.

Can't explain it all.

Instead, there are only a few memories in our minds. We may only remember that there was a hospital where a patient who had greeted us jumped off the building and committed suicide.

In the past, the most dead people were battlefields, but now they are hospitals.

"Go back." Xiao Qi's voice trembled.

When we returned to the ward, Xiao Qi was sitting on the hospital bed, looking out the window, stretching out his hand as if trying to catch the sunshine, "He said that next year when I get better, take me out to see willows, and he said that when I get better, take me to Sichuan to see pandas He said he would take me back to my hometown in Sichuan to meet my parents when I got better, he said he would marry me when I got better, he said he would take me to the most beautiful place to watch the fireworks when I got better." Xiao Qichang sighed and said with a light smile: "But I know, I'm not going to get better..."

I didn’t know how to comfort him for a while. I’ve known Xiao Qi for two months. He is a very optimistic person. Many seriously ill patients are friends with him. He talked with those people and asked several cancer patients to actively cooperate with the treatment. Facing a new life.

At the beginning, I didn't understand why a dying person had the courage to comfort other patients, as if he didn't care about his own life or death, but the life and death of others.

It wasn't until this moment that I seemed to understand that he comforted and encouraged those patients because he wanted them to have hope and continue to live.

He wants to help more patients and keep more people alive at the end of his life.

After that, Xiao Qi became less and less energetic, and that kind of appearance was the real terminal illness. One can imagine how hard he had endured before.