come close to me hold me

Another year, the autumn wind is bleak, the cicadas have stopped singing, and migratory birds are flying south.It is the season of meeting and reunion and entrusting the eternal sorrow, and it is also the season of lilies blooming and withering.

The last flu patient in Qinghuan City recovered and was discharged from the hospital. An Xun watched the haze gradually dissipate, but felt no joy in his heart.

Her girl has not been home for more than two years.

During the first six months of separation, she still maintained her original intention of giving the girl freedom. When the girl came to her, she treated her enthusiastically, and she never disturbed her if she didn't hear from her.

She wanted to use some methods to broaden the path for the girl, and she never bothered to use interpersonal relationships. For the first time, she took the initiative to contact the dean and asked him to help write a letter of recommendation.Of course, she will never cheat, Jiang Yien's strength does not require her to bluff, the content of seeking truth from facts is enough to highlight the girl's excellence.

When she was about to send the recommendation letter to the foreign academy, she saw the money returned by Jiang Yien, and the note was only a few words: "Don't worry, I can." So after hesitating again and again, she canceled the sending.

Love is silent guarding, love is also trust.

Doing anything requires enthusiasm and purity, because her girl has these two qualities, and she believes that she can do everything well.

The Lego castle left at home was almost completed in the first month of separation. There are thousands of building blocks, and there is nowhere to move my heartfelt thoughts.

Almost, because she kept the last piece. She remembered that the little girl said that she would come back after the castle was built. How could she be willing to let her little girl become a liar with her tender love that penetrated into the bone marrow.

During the whole year after we separated, every other day when I came home from get off work, there were fresh fruit and vegetable ingredients at the door. The staple food was different every time, sometimes eggplant and chicken wings, sometimes potato ribs.On the way home, she always wondered what would happen today, and her heart, which should have been lonely, was a little bit ignited by curiosity and anticipation.

She tried her best to live up to those ingredients, cooking with heart, and tasting with heart, but the sorrow of parting that was choked in her heart all the time, still often made her tasteless, leaving only the saltiness that covered her face.

At the end of the year, she was delusional that the Christmas holiday girl might return.Every time she saw a plane passing a cloud line in the sky, she couldn't help but stop, staring at it, always looking forward to a certain flight with her girl.

Unfortunately, from Christmas Eve to New Year's Eve, she didn't even wait for an ordinary greeting.A scorching heart, repeatedly lost, repeatedly drenched by cold water, is her vain worry, unnecessary expectation.She finally gave up her pride and took the initiative to send a message, but there was no reply.

In the dead of night, she was always filtering all possible answers in her mind, maybe she was too busy, maybe she was still indulging in the pain of losing her grandma and didn't want to contact her.

Still, you have forgotten me.

Unable to think, unable to see, all emotions turned into hot magma, diffused into the bone marrow, and burned repeatedly in her body, consuming her hopes and expectations, and once again she felt that life was worse than death. taste.

On that New Year's Eve, after struggling for half a year after separation, she finally fell ill.

That was probably the most painful time she was tortured by nervous stomach cramps. For several days in a row, late at night, she was so painful that she was sweating profusely, as if being watered all over her body, she fainted from the pain, and fell asleep for a while After waking up from the pain, she crawled to the bedside table to look for medicine, spilled the tea a few times, and fell off the bed a few times, she couldn't remember.

I just remember that my father sent her New Year greetings. In the photo, he and a gentle woman smiled happily beyond words.Su asked to come and see her, but was also declined.There are crackling firecrackers outside the window, fireworks are also set off along the river bank, and the neighborhood is full of noise.

Happiness is still there, but there is no happiness related to her.

She was so pitiful that she curled up alone on the carpet beside the bed, the pills were scattered all over the floor, the pain was so helpless, and she groaned faintly.

Throughout the Spring Festival holiday, she was in a daze, suffering day and night.The fresh ingredients delivered every other day became a burden. She didn't have the energy to cook for herself, and she didn't even have the energy to open the door to bring in the ingredients.

She thought it would be like this, but she was brave enough to show her strength. When she took the leave, the pain was so severe that the medicine could suppress it. She didn't delay a day and resumed work as scheduled.

The disease will gradually improve, but the disease of missing will not.

On the first morning of spring, a cold voice was heard in Renzhuo's corridor:

"Closed drainage can't be done well, what have you been doing for five years in college?!"

Everyone knows that her lover is in a foreign country, and there is very little news. Some people in the group have long speculated that the two have broken up. Faced with doubts and guesses, she still did not say a word about the breakup. Several older doctors were concerned and asked , she also kept silent.

She didn't want to admit that, even though the words had already exhausted the separation, the unforgettable heart was still sticking to it, and it was still reminding her that she was her lover and had never been forgotten.

She forced herself into a crazily running axle, rounded up the ward and received consecutive surgeries, without stopping for a moment. Several medical assistants saw her tired and sweaty when she left the operating room several times, and tried to help her, but they were rejected Refused.She just sat on the ground in silence, with one or two white sugar wrappers often scattered around her.

The upper and lower surfaces of the hospital are calm, but in fact everyone is secretly discussing:

That iceberg witch is back.

Su Wen finally couldn't take it anymore, and took advantage of the weekend night to visit the door with a drink.Forced An Xun to call Jiang Yien face to face, she had no choice but to bite her lip and tears in her eyes, confessing the fact that they had broken up.

Since she was ill, she has lost a lot of weight, and she is nestled in the chair in front of the floor-to-ceiling window under a blanket, so thin that she is almost invisible.

Seeing her getting haggard, Su Wen couldn't be impatient, mixed with anger and distress, scolded her head and face: "An Xun, you did it yourself! The little girl's temperament is inherently unstable, you let her out at this time, don't you think?" I also know that I can't come back! I am really reluctant to take the initiative to contact you, you really think that someone is willing to cover you for the rest of your life, don't you?"

An Xun was always looking at the moon outside the window, silent, his eyes were full of loneliness, or embedded with anticipation, tears fell to pieces.

"Okay, you'll be a fucking iceberg beauty for the rest of your life!" Su Wen took two glasses angrily, filled a glass of whiskey, and threw a pack of cigarettes on the small round table: "Come on! The wine is open for you, and the cigarettes are too." I can give you some, if you can’t forget it, just use an adult’s way to solve it!”

Su Wen was heartbroken, she felt that if she didn't care about it like this, An Xun might lose her life along with her thoughts.

An Xun sighed softly, and rejected her kindness weakly and gently: "Thank you, Su Wen. The wine is very good, and the cigarettes are not bad, but I really don't want to forget her for a moment."

"You..." Su Wen was speechless.

That An Xun who was so naive as to go to the toilet to light a cigarette is already in the past.She didn't want to freeze herself anymore, or, she couldn't freeze herself completely anymore.These days, she forced herself to cheer herself up and devote herself to work, just to prevent outsiders from seeing her distress.

And the yearning for the girl has never been concealed for a moment.

"In the past, I also longed to be less sober, and always avoided the past by numbing myself, but now, I dare not become sober, and I dare not become numb..."

She looked at the distance beyond the river bank, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm afraid I'll forget her."

Su Wen was silent for a while, and his excitement also calmed down. He found a chair beside him and sat down, and sighed without moving his brows. After a long while, he asked helplessly, "But it's painful for you to think about it every day, isn't it? "

An Xun smiled wryly.

"It hurts, it really hurts..."

"But pain is also part of what she gave me."

In the past, she always wanted to forget the grief, but it wasn't until she met Jiang Yien that she realized that some people are worth remembering with a lifetime of grief.

Even if it was short, the happiness that Jiang Yien gave her was unprecedented, it was worth her pain, and it was worth remembering.Therefore, even if she can't wait for her lover back in this life, she would rather end her life in pain.

Forgotten, it's terrible.

In March, she sent birthday wishes to the girl, but did not hear back.After reading the news, I realized that there was a sudden outbreak of influenza where the girl was.

She was in a panic, she hacked Jiang Yien's old number, but it was always turned off. For the first time, she rudely sent a series of screen-swiping messages to ask about the situation, but she didn't get a reply.

On the verge of collapse, she wished she could immediately apply for a visa and buy a plane ticket to fly to the girl. After forcing herself to calm down, she remembered the backup number. It's all going to collapse.

A few days later, she finally received a call from the girl. The girl said that she was fine, but her tired and pale voice clearly looked like she had been ill.It was also at this time that she realized that when she was suffering from illness, the girl on the other side of the ocean was also sick with tacit understanding.

Fortunately, she was able to know through the disclosure of information that the girl really did not have the flu. Even so, after taking the initiative to hang up the phone, she still cried heartbreakingly.Knowing that her lover survived the disease alone in a foreign country is far more tormenting than she is dying of pain.

Later, the epidemic gradually got out of control, and the first patient was found in China, and An Xun also clearly realized——

The girl's return date is nowhere in sight.

The second year of separation was also the busiest year in her career.Not only her, but Su Wen, Li Min and all the colleagues who stood on the front line, as well as the medical workers who came to support from all directions, all experienced a bloody storm.

In June, the first death occurred.The boy is young and has just entered college.It is said that it is the second child of the family who lost their only child.The husband and wife were nearly [-] in two years. The mother who heard the bad news fainted on the spot, and the father next to him knelt down and cried bitterly.

In August, Li Min's occupation was unfortunately exposed. In the two hours since the test result came out, Su Wen squatted outside the corridor and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes.The miracle did not happen, and the word "Positive" was written on the report sheet, and it was checked again, and it was still the same.

Through the protective clothing, no one can see the expressions of the two facing each other.After a long silence in the silent corridor, Li Min raised his eyebrows and joked: "It's not easy for the country to train a doctor. After all, it will be wrong to pay."

Fear and choking could still be heard in the pretentiously relaxed tone.

Su Wen laughed through tears: "Smelly Minmin, imitate me again!" After the words fell, there was a desperate silence, and she only said with difficulty: "Live for me, if you die, I won't be able to speak in this lifetime!" forgive you……"

Then, he turned around and rushed back to the intensive care unit.

In December, the epidemic was at a trough, and the number of deaths increased. There was news that a doctor died of overwork in a small county hospital. Several young doctors and nurses who stayed up late to work and just ate two mouthfuls of instant noodles finally broke down and cried.

In March of this year, spring returned to the land. The desperate struggle between the epidemic prevention personnel and the virus gradually brought the flu under control. Coupled with warmer temperatures, patients recovered one after another, and the wailing and panic in the ward were gradually replaced by calm and hope.

Li Min's third test finally turned negative.Su Wen finally hugged her lover, crying like a child more than anyone else.

In May, there were zero new cases in Qinghuan City.

In June, the last patient tested negative.

Life is thin and fragile, but vitality is tenacious and resolute.

An Xun took off the protective clothing and mask for the last time, and the sweat dripping from the hair on his forehead covered his tears.She has survived the death-like loneliness, and also experienced a life-long struggle; she has heard hysterical quarrels, and seen a silent collapse.She also found some eternal long-term in the short and varied life.

Love can always brighten everything, and keep everything alive.

She received the girl's eight words, and also borrowed the girl's wish as a reply:

Love stays together for a long time, and stays with you year after year.

Looking at the dawn outside the window, I only hope to send good news to the whole world, especially where "she" is.

It has been two full years since Jiang Yien left.When An Xun received the eight-character text message, she thought that the return date was coming, but June was over, July, August...the girl still didn't come back.

The delivery of fresh fruits and vegetables has also been stopped for a year, and the Lego castle has been too long without time to take care of it, and it has already accumulated a layer of dust.All of this was not enough to make her give up being brave. It was not until today, when she went back to her room at night and was about to fall asleep, that the last line of defense was finally destroyed.

Miss her, there is no heartbeat.

"How can I stop dancing..."

"Even you want to scare me, even you want to abandon me..."

Hugging the furry head, leaning down against the handsome little nose, tears absurd, full of despair, pressing the little bear's heart with his right hand.She was so stubborn that she could keep her heart beating by doing something.

but,

The heartbeat is a one-time thing, if it stops, it won't beat again.

She stayed up all night, nestled in the corner of the bed in a daze with no heartbeat, her eyes were empty and numb, as if her own heartbeat was about to stop.A battle made her ignore the brokenness in her heart. In fact, the painful concern has always been there, and her tense heartstrings have always been on the verge of collapse.

The girl took her heart away, and for two years, she didn't give it back.

Autumn is here, and the fallen leaves will return to their roots.

Jiang Yien, I really can't hold it anymore...Aren't you back yet?

The author has something to say: Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, cuties~ Tell everyone a story about parting sorrow.

Eat the moon tonight! o(≧v≦)o