Strange disease

In the second semester of my sophomore year, my counselor found me out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to go to London for an exchange.

It was only then that I remembered that the school did have an exchange program in my junior year, but I didn't pay much attention to it, but I often heard it from other students in the class.

She said that there are only two places in the whole department, and the deadline for registration is next Monday.

She said, with my grades, I can go if I apply. Don't forget such a good opportunity.

When I went back, I kept an eye out, turned on the computer and went to the website to check.

After checking, I was surprised. This project is fully funded by CSC scholarship, and the country will give [-] pounds a month, including two round-trip air tickets.

I counted with my fingers, and with my spending ability, I can still make money even if I can't use it all up.

Since entering university, I have studied desperately for no other reason than being poor and wanting to earn more scholarships.

Last year, I won the 8000 yuan National Award. At that time, I was so happy that I dragged Xi Rong into the McDonald's downstairs, and generously said that I would like to order casually, and this meal is my treat!

He gave me a supercilious look and said, look, that's all.

My crotch face said, hey, 8000 yuan, you know how difficult this 8000 yuan is for me.

It must be studying in the library day and night, getting up earlier than a chicken, and going to bed later than a dog, all made up of my bitter tears, otherwise in our school where the king of papers is the king The major is still the king of the papers, and it has long been flooded by the vast crowd, so that there are no underwear left.

But even so, you must know that the national award can only be applied for once a year, and the maximum is only 8000 yuan a year.

I don't know why, but when I learned that CSC pays so much in a month, my first reaction was unbelievable.

I... What kind of shit luck is this?

The counselor was very concerned about this matter, and specially sent me a separate application form.

Then, after a brief surprise, I fell into a strange melancholy.

I don't know what other people think, maybe anyone would accept it without hesitation in that situation.

What a wonderful thing.

Facing the empty application form on the computer, he stared blankly at the schedule above the project introduction.

going for a year...

One year.

I want to separate from Xi Rong for a year.

It sounds very long and very short, 360 five days and nights, counting and passing, only I know, I am a coward, I can't even part with him for a day.

According to my past experience, within 3 hours if he does not reply to my messages, I will start to fidget; When I went to his house, I would experience a series of pathological symptoms such as insomnia, trance, and loss of appetite.

He is simply my charging pile, and I am a mobile phone with an aging battery. I have to stick to him every day so as not to be forced to shut down.

In the end I gave up on applying.

The counselor was quite puzzled and regretful, and she asked me, what was the reason?

She knew about my mother's death, and probably understood my family's difficulties, because I applied for one-year special aid when I was a freshman, so she cared about me very much.

She said, you are a very good student, if you have any difficulties, the school will try its best to help you solve them.

This is a rare opportunity, and I don't want you to have any regrets in the future.

...Are you sorry?

Of course I understand that it's not just about money, it's about my own future.

One day in the future, I will think back to myself today, and feel regretful because I chose Xi Rong.

In fact, I didn't choose him. It's not about Xi Rong, nor is it about Xi Rong. I just lost to myself who succumbed to comfort and happiness.

It's purely because... I really want to do something that I know is irrational, and I will do it my own way.

Because the desire in my heart surpasses everything.

When Xi Rong knew what good deed I had done, everything was settled.

To be honest, I didn't expect him to find out at all.

He was on vacation that day and came to pick me up from school. When I finished class, I saw him leaning against the corridor, facing the grade bulletin board.

There were many announcements posted on the bulletin board, including the list of final selection results for that exchange program.

I waved to him excitedly, but he ignored me, and I called him again, and I was so naive that I didn't expect the danger to come.

Xi Rong turned around and looked at me with an unpredictable expression, and I looked at him suspiciously.

Then he grabbed me by the collar and dragged me into the counselor's office.

My heart sank, and I suddenly felt that something big was wrong.

Then, naturally, I was publicly executed.

In front of Xi Rong, the counselor said bitterly: "This little guy doesn't know what he is thinking. I persuaded him many times, but he said it was personal reasons and he didn't even hand in the application. That's it. There is no qualification for selection."

When I got home, Xi Rong didn't say a word, his face was gloomy, and I was hairy all over.

He asked in a rather incomprehensible tone: "What the hell are you thinking? Why don't you go?"

I think what he said was tactful. The implication of what he said was clearly, are you out of your mind?

I couldn't explain it, I just lowered my head and was taught by him.

Seeing that I didn't answer, he said, "Speak, are you dumb?" I was sweating on my back, licked my face and said dryly, "Oh, no, calm down, calm down."

He sneered: "This is your own business. You are not responsible for yourself. Why should I be angry?"

Then you still kill me.

Hey, I feel so wronged, the culprit is clearly in front of me, and he still wants to murder me.

Why is this person so annoying.

I have no doubt that if I said that I didn't go because of him, he would call me stupid and throw me out of the house.

I silently cursed in my heart.

He asked again, "Why didn't you go?"

I wanted to find a reason to prevaricate him, but he answered the next second: "One thousand pounds a month, you think it's too much money, and it's hot?"

... I really didn't know he investigated so clearly.

I avoided it and said lightly: "I want to watch Avengers 4 this weekend."

I said to myself, if I go to exchange, there is no way to watch a movie with you on weekends.

I think maybe that's when I finally realized that I could never leave again.

I remember reading a story before about "freedom".

There once was a young woman who had a happy family and loved her husband and children very much.

One day, she went out on vacation with her husband and children, but during the vacation, they accidentally encountered a serious traffic accident, and her husband and children died in the terrible car accident.

Only the young woman survived.

Now, she lives alone.

And that is freedom.

When I first watched it, I just thought it was unbelievable, but now that I think of that story, I have a different mood.

It turned out that love is a prison, and I voluntarily fell into a cage named "Xi Rong", bound my feet, and could not escape from then on.

So I lost my freedom and was willing to indulge in it.

I later learned that I loved him every minute and every second that was left of me.

Every moment, every moment, every moment of life, my heart beats for him.