The lure of rebirth

Meng Jinlan has always believed that people do not have a soul after death, and even if there is one, it must be because of too much obsession or too much resentment and unwillingness in life, so they turned into lonely ghosts and wandered in the world.

But now he has become that part, the slight soft light gradually reveals a ray of light in the endless darkness like a solar eclipse, and then becomes brighter and brighter.

There seemed to be a blurry double image in front of her eyes. Meng Jinlan was half asleep and half awake, and she didn't realize it. Looking back now, her body was very light at that time, floating in the air like a leaf. She couldn't feel warmth or cold, nor pain or sadness. Surrounding him was nothingness as light and soft as a feather.

Meng Jinlan began to gain consciousness. In the dark, he felt something pulling him forward. The surrounding scenery brightened and darkened, and then faded and brightened. Gradually, the light dispelled the darkness, and then the light also dimmed, turning into a The nostalgic halo yellow light.

The scene in front of me, like an unfolding scroll, became clear and realistic.

Still a little confused, looking around like sleepwalking, this is the place he has been very familiar with for the past six months, Meixie Hospital.

Then he saw himself being held in Xiao Bai's arms, and Meng Jinlan was stunned for a moment, wondering why he could see Xiao Bai holding him.

Cheng Jun's voice sounded in his ear, and what he said made him feel scared.

lay down?Burial?died?Meng Jinlan raised his hands, he could see, he could see his body, but why did Cheng Jun say that he was dead.

Meng Jinlan stepped forward, calling Xiao Bai and Cheng Jun loudly, his own echo came from his ears, but the two people over there ignored him, and then he saw Xiao Bai walking over with him in his arms, Meng Jinlan wanted to hug him excitedly Holding Xiao Bai, the two were so close, Xiao Bai hugged his body and actually passed through his body, but Xiao Bai didn't feel any strangeness.

Xiao Bai couldn't see me, couldn't touch me, he couldn't feel my existence, this was the only thought in Meng Jinlan's mind.

is he deadDidn't he have an operation?How can I die?

Dazed for a moment, Meng Jinlan suddenly regained consciousness and chased after Xiao Bai.

Sitting in the car, Meng Jinlan tried again and again to draw Xiao Bai's attention to her, but Xiao Bai only had his eyes on his silent corpse.

Meng Jinlan looked at Xiao Bai's reflection on the car window, and then looked at her own, nothing, nothing, at this moment, Meng Jinlan knew clearly that she was dead.

Then he followed Xiao Bai back to their home, the home he hadn't seen for a long time, and he hadn't come back for half a year. Meng Jinlan followed Xiao Bai, listening to Xiao Bai talking about the slightest change in the house.

From Xiao Bai opening the refrigerator to lowering the temperature of the air conditioner to the lowest level, Meng Jinlan understood and stood beside Xiao Bai excitedly. Meng Jinlan tried to stop Xiao Bai. Red eyes (don't ask me why the eyes of ghosts can also turn red because of anxiety, the author said, I have never seen ghosts-_-|||I sweat)

Meng Jinlan wanted to leave Xiao Bai's side and find a way to turn off the refrigerator and air conditioner, didn't it mean that ghosts have mana?Meng Jinlan also knew that her thoughts were too naive, but how could he just stay like this without trying.

However, Meng Jinlan discovered a fact that shocked him. He couldn't leave Xiao Bai's body. At most three meters, he would be bounced back to Xiao Bai's side by an invisible layer. Meng Jinlan smiled wryly because the obsession was too deep It became an earth-bound spirit, so is it like this?

Meng Jinlan stopped struggling needlessly, and simply lay down next to Xiao Bai, pretending not to know the secret joy in her heart, but in fact, it would be good for the two of them to be together after Xiao Bai died.

The sound of Cheng Jun knocking on the door was the first thing he heard. Hearing Cheng Jun say that there was something wrong with his death, Meng Jinlan couldn't help but feel angry. Who was it?Can't we just let them go?

Xiao Bai still got up and went to open the door. At that moment, Meng Jinlan didn't know whether she was more disappointed or more happy that Xiao Bai could continue to live.

Then several people discussed how to cremate him and bury him. Meng Jinlan sat aside and listened to the few people talking about his funeral. He didn't know his emotions, and he became a complete outsider.

For the next three days, Meng Jinlan was taken wherever Xiao Bai went. This was the first time in this life that Meng Jinlan stayed by Xiao Bai's side all the time.

Xiao Bai began to forget to eat breakfast, and sometimes he didn't even eat lunch, Meng Jinlan didn't dare to think deeply, whether Xiao Bai forgot to eat or didn't plan to eat at all.

Xiao Bai smoked, and the room began to be filled with smoke. Xiao Bai always liked to sit alone in the study, looking at the big French windows, and then lit a cigarette, smoking silently by himself, blowing out the smoke rings into different shapes , Occasionally coughing, heart-piercing coughing, Meng Jinlan knew that Xiao Bai's stomach had always been bad, and at his rate of two packs of cigarettes a day, he would die very quickly.

Meng Jinlan began to regret that he shouldn't have told Xiao Bai. If he had told Xiao Bai from the beginning and made Xiao Bai accept the fact that he would leave sooner or later, wouldn't this be the case? Would Xiao Bai be temporarily affected? Unable to understand the fact that he left, he chose to commit suicide to end his own life.

Meng Jinlan had already learned to compromise when Xiao Bai received that call. Now he is just a soul without a body, and has no ability to stop Xiao Bai.

Seeing Lei Changsheng walking in through the gate, Meng Jinlan suddenly understood everything.

Sure enough, as he thought, Lei Changsheng did revenge for the Zheng family, but to his surprise, Lei Changsheng turned out to be Zheng Zimo's son.

From the conversation between Xiao Bai and Lei Changsheng to the time when Xiao Bai was beaten, it was the first time Meng Jinlan hated herself so much and became a waste. If he had some legendary magic power, Xiao Bai would not have to suffer like this.

Meng Jinlan was so distressed, seeing Xiao Bai curled up on the ground alone, eyes closed, Meng Jinlan lay in Xiao Bai's arms like they did when they slept together before, counting the beating of Xiao Bai's weakening heart.

Meng Jinlan was glad that Xiao Bai was still alive. When Xiao Bai woke up, Meng Jinlan was overjoyed, and then he heard Xiao Bai's impatient words.

"He's dead, what can he see?"

"He's dead, Zeyang, he's dead, you know that? Hehe...he's dead"

Meng Jinlan stepped forward and wanted to tell Xiao Bai that he could see it, but seeing the right hand passing through Xiao Bai's body, Meng Jinlan could only smile bitterly. He could see Xiao Bai, but Xiao Bai couldn't see him.

Watching Xiao Bai put all his things into the box, Meng Jinlan told himself that only in this way is good, only in this way will Xiao Bai gradually forget about himself, so that he will not think about death every now and then.

His heart was filled with sour water, Xiao Bai, what did he mean by this, did he really want to forget himself and start a new life?

Meng Jinlan scolded herself for not being a good person at all, and even pretended to be aggressive, telling herself that she didn't care that Xiao Bai found someone else.

After Meng Jinlan finished taking the acid water, she found that she had been dragged to the study by Xiao Bai.

Then there was the video he recorded himself, listening to Xiao Bai complaining that he was hiding from him alone, that he made his life worse than death, that he had the ability, Meng Jinlan's face was ashen, did he do something wrong?

The answer is self-evident, looking at Xiao Bai's desperate eyes, begging herself to let him go, Meng Jinlan's heart aches, it hurts Xiao Bai's pain, and it also hurts her own pain.

Xiao Bai said he won, Meng Jinlan smiled wryly, did he really win?But the so-called winning, what did he win?get something?

Living in the world is like being in the midst of thorns. If the heart does not move, people do not move rashly. If they do not move rashly, they will not be hurt; How can I not move?His heart has been moving since the day Xiao Bai appeared. He said that he looked back five hundred times in his previous life, only to pass by once in this life. Meng Jinlan really wanted to ask God what kind of relationship he had with Xiao Bai in his previous life. Enmity, will be so twists and turns.

Xiao Bai has lost weight rapidly in the past few days, and began to get by every day, addicted to smoking and drinking, and never gave up. There is no doubt that Xiao Bai is slowly committing suicide.

Every day, he is looking for abuse, and before going to bed, he will definitely read the things Meng Jinlan left him.

Meng Jinlan was worried at the beginning, but she calmed down after a long time, because there is a saying that for the unchangeable facts, you have no better way than accepting your fate.

Even if Xiao Bai gets drunk and scolds him for nothing, scolds him for being a wolf, scolds him for not wanting to let him go, he can face it calmly, sometimes, when the heart hurts too much, it will become numb, forgetting that the heart is still beating, oh , Actually it's not right, Meng Jinlan himself doesn't know if his heart is still beating.

Everything is silent and the night is as cool as water. Xiao Bai likes to sit alone by the French window of the study, light a cigarette, and watch the night.

Standing behind Xiao Bai, Meng Jinlan wondered that she still felt distressed. Seeing Xiao Bai like that, her heart ached so badly.

It is said that men who smoke have pain, in other words, only men who have pain like to smoke, or smoking starts with pain, then the man who smokes should be the phoenix of Nirvana, in labor pain, tearing, shouting In the rebirth, if I choose to smoke, I also choose this kind of poignant beauty of destruction.

Meng Jinlan thought of this sentence unexpectedly, is Xiao Bai like the one in that sentence, waiting to be destroyed and then reborn again.

Xiao Bai lit another cigarette, then looked at the night scene outside the window, full of thoughts.

Immersed in the light blue smoke, Xiao Bai chuckled. From Meng Jinlan's perspective, he looked so gentle, so misty, and so affectionate, but Meng Jinlan closed his eyes and looked carefully at the man who was smoking. There seemed to be a drop of moist crystal in the corner of the eye.

Xiao Bai stretched out his hand to pour himself a glass of wine, raised the glass and touched it to the sky, as if there was someone above him holding the glass and facing him.

Meng Jinlan finally knew that, in fact, the furthest distance in the world is when I stand in front of him but he can't see me.

Walking in front of Xiao Bai, Meng Jinlan stretched out her right hand to touch the corner of Xiao Bai's eye, trying to wipe away the tear, but Xiao Bai blinked violently, and then Meng Jinlan watched the tear penetrate her His palm fell to the thick wool rug.

Meng Jinlan smiled bitterly, he always forgot that he was no longer who he used to be.

The author has something to say: The content of this chapter draws on Chengziyu’s love-likeness, and I will note here that I really like Chengziyu’s articles. Although most of her articles are called No.1, she has a good writing style. Every time I read her articles, my heart twitches badly. I really feel that way, but sometimes I can’t help it. I can only say that Orange Rain’s writing is very good. I know it’s abuse, but I can’t help but read it. , My dream is to write such an article one day. I know it is abusive, but readers can't help but read it, so I have to work hard.Here, I pay tribute to my favorite orange rain.