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Unfortunately, even if I will not alienate him, now we have become strangers to each other as a matter of course.

I don't know what was going on in his heart between the ages of 16 and 17.How does he see me as a person?The friend who shares the biggest secret?Confidant brother?Good thunder... I'm only a month older than this stupid bamboo horse. Why are we so different from grades to psychology?

During his year of self-doubt as always, we seemed to have nothing to talk about except study and psychoeducation.His silence was something I expected, from the time I felt he wasn't a kid anymore, he really never went back to the way he used to be.I had mixed feelings of relief and a little annoyance.

After we dealt with his parents' investigation report with a guilty conscience, I began to seriously inquire about information about homosexuality.I don't know if I don't check, it turns out that the information on homosexuality is more abundant than I imagined.

I understand those definitions, look at the interpretation and analysis of homosexuality in sociology, psychology, history, etc., and read homosexual stories shared by others in different online communities. Expert on homosexuality.

Then, I compiled the information that I thought was useful, told him in a way he could accept, and let him digest and absorb some knowledge that is closely related to him, and more importantly, know how to protect himself.

Saying it is "a way he can accept" is actually like lecturing exercises, forcing him to accept and digest my teachings, and he is not allowed to resist and deal with errands.

Although the stupid bamboo horse blushed as usual, it didn't disappoint me.He assured me that no matter what, live seriously and protect yourself.

Until now, I didn't notice any ambiguity between us that needs attention. I think it's the same as when he wanted to go out to fight when he was in elementary school, but I beat him up first to educate him.

I don't think the course work in the second year of high school is very difficult. Although I have taken a lot of extra tutoring for the goal of being one of the top three universities in the country, I have made a detailed schedule, and the work of the student union and schoolwork are well arranged.I can't shake his weekend tutoring. Although the school's weekend has become a single holiday, and with my one-day tutoring, he doesn't even have a day off, but unexpectedly, he didn't complain.

I asked him why he was no longer as diligent as him, and he still said that if he has the ability, he is not afraid of being looked down upon by others, and if he is far away from home, he is not afraid of causing trouble to his parents, so he should do better in the exam and stay far away.

He's smiling as always, but I can't see him "laughing".

I said, idiot, don't laugh if you don't want to laugh, it's an eyesore.

Then he laughed even wider.

Half a month after his 17th birthday, I found out that his secret was almost one year old, and we still have half a year for the college entrance examination.

It was rare to accompany him to the bookstore to buy reference books that day. There were small snowflakes in the sky, and all kinds of pop music were playing loudly from the loudspeakers in various shops on the roadside, but I didn't feel irritable anymore.

He said that there was a new Hollywood blockbuster, and he hesitated all night whether to go to the theater to watch it.I laughed out loud. I forced the former moviegoer to the point of hesitating whether to watch blockbuster movies or not. I should let him relax and combine work with rest.So I decided that I would treat him to a blockbuster movie, buy him Coke and popcorn, and allow him to indulge in movies and fizzy drinks for a while.

He smiled like he turned back into a bear child.

After watching the movie, I found a text message from my mother, telling us that the four of them will go to the unit dinner tonight. If they don’t sing K, they will try to go home before 22:[-], and let us solve the dinner by ourselves.Reluctantly, I sent a message to my father, asking him to supervise my mother not to drink too much, and told them to pay attention to safety.

The idiot bamboo horse was very happy to have his own dinner, so he dragged me into a foreign fast food restaurant to eat his favorite fried chicken nuggets.Soda, fried food, he likes whatever is unhealthy, it's really worrying!

After such a rare day of leisure, he patted his round stomach and said with satisfaction, "The indulgent life is the best!"

I gave him a smile, snapped my knuckles, and asked him if he wanted something better. He shook his head vigorously and said that he would never bother me.

Maybe my rare relaxed attitude infects his indulgence, maybe he has no reason to restrain his words and deeds after eating and drinking, maybe the night scene with snow all over the sky is too beautiful... He wants to hold my hand and walk together, I will hold it for him, I will pull it When he was about to go home through the small garden in the community, he stopped me outside the gazebo.

I was surprised to see him bow his head and say nothing. I thought there was something attracting his attention, so I looked around, but in the cold night, except for us staying there, there were only thousands of lights flickering.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

He let go of my hand, raised his head and rarely looked directly into my eyes, and said seriously, word by word, not loudly but firmly: "I like you."

I guess, he must have succeeded in making me look surprised that I have never seen before—of course I will be surprised!I never thought that I would be confessed by the same sex, let alone that I had been with him since birth.

In this world, even my parents can't spend as much time as him alone with me. If I only have one friend, it must be this stupid bamboo horse.I went from indifference to taking the initiative to care about him, and what I got in return was that he said he liked me. For a moment, I felt that I had failed in educating him, because I didn't count when I forced him to educate him with the posture of a wise man. Calculated into it.I am also a fool.

"Sorry." I heard myself say quietly.I was surprised for the second time, is this my instinct?My heart was obviously turbulent, but I was able to say the words of rejection so calmly and even indifferently.

Then, watching him forcefully smile, with a pale face, tears hanging down his head, he said to me with a trembling voice: "I'm sorry, I always trouble you."

just ran away.

Looking at his leaving figure, the waves became even worse.

We were finally alienated, no more going to and from school together, no more tutoring, no shopping, no watching movies, no playing games, no more... He smiled at me.

It's rare for me to be entangled. After three days of entanglement, I told myself to learn to "like".What is liking and how to like it, like analyzing a big philosophical question, solve the problem of "like".

I don’t know what he said to his parents. Uncles and aunts treated me as usual. They didn’t question why we didn’t take tutoring on weekends. They still warmly greeted me to eat snacks and loved me like a second son.During the trial, I guess he might be telling the parents that I don’t need to spend time on tutoring for him after his grades go up, or that I’m too busy with schoolwork to keep disturbing me.

I don't think I mind him continuing to bother me.Could it be that if you don't confess your love successfully, you really don't even have friends anymore? Who is in the passive position, idiot.

My further miscalculation is that we may all be in a passive position.

In past relationships, he always came to me nine times and I urged him once, but now he doesn't come even once.And I'm also a little afraid... I haven't figured out how to deal with his liking, if I don't perfuse it, it will only make him sad, so it's better not to meet each other.

So the six-month intense sprinting for the college entrance examination became a cover for us to deal with inquiries from our parents. In order to go to the university I wanted, and to forget the anger caused by him alienating me, I devoted myself more to my studies.

But I also pay attention to him. After every monthly exam, relying on the privilege of being a good student, I look through the undisclosed grade rankings in the teacher's office. I am still happy for him to see his progress and higher and higher scores.

As he said, he will live seriously, for the sake of being looked up to by others, for the sake of not worrying about his parents, and for... staying away.

The college entrance examination in June, before millions of students enter the society, is an important diversion line in life. It may not represent the orientation of life, but it must be an unforgettable day in life.I also can't forget, worrying about his stage fright in exams as usual, worrying about his constitution that is prone to heatstroke in summer, worrying... that we will continue to be alienated.

After the college entrance examination, I heard from my mother in disguise that he said that he felt that he did well in the exam, so I was a little relieved.As for myself, I feel that a lot of problem analysis before the exam has been done in vain, and it is not necessary at all.

I thought that during the vacation before the results were announced and applications were filled out, he would have no excuse to avoid the gatherings of the two families and thus avoid me, but unexpectedly, he traveled with a group of boys in his class and escaped again.

The scores were announced, and my grades were as expected, 100% able to be admitted to the prestigious school of my choice.As for him, he could guess from the aunt's cheers coming from the opposite door that his score would definitely allow him to get his wish.

Before applying for the application, I inquired again from my mother and aunt about the school he wanted to go to in a disguised manner, and they all said that he was going to apply for a college in the imperial capital, so I filled out my application in the imperial capital with confidence.

Although the most prestigious target school is in the imperial capital, I still want to get closer to him, not to mention taking care of each other, but also to facilitate me to tell him my answer.Even though there are convenient electronic communication tools such as mobile phones, faxes, and emails in modern times, I still insist that the best communication is face-to-face. If you don’t look at his expression, how can you feel at ease?

However, I don’t know how many times I “didn’t expect” him, and he gave me another one without any surprise.We were all admitted by our first choice. I was the prestigious imperial capital school that I was determined to win for a long time, but he was not the imperial capital college I inquired about, but a southern college that was far away from home and the imperial capital.

I think he was calculated, and even deliberately released smoke bombs to confuse the parents and me.

Good boy, you can, it's far enough to get away.

I want to punch him, that's my only thought.

The word "youth and recklessness" is an excuse for all the fools of our age to go crazy, and it's also an excuse to regret.We are ignorant, we are new, we are inexperienced, we are ignorant and innocent... In short, we are wrong, but we are right.

It is not until we are pointed out that we are wrong, and it is an undeniable mistake, a mistake that we regret from the heart, that we feel the terrible price of being young and frivolous.It's a pity that hindsight doesn't have much real effect.

My circle with him has never been too small.No one pointed out that we were fools, and no one told two fools to be careful in the wrong direction.

Perhaps, there is no boundary between "right" and "wrong" in the world. A sentence of "I am willing" can turn all fools into avant-garde lovers of freedom. , Regret has also become Xiaoqing's disguised show off.

I don't know if we've chosen the wrong direction, if we'll later regret being the product of our own "I would love to".It's just that the "this" situation makes me uncomfortable, and I don't want to be reconciled. I want to change to "that", that's all.

Stupid bamboo horse, wait for me to beat you.