God knows

The morning sun is blocked by the curtains, so the color tone in the room is gloomy.

I sit in the middle of the bed.

Thinking about it, she didn't even say goodbye, and just disappeared without a trace.

She is really gone.

I found that I couldn't be willing, as if she was so attached to the answer when she left for the first time, even if it was really given to me, I couldn't be satisfied.

Of course not satisfied.

I said I wanted answers, but all I really wanted was her.

"So, Harry is really not bad!"

Lisa turned her head to Jeffrey who was sitting directly behind her and said, "What's wrong with a man who is both sensual and sexy?"

I got on the school bus just in time to hear their conversation and smiled.

"I think you are in a good mood today."

I didn't comment, and sat down in the empty seat next to Lisa.

"Harry is really good." I turned to Jeffrey.

"But to be honest, I don't really want to be in a relationship."

"Well, don't worry, what should be yours will be yours."

He looked at me with raised eyebrows.

The feeling of loss is like a mountain of loose earth and rocks. Every second, something is crumbling, and I feel that there is no end in sight.

But at least knowing Phoenix's reason, even the pain like cutting, I feel I can bear it.

"Is the attitude change a sign of taking the wrong medicine?" Jeffrey asked.

"No, I have always had extraordinary insight and understanding of the world."

Lisa opened her mouth and said nothing.

"But I still suggest you grasp the present moment, because you don't know whether you are destined or not. Maybe if you miss today, you will miss a lifetime."

As I said that, I turned my head to look at the fleeting scenery outside the window.

"Jeffrey, you are lucky, there is still a chance to find it."

Unlike me, I was sentenced to death before I learned the truth.Even if Phoenix and I are unwilling to give up, fate refuses to give the slightest chance.

Maybe we're all wrong about that, but in the end, it's fate that's really wrong.

Half of me refused to let it go, because I knew I would have to spend the rest of my life alone; the other part of me was completely frank, just because she didn't hesitate to admit it before she left.

She said she loves me.

She said so, so that the memories of the past, large and small, were brightened and given a new meaning.

I would think of the look of Phoenix smiling at me, and then I realized that there was always a doting tolerance in those eyes, which I couldn’t read or recognize. Even though she never hooked the corners of her mouth easily, she looked There is always a smile in my eyes.

I thought of Phoenix's tone of voice. Her words were always concise and plain, which made people think that she didn't care or pay attention to her. Later, I realized that Phoenix cared more than anyone else. The cold tone is actually warm like this.

Phoenix...

I looked past Lisa's chatter, the school bus window, and the passing scenery outside, letting the indifferent but beautiful color of the sky come into my eyes.

As soon as she left, I was already missing her.

They still insisted on avoiding Beth when she appeared. Even though I reiterated that there was no possibility for me and Beth, Jeffrey and Lisa hummed some inexplicable words, jumped up and dodged people faster than ever.

"Today is very good, I feel that I will be sorry for myself if I don't distinguish between you."

Beth didn't care much about Jeffrey and Lisa's approaching to flee in a panic. She entered the literature classroom generously, pulled the chair in front of me and sat down.

"Look at your smile, what a good thing?"

Beth passed a biscuit, about the size of my palm, wrapped in tissue paper, still warm.

"Today is a chocolate peanut butter cookie. I suspect that Maggie is in a relationship, otherwise how could it be so healthy."

"Maggie is willing to spend her heart and soul on the students' food, so it may not have anything to do with love." I said dumbfoundingly, and the suspicious look on Beth's face was a bit too serious.

After thinking about it carefully, the god of love here has disappeared, and I am afraid that there will be no love for a while.What should I do next?It was another burst of sudden and great sadness to think that the person who had been answering my questions had disappeared.

"Robin, even the most successful and glamorous people have some holes in their lives."

I still couldn't understand the sentence, but I smiled.Beth actually called me "Robin" directly. I don't know if she got too into the character or it was a performance to avoid suspicion.

"Are you talking about Iron Man?" I almost asked out of context.

"No, I'm talking about you."

But, the hole was probably too huge, it was directly hollowed out in the chest, and I was still alive and breathing, but I felt disabled, as if I had to crawl forward for the rest of my life.

"That's right, Bruce."

I still murmured my agreement, and Beth laughed out loud.

"I, I feel that although the hole is big, it's not that deep."

There are so many things worth remembering, and so many memories are treasured. Even though her life that has appeared and disappeared may not be complete anymore, it is also colorful because of it.I told her myself that whether she cares or not, this ordinary human life is destined to be wonderful because of her.

And I'm so glad that the one who was left behind was me.

Phoenix spared the constant pain of loss, and I have a lifetime to look back on even though I have taken it all on.

How lucky.

"What about you?" I asked Beth, looking up as I stuffed a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie into my mouth.

"Me, I feel that my life is too smooth. It's a scary thing to have no holes, because I don't know where one will pop out suddenly in the future."

"Your life is a big adventure, why are you afraid of potholes?"

I grinned and asked her.

"It's not wrong, let me tell you, I must find out how Carol did it..."

We just chatted one after another until we went to class.

Even though I tried my best to suppress it, I still couldn't help turning my head to look at the sky on the sixth floor.

Even though Feifei is a dead memory to her or to me, it is so vivid at the moment when everything is going backwards.If only she hadn't fallen that day, if she hadn't fallen, it meant that the power of Cupid hadn't disappeared, if the power of Cupid hadn't disappeared...