Drowning in a sea of ​​moonlight

The plan went well.

Dazai took out the gun that had been hidden under the bed sheet long ago when he was attracted by the moonlight outside the window.

When she turned her head, she bumped into his arms impartially.

...I really can't get enough of his gentle eyes.

Holding the last chance that he would soften his heart, Dazai quietly smelled the plum blossom-like breath on his body, with the gun in his hand hanging by his side.

However, in the next moment, as if awakened from a certain state, the expression in those pupils became clear, calm, and at the same time so, so far away.

At that moment, he knew that he had no choice.

So he raised his gun and watched as Jin Jin's eyes suddenly went blank.

In the next second, there was a severe numbness in the wrist bone, and his fingers loosened uncontrollably, and then he was thrown to the wall.

The moment his back hit the wall, the severe pain made his vision go dark.

......right.That's it.

When you got shot, it must have hurt more than this, right?

I have done too many things to hurt you.But, otherwise, you don't have the heart to vent your anger on me.

...so go ahead, you can do anything.

As long as you don't go.

As long as you don't go.

But within that golden color, the rich and substantial fury is still rising.

When he saw the gun being thrown out of the window from the corner of his eye, Dazai felt his heart skip a beat:

...he didn't notice?how come?

But he had no time to think, his throat was choked, oxygen escaped from his lungs, and the colorful snake-like stripes in his vision began to flicker. He heard today's voice asking:

"Is that why you don't want to live?"

When he raised his head, he saw that those pupils were filled with something ferocious and heavy, "heartache".

"...Is this how you treat me?"

It seemed that the pain in those eyes was acting on him a thousand times, the pain made his heart constrict and he couldn't breathe.

...no, that's not it, I just want to make you a little angry,

I didn't want you to be...so sad...

He tried his best to step on the ground with his toes straight, grabbed the arms that imprisoned him, and desperately wanted to stop, saying no, no, I was acting, what I said before was all false, and I didn’t count it, So you stop talking. .....

But now the hands were around his throat, and he struggled with all his strength, but still couldn't say a word.

Then he saw that Jin was silent for a moment, looked up at himself, and laughed.

That smile was extremely majestic, yet extremely cold, like a blood-red manjusawa blooming in the ice and snow, with fine petals floating all over the sky.

I don't know how many times colder than when he saw himself for the first time on the cruise ship, or when he watched the devil leave.

So cold... like a different person entirely.

Suddenly, a very, very bad premonition rose from the bottom of his heart, which made his whole body tremble uncontrollably.

Can't let him go on.

Can't listen anymore.

But now when he said it, there was a bone-chilling indifference in his eyes, and every word was like a sword, resounding like a sword.

"You think I have nothing to do, so I come here to be your pawn? So it doesn't matter why you beat me with a gun or hacked with a knife?"

"I've been wasting my time with you all these days, haven't I? It doesn't matter if I die—no."

He laughed out loud, "You will be happy when I die, won't you?"

"...Since you want to know so much, I'll tell you what I'm doing."

With that cold smile on his lips, he looked at himself and spoke leisurely.

"It was your father who entrusted you to me before he died, little cadre."

what?

"That's why I have to look at you. That's why I appear in front of your eyes and do those things for you."

"I don't know what you want to do after following me these days. But the 'now' that has been following you is just a phantom.

never existed. "

A distant, vague pain, as if his heart exploded seconds later, and he heard it shattering beforehand.

"Now, I have paid off the debt I owed."

"From now on, there will be no relationship between you and me."

The last smile without any warmth.

"Don't call me by any of those names. You don't need any more."

That's right.

In the empty room, in the darkness of the room, he kept coughing, knelt on the floor, tears streaming down silently.

It turned out that from the very beginning,

...It's all wrong.

I walked on the railing in the strong wind, held up a bottle of vodka, and took a swig.

...At this time, only this fire-like wine can completely paralyze the heart.

Any pain, any worry, is gone.

But now, neither the strong wine in my throat nor the cold wind blowing on my face can fill the emptiness in my heart.

... ahhh.

It should not have been promised to Tsushima long ago.

It's not something I can accomplish, I have to take it down, look, it's a complete failure, right?

...knew so.

...It would have been nice if we had never met each other before.

What the hell is wrong with my brain?

Do you think this person is curable?

How silly.

The disadvantages of drinking too much on weekdays are also revealed at this moment. This alcohol only plays a role in heating, and it can't even blur the pain in my heart.

Sensing my irritability, the sea breeze became even more raging, as if it was about to tear something apart.

I jumped off the railing, threw the empty wine bottle in the direction of the trash can, put my hands in my pockets, and walked towards the room.

...Donna and Alicia should still be at Mrs. Ellery's place.I don't know if they finished talking.

They may come to ask me when they see my smell of alcohol. Although I don't want to worry them, I don't want to hide it from them.

Sooner or later you have to know.Might have to help me delete the evidence that I just walked over the railing.

...Speaking of which.

I actually need to deal with the gun just now, so as not to scare other people.

The sea is not directly below the room, there is a protruding deck several floors down, and the sound at that time should have fallen on the deck.

I turned around and walked towards the approximate point where the gun fell.

At this time, I will once again feel that my ability is really convenient, whether it is fighting, moving, or finding things, it is very easy to use.

But after a long time, I didn't sense the gunpowder powder in the air.

...did it still fall into the sea?

Just as I was doubting my memory and was about to turn around and go back to Donna and Alisha for help, I saw a touch of blackness out of the corner of my eye.

Then he stopped in place, rubbed his eyes, and looked again.

...the 'gun', indeed, was there.

......how come.

...so obvious, how could I, not see it?

The gun that Dazai used at that time,

It's fake.

Brightly lit night.

Walking through the laughing families and the hustle and bustle of people, he has never realized so clearly that he is like a lonely soul in this world.

You can get closer, but you will eventually stay away from each other.You can reach out, but all you touch is the void.

...as it should be.

When exactly did you start wanting to reach out to the outside world?

When did you start to look forward to all of this?

"......I'll be with you."

For some reason, that voice sounded in my mind.

then.

"The 'now' that has been with you has never existed."

"...It's because your father entrusted you to me, so I have to take care of you, understand?"

......fraud.

big liar.

You don't think like that at all, do you.

You don't take care of me as an obligation at all, do you...

Where can someone, because I am your obligation, leave their organization behind, carry a hair dryer and hot beer for me every day, accompany me, and smile at me like that?

How can someone, because I am your obligation, treat me so meticulously without expecting anything in return?

...So, tell me, I am not your obligation.

He didn't know how long after leaving now, in order to recover the previous gun, he walked out of the room again.

The wind at night is really cold.It's like blowing through a person's bones.

But compared to the coldness in my heart, it was nothing.

It seems to have returned to the days of the Supernatural Secret Service Division.

...no, it's colder than that.

It was so dark and cold, as if he had fallen into the bottom of the icy ice, and he couldn't even see the sunlight on the water before. As far as he could see, except for darkness, it was still darkness.

Because the sunshine is indeed gone.

... rather, in his own words,

Never really existed.

He never wanted to be nice to me from the bottom of his heart.

He hates me to death.

However, because of that illusory "commitment" and illusory "sense of justice", he had no choice but to follow me all the time, and kept... saying those words.Laugh at me like that.

Pretend I'm cared about.

Pretend that in this world, there is still a warm existence that belongs to me alone.

It was once a treasure that I cherished so much.

But I just had a dream that was too warm.

Now is the time to wake up.

...However, even that warmth is obviously fake.Obviously it was just an illusion in a dream, I have already realized it, so it should dissipate soon.

Why when lost,

It will still be so cold.

......what.

After all.

Even if it's fake, even if it's just a dream, don't wake up, wouldn't it be fine?

Wouldn't it be good to keep him here by force?

...But, at the moment when this thought appeared.

Dazai realized that he didn't want to do this.

......it's wired.

...What kind of existence is that person to me?

Originally, I thought that I just needed him by my side.

Just need him to take care of himself all the time, just need to see him smile like that to himself, that's all.

So, it doesn't matter whether he is willing or not, no matter what he thinks in his heart.

But now, she doesn't want to take advantage of his kindness anymore and tie him by her side.

He will say yes.With his character, even if he was said those words because he deliberately angered him, if he really felt pitiful in front of him, he would feel guilty.

...But I don't want to force him to stay with me anymore.

If he doesn't want to.

If that's not true.

That doesn't make much sense either.

...really weird.

Why, do I care so much about his thoughts?

...In the final analysis, when he was injured, he went from being indifferent at the beginning to heartache later, why?

...Even if it is false, but when he is by his side, the cold will melt and the loneliness will disappear. Why?

...When he said "no more ties", everything around him seemed to collapse into countless pieces under that sentence.

...What the hell, why?

"Tell me! Why are you so kind to me and courteous to me for nothing? Are you trying to kidnap and sell me?"

A young couple passed by him, and the girl asked this question pretending to be angry.

"...Gee, do you really want me to say it?"

The boy seemed a little amused and helpless, and leaned into her ear with a soft voice, as if he was telling an extremely precious secret.

"Of course it's because—"

"I love you."

I took that gun and stood where I was.

...This is a fake gun used by the crew before, I don't know how he got one.

But why, I didn't find it?

Even if I couldn't react the moment I saw it because the room was too dark, what about when I held it in my hand?

Also, why did he use a fake gun.

With his ability, it is easy to bring a real gun into the cruise ship and into the room, and with his previous suicidal personality, he will not worry about it going off.

He should also know that if he doesn't calculate in advance and make me incapacitated, threatening me like this will not succeed.

The only reason I can think of for him to do this.

...that is, after I confessed to my past two years ago.

He wanted me to find out that the gun was fake.

He wanted me to know that he wasn't really trying to threaten me with hurting himself.

...he wanted me to,

stay with him.

The void disappeared all of a sudden, and I only felt that the wine in my heart was burning my brain a little dizzy.

"...It would be great if I still had a chance to chat with you."

"...is very important to me."

"...don't go. This time."

In addition to his voice, there is also his figure, the figure of him comforting the captain softly, the firm figure when he pressed his hand on the unknown book, and the figure when he pushed the captain away desperately.

Also, when he sat down with my shoulders, when I pushed him down on the sofa.

When embracing and spinning with me under the light, when the room is full of moonlight, when I meet my eyes quietly.

so cute,

dependent,

So nostalgic, eyes.

...Why on earth, I am always thinking about him, and always soft-hearted towards him?

Why, when I saw the gun in his hand, my emotions were so out of control?

When this idea came up, Mr. Ellery's words came to mind.

— "Don't worry about us. Do what you want."

... ahhh.

It turned out that the teacher had already discovered it.

Since when has it been like this.

He became an indispensable presence in my mind and in my heart.

Put his safety first at all times.

Just holding him in your arms is like having the whole world.

The bitterness and sweetness in my heart when I saw him,

The irritability he felt when he was sad,

And when he laughed, the joy that came from the bottom of his heart,

All of this is because——

"because I love you."

In an instant, it was like lightning piercing the night sky. Countless details and thoughts that he buried deeply in his heart and never wanted to face were all connected together like fire burning along iron chains. Bits of sparks splashed, He was so hot that he couldn't breathe.

It makes sense.Everything.

The share, the affection for him, the name.

original,

Is it love? ...?

...I originally thought that I had already lost the ability to love and be loved.

Such qualifications have already been lost.

But it turns out that this broken heart can still love others. ...?

It's okay, do you have emotions that belong to the "world" that you don't even understand?

......Ha ha.

But ah.

To love others with an inhuman heart will end in nothing but eternal doom.

Shouldn't you have known that everything you get will eventually be lost, and in this world, the things you want to pursue with all your strength have never existed.

...like the little match girl who lit the last match for warmth.

Even though it is warm.

Even if it makes people happy beyond words.

However, if it will be lost in the end.

...that might as well have never existed in the first place.

...If only that man never entrusted me to you.

...If only I had never met you, it would be fine.

It wouldn't be so painful...

The stars all over the sky fell down, flowing in the pool water with faintly floating lights, a blurred and distant splendor.

But that doesn't belong to him.

Jubilation, joy.

happy.

...and he has never been destined.

He walked like a lost soul.

just walk.

Then the world tilted.

In the darkness, it seemed that there was something cold spreading over his limbs, but he could hardly feel it.

Because nothing could be colder than his heart at the moment.

Moreover, this time, there will be no such person again,

Falling from the sky,

with all the light,

Break through this endless darkness.

...never again.

"Come on, someone! Someone fell into the pool!"

The faint voice seemed to come from the other side of the world, vague, distorted, and dissipated in the ears like smoke.

... ahhh.Leave me alone.

he thinks.

Think like this, go to sleep.

After I fell asleep, I didn't feel cold anymore.

You can wake up from this cold, corrupt world without a trace of warmth——

"Ugh."

When his consciousness was about to disappear and melt into the cold still water around him.

There was a sigh that was as soft as a hallucination.

Then the darkness dissipated, and the light came, and all the colors and sounds came alive, and the person in front of him bent down to look at him, with the galaxies reflected in his eyes.

"Well, looking back, I shouldn't have said that."

The man said with a little helplessness.

"It's not a phantom. The 'now' by your side exists."

Then she bent down and picked him up.

"I didn't think about pretending to be nice to you."

"It's all sincere."

The ginkgo tree blooms again in the cold winter, scorching like flowing gold, and shining like a miracle.

Then, the warmth that went deep into the bone marrow, like a drug, that he longed for all the time, but was almost forgotten for so long.

— After so many years, he was overwhelmed by it again.

Every cell is boiling because of that temperature, and the nose is filled with that person's breath, a breath that is so gentle that it makes people tremble, and penetrates everywhere.

He is back.

He still cares about me.

Am I dreaming.

It's as if a person who has been numb from the cold steps into the flames of a bonfire, only to find that the previous cold is so unbearable, so maddening.

It's as if a traveler who has been away from home for too long opens the dusty door, only to find that he has been so wandering all these years.It turned out that he was so eager to return to the place where his soul belonged.

You are still here.

You finally came.

...I will never leave you again.

In the domineering, long-overdue warmth, the hard ice in his heart melted into tears, his nasal cavity was sore, his vision was blurred, and his cheeks were filled with turbulent warmth.

Then, buried in that person's heart, said in a trembling voice.

"I was wrong, this time."

"Please don't go."

"I love you."

The author has something to say:

......what.

Almost all the scenes that I wanted to write the most when I wrote the article passionately have been written.

So far, the two have achieved positive results.Not easy.It's really not easy.

Applause Applause Sahuahua.jpg

Next chapter they pick everything out and then.Um.

At the saddest moment, both of them were thinking,

"It would be fine if we never met."

If I knew it was such a stumbling block, why didn't I know each other at the beginning.

The scene of the first encounter overlapped with the present scene.

They first met at the water's edge, and found each other again at the water's edge.

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!