Spring time

I don’t know when I started to have an inexplicable feeling for that person. I want to rely on her, watch her busy for me, watch her worry about me, even though she is younger than me, even if she is a little At that time, her behavior was so immature, but I just wanted to rely on her, let her spoil me and spoil me.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t felt the feeling of being taken care of by others for a long time. After being together with Sen for so long, we have already passed the period of passionate love that is like glue in college and we must stick together every day. The life together is as ordinary as water, he has his career, and I also have mine.But I am always passive when I am with Sen. Sen said to wait, after a while, after he has a successful career, he will marry me and give me what I want to be happy, but I just keep waiting, Six years have passed in a flash, and we have been living together as a couple.

It's just that he was getting more and more busy, so busy that he almost didn't even have time to go home, and we didn't even meet each other for a year.He became more and more irritable and bad-tempered, so that we quarreled more and more.

Sen said, everything I do now is for you, for our future, but why can't you be considerate of me.Every time I say you understand, you understand, but in a few days you will still dig out old accounts and quarrel again, can't you understand that I can't help myself now?

But, Sen, do you know that I never need any material happiness, I'm just a woman, and I also feel insecure.Even though I know it's a bit unreasonable to make trouble, I just want to prove my importance.Clients are more important than me, friends are more important than me, and colleagues are more important than me.What I care about is not that you often stay out at night; it’s not that I can’t wait for you every time, and I eat a cold dinner alone; it’s not that you miss four appointments in a week, but that I am where to put it.

Sen always came to coax me and say sorry a few days after the quarrel.But I'm already tired of this repeated game, I know Sen is very hard, it's not easy, for his career.I know no matter how much I blame him, I will still choose to compromise in the end, because he is just a man, and he also has things he wants to do.

I just watched him drift away from me like this, and he called me less and less, so I had to call him, but his attitude was always so impatient, and he would hang up first after a few words.By the end, even I myself had become reticent and less connected.The continuation of this relationship makes me feel like we are the most familiar strangers living under the same roof, sharing the same bed but different dreams.

I admit that I used to love Sen very much, and I once thought that we could grow old together hand in hand, but time and the world are really cruel, it makes Sen no longer like the original Sen, and also takes my love for him little by little. The point wears off.

I don't know if I still love Sen as before, but I know that the seven-year relationship between me and Sen can't just be let go, I can't bear it, and neither can Sen.We have no choice but to let this relationship, which is already full of barrenness, continue to be dilapidated.

I thought I would continue to bear it until I met you. From the first time I saw you in the bar to our real conversation in the coffee shop, I couldn't stop caring about you.I met you as before, you are so special, you have an awkward personality like a child, but from time to time you always show a pure-hearted, disillusioned mind, so I can't help but get close to you.Sometimes your inexplicable behavior makes people feel sorry for you, wanting to hold you in their arms and rub your little furry head.

If the distance is not so far that we don't know each other, or so close that we accompany each other day and night, it is difficult for me to describe a person alone.Your demeanor is like stars, flickering and flickering unconsciously lighting up some people.No matter how mature and introverted you are in the eyes of others, how you guide the country, in my eyes, you are still a little guy, so my heart will be very unbearable, very soft, and I want to take care of you.Because such a petite you should always be cared for and loved by others.

But you, on the other hand, have been silently taking care of others, especially me.

I don't know when I developed such a serious sense of dependence on you.I know you care about me, you care about me, and you are willing to accommodate me in everything. I enjoy the feeling of being pampered and fall into it deeply.Because this is something I can never experience at Sen.I also know that you take me very seriously, you have done a lot for me, but you don't want me to know.For me to sleep more peacefully, you can maintain the same position until I wake up regardless of the discomfort; in order to prevent me from catching cold, you can give me the only coat on your body, and then pretend to say to me softly, In fact, you are not cold at all; you know that I will forget the time when I work, but I still don’t want to disturb me, but I waited outside the studio for a full 4 hours, and I didn’t realize until the end of my work that I had already missed it. Time to eat with you.

You said that you never take friendship seriously, but after being with me, you told me that it's not that you don't care, but that you haven't met the right person, so you hope to cherish me.As for me, I take your care as a matter of course.

You always touch me too much in the details, so that my feelings for you become more than simple friendship, there are too many things mixed in here, I can’t explain clearly, but it’s not too much Find out more about what kind of emotion I have for you, just enjoy everything you have given me with peace of mind.

This feeling of ignorance may have sprouted a long time ago. Do you still remember that time when I was working with you? After you finished your work, you lay on the table, blinking your eyes and motionless Looking at me, you think I don't know, but I have already secretly laughed at your stupid behavior in my heart, thinking in my heart that the way I work can really make you stare back and forth for such a long time .

It's just that when you gently walked over to my place and helped me smooth out the hair that fell out at some point, my heart stopped for a certain moment.The scent of lavender that is unique to your body is in your nostrils, it smells really good.

I looked at your blushing face, and said sorry to me, I didn't mean to disturb you, I'm sorry.Your awkward behavior made a part of my heart soften unconsciously.

It turns out that you have been staring at me for so long, just wondering whether you should come or not, how silly.

Perhaps from that time on, my mood towards you slowly changed.

I know that you have always had a place for me in your heart, but I didn't expect you to take me so seriously.That day I watched you desperately looking for me on the mountain, shouting my name hoarsely.You were so panicked, you didn't care about anything, dropped your clothes, and ran towards the woods, you didn't even feel that your cheek was scratched by a branch.

When you finally saw me, you hugged me with a crying voice, and hugged me so tightly, I could feel the trembling of your body, and the palms of your hands were covered with sweat.I know your fear, your fear, but even so, the first thing you think of is me, you scold me and question me pretending to be calm, but you have never thought about how dangerous it is to run into the woods alone thing.How shocked I was, you know, I never thought that I could be so important that you would even care about your life.

Why are you being so nice to me, why?

At that moment, a ridiculous assumption suddenly popped up in my mind, the Sen you gave me couldn't do it, but how good it would be if you were Sen.

Looking back and looking back, after all, I failed to understand you to the point where I was confident. I thought we could continue to get along in this way, let you and I be the people in the story, you are peaceful and peaceful, and I am naturally good. In the best Listen to the best songs, watch the most beautiful scenery, walk the most beautiful roads, come and go together.You still dote on me, and I still rely on you. I don't even miss the time with you very much.

However, you left suddenly, without warning, and I didn't even know the reason why you left.You don't even want to come and talk to me yourself.What's even more ridiculous is that I was the last to know that you were leaving.

I can't guess any reason why you wouldn't tell me, but it seems to have been planned for a long time.You know, on the day you left, I thought I could still meet you in the company as usual, and hear you smile and say a familiar greeting to me gently as usual, good morning, rest assured.

But what I saw that day was not you, but another young person in charge.I was puzzled and asked him where you were, and he told me in surprise, Anxin, didn't Xiaoran tell you, your relationship is so good, she was transferred to work in Yunnan, today's plane.

I didn't understand what was going on at the time. Yesterday you happily ate with me and gave me gifts, but today you left my side quietly. How can I accept this.But when I knew that you resigned on your own initiative and accepted the transfer to Yunnan, I was suddenly stunned. You actually thought about leaving me. When did you start thinking like this?

I couldn't wait to call you and ask you about the whole thing, so I received your text message, but the reasons you made up are so far-fetched and ridiculous, and you don't even want to make a phone call to talk to them in person I made it clear, but sent such useless text messages.

I called your number in a panic, one call after another, the phone was full of mechanical voices from manual services, I comforted myself and said it was okay, you are on the plane now, wait a little longer, and you will answer.But just after you got off the plane, you actually cut off my phone.When I called again, your phone was turned off.I finally couldn't control my emotions and became so angry that I even threw my phone on the ground.It's because of your inexplicable behavior, because you can leave without saying a word, because you hide your thoughts so deeply, and deceive even me.

Since you are so determined that you don't want to have anything to do with me, well, I'll help you.

But even if I thought so, I couldn't help but contact you after a few days, because I didn't believe you would treat me like this at all.But I have exhausted all means, and you still ignore me.Finally, even I was impatient, and I sent you an E-mail, which is a farewell letter.The content is, if you fail to reply me this time, then our relationship is over.

I bet myself that if you really reply, no matter what the content is, I will immediately fly to Yunnan to find you, but if you still ignore me, then you will no longer be mine, we The friendship is really over.But even so, you are still so determined, even if there is only a little bit, even a little bit of response is stingy and refuses to give me, as if disappearing out of thin air, or maybe you have never stopped in my life, but Then what is everything you gave me before, hypocrisy, I don't believe it, that kind of feeling is so real and hot, I can't forget it, and you can't abandon it, so why do you treat me like this.I really don't understand, but I can only accept the reality of your sudden departure.

Since you are determined to leave my side, I will not force you.You have your choice, and I have my life.

I thought I could forget you, and when I saw you again, I felt like a stranger to you, without any ripples in my heart.But I will never be able to do this. You are gone, but I miss you more and remember you more and more for me.When I was working, I was always in a trance, and all I could see in my mind were the little things we were together, which would never have happened in the past.Even when I'm with Sen, I can't help but think of you.I don't know why I became like this, I think I'm under your spell.But, it was you who made me like this, you walked away without paying attention, and let me live in your shadow alone, mourning alone, how could you bear it.

I don't know how you have been prosperous these years, and you don't know my favors, disgraces, honors and failures, so we drifted away from each other like this.The geographical distance is not too far, but after all, they cannot touch each other's truth.I know you will come back in 2 years, and I will wait until you come back and tell me the reason for leaving that I can't figure out.

Perhaps, if you don't leave, I will continue to work with Sen, living a life that has long lost passion in a tepid way of compromise.But after you left, I still couldn't help comparing you and Sen. I knew there was nothing wrong between you and Sen, because you were a woman and Sen was a man.

But even so, I still couldn't help but complain when facing Sen's indifferent attitude.If Sen cares about me half as much as you do, even a little bit, that's fine, because in this way, I can tell myself that Sen still loves me, and I will choose to continue living by Sen's side.

But the reality is the reality. I can't bear this kind of life without any sense of existence more and more. Just half a year after you left, Sen and I broke up.

I said, since what you give me is the same as what others give, I would rather not have it.

The separation was so easy and simple, that after a few days of begging and courting, Sen texted me telling me he agreed to the breakup.At that time, when I saw this short message, I couldn't help sneering, and I felt a chill in my heart.

Sen, you are already tired of our relationship, but you dare not break up because you feel sorry for me and sorry for waiting for you for so long.So you gradually pulled you away from me in a way of indifference and alienation, and waited for me to take the initiative to break up with you.Yes, I did it, and you are satisfied, but you don’t need to be so hypocritical, lower yourself to beg me, make me feel that you are innocent, and you are forced to, so as to cover up your crime.Your deliberate thoughts make me feel that you are so strange, are you still the Sen I used to know.

I suddenly felt a little sad, why did I compromise for such a long time, and what I got in return was just your dismissiveness, Sen, how could I accept you like this.Maybe during the time when I broke up with you, I still felt a little guilty, but now I feel how ridiculous and stupid my guilt is.

I am really glad that I left you, because you are not worthy of my love at all.

So, goodbye, Sen, thank you for loving me once.

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