Spring time

Two years, whether it is long or not, is not short.When I was in it, I would feel that every minute and every second of waiting was suffering, but now looking back, I am a little dazed.It turns out that time really can disappear in the blink of an eye.I thought it was such a painful thing to wait in time, but I didn't know that these times slipped away without knowing it, without leaving a trace.

When I saw that the calendar was being torn day after day and month after month, it gradually became thinner and less, until it was removed and replaced with a new one.I just realized that I really survived these years without you.But two years have passed, why are you still reluctant to come back? Do you want to never see me for the rest of your life?

Do you know how excited and nervous I was during the period when the two-year deadline was approaching, and even my dreams were about meeting you.However, with the passage of time that has expired, these expectations have also turned into disappointment and unattainable thoughts.

It has been two and a half years now, and I still haven't been able to see your familiar figure in this city. Maybe in the daytime, in the hustle and bustle, on the streets where people come and go, goodbye is mostly just dazed and silent .

You changed your phone number and didn't tell me. I don't know why you are so decisive, but I still asked your colleagues for your contact information.It’s just that many nights, I always find your contact information on the phone, staring at it for a while, I have fantasized about calling you countless times, until one day I mustered up the courage to dial the number on the other end. You, but after I got connected, when I heard you reply in a routine tone: "Hi, I'm Jian Ran, who are you?", I was instantly discouraged and immediately cut off the phone.Because I am afraid that even if I call you from an unfamiliar number, you will hang up immediately when you hear my first call.

I was expecting in my heart that if you really call back, I will tell you, but I seem to know why you are avoiding me. For you, I know that I did something wrong. My behavior hurt you unknowingly, I'm sorry, but please forgive me, please.

But I know, with your character, you can't call back, and I don't have the courage to call back.

We still walked away from each other.

These days, I have been trying to figure out why you left, but no matter how many assumptions I made, even if I tried to crack my head, I couldn't figure it out.But on the day when I plucked up the courage to contact you for the first time, I vaguely understood the puzzling reason, and these all happened after my conversation with Qing that day.

Since you left, I often go to Qing's bar to drink alone, sitting in your old seat in a daze, and I don't know why I chose that seat, maybe that's the place where I first met you.It's just that I went more and more often, and finally killing time became an act of getting drunk.Until that day, Qing, who had been watching me for a long time, couldn't help coming over, took my wine glass and told me that I couldn't drink any more.

At that time, I looked at Qing in front of me, and felt a little wronged for no reason. Tears that had been hidden for a long time burst out of my eyes, and I couldn't stop them. I cried and asked Qing regardless of my image.

Sen bullied me, then bullied me, now even you are going to bully me, tell me why, why did you leave, tell me!

But not long after you left, I asked Qing many times about this question, but Qing told me that he didn't know either.But now I can't help but move out and ask again, although I know there will be no answer at all.

Qing brought some tissues for me, then sat across from me and sighed, I don’t know why Ran left, but no matter what she did, there was a reason for her, Ran’s character is like this, everything is very easy to do. resolute.Ran once told me that she might not be able to find someone she likes in her whole life, I said no, people will meet love in this life, but Ran always thinks it is too difficult to find such a person, So she prefers to be alone.She is always alone, her heart is tightly sealed, even my elder brother can hardly touch her heart.However, I am so lonely, how I hope that there is such a person by her side who can always accompany her, no matter who it is, and this person can also be accepted by her with an open heart.After you appeared, I found that I had really changed, and I was no longer as dull, indifferent and alienated as before.She laughed many times, and she always showed a childlike innocence and simplicity, and this kind of her is the real nature.You know it's hard to accept a person, but she is willing to let you approach her heart that has been built for decades and is hard to break through. Do you know that it's hard to accept a person, and she feels that she will give her all to that person? All feelings, for a lifetime.And that person is you, rest assured.So, rest assured, you should be thankful that you have a friend like Ran.

Then why did you suddenly choose to leave?

I am puzzled.

Maybe she feels that the person she treats sincerely has not treated her sincerely, or maybe she feels that the person's feelings for her are mixed with too many things, making it impossible to accept such impurity.Ran's mind is very delicate, if she notices even the slightest strangeness, she will choose to leave.

Qing rested her chin and explained to me evasively.

I looked at Qing half-understood, and I knew that Qing was telling me, explicitly or secretly, that the source of the stagnation between me and Ran was in me.

On the way home, I kept thinking about the cue Qing gave me at the bar, and it made me think of those conversations we had on the way back from that mountain trip—

Why does this feel like exchanging tokens of love? Those who didn't know thought I was your boyfriend.

Of course, it would be great if you were my boyfriend.

I'm joking with you, don't take it seriously.

Don't abandon your future caring husband and wear shoes for him.

These joke-like words made me suddenly enlightened.Of course, when I didn't even realize that I had placed you in a very awkward position in the increasingly frustrated relationship between me and Sen, you knew everything.

Indeed, my feelings for you are mixed with some things that I don't even know. Until now, I don't understand what my inexplicable feelings for you are. You are kind to me, you love me Drowning, I can't help being addicted to it and can't extricate myself.Because what I can’t get in Senna, I can always get it from you; because Sen treats me badly, I can make up for it from you; because I can find it in you. I have always fantasized that Sen can give me A sense of security; because I am everything to you, but I am nothing to Senna.

And more importantly, I can find a balance in such a relationship, and then I can continue to maintain my relationship with Sen with peace of mind. Yes, I can't bear Sen, and I can't bear to part with this relationship that has lasted for 6 years.

I didn’t realize until now that my feelings for you have been mixed with too many things, and these must have hurt you deeply, but I have never noticed your forbearance towards me, and I have never been aware of your forbearance. There is too much anger and blame for leaving, but these are all caused by me.I put too much fantasies about Sen on you, and you must feel that I am taking advantage of your kindness, and you cannot accept being the consolation of my relationship with Sen.You can't stand such an impure relationship, so you choose to leave.

Thinking of the last dinner party the night before you left, you smiled so happily, it turned out that you were thinking that you could finally get rid of me and get rid of this annoying relationship.But why did you give me a present?Of course, you still have experience with me, you still can't bear it.

I know I did something wrong. Now, I just hope to wait for you to come back and tell you in person that I shouldn't disappoint your sincerity to me and use you to exchange for something that doesn't belong to me.

Sorry, of course.

After Sen left, I don’t know why I look forward to seeing you more and more, not just because I owe you an apology, but because I miss you even more.Perhaps during the time you left, I realized that it is extremely difficult to find a person who treats you sincerely in a lifetime, and I was lucky enough to meet you in my three lifetimes, but I didn't cherish you properly, but in the following days In days, I hope you can forgive me and accept me again, because I will repay you with [-]% sincerity and make up for my previous mistakes to you.

I don't know why I was so entangled in the relationship with Kazumi that there is no future, and I still refused to let go. Looking back now, I think it was the worst failure in my life. I was willing to compromise with reality, but the ending was not what I wanted. I hope that both sides will suffer, and the innocent you will be hurt because of this.

Of course, how are you, you must not know, as time goes by, my feelings for you have somehow become a little complicated.Even I don't want to admit the feeling that my lover is not satisfied with my friendship.But now the only thing I want to do is wait for you to come back.

I can't help but think of someone once said such a sentence, in the still boiling life, smiling, suddenly thinking of a person, no matter how noisy the city is, that person will never grow old in his impression.

That person, is that you, of course.

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