Spring time

An Xin once asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend, I said I haven't met the right person yet, An Xin asked again, has no one ever chased you?I said there was, but I didn't like it.An Xin said that my standard for choosing a mate is too high, and in a few years it will not be my turn to choose others, only others will choose me.And I just smiled and said nothing.Indeed, I don't like to fall in love. If we are together, then I hope to work hard and be together all the time.

I know that some people in the company liked me, but some of them didn't say it out loud, and some of them hinted at me in some tortuous ways.I've had clients come after me and ask me out.I understood their intentions, but I always pretended not to know or silently refused.

I've always been like this, it's hard to accommodate someone, I won't try to forcefully accept someone I don't like, and even if I accept such a person, I hope he treats me sincerely, without any impurities.Because in his heart, my position is unique, whether it is friendship or love.

I admit that my possessiveness is very strong and extreme, and I will not touch anything that does not belong to me, but once I accept that person, I cannot accept or allow even a little bit of his Use and deceive, since my position in your heart is so impure, so low, so low that it is dispensable, then I would rather leave you; if you are with me, I am to satisfy your impure If you think about it, I would rather not take what you gave me, no matter how kind you are to me.

Rest assured, this is why I have always been single like this, before and now, because such a person is so hard to find.

Back in Shanghai, the work continues, you are still the original you, and you are getting better and better for me.But for me, I am no longer the same person I was before that mountain trip, and my feelings about you gradually become complicated, because the truth is getting closer and closer to me.

In the past month, I pretended to be nonchalant and asked many things about you from your colleagues in the company, more about your boyfriend.I know that he is always flying around the world, he spends a long time in other places, and has few opportunities to stay by your side, so that he has lived together for 6 years and even the marriage has not been settled yet.It’s just that when I heard this at the time, I already decided in my heart that An Xin’s boyfriend is also a man with great ambitions and a strong sense of career. In his heart, career will always come first. She couldn't feel at ease with a promise she had been waiting for for a long time, not to mention that this woman had dedicated the most precious youth in her life to him, but he was still so indifferent.

I am deeply jealous and resentful of An Xin's incompetent boyfriend. I know that he is always capable of giving you the best, and no matter how hard I try, I can't match him.But why doesn't he know how to cherish you, why is he willing to make you sad and sad.This is you, don't worry, there will be no second you in this world.

I have silently confirmed in my heart that my conjecture is not made out of nothing, but I just don't want to admit it.

Maybe I still have the slightest fantasy of being impossible, because I still don't want to admit that An Xin would treat me like this.

But that night, you still broke the little wish left in my heart, making me wonder how to face you in the future.

In the early morning of that day, when I was still sleeping, I was so noisy that my mobile phone rang so loudly that I opened my hard-closed eyes. You were drunk on the other side of the phone and asked me to go and drink with you.Still sleepy, I was suddenly awakened.When I rushed to the bar for the first time, I saw you alone in the messy box, holding the wine bottle and staring at your mouth, and at the same time rubbing your cheeks with your hands. When the tears fell, I really had the urge to turn around and leave.But I can't leave An Xin here alone, she is so heartbroken now, even if the object of her heartbreak is not me, but his damn boyfriend, I can't convince myself to leave.

I walked over and sat next to An Xin.

Don't cry, I'm coming.

Before I finished speaking, An Xin threw herself into my arms, crying unsuspectingly, and my heart throbbed suddenly.

It turns out that you really care about your boyfriend, it turns out that you really love him, so what am I in your heart, it's just that your relationship is not going well and you are a substitute for a boyfriend you haven't seen for a long time.

It turns out that I am nothing, and I have known this for a long time but have never dared to admit it.You just regard me as your emotional consolation, what your boyfriend can’t get, you just get it from me, you regard me who has always cared and pampered you as the object of your fantasy, that’s why you treat me like this ok.But in this way, I became a ridiculous doll at the mercy of others. I was teased by you all the time without knowing it. Even if I couldn’t be your significant other, I thought I had made the best friend in life. But what about you, to me This kind of unreserved payment should be considered worthless except for the use value.

But what else can I say, even so, I still like you, because when I met you, I abandoned the previous principles, I can't bear to blame you, you should have your own difficulties.

Looking at you crying deeply in your arms, hearing you out of breath and complaining about your boyfriend intermittently, you are in such pain.Don't let me bear it, I really want to become you now, share the burden for you, bear it for you, so that you don't feel so uncomfortable.But I can't do all of this, I can only stroke your slender hair silently until you gradually fall asleep in my arms.

I dragged An Xin out of the smoky bar. With my complicated relationship with An Xin, I didn't have the courage to take An Xin home, and I faced her and guarded her all night.But he was worried about letting her live in the hotel alone, so he had to drive An Xin back to her own apartment.It's just that I don't want to bump into An Xin's boyfriend, even if he doesn't recognize me, I still can't look at him directly, because compared to him, I'm so inferior, I'm nothing.Because he can support An Xin's most powerful desire, because An Xin still loves him like this.

Fortunately, when I used the key to open the door of Anxin Apartment, there was no one in the dark, and when I turned on the light, the house was in a mess.It can be seen that An Xin went out to get drunk because she had a quarrel with her boyfriend.I can't help resenting An Xin, an irresponsible boyfriend who didn't know how to keep her after a fight with An Xin. face.I have swept away all the good feelings I had for An Xin's boyfriend before.But I can only be aggrieved in my heart, I am nothing in An Xin's heart, and I am not An Xin's person, I just play the role of a passerby, and I have no reason to intervene in the relationship between An Xin and her boyfriend I can't figure out the unknown feelings.

I helped the unconscious An Xin take off his coat, put on a clean bathrobe, covered the quilt, prepared mineral water, hangover painkillers and a note on the cabinet next to the bed, and gently moved the bedroom The door closes.After I simply tidied up the messy living room, I drove away as if fleeing.

In the dead of night, after leaving Anxin's apartment, I still didn't want to go home. I bought some beer at the convenience store and drove to the beach to enjoy the cool breeze.

The road around the sea was empty, with only one private car parked beside the road.I sat in the car, opened the windows, and smoked one cigarette after another. It seemed that I hadn't touched a cigarette for a long time.I shook my head and looked at the blurred sea in the distance, and listened quietly to the loud sound of waves beating the beach regularly. People gradually wake up.I drank the wine one after another, clearing my mind.

I know, even if you treat me like this, I still can't blame you, who told me to like you like this.That's right, I love you, then I will learn to understand you, understand your difficulty, comfort your sadness, give you everything you want, and try to provide you with happiness. I don't stop missing you for a moment, but I have to learn to arrange myself and learn not to care so much, because only in this way will I not be overwhelmed by my emotions.

In fact, I am really not great. If I can’t give you what I can see, I will still feel sad. I don’t know what position I am in your heart. I don’t know if you care about me, but in fact, after thinking about it Let me like you silently alone, it is enough to fall in love with you, the more extravagant expectations, the more disappointments.Since getting along with this kind of relationship, it is unfair to you and your boyfriend; since, because of my existence, my unrequited care has disturbed the peaceful life of you and your boyfriend for 6 years.Well, I can choose to leave.

As long as I leave, you won't have such troubles, and you won't be sad anymore.

Yes, it is so.

Rest assured, you should still be sleeping dimly under the influence of alcohol, but you must not know that my state of mind has already been ups and downs, from grief, to compromise, and then I chose to leave.

Before I appeared in your life, you had a smooth life, so after I left, you should still live in the same way.

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