Spring comes and snows home

The coolness of the quilt touched by his left hand invaded, Ruan Yang withdrew his fingers in pain, wrapped them tightly in the quilt and turned them over.A large bed was rolled over and over again, but it was still frighteningly cold.

I haven't heard the chirping of birds nesting on the branches, and haven't smelled the fragrance of flowers beside the cobblestone road.

But he saw Brother Yan.

"Dream again." Ruan Yang slammed his head on the bed.

"It's so good in the dream. Brother Yan has colors." It was snowing heavily outside, and the charcoal fire in the house had been exhausted a few days ago and hadn't been replenished. Ruan Yang squeezed his fingers and tried to rub back and forth to warm him, coughed softly, and whispered, " I'm awake now, but I can't see anything."

Ruan Yang hid under the quilt and exposed a little finger to check the temperature, but immediately retracted it for a moment, rubbed his numb fingers to warm them, coughed twice, and complained: "Winter is not over yet."

"It's so cold."

"Someone will come in spring."

"I'll sleep a little longer." Ruan Yang curled up, closed his eyes, and comforted himself softly, "It won't be cold and my body won't hurt when I sleep."

The wind whistled in my ears, and every moment I woke up, my skin was painful and cold like needles.

"Can't sleep, let me talk to the little bottle, um."

Ruan Yang wrapped himself tightly in the quilt and moved carefully, one step at a time, the skin that was rubbed with each step was tingling, and when his body pushed against the bedside table, he was already coughing in pain.He patted his itchy chest vigorously, shaking the place where small bugs seemed to be crawling, trying to make his body less uncomfortable, and tried to take a deep breath, gathering courage to resist the coming pain.

"Small bottle, in the second cabinet...take it...be quick...otherwise...it will hurt."

"One... two... Hey!"

Ruan Yang wanted to quickly put the dark bottle into his arms when people were not prepared, but his lips felt cold due to the pain, but he carefully wiped off the frost floating on the surface, and said in a trembling voice: "Are you cold too, I warm you You, but you have to talk to me for a while."

Ruan Yang hugged the little bottle.

"Little Pingzi, I remembered something bad again. Just now I dreamed that I found Brother Yan, and Brother Yan said that he was still having breakfast. I remembered that I really found Brother Yan once before, but father, mother, Yan Brother, brother and son are having breakfast in the main hall. Although I can't see them, I think they seem surprised. The son shouted, Dad, the beggar is here. Do we have more food? Can we give it to him? ?”

"Although I'm not a beggar, I have to say that my son is really kind." Ruan Yang smiled softly, "If the baby can grow up to this size, he must be very kind."

When Ruan Yang spoke, the rhythm was very slow, and the volume of the voice was extremely low. Under his touch, the little bottle gradually warmed up, and he pressed the little bottle to his chest.

He paused, blinked away the cold tears, and continued: "What surprised me was dad. Dad only said one thing. Brother Yan asked me to sit next to him. I couldn't see. I was afraid that I would poke around with chopsticks." , dare not move, Brother Yan scooped me a bowl of porridge. But... After I sat down, they stopped talking."

"Little bottle, did I disturb them?"

"No wonder I'm the only one in the courtyard."

"Little Pingzi, my brother is very powerful. I heard that he is the champion. You can go to the morning court with my father." Ruan Yang pressed the edge of the quilt tightly with his body to prevent the wind from getting in. "Brother Yan sent him to the morning court. I want to ask brother Brother Yan is a little unhappy about the matter."

"He told me not to inquire about my brother's affairs."

"I... I'm a little sad."

"Well, am I afraid that I will be sad, that's why I didn't go in for breakfast with brother Yan in my dream last night." Ruan Yang covered his lips and coughed heart-rendingly for a while, his fingertips and palms were wet, he was dazed After a while, I put it on the tip of my nose and sniffed it, but there was no smell.

He said disappointedly: "I wanted to talk to brother Yan in my dream last night. I knew they didn't like me going in. I said I hid in the corner and waited for him to come out. I also promised not to let my parents find me... ...but he's gone."

Just like now.

He is alone again.

"Little bottle, I miss the baby."

Ruan Yang put the quilt on his body, and his body felt frozen and sluggish instantly. He coughed and shivered, put the small bottle back into the cabinet gently, and said with a smile, "Little bottle, it's cold outside, I won't take you there. I'll take you to see the baby again in spring."

"good."

The overlong quilt was dragged on the ground, and he measured the position on the bluestone board with his bare feet. The chill soaked into his heart, he stopped in front of the door, stroking the door latch back and forth with his fingertips.

He was about to meet the snowstorm after the door opened, and he knew that the snow in the courtyard would go deep into his ankles, and the soles of his feet would be frozen so hard to move, that he would be unable to discern the way to the tombstone.

"But here I am."

Ruan Yang slowly withdrew the door latch, and his red fingertips grabbed the crack of the door. The chill took advantage of this to penetrate into his lungs. He couldn't help leaning over and coughing twice. The blood in his throat seemed to be frozen. Ice, no matter how I cough up the flowing liquid.

"It's colder than usual."

The creaking sound of the door was like an old man lingering in the majestic Qin Mansion. He hid behind the door and coughed softly and continuously, his figure swaying slightly with the swinging door.After a long while, he lowered his eyes and said softly, "I'm going."

The wind and snow were galloping wantonly in this deserted small courtyard, and Ruan Yang remembered that if the melted snow wets the bedding, there would not be another clean and warm bedding. After thinking about it, he put the bedding on and walked out of the hospital alone.

Ruan Yang stepped on the snow with bare feet, held the position on his heart, raised his head slightly, and looked at the dark black in his eyes that the world gave him, but he couldn't see the white clothes on his body blending with the sky and the earth in a clean color that was not stained with dust. There was a snowflake, but a few traces of pink appeared on his snow-white cheeks, and he smiled.

"Baby, the snow is warmer than my body."

He stretched his arms, and the soles of his feet cut through the snow, exposing to the bottom layer, and relying on the intuition of the connection between father and son, he found the tombstone that was almost covered by snow.

"Baby, Daddy is here, why did your house collapse?" Ruan Yang's voice was hoarse from the cold, and it seemed that every sentence required exhaustion, "Daddy will repair your house. Baby's house cannot collapse .”

He knelt in front of the tombstone, helped up the shed that was crushed by the snow, pushed the snow aside, and put it into the deep-dug soil again.After Ruan Yang finished his work, he stroked the engraved words on the tombstone carefully. He smiled and said, "Baby, Daddy used to write beautifully. Since I can't see it, the strokes have become a bit messy. Baby, don't mind."

"Baby……"

"Daddy misses you."

The child came unexpectedly and pleasantly, even though his poisoning had not subsided at that time, Fang found that his skin was burning like fire during pregnancy, as if the internal organs in his body were burning. He was afraid that the poisoned body would not be able to keep the child, so he wanted to let go People go back to report.

Since the flood disaster mother withdrew her servants, the servants in the mansion would regularly send food and charcoal, but they always came and left quietly, coming and going without a trace, Ruan Yang never waited to meet the servants , had to find another way.

The small hole leading to the outside in the backyard was blocked, and no doctor could be found to prescribe the anti-pregnancy medicine. He tried his best to find Qin Yan by taking the path leading to the main courtyard, but the Qingshiban road changed at some point. It became a cobblestone road, and he broke his waist on this trail, so he only dared to stay in bed to recuperate, and dared not walk that road again.

After the waist injury healed a little, but still bled from time to time, he thought of a way, picked herbs from the corner of the wall, dried them and boiled water to drink, and the child survived by accident.

Thinking of this, Ruan Yang smiled softly, and said dotingly: "You were very naughty at that time."

The child would spit bubbles in his belly and kick his palm through his belly, Ruan Yang thought, in this deserted courtyard, there was finally someone who could talk.In the future, he would run and play around in this small courtyard, and if he was older, if Brother Yan would come again, he would beg Brother Yan to find a teacher to teach him to read and write.

These beautiful fantasies accompanied him throughout his pregnancy, and he reckoned that the day of labor would be in winter, even though the cold formed in his body extended outwards when the poison occurred, and his skin seemed to be covered with a layer of light frost, he only thought about it Don't chill your child.

The charcoal fires accumulated and delivered on weekdays are hoped to be ignited when the child is born, so that the child can feel the warmth in the house.He disassembled the clothes he wore in the past and sewed them again. He had never touched needlework, and his fingertips inevitably had dense wounds.

"Dad is ready, waiting for you, waiting for you to accompany me."

That winter, he fell ill with a cold and coughed badly. Every time he coughed, he couldn't help but bend over to cover his lips. His mouth smelled like blood, but the blood seemed to be frozen in his body, stuck in his throat, and on the tip of his tongue. Can't get rid of the nasty smell.The child was small and only occupied a small arc in front of him. With the violent coughing, the child jumped up and kicked around in the belly.

Ruan Yang always smiled, even if he endured the double torture, as long as he thought of the child being born safely and spending the next years with him, it would be nothing.

But he didn't expect that when he actually gave birth, it would be so dangerous and desperate.

"Father knows that the baby was in pain at that time."

Snowflakes are hovering in his ears, and the cold wind is pervasive, just like how many years ago when he was giving birth, the courtyard was full of wind and snow. He was alone in the empty courtyard, shouting loudly, and did not wait for anyone to come to help him give birth. .

"Father will tell you quietly, in fact, at that time, father...was terribly afraid."

The abdominal pain continued for several days, the warm current broke the ice in the body, and the sense of touch that had been sleeping in winter was awakened by the child's liveliness. At the beginning, it seemed that scissors were messing with the stomach, just like losing the first child.

The familiar feeling of the bayonet messing with him startled him who had been awake for several nights in pain. He stroked his falling belly, his head covered in cold sweat, and the severe pain clearly appeared in every part of his body, but he Thinking, this time, I won't lose my child like in the past.

The imminent birth of the child he was expecting filled him with joy and terror.

He couldn't help crying from the pain, and smiled and immediately sat up from the bed, leaned on his stomach and squatted on the ground to count the charcoal fire in the brazier, which would be lit when the child was born, and checked that the clothes on the bed had been stitched, so as not to It hurts the baby's delicate skin.

Enduring the pain, he went to the well to fill a bucket of water. When the child started to move, he almost shook the water back into the well. He patted the child in his belly as punishment, and said softly, don't be naughty.

He poured water into clay pots and boiled it hot. He wanted the child to be born with the warmth of the world.The small cloth shed that couldn't shelter the wind and snow, he knelt on the ground, his slightly protruding belly fell between his legs, the child's movements became more and more loud, as if he was being beaten by the gangsters constantly, and he couldn't move every time he moved. breathe.

He stroked his belly back and forth, wiped away his tears, and said in tears, baby, you need to be a little bit stronger, Daddy hurts.

Ruan Yang was about to go back to the room, but he was already unconscious from the pain, so he had no choice but to pinch his palm and said softly, go, go slowly.Two more bucks...and there it is.Be patient, be patient.

Unexpectedly, he was caught by the threshold beside the bed. After walking on the snow for a long time, he touched a hard object. The sharp pain made him unable to stand up. He knelt by the bed and touched his thin and cold ankle. He trembled even if he moved, he was wronged for no reason, and cried, Brother Yan, can you come here, it hurts me so much.

Ruan Yang lay on the head of the bed, sobbing, "I am in pain, it hurts much more than when I was tattooed. I am so scared, how can it be more painful than when I lost my second baby?"Brother Yan...would you come?I am good...

When he started to cry, his stomach that was close to the bed rail shrank and shrank with him, and seemed to be crying together.

At this moment, there is no doctor to give him instructions, and Qin Yan is not around, he can't even tell the difference between day and night, and what year it is.The pain in his chest was dense and long, and it hit his heart together with the violent contractions in his abdomen. He suddenly wanted Brother Yan to be by his side. He cried, Brother Yan, I don’t want to ask about brother anymore, come and accompany me ,OK?I am really scared.

The snowflakes are falling on the branches, and the red plums are quietly blooming.

Except for the whistling wind and the sobbing of giving birth alone, there is no other sound in the courtyard.The darkness under his eyes gradually turned into an endless desolation. No matter how he closed his eyes, the panic spread unscrupulously. He subconsciously clenched the back of his hand in pain, and his tears pricked the deep teeth marks, and comforted himself tremblingly that he was not afraid. , It's cold, a little bit colder.

When the poisonous hair spread across his body like ice, his whole body was stiff. He lay down on the edge of the bed to search forward, touched the corner of the quilt, put his hands in it to warm it up for a while, then slowly pulled it off and put it on his body, adding a bit of warmth. Trembling in the quilt to absorb strength, suddenly a labor pain hit, the force of the child's impact seemed to shatter his already fragile bones.

He grunted a few times in panic, grabbed his thighs and separated them to both sides, lowered his waist and pressed down hard, before the child could find the exit, two lines of blood had rubbed off his knees, and several red and swollen scars quickly appeared on his white thighs.He choked up and said softly, it hurts, it hurts, brother Yan, I hurt so much.

Ruan Yang was still kneeling in front of the bed rail, his sore waist kept sinking, his drooping belly was already clinging to his thighs, and the force of the contraction of his belly made the opening continuously widen, without giving him any time to think, the pain of the poisonous attack The cold and the pain of contractions reached their limits in an instant, and all of them came together, and the bedding was instantly soaked with his sweat, and his back felt chills.

He kept biting the back of his hand tightly, raised his white and slender neck while panting, but couldn't say a word, felt the child's lower position with one hand, and within a while, his frozen body was covered by a surge of intense heat. Breaking through, at the same time, the child rushed out together with the heat, stretching the narrow bone seam to the limit.

He let out a long and sudden scream, and when he was half unconscious, his head hit the hard board, and coagulated blood flowed from the corner of his scratched mouth, while he buried his head, stroking his belly back and forth, feeling at a loss.

"I'm really scared, I always thought I was going to lose you."

When he lost his second child, the doctor told him to keep exerting himself. He just wanted to stay with the child for a while, but the doctor pressed on his abdomen and pushed back hard. The child who was dragged out had only one cry after birth. Then there was no more sound.

His cheeks covered with sweat and tears were pale and helpless, he shuddered, and said softly, baby, be good, if Daddy doesn't press you, you will hurt.

He touched with a twisted posture, his legs that couldn't be closed couldn't help shaking, and he couldn't touch anything except the gaping opening.His crying eyes were red, and the intensive contractions made his coma longer and longer, and he woke up every time his head knocked against the bed rail. After waking up, he could only hear his own gasping, weak and desperate.

Fang's body, which was not easy to warm up, stiffened again, and the smell of blood dripped silently on the ground.It is said that blind people have a sensitive sense of smell. Ruan Yang deeply felt that this was true. This smell made him unable to escape the vivid memories of countless times after he became blind. The blood of his father who was beheaded for public display was scorching. His head hung in the city for seven days and seven nights. He looked at his relatives, powerless.

Qin Yan's arm was cut by gangsters, and he knelt in the ancestral hall for several days and nights. His parents did not agree to marry him as his wife, so he could do nothing.

After losing two children in succession, there was nothing he could do.

Child, you let me live.live on, okay?

The child regained his vitality and fell, he instinctively let out a roar, his dry mouth was forced to tear again, and gradually struggled out of the narrow bone gap, he was terrified, thinking that Qin Yan was by his side at this moment, But all he could hold tight was the soaked quilt, and once again he screamed heart-piercingly, and the sound of water trickling along his blood-covered thigh formed a puddle, with most of the fetal head exposed.

Ruan Yang was crying and laughing, he was not sure, not sure if the child would survive.

But he hoped that the child would survive.

Then he pressed down with all his body and pressed hard, buried his head and bit the back of his hand, the fetal water was wet, dry and torn. With his extreme force, the sound of water dripped on the floor, and the fetal shoulder was finally delivered smoothly.He took two breaths and tried his best for the last time, and the child fell into a soft nest surrounded by quilts.

He smiled, kid, come out, come out, Brother Yan... Brother Yan...

He was a father for the first time, murmured excitedly, was exhausted to the extreme, had no time to tidy himself up, and kept kneeling on the ground, looking for the child who had escaped from his body.

Ruan Yang couldn't wait to hug him, put him in his arms, and patted him. He was crying vigorously and continuously, which made Ruan Yang feel relieved. He gently stroked the child's cheek with his fingers, buried it next to his cheek, and said softly, baby, dad I know what you look like, you look good, you look good.

The blood that had been frozen for a long time during the poison outbreak burst into endless vitality with the birth of the child. After putting down the child, he vomited out from his throat with a puff. He covered his chest and closed his mouth to suppress the blood, but it overflowed from the corner of his mouth. He tilted his body in a dazed state, knocked his head against the bed rail, and fell into a complete coma.

"Baby, if Daddy didn't faint at that time, you wouldn't be sick, right? I'm sorry, it was Daddy's fault, Daddy made you sick, Daddy couldn't find a doctor, Daddy... Daddy..." The rest Words could not come out, stuck in a choked throat.

At that time, he woke up from a coma, and the child was crying and burning hot all over.He was startled, remembering that the charcoal fire hadn't been ignited when he passed out, so he immediately crawled over to find the brazier to light the charcoal fire, cut the umbilical cord, and stumbled to find a little cooled hot water to wash the child, but the cry of the child still didn't stop , The fever is getting worse and worse, I can't do without a doctor.

Ruan Yang was coughing and wheezing, and said softly, don't be afraid, Dad will find a doctor for you.

He put on the quilt and limped up the path. When the wind blew, his stomach ached, his snow-covered feet were red, and his legs were almost numb. He shouted loudly as he walked, he hoped The voice for help could reach the main courtyard at 67 bluestone slabs, he shouted loudly, Brother Yan, I gave birth to a child, can you... can you find a doctor.

Snowflakes drifted in the wind, stuck to his quilt, and melted into icy snow water on his hair. He coughed more and more all the way, but he did not forget to shout loudly until the wind and snow froze his voice , Until his ankle couldn't move an inch, Qin Yan never appeared on his desperate and helpless path.

Ruan Yang tried his best to smile. When the child turned back, he gradually became weak from crying. After trying to warm his hands, he touched the child's cheek and comforted himself in a low voice. Doctor, if we can go out, we won't...not come back.We built a cottage next to Grandpa's tombstone, and we all lived together in the future.

The hatchet was cold, and his stomach hurt badly after he held it. He supported his stomach that had not completely subsided, wrapped up the bedding tightly and knelt on the soft snow, clenching his teeth to resist the unbridled cold wind outside and the internal organs covered in cold snow. He wanted to use a hatchet to cut a small hole in his internal organs, but he cut a thin layer of ice first, and the whole piece fell on his thigh in front of him. He was so cold that he didn't dare to stop for a moment when he picked up the hatchet to chisel the wall .

Snowflakes are gently floating in the sky, Ruan Yang is almost integrated with the heavy snow, the freshly fallen snow has reached his ankles, the pain from his stomach makes him unconscious from time to time, his lips are covered with frost, and his fingers are almost frozen , the cold air in his body was wanton, and every breath he exhaled was half a point colder than this cold winter day, but he didn't dare to stop for a moment, until the limestone on the wall finally loosened.

With a cry of surprise, he knelt down in front of the bed rail, eager to tell the child that he was saved.

But the child had a high fever for a long time, the crying gradually weakened, and the charcoal fire was almost exhausted.He trembled and didn't dare to touch the child, crying and begging blindly repeating the two words.

Don't, don't.

He was so anxious that he went to dig the thick snow in the yard, found the covered grass and boiled water, and wanted to feed it into the child's mouth after blowing it cool. child.

The child couldn't open his mouth, and the water slid from both sides of his cheeks all the way to the back of Ruan Yang's hand.He pursed his lips, persevered, and forced to give the child mouthful after mouthful. He pinched the child's cheek and said with a smile, don't play with daddy. Drink it quickly, drink it, and you will be cured, daddy The same is true.

Ruan Yang held the child in his arms and teased the child, but the child did not respond at all, there was no sound from the small nose, and there was no pulse beating at the neck.Panic and disappointment trapped Ruan Yang firmly again. He hugged the child tightly and kissed the child's lips hysterically, hoping to give him some breath.

No, nothing.He was the only one left here crying hoarsely in the abandoned courtyard. He didn't have time to put on the clothes he prepared, and the charcoal fire that burned all the winter days couldn't warm his young body.

After he died, he hadn't had time to learn to run, to learn to jump, or to call daddy in time.

He died, born in the cold winter months without burning charcoal fire, did not feel the warmth of the world for a moment, so he lost his breath and could only be buried in the ground.

"You are really stubborn, you don't drink at all, you are not good at this matter." Ruan Yang gently stroked the simple tombstone, "Tell me, will you drink it and you will be cured?" Woolen cloth?"

"In the end, it's still my fault. If I could have fed it in, you wouldn't be here, right?"

"You will be like Qin Zheng, a kind-hearted young man who can speak well."

"I'm sorry, don't blame Dad, okay?"

"However, you said..." Ruan Yang lay on the cemetery, with light snow covering his body, he murmured softly, "Wild vegetables will germinate in spring when buried in the soil. Dad buried you in the soil in winter. Will you also sprout in spring, come and accompany me again."